computer-isms

[stevenf64]

I work for a man who is not very computer smart. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
A while back he was given a list, which i have added to. keep in mind we live up north.
See if you all have any to add. Yes you can use the same words over and over again. ' /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
AND yes you can have the voices help you. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Log On making the wood stove hot

Log Off too much wood on fire

Monitor keep'n an eye on the wood stove

Down Load gitten the farwood off'm the truck

Mega hertz when yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
Floppy Disc whatcha git from tryin to tote to much farwood
Ram that thar thang what splits the farwood
Hard drive gitten home in the winter time

Windows whut ta shut when its cold outsid

Screen whut ta shut when its black fly season
Byte whut dem dang flys do

Chip munchies fer the TV

Micro chip whuts in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem whatcha do to the hay fields

Dot Matrix old Dan Matrixs wife

Lap Top whar the kitty sleeps

Mouse what eats the grain in the barn

Mouse pad thats hippie talk fer where the mouse lives

More later lets see what you can come up with /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[stevenf64]

I work for a man who is not very computer smart. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
A while back he was given a list, which i have added to. keep in mind we live up north.
See if you all have any to add. Yes you can use the same words over and over again. ' /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
AND yes you can have the voices help you. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Log On making the wood stove hot

Log Off too much wood on fire

Monitor keep'n an eye on the wood stove

Down Load gitten the farwood off'm the truck

Mega hertz when yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
Floppy Disc whatcha git from tryin to tote to much farwood
Ram that thar thang what splits the farwood
Hard drive gitten home in the winter time

Windows whut ta shut when its cold outsid

Screen whut ta shut when its black fly season
Byte whut dem dang flys do

Chip munchies fer the TV

Micro chip whuts in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem whatcha do to the hay fields

Dot Matrix old Dan Matrixs wife

Lap Top whar the kitty sleeps

Mouse what eats the grain in the barn

Mouse pad thats hippie talk fer where the mouse lives

More later lets see what you can come up with /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[hw]

Well Stevenf64....
My grandchildren have downloaded in their diapers. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
My mouse gets stuck in the trap. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
My back has a floppy disc so I don't get around so good. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
And yes, the voices helped me. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
BTW....How do you know when a blonde has been at the computer? White out on the screen! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif lol

[gamblefish]

cd burner: what you use on a cat named "cd"...

[hw]

Gamblefish....you need to watch a Garfield Christmas.....in it grandma talks about wood-burning cats.....speaking of cats....why are so obsessed with them? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[gamblefish]

It all started with That Darn Cat-Scan...

Oops, wrong thread again That's medical, not computerical.

Bootup: Another fun thing to do with cats.

Reboot: When you wanna do it again...

[hw]

Hey Gamblefish.....Do you have any cat links on your computer? Or are they just kitty paw prints? Need more coffee...brain must be with you this am. I think my cat ate my mouse...and I think my computer mouse is a male....that ball on the bottom keeps getting stuck....oops wrong thread again... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[gamblefish]

I have this one (http://thebigfly.tripod.com/hatecats.htm) .

I think it's a picture of barelybob's cat that he so aptly named Killer...

Yet another reason to hate cats: They can flip you off...

[stevenf64]

ok heres more

software.........dem dang plastic forks and knifes

port......fancy flatlander wine

mainframe......holds up the barn roof

keyboard.....whar you hang the dang truck keys

enter......notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"

click.....whut you hear when ya **** yer gun

double click...when you **** the double barrel

Reboot....whut you have to do right before bedtime when you have to go to the outhouse

cache....what ya aint never got

[C]

Macintosh: them apples named after...Macintosh?

FireWire: What happens to the telephone wire when a nice bit of goissp is going around.

LCD: The cheap form of LSD. (Come on, have you seen those iTunes visuals?)

GUI: Description of this morning's breakfast.

Speech Recognition: When the husband does what his wife tells him.

Random Access Memory: "...and that time when you foolishly..."

Read Only Memory: "I've made up my mind, the decision is final!"

Browser: Interested shoppers with no money.

AirPort: Where the planes land.

[barelybob]

Great picture gf! However, Killer is pure black with one ragged ear, which he got in his first fight before his eyes were even open. That is why my granddaughter gave him that name. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

The Sex Of The Computer

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."
"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether
"computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.


The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in
long-term memory for possible later retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you
find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.


The women's group, however, concluded that
computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:


1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on

2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you
could have gotten a better model.

The women won. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[missouriboy]

Okay, friends, I'm going to share with you a computer thingy I authored myself a dozen years ago. I (being the senior nerd) wrote it so that my coworkers and I could laugh at ourselves. For personal reasons, I've never put it on the internet, but what the heck, you guys are special.

It's in my next post. Enjoy! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[missouriboy]

OH, WARE IS ME!

Computer terms got you confused? They can be interesting when you discover how some of them tie together. Let these definitions englighten you.

Hardware: The tabbage invented by Babbage that wrought this trauma upon us all.

Software: (See Firmware)

HPware: Programs that make that great HP (Hewlett-Packard) Hardware go like sixty.

Firmware: The supportive plasma that binds the bones of all the nerds who write the words that run the tabbage wrought by Babbage. So named because of its maturity in the marketplace, i.e., aged at least 18 years (but never more than forty: see Software).

Washnware: Silicon chips that control multi-cycle home-laundry Hardware.

HBware: Those synapses that enable the HB (Human Brain) Supercomputer to work all its magical wonders.

Netware: Recovery tools used by orderlies when the Firmware types find the Escape Key.

Underware: The subroutines most often processed by Washnware.

Smartware: The family of products which seek, but never quite succeed, to emulate HBware.

Shareware: Last year's Underware your older brother or sister has outgrown.

Blunderware: Nerd words unfortunately infested with insects.

Cookware: The logic behind your Microwave buttons. (Former definition, now obsolete: pots and pans.)

Yuk... doesn't all this really hit you ware it hurts?

{inits} - Copyright 2/91

[hw]

Stevenf64...since you started this topic, and you don't quite qualify, I thought you might enjoy this one! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

In updating my Virus protection I noticed a new virus out there called "The Senile Virus." It appears to mainly affect computer owners
who're at least 40 years old. Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send blank e-mail.

2. Causes you to send to wrong person.

3. Causes you to send back to person who sent it to you.

4. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

5. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished the
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Oh No! Ive got all the symptoms is it fatal? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ...Will viagra cure it?What was it ?Hmmmm???

[Raised_by_She-Wolf]

<font color="green">
Well, what about...

Sound Card-Not nearly as exciting as a Death Card to a tarot card reader.

Media Player-Someone who fakes a relationship with the Media

Internet-Where the fish are

Internet Explorer-Someone who sifts through the fish for a lost contact lens

Netscape-A form of landscape photography consisting only of strewn-out fishing nets

Netscape Communicator-The message or emotion that is evoked to one who gazes at a Netscape

Hyper Terminal-When everybody in an airport waiting room has had too much coffee

Remote Assistance-When someone needs help using the remote control

Acrobat Reader-Someone who has insight to the thoughts, dreams, and emotions of a circus performer

Microsoft Word-A word that isn't harsh or brutal

Microsoft Access-When a doorway has thick padding

Command Prompt-When an army general gives his orders right on time

Clip Art-When someone trims his toenails with creativity and beauty