Reluctant Spouse

[NakedSailor]

My wife and i have been to a nude beach once. I would like to try a local resort but haven't really broached the subject to my wife until this week. I was looking for a real casual way of bringing it up without being pushy.

My birthday is in late Feb so I sent my wife an email with a subject line of "Birthday Suggestion" and a link to Mira vista resort in Tucson. It took about 3 days before she brought it up and said she wasn't sure she could do something like that........ I said it would be kind of weird to start with but just like the beach, it would probably be no big deal and we would have a good time. Then I dropped the subject. The next day I sent her a link to the AANR web site just to "click around a little". That was yesterday and I haven't heard anything more yet. I think I will just let her think about it for a few days and see what she comes up with.

So my question to you all is do you think this is a good approach? Suggestions? Of course I would especially like to hear from the ladies here since you probably understand my wife better than any of the guys.

Todd

[NoCollarWorker]

I think you need to quit sending e-mails to your wife and TALK to her about why you think trying a nude vacation would be fun for BOTH of you. Tell her what you've read about the places you're considering for the vacation, how nice they are, how nice the people are, and how carefree your vacation will be.

Ask her to read the "From a Woman's Perspective" page from the AANR Web site, which you print out and give to her, instead of telling her to surf around on her own. If you want her to be part of this decision, I think you both need to DISCUSS it, and not just e-mail her some links she is supposed to read on her own.

Would you ask her to make any other potentially life-changing decisions without DISCUSSING it first?

Later,

Mike

[NudonyII]

I can understand your "hint-dropping" strategy; it's not always easy to bring up nudism in a direct and matter-of-fact manner. But, as NoCollarWorker explained, you'll ultimately have to do it anyway if you want to acheive your aim. So be prepared to have that conversation, read up on the "arguments in support of nudism" and/or visit the AANR website so you'll be able to debate with her, adress her concerns/fears and articulate why it is that you wish to be nude, with her, in a nudist environment.

My method was a bit more "audiovisual". I purchased the movie "Educating Julie", and my wife and I watched it together (there are many other and perhaps better movies to choose from). I watched her reactions throughout the movie, the smiles, frowns and sometimes laughter; and then discussed it after the movie. I concluded from her conversation that she was ready to visit a resort, but not quite ready to be socially nude.
My second step was calling a resort (which was WTP), and asking them about their rules, regulations, and the distinctive possibilty that my wife would not be going nude on her first visit. The owner gave me a very understanding and positive response.
My third and final step was planning the trip. My "read and approved" recommendation for a shy first-time trip can be summed up in three words: week day, off-season, clothing optional. By choosing a week day in April, May or September, there will be a much smaller amount of people there, giving your spouse more room to breathe and relax. Before I took my wife to the resort, I called the resort again, and was able to assure her there would be few people there, that there would be plenty of isolated space for us, and that she would not be under any pressure to take her clothes off. That was good enough for her. She ended up really enjoying her first trip to the resort because we had a good portion of the resort all to ourselves; including the hot tob and sauna area where she had no trouble going nude.

[scubare]

I don't really have any advice for you Todd, because I am in basically the same position; except I haven't even gotten my wife to a CO beach yet. I keep exposing her to my 'Nudes in the News' videos and online pics, magazines, etc. and she thinks they are ok. She even maintains my naturist website and is totally understanding of my enthusiasm for it, she just can't see herself doing it. I think you are on the right track, and you've gotten some pretty good advice here already, so I'll just wish you good luck!:)

[DenitaLC]

Hi,
I think you've done fine by sending the links so she can take in the information for herself and in her own time. I know how hard a subject it can be to work into a conversation...I have that problem with my husband sometimes.
Let her know you have checked out the resort and heard good things. (I have too and would LOVE to go there...perhaps this fall, if I can persaude him!) Remind her that a resort will be a more controlled atmosphere. If ANYONE gets out of line, the management will see they are removed. On a beach, anyone could be there so I find resorts a lot more comfortable place, especially for newbies to nudism. She will have the option as to how nude she wishes to get. Let her know that you are willing to up and leave should she not feel comfortable after an agreed upon amount of time. By giving her some control of the situation, she will feel it is a more equal endeavor. The patrons at nudist resorts are usually among the most friendly you will meet and very understanding when they find out it is your first time.

Good luck, I hope she agrees to try it with you. You are lucky to live in a state that has nice nude opportunities, locations, and the weather!
:)
Dee

[Journeyman]

I think you need to quit sending e-mails to your wife and TALK to her about why you think trying a nude vacation would be fun for BOTH of you. Tell her what you've read about the places you're considering for the vacation, how nice they are, how nice the people are, and how carefree your vacation will be.

Ask her to read the "From a Woman's Perspective" page from the AANR Web site, which you print out and give to her, instead of telling her to surf around on her own. If you want her to be part of this decision, I think you both need to DISCUSS it, and not just e-mail her some links she is supposed to read on her own.

Would you ask her to make any other potentially life-changing decisions without DISCUSSING it first?

Mike, I totally agree. This is not a decision that should be based on email-induced research.
J'man/Bruce

PS: Dee, I thought your whole family was naturist, based on what I think I have read from your other posts. What's up with the hubby?

[Sigmund]

My wife was somewhat reluctant on our first trip to a club and said that she wasn't sure she would be able to go nude once we got there. What actually happened was that she took the plunge, got her clothes off faster than I did - no fair, she had less to remove - and was perfectly comfortable the whole time. She decided that the particular club was too big and bustling for her tastes, but was quite happy to go again to a smaller, more rustic - and more in keeping with our lifestyle - camp.

The moral, I guess, is that the first step is the hardest.

By the way, I'm a fan of e-mail for situations that require thought and don't require an immediate response. A face to fact question can seem confrontational but a less direct approach - like e-mail - allows time to think about the issue and respond in a more thoughtful way. The answer may still be no, but at least its a thoughtful no rather than a knee jerk no, and maybe the "thought time" will result in a willingness to try.

Best of luck.

[DenitaLC]

PS: Dee, I thought your whole family was naturist, based on what I think I have read from your other posts. What's up with the hubby?


Bruce, hubby participates.......it just takes some soliciting to get him to try new venues! :) I'm so much more into the nude forums, groups, etc. that there are times he gets tired of me constantly talking about it! LOL

[usuallylurk]

My method was a bit more "audiovisual". I purchased the movie "Educating Julie", and my wife and I watched it together (there are many other and perhaps better movies to choose from). I watched her reactions throughout the movie, the smiles, frowns and sometimes laughter; and then discussed it after the movie. I concluded from her conversation that she was ready to visit a resort, but not quite ready to be socially nude.


"Educating Julie" is one of the WORST - in my humble opinion - movies to show a reluctant person. There is one scene - where the Liverpool Sun Club members taunt her boyfriend into disrobing.

I guess it was supposed to be funny, but I could see how that movie could turn a slightly reluctant person into an extremely reluctant one.

The best video I've seen lately is one put out by Solair Recreation League in Connecticut. Yes, it's a "commercial" for Solair. BUT -- it definitely tells you what to expect when you get there, and what goes on, and it's worth viewing.


My second step was calling a resort (which was WTP), and asking them about their rules, regulations, and the distinctive possibilty that my wife would not be going nude on her first visit. The owner gave me a very understanding and positive response.


Good move. Some resorts and clubs actually have a "hazing" - where they mandate nudity for one to take the tour! Those are few and far between, and I think WTP allows one to adapt.


My third and final step was planning the trip. My "read and approved" recommendation for a shy first-time trip can be summed up in three words: week day, off-season, clothing optional. By choosing a week day in April, May or September, there will be a much smaller amount of people there, giving your spouse more room to breathe and relax. Before I took my wife to the resort, I called the resort again, and was able to assure her there would be few people there, that there would be plenty of isolated space for us, and that she would not be under any pressure to take her clothes off. That was good enough for her. She ended up really enjoying her first trip to the resort because we had a good portion of the resort all to ourselves; including the hot tob and sauna area where she had no trouble going nude.

GREAT!

[NakedSailor]

Thanks for the responses everybody!
I did decide to start with the e-mail approach in order to be less coercive and more suggestive (at least to start with). After 20 years of marriage I have learned that it is best to be patient and not pushy. I would much rather she think about it and decide for herself that she wants to go with me than feel like she is giving in to me. If she doesn't come to that conclusion on her own I will be more direct but pushy will never work.

Weekdays during off season huh? I can see your point on that one but I was also thinking that it is sometimes easier to get lost in a crowd rather than feeling like you are sticking out in a small group???

[sunfisher]

An off season weekday is most likely your best bet for a first time visit. With fewer people around you have a better chance that someone will invite you to join them in conversation, a game of volleyball or some other fun activitey. It should help your wife to relax and feel at ease when she sees how friendly naturist are and how much fun you can have.
It worked for me with my wife. Just don't forget the sunscreen. Burnt buns (or other previously unexposed areas) can be painful. Best wishes that all goes well for you.

Gene

[sadlerfan]

Many resorts have an Open House on selected weekends during the summer months. It is a great way to ease your wife into the lifestyle. She can go and not be expected to be nude. Once she is there she might just feel at ease and go nude. I know that the staff of these resorts do a great job of making newbees feel welcome. Good Luck

[NudonyII]

Weekdays during off season huh? I can see your point on that one but I was also thinking that it is sometimes easier to get lost in a crowd rather than feeling like you are sticking out in a small group???

Not in my experience. I have seen newbies plunged in the midst of a nudist crowd, and the result has typically been "run for cover!". It can be pretty overwhelming and daunting for someone who has never been among a bunch of nude people. With a small group, you can socialize faster and easier; and you always have the option of walking away and isolating yourself.

Sure there are many first-timer stories that occurred in the midst of a nudist crowd; but typically these few were already mentally and emotionally prepared to be socially nude. So it wasn't much of a step for them to jump right in and disrobe. But this wouldn't apply to a body-conscious reluctant first-timer

[Naturist4Ever]

>> My wife and i have been to a nude beach once.

You did not write how that went, was it "reluctant" and not ok, or fairly ok, or you nude but not your wife etc. Also not if that was long ago, and "never again" (after the event) or "maybe" etc. From your writing "(she) said she wasn't sure she could do something like that" I gather that she was open to it (the nude beach visit), maybe remotely enjoyed it, or just short. You did not write if there were many nudists or very few, and whether that was of a deciding impact to the success or non-success. All these factors could play a role on how you bring it.

From your earlier posts:

>> That is easy for me to remember since it was only a few months ago [that i was naked with someone from the opposite gender]. surprisingly it was no big deal. nobody paid any attention to me so it was easy to just be free

>> She sent me a test message and said not to wear any pants. On a whim i stopped, stripped and went to pick her up. She was very surprised! She didn't think i would do it.

I am getting the idea that she doesn't mind YOU being nude, but she isn't much ready for it herself? If so, then you are in a far better position that MANY others out here who's spouses are not just reluctant, they simply don't want to know anything about it and don't want their partners to enjoy it either (many clubs don't you want you to do that either without your partner (= i.e., the no-singles thingy)). So don't despair, but what is next??

Unless you are very confident that your wife "could very well do that", just maybe if she got over the first hurdle, you could always bring it like - let's try it for 1-day and if we both like we can stay a few days longer. Let an event like this never spoil you b-day, so you may be better off with a plan in which the nude-resort visit is not the all-or-nothing. Make it clear why you want to try a resort and this resort, and why not a beach, or something else.

Given that appearently you will be very lucky if at all if your wife is willing to try it, I would go for completely alternative plan that you could be happy with too, and add on a few day visits, for example. If that goes well, you have gained so much.
Oh, and TALK about it (and print out the info), don't send email. Like: "hey, I am trying to work out some plan for my b-bay, of something to do. We could visit here and there, and to round it up maybe somedays of cool relaxation.... One option I was recommended and looks very good is the ... etc etc, your motivation comes in". It's really not that much of a big deal, given that she seems to be open to your nudity already.

>> it is sometimes easier to get lost in a crowd rather than feeling like you are sticking out in a small group???

Absolutely, go for the crowd but in a way that you can get your privacy/quietness as what you need. It is much easier to be anonymous in a crowd than to be social in a small gathering. Unless you are VERY social, that last option is usually a ticket back home.


Good luck.

[NudonyII]

Hummm...what message is this a response to? Did I miss a post?

Go for the crowd? I'll have to disagree with that, as I stated in my earlier post. If my wife had found herself in a crowd of completely nude people on her first visit, THAT would have probably shortened our trip quite dramatically.

[Naturist4Ever]

Hummm...what message is this a response to? Did I miss a post?

Go for the crowd? I'll have to disagree with that, as I stated in my earlier post. If my wife had found herself in a crowd of completely nude people on her first visit, THAT would have probably shortened our trip quite dramatically.

It was a direct reply to the OP, "you" did not refer to you but the OP. The other quotes were taken from other threads, not this thread.

Wrt to your comment, I deliberately used the wording: "go for the crowd but in a way that you can get your privacy/quietness as what you need". I recently met a couple with a reluctant spouse. She was open to the idea and wanted to try it, but was put off by "too much nudity" around her at the place. So yes, in that respect you are right. She wantet to give a 2nd try and the way we helped was the best of both worlds: a quite (and safe - away from lurkers and "overly-helpsom" males) place in view of the crowd. I.e., get your privacy while being able to see that nothing is wrong as one isn't the only one anyway with non-perfect shape etc etc. We also operate a womens-support group, for women only. I.e., new or reluctant women are always greeted by someone who "understands" their issues. In all it worked wonders. Luckily we have a lot of space to offer the best of both.

Anyway, that is what I meant.

[usmc1]

My wife and i have been to a nude beach once.
........... Suggestions? Of course I would especially like to hear from the ladies here since you probably understand my wife better than any of the guys.
Todd

Sailor, for be it for me or anyone else to comment on your relationship and ways of communicating with your wife. But, we're curious (Mrs USMC & I) about a few things.

How did the beach experience go? How did that come about--if you were able to agree on that why is so hard to talk about going to a resort? Did you two talk about it afterwards? Was it a positive experience?

We're not sure as to why, since the ice has been broken, you feel the need to tap dance around the issue with e-mails and waiting around for responses? Why not just say, hey it's my birthday, I'd really like to do this, you up for it?

Our experience was like a lot of couples, I was curious and eager to try. I went to Black's Beach and told her all about it, but she was reluctant. Then we wound up in the Bay Area and we talked about it and she said she'd go but keep her clothes on. I said hell no, I'd feel weird, like I'd browbeaten her and dragged her along.

We compromised, and she bought this huge XL t-shirt, and we went to Grey Whale Cove and the first time she wore the T for awhile, but took it off when laying on the blanket or setting up. But, she put it on when walking around.

After a few visits the T stayed home, and we visited several beaches: Bonny Dune, Red, White & Blue and she was fully comfortable.

Our first resort was Lupin which had an open house. The requirement was that we be interviewed in the nude. She was undressed and in line faster than I was. Since, we've been to several resorts, and have belonged to a non-landed club.

But, our point is this, she was reluctant for all the reasons, shyness, cultural taboos, body acceptance, and uncertainty in an unfamiliar situation. But we talked about it a lot before hand, compromised a bit, and agreed that if she didn't enjoy it, we'd forget it!

Our suggestion is to talk and not drop hints. Why not build on your beach experience? In fact, legitimate resorts are much more newbie friendly than beaches. The experience is generally structured, organized, with nicer facilities and recreations.

[usuallylurk]

Just want to jump in and throw .02 in.

I don't have a reluctant spouse, and I am very fortunate, because the social nudism experience is vital for both of us -- gets us out of the house, out having fun with friends, and in a RELAXED mode for an afternoon, where we don't worry about work, bills, paperwork, things to do with the house, etc. Our summer Saturdays begin with housework and errands, then the trip to camp. We relax on the beach for 3-4 hours, go out to dinner, then return to watch the sunset and chat with friends. Depending on the camp's activities that night, we either hang out for the evening or go hom.

Back on topic now.... there are three main reasons that women are reluctant.

1) Body image of self. There are workarounds for this. AANR and TNS put out "propaganda" -- brochures, videos, etc.

AANR has "From a Woman's Perspective." Cheri, a poster in here, has a similar brochure "So your partner is interested in nudism" which you can find at http://pages.prodigy.net/cheridonna/

TNS has two videos - Body Positive and Real Women, Real Stories. Keep in mind that, yes, these are "propaganda". I guess a lullaby can be characterized as that , too. They're great -- but don't keep throwing these in her face if she's reluctant.

2. Fear that it's about sex or that there are sexual overtones to this. You've got to convince her otherwise. Of course, you may have unwittingly already reinforced that. Example - if you sit at your computer and download adult material, or have a "collection" of adult media, she may question your motives behind your suggestion and you have to work through it. But "bargaining" is not the way, you have to change yourself to change her attitude.

3. Moral objections, upbringing. This is the most difficult one of all. I don't know of a way to overcome this one. If she feels that being nude in front of others beyond one's spouse is an intimacy not to be shared, or sinful, or whatever, then I don't have a fix or a cure or a suggestion.

I'm sorry -- I've been in social nudism for 30 years, I don't have any way to help you, as I don't have a solution to #3. There are various web pages, where people can reach into Scripture and try to convince the other partner that "oh it's not sinful". That doesn't work on someone who believes that it is, and also keep in mind that most educated folks are aware that the Scriptures have been interpreted to justify everything from the Crusades, to the Inquisition, to preserving slavery and segregation, to wife/child beating, to killing homosexuals, going to war to subjugate others, or to condemn or reinforce any form of behavior that anyone can find offensive.

As a Christian I stay away from those arguments, simply because a) I'm not skilled in Scriptural debate, and b) I won't use Scriptural passages to justify nude recreation. I don't feel that social nudism is immoral, but I also won't dig through it looking for justifications. I advise avoiding it, too.

[NakedSailor]

Wow I am really impressed with the feedback on this! I really appreciate the time and effort you all have put into this, even the ones that didn't necessarily agree with my methods so far :)

After reading and contemplating your opinions I had the perfect opportunity to bring it up with my wife this morning. So I did.

I asked her point blank (in an inviting tone) "will you go to Mira Vista with me?"
As it turns out I didn't give her enough credit. She didn't jump on the idea but didn't shun the idea either. We talked about it for awhile and she admitted that it sounded like fun and in the end agreed to give it a try.

She is still understandably apprehensive, but reluctant is too strong of a word. I told her I would send her a few articles "by women for women" addressing those common fears etc so she can have a better idea what to expect. Any suggestions? (The link from 'usuallylurk' is perfect)

I also feel like I need to confess that part of my "dancing around the subject" with her has to do with my own personal doubts and fears. I fear that my earlier posts make my wife look less fun an outgoing than she really is. Our experience at the beach last fall was a good one, we even went back for a second day. I am not the driven and outgoing/social person in our relationship so taking the lead on something so bold and different is hard for me. Even after 20 years of marriage to the same women I still value and want her approval and try to avoid rejection. I guess that just proves that this is something that I find important and willing to go out on a limb for.


We still need to figure out the details and find a time to get away. Weekdays are hard for us to get away because of our school age kids but I think we will be able to make that happen in the next couple of months.

Thanks for the help everybody, when we get closer I am sure I will have more specific questions about first time experience etc

[benakkied]

I told my friend that I was a nudist when we meet. She said she would not because what if someone saw her at the beach then went to her work and told people? I found a resort, down loaded some of the pictures showing them to her. She said maybe, it looks like a nice clean place. Then changed the subject .She In talking to her best friend found out that she and her boy friend went nude on his sail boat. They invited us to go along one Sunday last summer. They were comfortable, my friend became comfortable with her friend, so we joined our friends nude sailing. Durning the day sailing we all talked about it and agreed that a resort or club would be best. Everyone at the resort would be there for the same reason. that made both the girls comfortable with being naked and not having to worry about someone seeing and telling . She's not as accepting about the neighbors and the hot tub. Thats OK!! Be safe, secure, in making them comfortable.

[Cheri]

You can always print out the brochure I put together that can be found online at www.travelites.info/cheri.html Leave it where she'll see it without handing it to her.

If you'd like any other suggestions, just ask.
I wish you well,
Cheri

[dakref]

Those of you with spouses at least open to the idea enough to read things or check things out are lucky. My wife won't do any of that. Totally closed minded. I have gone nude around the house and she hasn't really made an issue of it, but I can tell she's not really happy about it. She is a sexual abuse survivor from her grandfather who constantly flaunted his penis and she has never gotten over it. Plus now she has significant body acceptance issues as well. I guess I must just accept the fact she's never going to change.

[walter05]

Dakref;
You said, “She is a sexual abuse survivor from her grandfather who constantly flaunted his penis and she has never gotten over it.”

If your wife had problems with a grandfather who flaunted his penis, you are very insensitive to walk around the house naked.

I understand your walking to and from the bathroom naked when it is just y’all. I also understand sleeping naked. In addition, I understand being naked with her when you are intimate.

However, just walking around the house naked with a wife who had such a traumatizing experience in childhood strikes me as rude and insensitive. She will associate you with her grandfather. This may lead to revulsion to your penis and you. At some point, your sex life will be non-existent and she will not feel safe around you.

Please tell her that you enjoy nude time. Please tell her however that you don’t want nudity to be threatening but something you share. Perhaps you can agree to stop walking around the house naked and in exchange she can sleep naked with you. Over time, she can learn to think of your naked bodies as something you share with each other.

Your approach may prove to be threatening to her in ways you can’t imagine. Please rethink your approach.

[dakref]

She is not quite as damaged as you assume. She went topless one day in the house last summer when it was unbearable hot and she agrees the only way to enjoy our hot tub is nude. She has spent some effort on this issue.

[walter05]

I understand better now. Just be gentle and patient.

[pault413]

I have started discussing nudity with my wife. She is still very reluctant to try it but I have noticed that she is naked for longer periods of time than ever before. I still am naked as much as I can be without being "caught" naked by my son or daughter. That is one area I have not been able to breach.

[rone]

It took me a long time to be naked if front my son and daughter. Howerver, I did it. My son laughed and told me "keep it in the pool". My daughter has said nothing to date. Both kids are well adjusted. I think they understand the nudist lifestyle, without either embracing it. (yet)

I have started discussing nudity with my wife. She is still very reluctant to try it but I have noticed that she is naked for longer periods of time than ever before. I still am naked as much as I can be without being "caught" naked by my son or daughter. That is one area I have not been able to breach.

[BEE-1]

My wife has been to a clothing optional camp ground ( Forest Hills) with me twice.
It has taken awhile to get to this point with her but I let her do it at her pace and
without pushing it. I spend alot of time naked at home and she has gotten more comfortable being naked at home too. She didnt seem to have a problem with me
going so I went alone and I think she decided to go see for herself why I liked going
so much. Its been 8 years to get to this point but the last 3 days I just spent with
her naked camping was well worth the wait :)

[Stu2630]

If you are a nudist and have a reluctant spouse, why not come to an agreement that "if you don't try to turn me into a textile, I won't try to turn you into a nudist"?

Surely it's preferable to respect your spouse's preferences than to try to impose your own on to her or him.

Stu

[NatureFred]

I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case, she likes going Cajun/Xydeco dancing. I really didn't like the idea at first, but I went along because she asked me too, and it didn't seem like it would hurt me. Now I enjoy it.

I enjoy nude recreation, and I think she would, so I've asked her to go along with me. She's gathering the courage to do so, but she's not there yet. If she does, and she likes it, it'll be another fun thing we can do together--like when there's no Xydeco band playing in town.

In neither case is either of us imposing anything on the other.

I can see how you might feel different if "reluctant" really meant "horrified" or "disgusted." But sometimes it means "just not sure yet whether they'd like it."

[LeeR49]

Can we come back to this one?

3. Moral objections, upbringing. This is the most difficult one of all. I don't know of a way to overcome this one. If she feels that being nude in front of others beyond one's spouse is an intimacy not to be shared, or sinful, or whatever, then I don't have a fix or a cure or a suggestion.

We are both Evangelical Christians, but neither of us have ever thought of nudity as being inhernetly sinful. That doesn't appear to be her problem -- maybe because in spiritual matters, she considers me to be the "first among equals."

But the intimacy thing is another matter. She feels that being naked is "private," something appropriate only between the 2 of us. She sees it as letting somebody else into something that is very much ours alone, and nobody else's business -- or something like that. I'm really trying to understand, but I guess I don't really get it, becasue to me intimacy is a whole lot more than just seeing somebody's naked body.

Usuallylurk seems to understand my problem, but has no suggestions. Does anyone?

[NudonyII]

But the intimacy thing is another matter. She feels that being naked is "private," something appropriate only between the 2 of us. She sees it as letting somebody else into something that is very much ours alone, and nobody else's business -- or something like that. I'm really trying to understand, but I guess I don't really get it, becasue to me intimacy is a whole lot more than just seeing somebody's naked body.

Usuallylurk seems to understand my problem, but has no suggestions. Does anyone?

How is her comfort with nudity at home? If she has no problem being nude at home and in front of you, then the cup is half full. If her issue is strictly with the "social factor" of nudism, then you can start off with a trip to the nude beach and pick a spot away from the crowd; that's not difficult on an off-summer day. You can even set up a pop-up beach tent for complete privacy. But you'll have to convince her to make the trip, and that it will be a totally private experience.

[richinud]

If you are a nudist and have a reluctant spouse, why not come to an agreement that "if you don't try to turn me into a textile, I won't try to turn you into a nudist"?

Surely it's preferable to respect your spouse's preferences than to try to impose your own on to her or him.

Stu
Very true. However, this only seems to work one-way. My wife, having told me it's ok to have different interests, that mainstream nudist clubs are ok, and naked hiking in groups is ok but not with her, now appears to be of the opinion that I should:

Respect her, and the kids, and not be naked around the house. I'm always dressed when they're around, being teenagers I can see it's a sensitive time for them in particular, and now I'm dressed when she's around too.

Not go for naked hikes because someone else may be offended in some mysterious manner, which is however undefinable apparently.

Never bring the subject up for conversation, because no-one wants to talk about it.

etc. etc.

So much for reducing my naked activities out of 'respect' for everyone else. I'm now beginning to feel seriously caged...

Rich.

[nuovonudo]

Very true. However, this only seems to work one-way.. . . I'm now beginning to feel seriously caged.

in my universe your wife's behavior is known as "emotional manipulation and control" -- or at least that's what it sounds like to me. but part of that syndrome is your compliance with what seem to be unreasonable expectations.

it seems that in complying more and more with her wishes you are losing what is (to you) a very important part of yourself. surely there is a balance in there somewhere.

is she willing to discuss the matter frankly and openly with you? and are YOU willing to discuss it openly and frankly with her?

incidentally, it is for reasons just like the situation you describe that i am nor seriously considering joining a nudist single online community in hopes of meeting a naturist/c-o woman; my naturism has become that important to me.

hope this helps. God bless you as you work through this.

--andy

[MrNaturist]

A reluctant spouse or, uncooperative spouse would gone. She is unable to except me as I am, who I am. There is no foundation for a relationship without exceptance. I have been a nudist all my life, married twice and the first did not except it, (so I have tried for those who don't see my view) the marriage only lasted 7 yrs and we parted hating each other. The second wife passed away due to cancer, she excepted my nudity as long as any kids did not see me that way!

[NudeAl]

Very true. However, this only seems to work one-way. My wife, having told me it's ok to have different interests, that mainstream nudist clubs are ok, and naked hiking in groups is ok but not with her, now appears to be of the opinion that I should:

Respect her, and the kids, and not be naked around the house. I'm always dressed when they're around, being teenagers I can see it's a sensitive time for them in particular, and now I'm dressed when she's around too.

Not go for naked hikes because someone else may be offended in some mysterious manner, which is however undefinable apparently.

Never bring the subject up for conversation, because no-one wants to talk about it.

etc. etc.

So much for reducing my naked activities out of 'respect' for everyone else. I'm now beginning to feel seriously caged...

Rich.

I feel for you buddy I know the feeeling. I am not sure how but I have been able to reach an accomodation with my wife. She is a bit of a home nudist but has gone to clubs/resorts with me. She is nude around the house more than I am due to her being at home more than I am. Right now we have our 22 year old son home from college and he is used to seeing us both nude around the house but he will not even be seen with out his T-shirt off. Hey live and let live.

I think you may need to consider marriage counseling. I did and it helped out a lot and yes the nudism thing did come up repeatedly. But the nudism wasn't the root of the problem it was her perception of what was going on, her understanding of the whole situation. With help from a non partisan third party we worked it out. Good Luck

[usuallylurk]

Very true. However, this only seems to work one-way. My wife, having told me it's ok to have different interests, that mainstream nudist clubs are ok, and naked hiking in groups is ok but not with her, now appears to be of the opinion that I should:

Respect her, and the kids, and not be naked around the house. I'm always dressed when they're around, being teenagers I can see it's a sensitive time for them in particular, and now I'm dressed when she's around too.


OK, so??? A good nudist respects the wishes of those around him or her.


Not go for naked hikes because someone else may be offended in some mysterious manner, which is however undefinable apparently.


Perhaps she fears you'll be arrested?


Never bring the subject up for conversation, because no-one wants to talk about it.

etc. etc.


It does make others feel antsy and uncomfortable. And you can't pretend that it doesn't.


So much for reducing my naked activities out of 'respect' for everyone else. I'm now beginning to feel seriously caged...

Rich.

A lot of people -- usually married men -- discover the joys and freedom in clothes-free living and recreation. It also carries further into the world of social nudism.

That - I will address -

You probably have taken a view at what social nudism -- resorts, clubs, and social group type-nudism - is like.

We have gatherings. We relax on the beach. We socialize. We have fun. We have a few drinks, we laugh, we dance, we dine, we share our joys and fears, we respect each other. Social nudism offers companionship, friendship, and enriches the lives of most people who get into it.

On the other hand, it isn't for everyone.

If you're not a social person, and you have trouble getting along with people, this isn't for you.

If your reluctant partner is hostile to the idea of social nudism, don't bring her along to a social group, it might spoil everyone else's day or weekend.

If you are too scared to, or prefer not to, disrobe, this isn't for you. And there is nothing wrong, or sick, or evil about someone not wanting to do that.

If there are religious reasons or moral objections over nudity, don't argue. Whatever you do, do NOT quote Scripture in your defense. Any half-wit can use and twist Scripture to justify ANYTHING from slavery, to genocide, to child-beating, to just about any activity.

I saw one guy, on a religious-nudist newsletter -- mostly catering to guys with reluctant wives -- quoting that she should go because she's supposed to be obedient to her husband. Sheesh ... what the hell ever happened to "love cherish and protect"..??? Comfort factor?

Now -- applying the last paragraph to what you said --- comfort. Apparently your wife isn't comfortable with your being nude around the house, and she's uncomfortable with your nude hikes, and that nudism isn't for her.

You probably have to accept that. And live with that. You lived without it for many years, right? Can you NOT live without it?

Example - I always wanted to get my pilot's license, but my wife feels uncomfortable about my wanting to do that, so I said I wouldn't. My wife's comfort level exceeds those of my own wishes -- so, I respect that.

[usuallylurk]

Can we come back to this one?

But the intimacy thing is another matter. She feels that being naked is "private," something appropriate only between the 2 of us. She sees it as letting somebody else into something that is very much ours alone, and nobody else's business -- or something like that. I'm really trying to understand, but I guess I don't really get it, becasue to me intimacy is a whole lot more than just seeing somebody's naked body.

Usuallylurk seems to understand my problem, but has no suggestions. Does anyone?

I still don't have an answer, beyond the point that I have no answer that will be pro-nudist.

You can show her all the nudist brochures you like, but it won't have an effect on anything. If you were in our neck of the woods, I could suggest that you visit Cedar Waters, where the owners consider themselves fundamentalist Christians -- BUT -- they do not push their views, or force their views on anyone else there.

If you were in New England, it would be a WONDERFUL soft-sell.

[TheNorm]

Usuallylurk, you are indeed a wise man. I'm fortunate enough to have a very understanding wife who "gets it" and occasionally participates, but does not share my passion for naturism. However, if I ever had to choose between my love of naturism and the comfort and well-being of my family, I would most certainly put naturism on the back burner.

[JeepNude]

It sounds like you might have put too much importance or emphasis on being nude, and now she is pushing back. (??) I am not an expert, so please don't put too much faith in this opinion.

I believe that if people with reluctant spouses just quit making such a big deal out of it, then they wouldn't run into so much friction about it. Just casually be nude when practical at home, and call it good. If you need to go out somewhwere, tell her you are going out. Don't mention being nude at all, unless asked. Then, be very truthful and non-chalant about it.

If you don't make a big deal out of it, I doubt he/she will either.

[usuallylurk]

There was a young man at our park a few years ago -- whose parents lived there all summer. He was raised there. It was an important part of his life.

He met a young lady -- and they started dating. The only problem was, she didn't like nudism, would not go nude, and felt uncomfortable going to the camp at all for family visits.

Pastoral advice given to the young man =

DUMP HER.

Reasoning = once you get married, that commitment is going to take you AWAY from the people and things you love and are used to.

Contrast this with someone who is married. He has been in the relationship for two-five-ten-twenty years. Kids? Likely to be some. Hubby discovers the world of nudism. He may try it out for himself -- with or without his wife's knowledge. She wants no part of it. And she doesn't want her husband doing it.

Advice I'd give to the guy =

KEEP THE WIFE AND FAMILY. DUMP THE NUDISM.


And advice I'd give to any single person who loves nudism =

1) If you want to continue in nudism, make sure that your other half knows of your love of nudism

2) Try to get her to come along with you. If she won't, it raises some flags.

3) Make sure that once you enter into marriage, that she doesn't say "we're married -- we're not doing that anymore."

4) If she doesn't like nudism -- and many women don't -- YOU have to make a decision, do I want to live as I have in the past, or is this relationship more important? Sometimes the answer goes one way, sometimes the other. Only you can decide.

So - if you find nudism AFTER you've been married -- and the wife doesn't like it -- I would say, dump the nudism if you have to.

[Nudeinbama]

This is exactly where I'm at, that the wife doesn't approve,wants no part of it and see's it as Nudism is more important than her. I argue against that, with no results, but am not giving up my nudity either. It is too unfair and unreasonable to me for her to base my being nude around home as more important than her. To me it is just something I should have the right to do. Though I would like to, I'm not asking or dealing with going to resorts and the such, just nude at home and on our private deck( which causes the most problems)There is no compromising or seeing anything half way or meeting in the middle, so with that it takes away my willingness to just give it up.I know that its not the all powerful, most important thing in life, but if someone loves, truely loves to be nude when possible,especially in private, there shouldn't be so much problems arising from this desire. Just my thoughts.
Nudeinbama

[DSailing]

Wow this is a difficult situation. I don’t even know if I should answer this one. I think it depends on the relationship. How important is it to you for you to go nude versus her feelings towards it? How much are each of you willing to compromise? I don’t mean to jump to a conclusion here, but if neither of you are willing to compromise, then how much do you value each other’s individuallality?

[NudeAl]

WOW!!

I guess I should be thankful for what I've got. My wife is not all that into it but after many many discussions, some more heated than others, we have sort of an agreement. We both enjoy being nude at home and in our private backyard. However try as I may it is not enough for me so we have been going to a nearby nudist club 2 times so far and hopefully next weekend we will go again. That is about it for me. I would like to live at one full-time however that isn't going to happen so I will take what I can get. Not a bad compromise and if she were feeling better about her own body image it might be different but I am now more grateful for what I do have. Good luck

[ki4kxq]

I was a reluctant spouse until a couple of weeks ago. Russ has been wanting me to go to a resort and try the nudist lifestyle for over 2 years. I told him not only no, but hell no!! He had gone to a couple of functions at a resort close to where we lived years before I had met him. He never really participated in the lifestyle past that other than naked at home, which we both would do. Honestly, I can't imagine someone getting upset with their spouse hanging out naked at their own house.

Anyway, he would bring it up off and on throughout the past couple of years. Finally, a couple of weeks ago I told him I would look into it on the internet. What I found was the website for the AANR and a website for a nude catamaran cruise throught the British Virgin Islands. That looked like fun! So the opportunity came up a couple of weeks ago to visit a resort outside of Austin, TX. As we were checking in, so was another couple. It was hot outside and as we were all getting ready to take our tour of the resort, the man from the other couple said "Hey, it's hot, I'm getting naked for the tour." His wife and my guy joined right in so the only thing for me to do was join in or look kinda stupid. That was the best thing that could've happened because I really didn't have time to think about it or chicken out. Boom, it was done, I was naked!

We have gone to another resort since then. I found out that I really enjoy the nudist lifestyle. I have never met people anywhere that are more friendly, and I have traveled extensively. We are having a great time meeting new friends. Oh, and by the way, we booked ourselves on that nude catamaran trip, we leave in April of 09.

[DenitaLC]

I was a reluctant spouse until a couple of weeks ago. Russ has been wanting me to go to a resort and try the nudist lifestyle for over 2 years. I told him not only no, but hell no!! He had gone to a couple of functions at a resort close to where we lived years before I had met him. He never really participated in the lifestyle past that other than naked at home, which we both would do. Honestly, I can't imagine someone getting upset with their spouse hanging out naked at their own house.

Anyway, he would bring it up off and on throughout the past couple of years. Finally, a couple of weeks ago I told him I would look into it on the internet. What I found was the website for the AANR and a website for a nude catamaran cruise throught the British Virgin Islands. That looked like fun! So the opportunity came up a couple of weeks ago to visit a resort outside of Austin, TX. As we were checking in, so was another couple. It was hot outside and as we were all getting ready to take our tour of the resort, the man from the other couple said "Hey, it's hot, I'm getting naked for the tour." His wife and my guy joined right in so the only thing for me to do was join in or look kinda stupid. That was the best thing that could've happened because I really didn't have time to think about it or chicken out. Boom, it was done, I was naked!

We have gone to another resort since then. I found out that I really enjoy the nudist lifestyle. I have never met people anywhere that are more friendly, and I have traveled extensively. We are having a great time meeting new friends. Oh, and by the way, we booked ourselves on that nude catamaran trip, we leave in April of 09.

That is a great story, thanks for sharing it! Makes you look back and say "what was I worried about and why didn't I do this sooner?" We've all been there!

Many more happy nude adventures to you both! :)

[Boreas]

That is a great story ki4kxq! Thanks for sharing it.

It is kind of like jumping into a cold lake. If you do it before you have time to think about it, you will adjust and have fun in spite of yourself! :)

[NudonyII]

So - if you find nudism AFTER you've been married -- and the wife doesn't like it -- I would say, dump the nudism if you have to.

Everytime this question/issue comes out, the responses are very often "black and white." I can't count the number of times I've read people say: "You need to stay married and ditch nudism." But life is not all "black or white."

I think you have to start off by taking a good, honest look at the relationship, independantly of nudism. Is it based on mutual respect, admiration and understanding? Commonality of life goals and values? Do the "sparks still fly"? If the answer is yes; then I would say that ditching nudism is a pretty good trade-off for staying married to a great person. If the answer is no, then perhaps you are remaining in a dead marriage for the sake of staying married.

For those that are in a dead or unhealthy marriage, bringing nudism to the table will unavoidably result in a "HECK NO!!" And it is not necessarily because the spouse is adverse to nudism per se; it is simply part of the stalemate games that unhappy spouses play. "If I ain't happy, I'm sure as heck not going to let him/her have his/her fun running around nude!" In these cases, the issue is much more deep-rooted than clothing-optional recreation; nudism is merely a catalyst for increased marital dissatifaction. If a person leaves his/her spouse on this basis, it could be perceived that nudism was the sole cause for marital strife. That would probably be a misconception; you'd have to look beneath the surface to see what really caused the couple to separate.

[hw]

There was a young man at our park a few years ago -- whose parents lived there all summer. He was raised there. It was an important part of his life.

He met a young lady -- and they started dating. The only problem was, she didn't like nudism, would not go nude, and felt uncomfortable going to the camp at all for family visits.

Pastoral advice given to the young man =

DUMP HER.

Reasoning = once you get married, that commitment is going to take you AWAY from the people and things you love and are used to.

Contrast this with someone who is married. He has been in the relationship for two-five-ten-twenty years. Kids? Likely to be some. Hubby discovers the world of nudism. He may try it out for himself -- with or without his wife's knowledge. She wants no part of it. And she doesn't want her husband doing it.

Advice I'd give to the guy =

KEEP THE WIFE AND FAMILY. DUMP THE NUDISM.


And advice I'd give to any single person who loves nudism =

1) If you want to continue in nudism, make sure that your other half knows of your love of nudism

2) Try to get her to come along with you. If she won't, it raises some flags.

3) Make sure that once you enter into marriage, that she doesn't say "we're married -- we're not doing that anymore."

4) If she doesn't like nudism -- and many women don't -- YOU have to make a decision, do I want to live as I have in the past, or is this relationship more important? Sometimes the answer goes one way, sometimes the other. Only you can decide.

So - if you find nudism AFTER you've been married -- and the wife doesn't like it -- I would say, dump the nudism if you have to.


It's not so much that I mind nudism, hell I even participate when given the chance. It's not being invited to go to the nude beach. It's finding out later that he went without my knowledge or asking if I'd like to go. That tells me nudism is not exactly how it is portrayed in these forums.

It tells me he is keeping secrets from me in not only nudism aspect but also makes me suspicious of other "secrets". Am I wrong to be pissed? :disappointed: :mad:

[NudeAl]

It's not so much that I mind nudism, hell I even participate when given the chance. It's not being invited to go to the nude beach. It's finding out later that he went without my knowledge or asking if I'd like to go. That tells me nudism is not exactly how it is portrayed in these forums.

It tells me he is keeping secrets from me in not only nudism aspect but also makes me suspicious of other "secrets". Am I wrong to be pissed? :disappointed: :mad:

My wife could have written that.

HW, I used to sneak off to the beach a lot I still would if there was a beach with in a hundred miles. But I did learn one thing to call my wife first and say hey thinking of going to the beach you want to come or shall we go next weekend? Something like that.

For me, when I get stressed out I need to get somewhere I can relax. The best place is the nude beach. I feel like when I can shed my clothes in nature I am leaving behind all my normal day to day worries all the stresses of modern daily life. Now I have a private backyard and I do a lot of nude gardening however it is not the same thing, good yes but not quite the same. I still need the social aspect of nude recreation it is like an affirmation of my own belief in nudism. Being around like minded souls letting you know somehow it is okay to feel like this.

I don't know you or your hubby but I know that finally my wife and I are getting along. She is nude around the house more than I am now. And she goes with me 3-4 times a year to a nude club, I am happy with that. I hope you and your hubby can find that sort of compromise.

[hw]

Your words make sense, but I am left out of the loop on so many occassions. Lack of communication is a big problem for us.

I understand the point of these forums is promote nudism in a positive light. But there is the "dark" areas that he can't seem to stay away from. I wish that just for once he would tell me what he is thinking. :confused:

[NudeAl]

I don't want to butt in here HW I only know MY situation.

One thing I do know is that men are really simple creatures. Not much on conversation my wife talks a lot, A LOT! I am happy just grunting a response and sipping a beer while I watch TV or surf the web. Not much goes through my head other than focusing on what I am doing. So I am just saying maybe he dosen't have much to say.

On the other hand, I know communication is key in a relationship, I learned that in marriage counseling. We went for many months years ago, nudism was an issue it was a hot topic. She hated it didn't understand why I went, thought it was a sex thing etc. Anyway we went got it straightned out and well we still have our fights, she calls it talking, anyhow we work on it and we get by. For years we went to a good friend of ours with our problems another woman we had both known for years we still talk to her and we have know her over 20 years. If you can not go to counseling talk to a good mutual friend and get those things that are bothering you brought up.

[usuallylurk]

It's not so much that I mind nudism, hell I even participate when given the chance. It's not being invited to go to the nude beach. It's finding out later that he went without my knowledge or asking if I'd like to go. That tells me nudism is not exactly how it is portrayed in these forums.

It tells me he is keeping secrets from me in not only nudism aspect but also makes me suspicious of other "secrets". Am I wrong to be pissed? :disappointed: :mad:

No, not at all. You might want to ask why he HASN'T asked you to go with him.

[usuallylurk]

I don't want to butt in here HW I only know MY situation.

On the other hand, I know communication is key in a relationship, I learned that in marriage counseling. We went for many months years ago, nudism was an issue it was a hot topic. She hated it didn't understand why I went, thought it was a sex thing etc. Anyway we went got it straightned out and well we still have our fights, she calls it talking, anyhow we work on it and we get by. For years we went to a good friend of ours with our problems another woman we had both known for years we still talk to her and we have know her over 20 years. If you can not go to counseling talk to a good mutual friend and get those things that are bothering you brought up.

In another forum, I read a gentleman's story -- he liked social nudism, she detested it. So she suggested "counseling" -- from people from her church.

You know where THAT was gonna go. Her friends were going to try to "cure" him of nudism. I suggested that he say "Yeah, OK, I'll do it. But BEFORE that, I am inviting two nudist couples to the house, and we will all stay clothed, and THEY will counsel you as to what nudism is all about. Let's do this both ways."

Flight capability = lead balloon.

I have had friends who enjoyed nudism as part of a couple, and several years later, the wife says "(ahnnnnhhhh (Buzzer sound)) I'm not going to do THAT anymore!"

"But honey, why not?" "I only did it because you liked it." That can be applied to almost any activity. And when they both agreed to counseling, the husband went, was one-on-one with a counselor, who tried to "cure his nudist urges."

Those who agree to "counseling" must be extremely careful, insomuch that the "counselor" might not be working to resolve the conflict.

[hw]

Good advice Usually but I am afraid it has fallen on deaf ears or blind eyes. I even sent him a pm to point out this thread and not one word about it this morning. :disappointed:

My best friend is too far away, and close mutual friends are few and far between. There is a lot going on at this time in our lives.

Maybe by seeing it in print he will open up to me. In the meantime, I will get in some skinny dipping time and nude sleeping while it is still hot.

Thanks, hw

[hw]

Since I can't get an answer at home I thought I'd post it here to get some opinions.

We had a family weekend vacation at the end of July. He went to the nude beach without me or even asking if I wanted to go. :mad:

We had the Labor Day weekend vacation without family. Just the two of us. Neither one of us went to the nude beach. :confused:

Why is it when family is around it is ok to "sneak" off to a nude beach, but when we are alone, there is no mention of going to the nude beach? Am I the Reluctant Spouse, or does he really not want me to be a part of his "nude life"?

I would really like some feed back on this. I've heard from guys on this forum that would give their eye teeth to have their wives or girlfriends at least try nudity. I have tried it, and don't mind, but am not allowed to be part of it. What's up with this? :confused:

[Garden]

hw

Sending you a PM.

Garden

[Nudeinbama]

hw, I'm one of the ones who'd give the eye teeth for your attitude in nudity in my wife. So with that said, it is very hard for me to understand how he could want to leave you out of his nude activities. All I know of doing is to promote more nudity at home and when you see the oppourtunity to go somewhere to be nude, You say we're going,together, No excuses,this time and see what and where that leads once you get there. hopefully he has just gotten some false sense of thinking you really don't want to go with him to the nude beach. I hope it all works out for you.;)
Nudeinbama

[mzdab3000]

HW,

Your situation sounds more serious than just not sharing nudist experiences. The first thing a husband and wife, or two committed individuals need to do is to speak, share, communicate.

He needs to know that you are OK with the whole nudist experience. You need to know why he prefers solo trips. It is only fair to know that about each other.

I am a solo male nudist. My wife will accept and participate if it is within the safety of our four walls or somewhere else private - a cottage in the mountains for example. But she will not consider even sitting outside after dark at the cabin in the woods or on our deck.

Having said that, I would never consider going to a resort by myself without her permission. And even though I am 99.99% certain what the answer will be, I always politely ask if she would care to join me at a resort if I plan a trip.

I am sorry that you have this challenge in your relationship. And without being impolite or forward, I would love if my wife shared your outlook.

[nakedstudent]

Since I can't get an answer at home I thought I'd post it here to get some opinions.

We had a family weekend vacation at the end of July. He went to the nude beach without me or even asking if I wanted to go. :mad:

We had the Labor Day weekend vacation without family. Just the two of us. Neither one of us went to the nude beach. :confused:

Why is it when family is around it is ok to "sneak" off to a nude beach, but when we are alone, there is no mention of going to the nude beach? Am I the Reluctant Spouse, or does he really not want me to be a part of his "nude life"?

I would really like some feed back on this. I've heard from guys on this forum that would give their eye teeth to have their wives or girlfriends at least try nudity. I have tried it, and don't mind, but am not allowed to be part of it. What's up with this? :confused:

Then maybe you need to be the one who takes initiative here. I'd suggest informing your S.O. that you would like to take him on a surprise vacation that you plan and you both enjoy.

Pick somewhere with either a beach or stay at a resort. Don't tell him a word about it until you pull in the gates!

Once you complete your first day, you can inform him of how you feel when he "sneaks off" without you and that you'd like a more open situation where you can discuss it.

The other thing to consider is sometimes everybody just needs their space. I know how that feels first hand... I'm a rather introverted guy and often prefer solitude over being with even FAMILY from time to time. It's possible that he just needed some down time and it was independent of the state of clothing.

[LanceAtCaliente]

My wife went oingo-boingo, off-the-charts ballistic ... even though I specifically told her BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED that I did this. I even showed her Paradise Lakes day passes, etc., etc. Go figure, right? Y'all got me on THIS one, folks. I'm speechless, really.

How I actually envy those guys whose gals are cool with this. I really do. Where are gals like that? Lord knows I missed the boat at that dock!

Peace.