Divorce

[jax]

Has anyone ever heard of someone getting a divorce because of nudity? Even through my wife has visited five nudist resorts, she still saids she is not a nudist. She has also said that if she knew I was a nudist she might not have married me. Every time we go to a resort it's a fight to get her there, and it's getting old. By the way we have been married for 36 years.

[RichNH]

My wife is most definitely not a nudist. I guess it all depends upon how much you value the marriage and how much you can compromise. For me, I'm certainly not willing to sacrifice the marriage for nudity. It's not a religion you know, well, not for most of us I think. If she's gone with you 5 times then I would say that perhaps she's willing to compromise... But that goes both ways of course.

Rich

[NudonyII]

I only know of one person that has mentionned nudism as a primary cause of separation - leading to divorce. As the person became more and more drawn to and involved in nude recreation, the spouse became more and more discontent, eventually leading to a fallout. When the person was given a ultimatum between nudist friends and endeavours, or marriage, the person selected nudism. Obviously, at that point in time, nudism meant more to the person than remaining married to a controlling spouse.

I am myself permanently separated from my wife. Nudism was not the primary cause of my departure; but it certainly played a role. I had made good nudist friends and was an active social nudist when my wife just sort of "turned the tables" on me. Nudism was just one of many key values that my wife and I came to disagree on, causing us to drift apart. She wanted apples, I wanted oranges. Hence, irreconcilable differences.

But I don't think my wife and I would have separated if nudism had been the sole source of conflict. There are many different compromises that could have been made. One would have been for her to sign a waiver allowing me to attend nudist functions without her. Another would have been to turn our home into a "nudist-friendly" one, with the possibility of inviting nudist friends over; or even if it had meant just my daughter and I playing in the backyard nude. Those would have been acceptable options for me. The key is to at least sit down and discuss the possibility of compromises. Here, both parties need to keep an open mind and just not blindly "stick to their guns." If the spouse refuses to even discuss it, then the reality of nudism being an irreconcilable difference rears its ugly head. And then it becomes a question of just how important nudism is to you. Can you let it go?

If you find you can't just let it go, then you should take a time out and investigate why exactly that is. What is exactly the root of your attachment to nudism? I can't tell you what it is for you, but I can tell you what it is for me. Nudism is a core value for me. The same as Christianity is for some people; or Conservatism for others. Not something I can just brush aside; because it represents a great deal of "who I am". If nudism is not quite that meaningful to you, then re-thinking the situation and relaxing your stance could be beneficial to you both.

It seems from your post that your wife feels as though she is being "dragged" to the resort. If that's the case: been there, done that. Again, by discussing the subject with her, you might find that she does not dislike nudism; but that in fact she dislikes your approach. I went through that stage too (that was before my wife renounced nudism for completely different reasons.) She felt the trips were too long, too frequent, and I was too hung up on getting her to go completely nude. I solved the situation by listening to her qualms and striking bargains with her: like going to the resort for a specified amount of time and leaving when she was ready; or visiting the nearby mall after the resort (erghhhh...); or refraining from enticing her to go nude. By finding her own pace, she was able to eventually enjoy social nudism; on her own terms.

My conclusion to this long-winded post is: talk about it. If no compromise can be reached, you'll have to evaluate just how important nudism is to you, and how much of a personal sacrifice it would be to simply give it up. Beyond that, marriage counselor notwithstanding, you'll have to choose whether the marriage is worth preserving.

[fre2bnude]

Can't say I've ever heard of anyone getting a divorce due to nudism, I reckon that I'd give up my nudist lifestyle if it bothered my wife even though I love it. As things are she is not at all interested in being a nudist but accepts me nude around the house without a problem. I've never been to any nudist club, resort or beach, I'm just a home nudist but I imagine she would be happy to go along with me if I wanted to do so - without taking off her clothes. But, I've never made that request.

[MichaelJB]

I dont beleive in divorce. I beleive a person should only get a divorce for 2 reasons and only 2 reasons. One if a spouse commits adultery or if they commit rape. Otherwise divorce should not be allowed. This whole nonsense of irreconcilable differences is just nonsense! There is no such thing as a 50% divorce rate. Marriage is a legally binding COMMITMENT between two individuals. If those two people have any doubts about their love for one another then they shouldnt get married. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly or something to be done in a hurry. People should think long and hard before they get married and once they do it they should be commited for the long haul for good or bad. Anything else just makes marriage meaningless and results in chaos. I hate to see so many loving marriages end in disaster over trivial matters that could have been resolved if the couple were willing to just sit down and debate the issue like civilized individuals. The issue of nudity should be resolved well before marriage is even considered so its not even a concern once marriage has occured. If two people get divorced over something silly like nudity then obviously they have not done their homework on their mate before they got married and that is just sloppy. I know ill probably get alot of flack for saying this but I am just disgusted about how many people fall out of love for things that could have well been avoided. Divorce is and should be the ultimate last resort decision during any marriage. Every other option must have been exhausted. Otherwise it just proves that the married couple is just lazy and immature and probably had no business getting married in the first place.

[MichaelJB]

I only know of one person that has mentionned nudism as a primary cause of separation - leading to divorce. As the person became more and more drawn to and involved in nude recreation, the spouse became more and more discontent, eventually leading to a fallout. When the person was given a ultimatum between nudist friends and endeavours, or marriage, the person selected nudism. Obviously, at that point in time, nudism meant more to the person than remaining married to a controlling spouse.


I would have chosen both. I dont think its fair for a spouse to ask you to make that kind of decision. Being married is not about weither you enjoy going nude with your friends or not, that should be irrelevant. I would not let myself be put in that position. I would say we're married and I am going to spend time nude with my friends and thats that, if you want to join me then fine otherwise just deal with it. Controlling marriages like that dont work.



I am myself permanently separated from my wife. Nudism was not the primary cause of my departure; but it certainly played a role. I had made good nudist friends and was an active social nudist when my wife just sort of "turned the tables" on me. Nudism was just one of many key values that my wife and I came to disagree on, causing us to drift apart. She wanted apples, I wanted oranges. Hence, irreconcilable differences.


Then I would suggest that when in that situation, you get a bowl of fruit, then everyone is happy.



But I don't think my wife and I would have separated if nudism had been the sole source of conflict. There are many different compromises that could have been made. One would have been for her to sign a waiver allowing me to attend nudist functions without her. Another would have been to turn our home into a "nudist-friendly" one, with the possibility of inviting nudist friends over; or even if it had meant just my daughter and I playing in the backyard nude. Those would have been acceptable options for me. The key is to at least sit down and discuss the possibility of compromises. Here, both parties need to keep an open mind and just not blindly "stick to their guns." If the spouse refuses to even discuss it, then the reality of nudism being an irreconcilable difference rears its ugly head. And then it becomes a question of just how important nudism is to you. Can you let it go?


If divorce is not an option then both spouses are forced to sit down and make a compromise because theyre stuck together and the only way they are going to get along is to make a truce. Divorce is the easy way out for people who dont have the courage to stick it out.



If you find you can't just let it go, then you should take a time out and investigate why exactly that is. What is exactly the root of your attachment to nudism? I can't tell you what it is for you, but I can tell you what it is for me. Nudism is a core value for me. The same as Christianity is for some people; or Conservatism for others. Not something I can just brush aside; because it represents a great deal of "who I am". If nudism is not quite that meaningful to you, then re-thinking the situation and relaxing your stance could be beneficial to you both.


Thats why your spouse needs to know in any uncertain terms that giving up nudism is non negotiable and that they must find some middle ground. People like that cannot be allowed to manipulate you.



It seems from your post that your wife feels as though she is being "dragged" to the resort. If that's the case: been there, done that. Again, by discussing the subject with her, you might find that she does not dislike nudism; but that in fact she dislikes your approach. I went through that stage too (that was before my wife renounced nudism for completely different reasons.) She felt the trips were too long, too frequent, and I was too hung up on getting her to go completely nude. I solved the situation by listening to her qualms and striking bargains with her: like going to the resort for a specified amount of time and leaving when she was ready; or visiting the nearby mall after the resort (erghhhh...); or refraining from enticing her to go nude. By finding her own pace, she was able to eventually enjoy social nudism; on her own terms.


I dont think making a spouse go to a nudist resort against their will is a good idea but if youre inclined to go then they either come with you or they spend the evening by themselves and sooner or later theyll want to come with you or at least be willing to compromise somehow so they can spend time with you.



My conclusion to this long-winded post is: talk about it. If no compromise can be reached, you'll have to evaluate just how important nudism is to you, and how much of a personal sacrifice it would be to simply give it up. Beyond that, marriage counselor notwithstanding, you'll have to choose whether the marriage is worth preserving.


There is always a compromise that people can come to if they must and when youre married to someone a compromise is necessary. Thats why divorce is not the solution. Married couples must work out their differences. Beleive me it makes things much better in the end.

Mike

[tinhfwv]

My wife is most definitely not a nudist. I guess it all depends upon how much you value the marriage and how much you can compromise. For me, I'm certainly not willing to sacrifice the marriage for nudity. It's not a religion you know, well, not for most of us I think. If she's gone with you 5 times then I would say that perhaps she's willing to compromise... But that goes both ways of course.

Rich

Whether or not a divorce for nudity makes any sense depends upon what being nude means to the person whose nudity is in the process of being suppressed. For some, the practice of being nude as often as possible is tangibly part of who they are as a person; it enhances the moment of being alive to a degree that makes them understand that this is right and good for them. A partner who demands that such a person give up their practice of nudity is essentially demanding that a benign (and arguably beautiful) part of that person be denied. (I'm assuming the nudity in question is not a vehicle for acting out some sexual weirdness. That would not be benign.) This has to call into question how much one is truly loved by the partner, and make one ponder the classic advice that says "To thine ownself be true".

[RichNH]

Jax started this thread, I didn't see where his wife demanded that he give up nudism. I did see where she didn't like having it rammed down her throat. Seems to me that you don't throw 36 years together with another human being away for just about anything. Too, I'm rather curious as to how long Jax has been an active nudist.

So Jax, exactly how long have you been a nudist and how long has your wife known you're a nudist? I mean, if you've been a nudist from day one of your marriage that's one thing, but if its fairly recent that's another.

Rich

[NudonyII]

I didn't want to assume; but I guess I will anyway. It seems to me Jax is just reacting and venting his frustration about his wife's lack of enthusiasm in regards to social nudity. Perhaps his approach is a bit too aggressive; we don't know all the details. But then again, good point Rich; how could one reach such a "pivotal crisis" after 36 years of marriage? Nudism typically becomes an issue in the early years of a marriage, when people are still growing, learning about themselves and each other. Unless Jax has just recently began exploring nudism; in which case his spouse's reaction is actually quite normal. She might feel that nudism is being "sprung" on her, and is reacting against it.

But without more details, I guess we'll never know what the real issue is here.

[usuallylurk]

Has anyone ever heard of someone getting a divorce because of nudity? Even through my wife has visited five nudist resorts, she still saids she is not a nudist. She has also said that if she knew I was a nudist she might not have married me. Every time we go to a resort it's a fight to get her there, and it's getting old. By the way we have been married for 36 years.


Yes. I have heard it as a major reason.

Although -- it might not be the primary reason. After a couple is married for some time, and one partner wants to get into nudism - and the other doesn't, the motive for the willing partner has to be considered. The nudism may not be the underlying reason for the differences and the split... however, it often is the "match applied to five gallons of petrol" in a rocky relationship.

If one partner develops an interest in nudism AFTER the marriage- and sometime after the marriage, and the other partner doesn't want to go along with it, there could be problems OTHER than nudism present. Some spouses (usually wives) will either allow the husband to go, not that she REALLY approves, but wants to maintain domestic tranquility.

TRANSLATION = she fears worse consequences if she tells him "you cannot go".

For many years, most nudist parks and clubs would not allow participation by a solo married individual without notarized consent from the other partner. Some still don't. Around ten years ago, there was a man who was a noted major naturist advocate and activist. His club voted in a "spousal consent rule" ... and his wife knew of his activities. She refused to sign the consent.

The reasons some parks still adhere to those rules -- one, they wish to avoid having the club and its members caught in a messy divorce situation. Two - social reasons. Many clubs and parks wish to be retreats for a married couple and family.

But they do not wish to be a retreat FROM the wife, or husband, or family. A family oriented nudist park might not want to be Duffy's Tavern.

[MichaelJB]

I dont know if anyone has read my responses to this thread or not but im sorry if my response seems too extreme or if I seem to confrontational in my way with dealing with the subject. I just feel very strongly about this because even though im not married and have little professional knowledge of the issue I just know that when I do get married this will be very important to me and I view it as a serious commitment which I intend to keep to my spouse no matter what and if they decide one day they want a divorce with me then theyre gonna have to be the one to do it because I wont. I dont consider divorce an option to even be considered except under those two exceptions listed above because I always feel their is another way to deal with the problems. Divorce to me seems like running away or giving up and it just seems like a cowards answer to the issue instead of facing it and doing whats necessary to keep the marriage strong.