Adoption

[wolf_humor]

Has anyone ever tried to adopt a child (any age) and how did you deal with the nudity at home and stuff?

[Cheri]

If you are considering adoption, I can recommend contacting AANR and see if they have anything available or recommendations. I'm not sure if nudism has anything to do with adoption especially if it's an infant. If it's an older child, random home visits can be done, and there may be a problem.

Cheri

[naturalgar]

Remember you have to do a "home study" on both domestic and foregin adoptions. First you will actually do the home study questionare, then they will do a home study at your house.

[Nude_Eric]

Single Parent Adoption is not easy, but it can be done. Acceptance varies by state. All the usual hoops to jump through and then there is some prejudice on the part of some social workers.

[xLOUx]

I told my girl that I would like to adopt a child and that is one thing that worries me. If you find out more, please let us know!

[Boreas]

There is a couple in this area who adopted a child and who are nudists. They have stepped back from the group for a bit to allow their new daughter to adapt to the family. I understand we will be having a social gathering including them in a few weeks. They also have two biological sons.

I would check the adoption legislation in your area. Each area will be slightly different, yet would have many similarities. I do adoption home studies up here and we have to get to know the family well, and make a recommendation. The home study covers many areas like personalities, relationships, parenting views, hobbies/interests, religious spiritual views etc. The social worker will have to do a home visit.

I imagine each social worker would be slightly different regarding naturism, and I am not sure what to suggest about that. The social worker will be concerned about the possibility of abuse in any forms, and some believe that any nudity would be bad. I of course do not have that view. :)

When you do get to the bring the child home stage, I would ease the child into it. If you are adopting an older child, or one who has been in care, then you need to be particularly careful. A child who was removed from their home may have experienced various forms of abuse, including sexual, and therefore may be very bothered by nudity because it has been something they would equate with danger. You will have a sense of that from the child's history, personality etc.

There is lots of information online concerning adoption and adoption rules. I am more familiar with the Canadian stuff, so won't post the links I know. Start with your own state legislation and then US info.

Good luck.

[unitednudist]

Has anyone ever tried to adopt a child (any age) and how did you deal with the nudity at home and stuff?
They will do a mental evaluation and surprise check-ups. One of my friends is a nudist and adopted a child. They said it is very stressful because they look down on nudism but in the "long-run" it all worked out fine.

[nakedcowboy]

I am in the process myself. There is always a lot of misinformation about adoption, as well as a patchwork of laws and procedures. In the US, the procedure is generally as follows.

First you apply to an agency. Many states such as Minnesota require you complete a class on special needs children if you are considering adopting from foster care as the children have almost always been victims of abuse and or neglect, rarely total loss of family, in which case they are still high risk for things such as emotional trauma.

If you decide to proceed, you will be assigned a case worker who will get to know you and complete a homestudy. It is at this point you will disclose naturism if you so desire. They do not expect your entire life story. The goal of a homestudy is to provide a framework for matching you to an individual child. Contrary to popular belief, it is not to trap you into revealing a reason why you should be disqualified.

Once you have a completed homestudy, you will begin the search. This varies considerably. However, generally, the children and parents are insulated from each other so the children do not feel "shopped around" and repeatedly disappointed. In my case, my worker emails me a brief bio. If I am interested, she sends my homestudy to the child's case worker. If the case worker then is interested in me, she sends the child's whole file to my case worker who sends it to me. If I still am interested, then we arrange a face to face with the case worker and possible legal guardian or other adults involved with the child. This may go one for multiple meetings.

Finally, you get to a last meeting. In MN, you must commit to adopting before you ever meet the child. A child in MN may refuse to be adopted once they hit 14, and remain in foster care until they turn 18.

If you decide to proceed, the child will transition to your house through a course of 3 or more visits. From their home, to neutral territory, to your home. A child may have biological family or other significant people whom the desire/require continued contact with.

After the child is placed, the finalization my take 3-12 months. The adoption may fail and be "disrupted" This is hard on all parties and is the least desirable outcome.

As for as "surprise" visits, it does not work that way in MN, and if it happens, is the exception, not the rule. Your worker is there to help you, and make the adoption succeed. Again, not to trap you and find a reason to disrupt. That is the WORST possible outcome for the child. The agencies work hard and there is now a LOT of support and assistance for children who are in foster care to be adopted. Did you know there is a $10,000 tax credit for a completed adoption? You don't need a house, you don't have to have a job, you don't have to be married, you don't have to be any kind of "perfect" person. All that is required is that you are willing to make the commitment to raise a child in a healthy environment and be willing to use whatever means are at your disposal to make it work.

Infant adoption is different, and as actually more problematic for single/gay parents. It is so hard to place older children that they seem to be more openminded when it comes to placement. The birth mother also often has a say and may be prejudiced. Professional case workers often have a more open minded approach about what is in the best interests of the child. Only one state outlaws gay adoption, Florida. However other states practice it in reality if not in legality. The same would be true of naturists. People don't understand what they don't know. However any true case worker will be familiar with the topic of casual home nudity. As mentioned in a previous post, much depends on the child's history/personality. It's one of those things, you won;t know till you get there. Even in the same family, different children react differently from birth. A child seeing a parent nude is not a reason to disrupt at all. Dads take sons to the gym all the time and change, same with moms and daughters..

I have often thought of writing a book or a blog about my adoption experiences, so anyone with more questions can certainly contact me directly.

I hope this helps answer peoples questions.

[unitednudist]

Is it as stressful as they say it is?

[nakedcowboy]

It depends what stresses you out. If your case worker insists on true surprise visits, I would go to a supervisor. The child's social worker and legal guardians are the advocates for the child. Your case worker is there to help YOU. Not work against you. Adoption IS a stressful thing. I have heard far too many stories of children who's adoptions were disrupted because they acted like normal children! They will steal, lie, hit, and do many other awful things. If you think you are getting a little angle that will be SOOO thankful to have a family, you REALLY need to wake up. Parenting is HARD! Kids will be BAD. But that comes with all the great rewards. At the end of the day you do the best you can and hope they remember what you tried to teach them, and then you have to let them go.

[Bob S.]

As has been mentioned, older children usually come with immense baggage such as abuse and will definitely have trust issues. Those who have been in and out of foster homes will also have insecurity issues. They will be more likely to want to push the limits of behaviour to see what they can get away with and not want to get too close to the potential adoptive parents as they have learned in the past that they will be moving on.

So yes, adoptions of older children (even as young as five or six) are a lot more stressful than adoptions of younger children.

In terms of red tape and social services, that can also be stressful. It all depends on who the social service worker is. And remember, until the child is adopted, the child is a ward of the state and it is up to you to prove that you are the best person to take control of the child.

Bob S.

[unitednudist]

Very helpful. Thank you.

[florida-david]

we adopted our daughter from korea when she was 5 months old. We told the case worker that we were often naked at home and that it was not unusual for the kids to run around the backyard naked. We had told her that we went to Haulover a few times and usually skinny dipped. She did her evaluation with an at-home visit or two, and recommended approval with no mention of the nudity. I have several police officer friends and they say they catch people naked at home all the time, it really is not a big deal. So i think it is better to mention it and let it not be a big deal, hoepfully your case worker will agree.

I think it is harder to be a single parent adopting than a naked couple adopting, so my situation was much easier than yours. I know of a gay single man that has adopted a very young boy (not in florida, this is a gay-phobic state). It is possible, don't give up. I think it would be easier to adopt an older child as well, as older kids are harder to place in loving care....

[Boreas]

wolf humor, how are things going? Have you decided to proceed with adoption.

I need to comment on the surprise visits. In my area and my professional code of ethics, that would be very unethical. I would never do such a thing, and if I did, I imagine I would not be working as a social worker in this province.

Now there are more children who need to be adopted than there are potential adopting parents. People who work in adoptions are aware of this. When I am doing adoption home studies, I am aware of the stress involved. I am also aware that "unsuitable" people would not be able to get through the process, nor would they start often. It is a huge decision to adopt, and most of us are aware of this. I personally enjoy meeting the people who are adopting, and want to help them through the process. Of course if I have concerns I will discuss them with the couple.

I would also hope that social workers, like police officers can discern between healthy, normal nudity, and unhealthy nudity. It is very normal for children to romp around naked, especially as toddlers.

I took some training in adoption assessment in March. This is a program/tool that was designed by someone in California. It was very impressive, and a process that is helpful for both the social worker and the potential adoptive parents. I am aware that it is being used in several states and provinces now.

[David77]

I am in the process myself. There is always a lot of misinformation about adoption, as well as a patchwork of laws and procedures. In the US, the procedure is generally as follows.

First you apply to an agency. Many states such as Minnesota require you complete a class on special needs children if you are considering adopting from foster care as the children have almost always been victims of abuse and or neglect, rarely total loss of family, in which case they are still high risk for things such as emotional trauma.

If you decide to proceed, you will be assigned a case worker who will get to know you and complete a homestudy. It is at this point you will disclose naturism if you so desire. They do not expect your entire life story. The goal of a homestudy is to provide a framework for matching you to an individual child. Contrary to popular belief, it is not to trap you into revealing a reason why you should be disqualified.

Once you have a completed homestudy, you will begin the search. This varies considerably. However, generally, the children and parents are insulated from each other so the children do not feel "shopped around" and repeatedly disappointed. In my case, my worker emails me a brief bio. If I am interested, she sends my homestudy to the child's case worker. If the case worker then is interested in me, she sends the child's whole file to my case worker who sends it to me. If I still am interested, then we arrange a face to face with the case worker and possible legal guardian or other adults involved with the child. This may go one for multiple meetings.

Finally, you get to a last meeting. In MN, you must commit to adopting before you ever meet the child. A child in MN may refuse to be adopted once they hit 14, and remain in foster care until they turn 18.

If you decide to proceed, the child will transition to your house through a course of 3 or more visits. From their home, to neutral territory, to your home. A child may have biological family or other significant people whom the desire/require continued contact with.

After the child is placed, the finalization my take 3-12 months. The adoption may fail and be "disrupted" This is hard on all parties and is the least desirable outcome.

As for as "surprise" visits, it does not work that way in MN, and if it happens, is the exception, not the rule. Your worker is there to help you, and make the adoption succeed. Again, not to trap you and find a reason to disrupt. That is the WORST possible outcome for the child. The agencies work hard and there is now a LOT of support and assistance for children who are in foster care to be adopted. Did you know there is a $10,000 tax credit for a completed adoption? You don't need a house, you don't have to have a job, you don't have to be married, you don't have to be any kind of "perfect" person. All that is required is that you are willing to make the commitment to raise a child in a healthy environment and be willing to use whatever means are at your disposal to make it work.

Infant adoption is different, and as actually more problematic for single/gay parents. It is so hard to place older children that they seem to be more openminded when it comes to placement. The birth mother also often has a say and may be prejudiced. Professional case workers often have a more open minded approach about what is in the best interests of the child. Only one state outlaws gay adoption, Florida. However other states practice it in reality if not in legality. The same would be true of naturists. People don't understand what they don't know. However any true case worker will be familiar with the topic of casual home nudity. As mentioned in a previous post, much depends on the child's history/personality. It's one of those things, you won;t know till you get there. Even in the same family, different children react differently from birth. A child seeing a parent nude is not a reason to disrupt at all. Dads take sons to the gym all the time and change, same with moms and daughters..

I have often thought of writing a book or a blog about my adoption experiences, so anyone with more questions can certainly contact me directly.

I hope this helps answer peoples questions.

Nakedcowboy,
I congratulate you for such a fine description regarding adoption.
I wish the very best for you and the son you are planning to adopt.

[bernardc]

A short story.I have always been a nudist since age 12.I got married in the early 90's,my wife concieved and divorced me,my son still in utero.She died of a spider bite when my boy was 4.I fetched him(she told all i was dead..)I later found out that my son was sodomised and sexually abused by his step father.
I had to gently ease him into nudism,to break the shame stigma attached to his abuse.At first,I bathed him,and twice a week,after bathing him,id put him to bed in the nude,and I also sleep in the nude,so he saw me sleeping naked.Later Id wake him in the mornings, and leave him in the nude, for breakfast gradually lengthening his naked time, while I also remained nude.until he one day refused to put on clothes,and started at his own leisure to sleep naked and spend days at a time in the nude.,Now hes 13,and a full fledged nudist and barefooter.I made him understand that abuse was not his fault,he is the most beautifull child to ever live,and made him stand in front of full length mirrors,in the nude,studying his whole body and genitals, saying to himself he was the best and most handsome,and he had no reason to be ashamed.I hugged him a lott,still do,and kept on reinforcing the fact that he was the best.When he was curious and asked all sorts of questions,I patiently answred him.If he looked at me being in the nude,I allowed him to,and never showed any dissaproval.Today he has no shame,shyness or embarressment,and hes a total nudist convert.
Just ease adopted kids into naturism,sensitively and supportively,with lots of positive reinforecement, especially those from sexually abused backgrounds.
Being a Born again Christian,also helped a lot,and we would often,actually everyday read the bible in the nude,and pray together in the nude,showing that God was never against nudity,still is not.It also relieved the immense spiritual guilt that came with his abuse,as his step father always humilliated him after abusive sessions,with remarks like...that ugly thing...you stupid child,you ugly winky boy etc..I showed him that it was okay to be naked,and being naked was no sinfull shame .I made it clear to him,that being naked,he was under no obligation to allow others to touch him inappropriately,neither did,being naked as a child,(and a boy) ,give any adult the right to touch him privately,and he could say no.He was always a beautifully handsome boy,and there was no ugly thing on him whatsoever...including his penis.
I once walked in on him masturbating,and just closed the door,and left him,and never raised the issue,until he began asking me one day if it was wrong,and I made him understand it was natural,all boys do it,and he had no reason to be shy,he is still the best kid in the world,and the best son God had in heaven to give to me.Today,he still is a nudist.Being 13,I asked him if it bothred him being naked,and seeing us naked.His answer was.."Are you mad!All people should and must be naked,or how else will their skin ever breathe,everyone MUST be naked and barefoot.."I asked him why...and he said..."Its the coolest way to live,dad,dont you know that?"So what can I say more...I reversed the humilliating stigma of pornographic abusive nudity,to wholesome,healthy and ballanced nudism.I think Gods pretty pleased.Bernardc.

[Fuzzy Nuts]

Congratulations! You have done a wonderful job. Great to hear a story like yours.

[luvnaturism]

Reading through this thread, I can see that a lot has changed since we adopted a four-year-old boy forty years ago. Back then there was a lot of bias in the system that seems to have been purged now, and only those who could provide the "right" type of home could adopt. Money wasn't so much an issue, but only heterosexual couples could even apply. I also think that caseworkers are probably better trained today.

One thing that probably hasn't changed is that the caseworker's own biases and professional integrity have a lot to do with how well your application will be received. We had to refuse the first child offered to us because our caseworker out and out lied to us: we had specified that it was necessary economically that my wife continue working, and had been told that wouldn't be an issue; then, when she offered to place a child, she stipulated that my wife must quit her job. Moreover, she attempted to conceal how emotionally disturbed the child was. If she hadn't accidentally let slip that the child had been moving rapidly from one foster home to another we wouldn't have had a clue.

I contacted the caseworker's supervisor, and received a nice apology and the offer to start over with a different caseworker. By then we were in the process of moving to another state, so we just waited and completed the adoption easily and quickly in our new home.

All this is to say that a lot depends on your caseworker, but today there's so much more understanding that it's far better for a child to be in a safe, loving home—even if that home is unconventional—than to be knocking around in foster care. Honesty is still the best policy. Tell them up front how you live. That's so much better than letting them discover it accidentally.

[Bob S.]

luv: "I can see that a lot has changed since we adopted a four-year-old boy forty years ago. Back then there was a lot of bias in the system that seems to have been purged now, and only those who could provide the "right" type of home could adopt. Money wasn't so much an issue, but only heterosexual couples could even apply."

It is still that way here in Virginia. The law is that a single person cannot adopt a child and since homosexuals cannot legally get married in the state, they also cannot adopt.

Bob S.

[Boreas]

In this province, single people and same sex couples can adopt. There are some limits in international adoptions, since some countries do not allow singles or same sex couples to adopt.

I get a little frustrated with our child welfare system. I was involved with a report for a child who had been adopted that way. It turned out that I had met this child's sibling. I was aware that this child came from a family with many problems. The adopting family was not given the whole story and they found out after the adoption. That is unethical in my view.

Sadly, even though we are bound by professional codes of ethics, and certain guidelines according to the jurisdiction, social workers' views can get in the way at times.

[Christian]

Bob S. -

Check that. What I understand is that a single person can adopt but two unrelated people cannot adopt. It is called second parent adoption. So, if I am gay and adopt then my husband/wife/partner whatever (of the same gender) can't also adopt. It's an odd rule but it does not forbid gays or lesbians from adopting. It would be important to establish the second parent as a legal guardian until the law is changed.


luv: "I can see that a lot has changed since we adopted a four-year-old boy forty years ago. Back then there was a lot of bias in the system that seems to have been purged now, and only those who could provide the "right" type of home could adopt. Money wasn't so much an issue, but only heterosexual couples could even apply."

It is still that way here in Virginia. The law is that a single person cannot adopt a child and since homosexuals cannot legally get married in the state, they also cannot adopt.

Bob S.

[David77]

I understand that years ago adoption agencies tried to match the physical appearance of children with the appearance of the one adopting. For example, blue eyed blond child with prospective adoptive parent who had blue eyes and blonde hair. That certainly is not the case now.

I know a family who adoped a Korean girl. When this girl became a young teen-ager, she regretfully told her mother that her mother does not look at all like her. Her mother is of Scandanavian ancestry with blond hair. Thus her mother dyed her hair black. Her daughter must have matured in her attitude, as, after a few years, I see that her mother went back to having her original light hair color.

[Bob S.]

Christian, I checked and you are right. Singles can adopt in VA. I would think it is rare, however, for a child to be placed with a single person.

Bob S.

[Naturist Zoar]

November is Adoption Awareness month.
It's great to see so much interest in this endeavor.