How to poop at work

[gamblefish]

Well, this place is getting pretty dull with Stu and Rocket turning every discussion into a "you can't be nude in front of me...so THERE!!!!! Na na, na na, naaaaa na!!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif " thing.

Let's see what they can do with this one:

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2003 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[gamblefish]

Well, this place is getting pretty dull with Stu and Rocket turning every discussion into a "you can't be nude in front of me...so THERE!!!!! Na na, na na, naaaaa na!!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif " thing.

Let's see what they can do with this one:

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2003 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET.
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED.
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY.
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

[hw]

Fish you little stinker! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif ROFLMAO /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif That is just the ticket... ticket to the sandbox! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.giflol
So is a fish bowl and toilet bowl the same thing in your world? /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[stevenf64]

I guess I would be the out of the closet pooper /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif .....and proud of it /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif ....
I was in the army and if I waited till no one was around I would have exploded /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif ....
Steve /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[gamblefish]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Fish you little stinker! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif ROFLMAO /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif That is just the ticket... ticket to the sandbox! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.giflol
So is a fish bowl and toilet bowl the same thing in your world? /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Well, you know...about the fish bowl thing...people have litter boxes (or sand boxes) for their (stupid) cats, outside grassy areas for their dogs...butt what about fish? We get a stupid filter that gets changed maybe twice a year. Maybe. What the hell is that? /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Tell you what, take a glass of water and pee in it.

Now run it through an unchanged aquarium filter.

Now drink it.

What? You don't want to drink filtered urine? Not so appetizing, huh!

[gamblefish]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by stevenf64:
I guess I would be the out of the closet pooper /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif .....and proud of it /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif ....
I was in the army and if I waited till no one was around I would have exploded /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif ....
Steve /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You're a brave man steven!!!!

I'm lucky...if I have to poop I can go home!!

[No Threads]

Might have to hang that post on the stall wall.
And thats the scoop on the poop /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[tarsus]

hey gamblefish
there's this one guy; some of us call him the
"the masterblaster"
you would have be there-be glad you're not.

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gamblefish:
Now drink it.
What? You don't want to drink filtered urine? Not so appetizing, huh! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Ummmmm....Gamblefish....some of the bigger cities already do that! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
Excuse me while I drink in this pure mountain spring water. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[tarsus]

you know i just remembered, here were i live
if the water has 200 parts per million impurites
you can not swim it it,400 parts you can't run a
boat in it.2000 parts and you can still drink it
however. /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif excuse me while i go get a drink of water out of my kids turtle bowl.
kids about all gone; turtle still here;that d**n
turtle gonna outlive us all! he** lets all go
live with gamblefish,i am packing the turtle
now.viva!

[Boreas]

Thanks for the giggle and the refreshing, though smelly break! I feel better already!

You made me think of two former co-workers from long ago. One was an out of the closet pooper...always had to guard against going in after him. The other would warn you by saying it was "hot" in the bathroom. Code for "let the air clear a bit first before going in" Said bathroom was small and unventilated.

Hope your bowl is full of fresh clean water!

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
excuse me while i go get a drink of water out of my kids turtle bowl.
kids about all gone; turtle still here;that d**n
turtle gonna outlive us all! he** lets all go
live with gamblefish,i am packing the turtle
now.viva! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>tarsus...you know how to make a turtle disappear? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif Flush the toilet and the "Turtle" disappear! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
I bet there is plenty of room in the old "Fish Bowl"! The great thing about being a fish is you never have to dress for anything! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[S.M.A.]

Gamblefish, I just want to let you know that you have written some great social satire. As a college student with a part-time job, my sides were splitting by your amusing suggestions.

Sincerely, Other Stu

[hw]

Hey Gamblefish this is one fine, funny, stinky thread. In honor of your poop post I would like to offer the following...BTW are you a G and L kind of guy? /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


The Fart Name List


The Anticipated Fart - This one warns that it is back there waiting for some time before it arrives. A person who is uneasy for a time in a crowd and who later farts at a time when they think no one will notice has farted an Anticipated Fart.

The Back Seat Fart - This is a fart that occurs only in automobiles. It is identified chiefly by odor. The Back Seat Fart can usually be concealed by traffic noise as it is an eased-out fart and not very loud. But its foul odor will give it away, due to the way air moves around in a car. It is often followed by someone saying, "Who farted in the back seat?"

The Barn Owl Fart - A familiarity with owl calls is helpful in identifying this fart. Almost any morning if you get up just before daybreak you can hear one of these birds talking to himself. It's a sort of a crazy laugh, particularly the way it ends. If you hear a fart that has about eight notes in it, ending on a couple of down notes, and it sounds maniacal, you have heard the rare Barn Owl Fart.

The Bullet Fart - Its single and most pronounced diagnostic characteristic is its sound. It sounds like a rifle shot. The farter can be said to have snapped it off. It can startle spectators and farter alike. Fairly common following the eating of the more common fart foods, such as beans.

The Command Fart - This fart differs from the Anticipated Fart in that it can be held for long periods of time waiting for the right moment. Unlike the Anticipated Fart, it is intended to be noticed. Harold Tabor recently held a Command Fart for the whole period in history class and let it go right at the end when the teacher asked if there were any questions.

The Common Fart - This fart needs little description. It is to the world of farts what the house sparrow is to the world of birds. I can see no point in describing this far any further.

The Cushioned Fart - A concealed fart, sometimes successful. The farter is usually on the fat side, sometimes a girl. They will squirm and push their butt way down into the cushions of a sofa or over-stuffed chair and ease-out a fart very carefully without moving then or for some time after. Some odor may escape, but usually not much. Common with some people.

The Dud Fart - The Dud Fart is not really a fart at all. It's a fart that fails. For this reason it is strictly a group one identification fart, because there is no real way you can identify a fart that somebody else expected to fart but didn't. It is the most private of all farts. In most cases the farter usually feels a little disappointed.

The Echo Fart - This is a fart that can be wrongly identified. It is not some great loud fart in an empty gym or on the rim of the Grand Canyon. The true Echo Fart is a fart that makes its own echo. It is a two-toned fart, the first tone loud, then a pause, and then the second tone. Like an echo.

The G and L Fart - This is one of the most ordinary and pedestrian of farts, known to everyone. Certainly it is the least gross. If you have not already guessed, G and L stands for Gambled and Lost. One of the most embarrassing of all farts, even when you are alone.

The Ghost Fart - A doubtful fart in most cases, as it is supposed to be identified by odor alone and to occur, for instance, in an empty house. You enter and smell a fart, yet no one is there. People will insist that only a fart could have that odor, but some believe it is just something that happens to smell like a fart.

The Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart - This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, oh my," or "Well, well." There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.

The Jerk Fart - The Jerk Fart is a fart by a jerk who smirks, smiles, grins, and points to himself in case you missed it. It is usually a single-noted, off-key, fading away, sort of whistle fart, altogether pitiful, but the jerk will act as if he has just farted the Biggest Fart in the World Fart.

The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.

The Lead Fart - The heaviest of all farts. It sounds like a dropped ripe watermelon. Or a falling body in some cases. It is the only fart that goes thud. Except for the odor, which is also very heavy, it could be missed altogether as a fart. What was that, you might think? And never guess.

The Malted Milk Ball Fart - Odor alone is diagnostic and positively identifies this fart. It smells exactly like malted milk balls. No other food works this way. It is rare.

The Oh My God Fart - This is the most awful and dreadful stinking of all farts - a fart that smells like a month-old rotten egg - as the Oh My God Fart. If you should ever encounter it, however, you may first want to say, oh sh*t, which would be understandable.

The Omen Fart - This is the adult version of the Poo-Poo Fart. About the only difference is that the farter will not say anything. He will just look kind of funny and head for the john. This one is easy to spot if you pay attention.

The Organic Fart - Sometimes called the Health Food Nut Fart. The person who farts an Organic Fart may be talking about the healthy food he eats even when he farts. If he is heavily into health foods he may even ask if you noticed how good and pure and healthy his fart smells. It may smell to you like any other fart, but there is no harm in agreeing with him. He is doing what he thinks is best.

The Quiver Fart - A group one identification fart only. When you fart, it quivers. If it tickles, then it is the Tickle Fart. If you have to scratch it, then it is the Scratcha*s Fart.

The Rambling Phaduka Fart - You must not be fooled by its pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for at least fifteen seconds.

The Relief Fart - Sound or odor don't matter on this one. What matters is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted. Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief." Very common.

The Reluctant Fart - This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.

The Rusty Gate Fart - The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.

The S.B.D. Fart - S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.

The Sandpaper Fart - This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratcha*s Fart. Common.

The Skillsaw Fart - A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter. Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric skillsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very impressive. Not too common.

The Sonic Boom Fart - The people who believe in this fart claim it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows. This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or blow his crazy head off.

The Splatter Fart - Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.

The Stutter Fart - If you think stuttering is funny, this is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going. The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out fart that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.

The Taco Bell Fart - The Taco Bell Fart is far richer and full-bodied than your ordinary Junk Fart and takes longer to build up. Sometimes hours or even a day. But it will get there. And it will hang around after, too. Even on a windy day.

The Teflon Fart - Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind is right he will never know.

The Thank God I'm Alone Fart - Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say, "Thank God I'm alone." Then you get out of there fast!

The Tickle Fart - A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[gamblefish]

Alas "other Stu"...I cannot take credit for what was written. 'Twas merely a copy and paste job like this one:

How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom:

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.


Hey, at least I stayed on topic...

[gamblefish]

Yes, hw, I am a G and L kinda guy...heck, I have been guilty of every one of these at one time or another...even the Hic-Hachoo old lady fart!!

At work we play a game called "Guess What I Had For Dinner Last Night.". Can y'all guess how this is played??

Hey, what's that smell?? hw, did you have lasagna for dinner??

[hw]

Gee Fish... I'm not sure what I had for dinner... oh wait a minute...the voices are saying it's not dinner time yet! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif This is the west coast you know. Butt tonight it's burritos... all the way...to the toilet! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Did I stay off topic enough for you? /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[barelybob]

Here I sit, so brokenhearted. I came to sh*t, but only farted. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[threadbare]

Beans Beans
-Good for your heart
The more you eat
The more you fart

The more you fart
The better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[roadrambler2]

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Suntied]

This is a very stinky post. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif If I were an athlete, I supose it would remind me of running whilst nude... You know, NUDE RUNS! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Nudity Rules
/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Suntied /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[EricNY]

Nude Runs????I don't get it....Hee /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Dave M.]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by THREADBEAR:
Beans Beans
-Good for your heart
The more you eat
The more you fart

The more you fart
The better you feel
So eat your beans at every meal /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I feel better now- more beans PLEASE!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[barelybob]

Suntied and ercNY, haven't seen you guys for awhile. Please don't start "running" with this one again. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[nudeM]

I know everyone has at one time or another heard farts, but being around nudists, has anyone actually "seen" a fart? /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[shãybare]

I've seen several "old" farts hanging around both dressed and undressed.

[fred950]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nudeM:
I know everyone has at one time or another heard farts, but being around nudists, has anyone actually "seen" a fart? /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Does the time a drunk college roomate held up a cigarette lighter and farted into it...creating a jet of flame... count?

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nudeM:
I know everyone has at one time or another heard farts, but being around nudists, has anyone actually "seen" a fart? /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>nudeM don't tell me you forgot about your home videos. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Next time you Bare-B-Que please remember these! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=33

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=579

[tarsus]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shaybare:
I've seen several "old" farts hanging around both dressed and undressed. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>please i am not old! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Suntied:
This is a very stinky post. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif If I were an athlete, I supose it would remind me of running whilst nude... You know, NUDE RUNS! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Nudity Rules
/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Suntied /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hey Suntied....you mean like this?
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://send.greetings.yahoo.com/greet/send?.id=152038320&.catu=/browse/Any_Occasion/Humor/

[Dave M.]

HW- Great link! We can only hope thats what Suntied means----if not oh my /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif --- /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Hi All...Speaking of "Old Farts"...just got back from 4 days in the Sierra...4 inches of new snow... Thanks for all the ...Humor?... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb

[shãybare]

HW really funny one but if I had been in the race, He would have had to settle for the baton, If you get my drift.

And speaking of drifts, ODB, Stay away from snow. Cold has a tendency to make things shrink. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dave M.:
HW- Great link! We can only hope thats what Suntied means----if not oh my /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif --- /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Of course that is what Suntied meant Dave M. Living in the cold of O-My-O does tend to make Nude Runners want to hold on to that baton for dear life! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Odie buddy...nice to see ya hangin around! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Dave M.]

HW-OH what a relief that is /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif I feel better now-and I did't eat beans /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
The John Fart - The John Fart is simply any ordinary fart farted on the john. It is naturally a group one identification, with the sound, whatever it was, somewhat muffled. If it is all the person's trip to the john amounted to he will be disappointed for sure. Common as pigeons.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It's been my experience that this event, "fart" from being muffled, is the most resonant of "windbreaks." After all, water and hard surfaces reflect and amplify sound very well despite the body covering the john. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

One belch said to another, "Shall we be a pair of stinkers and go out the back door?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

And let's not forget the favorite musical instrument of P.D.Q. Bach, the last and least of the great Johann Sebastian's sons: the windbreaker. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[threadbare]

Get your tomatoes ready......

I always heard that-----"It's much better to burp and taste it, than to fart and waste it" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

as he says ducking and running for cover /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[hw]

THREAD....quick, duck, incoming! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


One evening, a very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine
restaurant patiently awaiting her date.

While waiting, she decided to make sure that she looked perfect
for him. So the young lady bends down in her chair in order to
get a mirror from her purse. Then just as the waiter walks up,
she accidentally farts quite loudly.

The lady immediately sat up straight, embarrassed and red faced,
sure that everyone in the place had heard her. Quickly she turns
to the waiter and demands, "Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady. Which way
was it headed?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[TXK NUDE]

Darn, forgot what I was going to post! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[Suntied]

You were going to say, "Why burp and taste it when you can share it with a friend?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

That was me... I did that one... ah, come on, roll the windows back up! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Suntied:
You were going to say, "Why burp and taste it when you can share it with a friend?" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
That was me... I did that one... ah, come on, roll the windows back up! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hey Suntied that is just cruel and unusual punishment! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Remember he who smelt it dealt it! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[missouriboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
THREAD....quick, duck, incoming! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Is a quick duck faster than a rapid rabbit? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Dave M.]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Remember he who smelt it dealt it! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>?????? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif OH !! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif I don't smell anything /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[BrianM]

here are some more, if you didn't find them at the stupidvideo site
http://www.stupidvideos.com/?videoID=94
http://www.stupidvideos.com/?videoID=16

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
THREAD....quick, duck, incoming! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yep, those threads can really damage one's psyche.

[shãybare]

I don't understand those threads because I'm not STUPID!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
[/qb]Is a quick duck faster than a rapid rabbit? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif [/QB] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>MOboy you are one funny bunny! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Dave M. can you smell it now? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

The MOle

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived
in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm,
I smell sausage."

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said
"Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but
couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Molasses"....Arrrrrggggghhhhh /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb

[missouriboy]

The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."
Mel Tillis sez he got a whoopin' fer tellin that joke in church when he wuz a boy!

And he's one funny bunny, honey!

[shãybare]

That just goes to prove that old jokes never die, they just get spread around. Hope your manure enough to undertand.

[Dave M.]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:

Dave M. can you smell it now? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif NO /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif but i need some FRESH air /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>The MOle

There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived
in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm,
I smell sausage."

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said
"Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but
couldn't because of the two bigger moles.

The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif [/QB] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>HW- Would you pancake with your molasses /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Eat-up enjoy!!

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dave M.:
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>HW- Would you pancake with your molasses /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Eat-up enjoy!!

No, butt I wood relish some ketchup on a hot-dog. Got Ball-Park? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif (Is this another in-cider joke?) /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

All right, all right! I'll ketchup as soon as I've mustard my de-fences.

[hw]

Hey Joke-anon! Ketchup this one! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


A woman`s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes
won`t ripen. There`s a limit to the number of uses for green
tomatoes and she`s getting tired of it. So she goes to her
neighbor and says, "Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What
can I do about it?"

Her neighbor replies, "Well, it may sound absurd but here`s what
to do. Tonight there`s no moon. After dark go out into your
garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the
dark and they`ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they`ll
all be red, you`ll see." /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how
it worked.

"So-so," she answers. "The tomatoes are still green but the
cucumbers are all four inches longer."
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Hey Joke-anon! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Aaaaack! It sounds as if I'm a self-help group for bad comics!

"Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you..." Ooooops, gotta "take off" now!

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
"Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you..." Ooooops, gotta "take off" now! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sorry Joke buddy...didn't mean to make you blush or embareask you in any way. /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif Butt I gotta ask you this: As a nudist, what do you have to take off? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
Another thing, do you encumber the cucumber by hiding it in a pocket? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
"Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you..." Ooooops, gotta "take off" now! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sorry Joke buddy...didn't mean to make you blush or embareask you in any way. /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Don't you mean "em-bare-***"? And actually, I do that to myself more than anyone else does it to me.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Butt I gotta ask you this: As a nudist, what do you have to take off? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Maybe I should have just "turned tail."

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Another thing, do you encumber the cucumber by hiding it in a pocket? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I really don't know either; I haven't hid any cucumbers in my pockets for a while.

Well, I'm really in a hole, so I'd better stop digging! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[nude in wheelchair]

About the fart topic there one fart I won't forget is the UNDERWATER fart: that when u can see a fart and u don't smell anything.


P.S. bartumas I have changed email address I tried to emaail you guys about but it bounce back to me.

[missouriboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
"Is that a cucumber in your pocket or are you..." Ooooops, gotta "take off" now! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>"...egg in your pants..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

-- "Ahhh, Do You Remember These?" - Statler Brothers

[missouriboy]

And don't forget the one about the 'ethnic' /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif who tried to impress all the gals at the beach by placing a potato in his swim trunks.

His wife said, "Dear, I think it's supposed to be in the front."

[barelybob]

Proof positive that nudity = honesty! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nude in wheelchair:
About the fart topic there one fart I won't forget is the UNDERWATER fart: that when u can see a fart and u don't smell anything.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>nudeM calls those kinds of farts Bubble Baths. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


Moboy was it you who tried the potato trick? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[missouriboy]

nudeM calls those kinds of farts Bubble Baths. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Yeah. In the Ozarks, navy beans are labeled "Hillbilly Bubble Bath." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif


Moboy was it you who tried the potato trick? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Potato trick? Moi? Naw, all I dared was a large peanut and a couple o' grapes! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

In honor of the return of my good friend Gamblefish to the BB's, I'd like to get this topic Flushing again. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

The Poop Name List


The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. It could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do!

The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.

The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like h*ll have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly

The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors

The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in

The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?

The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a sh*t in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper cup.

The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.

The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.

Ghost Poopie
The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie
The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie
The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie
The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie
The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie
The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie
The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Drinker Poopie
The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Corn Poopie
(Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie
The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie
That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.



Jalapeno Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie
The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie
You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie
This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Fisherman's Bobber Poopie
You are in a public restroom with two people waiting on your stall, you poopie and flush two times, but several golfball pieces are still floating above the water line.

/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[fred950]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
In honor of the return of my good friend Gamblefish to the BB's, I'd like to get this topic Flushing again. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

The Poop Name List

Jalapeno Poopie
The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.


/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I always thought that was the hangover from a Jalapeno and Tabasco cocktail. You swear your a** is on fire.

[missouriboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fred950:
I always thought that was the hangover from a Jalapeno and Tabasco cocktail. You swear your a** is on fire. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Q. How does a Mexican know when he's hungry?
A. When his *** stops burning. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>NOT a problem after you realize the stupid phone can be ignored just as well as the stupid television! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>NOT a problem after you realize the stupid phone can be ignored just as well as the stupid television! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Right! What's voice mail for, anyway?
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Right! What's voice mail for, anyway? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Me and my voices? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[fred950]

any one notice not one mention of the complactions of farts and dumps when two old friends (or is that fiends?) come to visit? I am referring to Hemma n'Roid. You know it's serious when you become ranked consumers of Preperation H. When your reaction to a Tuck's pad is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. when you openly talk of using suppositorys and suddenly you're all alone in the room. /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fred950:
I am referring to Hemma n'Roid. [/QB] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Fred you keep me in stitches! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
How do you Hemma Roid? Do you use silly string, and what is the look for this year? Do you Hem it up 2 inches or down 2 inches? Maybe it's voiceversa. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

The old folks no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and Says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says" Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressures on the old man. He refuses to get beat by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, "What the hell was that?" The old man says, "Half time, switch sides." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Hmmm...He must have been named Balaam. (Who, as readers of the King James Bible know, was rebuked by his *** speaking.)

[stevenf64]

I think that this topic is running out of GAS....