Have you ever asked a dumb question before you could stop yourself?

[eagle59]

I have, and I know that as soon as I open my mouth that I should stop talking, but it seems as though sometimes my mouth has a mind of its own. I bet these Lawyers wished they had thought before they spoke.

I hope that I do not offend anyone here, but this was too funny to not pass on. Enjoy!


> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the
> moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually
> active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does
> it affect your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it
> affect your memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us
> an example of something you forgot?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter
> has ever been involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
> that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know
> about it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar
> exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
> twenty-year-ol d, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like
> your IQ.
>
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
> picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you ****ting me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of
> the baby) was August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at
> that time?
> WITNESS: getting laid
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children,
> right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a
> different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
> terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
> terminated?
> WITN ESS: Take a guess.
>
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
> individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and
> had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town
> I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this
> morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I
> go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
> autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put
> up too much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be
> oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> _________________________________
> ________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
> you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around
> 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
> the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
> finished.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a
> urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that
> question?
> ______________________________________
>
> And the best for last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed
> the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
> pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that
> the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
> Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
> on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but c ould the patient
> have still been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he
> could have been alive and practicing law!

[Journeyman]

LOL - good stuff! Thanks for posting.

[atalanta]

Love it. I go with the guy who says "Can I get a new attorney?"

[mel3652]

Thanks, I needed that.

[enertronik]

funny stuff, thanks for that.

"can you give us an example of something you forgot?" ha ha

[Fitz1980]

I like one that my Dad said some years ago. This was before cell phones were ubiquidious, back when you could usually always count on someone's phone number being a house line. My Mom got her weekends mixed up and didn't realize she was supposed to be at work one morning. Her supervisor calls the house and says "Lois, where are you?" Of course Dad's answer is "let's analyze that question, she calls the house, gets [my Mom] on the phone and says 'where are you;' I'm going to go with AT THE HOUSE on this one."

[sunfisher]

OK. That was toooo funny. I know of a certain comedian that would a field day with this. "Here's your sign" The inmates are running the asylum which explains why our judicial system is such a mess. Whatever happened to common sense?? Ooops! I forgot that they don't teach that in school anymore.

Gene

[stellaf]

I like all the jokes mostly the last one. The witness of the last joke was very funny. I like the last line when he said that I am so sure that the patient was not alive, because his brain was sitting on my table that's sounds funny. It is such a good stuff. Thank you so much for posting.
Stella
Travel Deals (http://www.vacationtraveldeals.org)

[Yuppers]

Absolutely hilarious!:laugh: