Ask Laskas--parent/child showers

[Bob S.]

In the March 2009 edition of the Reader's Digest, they have an advice column called Ask Laskas (by Jeanne Marie Laskas). This month, she fielded a question from a very uptight and just plain rude grandmother who feels that an entire nation is amoral based on the actions of her son-in-law. Read it and you'll understand.

My nine-year-old grandson still takes showers with his dad. They live with my daughter, in Sweden. It may be fine over there, but not here in America. How do I say nicely that America is a moral country, and we do not condone people taking shower together over here?---Wet Granny.

Dear Granny,
Well, I'd prefer that a nine-year-old shower alone as well, but it's up to his parents to make these decisions--not his grandmother or an advice columnist. As long as there are no other suspicions, it might be best to remember that Sweden is also a moral country, and unusual customs are not necessarily wicked.

I would have leaned a bit more into that grandmother if I were the advice columnist. That the grandmother is so ignorant to actually believe that parents and children do not shower together in her home country is bad enough, but to condemn an entire nation based on the actions of one man is horrendous. This isn't even a moral question, it can be one of convenience.

it looks like we have another columnist who is at least not hostile to nudism and at best, friendly.

Bob S.

[Yuppers]

It's like hearing someone start off their sentence with; "I'm a Christian, blah blah blah", only to speak words with venom and a false superior morality as they break go against their teachings.

[Pete Knight]

I loved the part where granny said "It might be fine over there" then went on to ask how she could stop what was fine over there.

How does this old bag think she has any right to dictate how a family lives anyway, typical of many mother-in-laws, including mine sadly.

Pete Knight

[NudonyII]

Am I the only one who thought: "Dana Carvey"?

[Centauri4]

In the March 2009 edition of the Reader's Digest, they have an advice column called Ask Laskas (by Jeanne Marie Laskas). ~{snip}~

My nine-year-old grandson still takes showers with his dad. They live with my daughter, in Sweden. It may be fine over there, but not here in America. How do I say nicely that America is a moral country, and we do not condone people taking shower together over here?---Wet Granny.


America has many things we can be proud of and point to as leading examples of life, society and understanding, and sadly this Granny is NOT one of them.

Any time a society believes it has "Found the answer" to peace and harmony or holds up a "value" as being irrefutable, trouble is just around the corner! The worst examples of our imperfect belief systems and (even) economic models are the "return on investment" we get out of them and there are CLEARLY problems with America in both these regards.

I cannot stomach the idea that MY retirement funds live in someone else's pocket with the risk of being stolen and think there HAS TO BE a better way to show that accountability of this money. I want to be able to log in to a institution's website and see evidence of the executive decisions they made that will direct the money invested into various projects; and these need not be secret AFTER the money is invested. Yes, companies have the right to plan strategies and execute the plan they think is best, but after execution it is like the "dice have been thrown" and we know they are committed. So recealing where the money IS being spent does not pose a threat to their financial success or failure.

Granny has demonstrated she believes something is "improper" and yet offers no evidence for what would be better? Perhaps father and son have a strong, supportive and self-confident relationship as well as a level of trust not found anywhere else! (like between grandson and grandmother?) So rather than point out what she believes is wrong with the practice of communal showering, granny needs to work on communicating directly with her grandson and trying to share her values with him; not writing to some anonymous columnist in hopes of personal vindication of her convictions.

She most likely lacks the ability to articulate her beliefs in a thoughtful and convincing way in a letter to her grandchild, so in order to support herself she writes to some third-party for support of an idea she has committed to believing. To this I say, "good grief!"

When little children disappear from among us... When parents fail utterly and tragically... (little girl Anthony) When financial institutions betray a "public trust"... And when businesses prove beyond a shadow of a doubt they were mismanaged or unsustainable... (auto manufacturing) ...then it is time for "real" change!

~

[G I Joe]

Dear Granny: I have nothing to say. I can't fix "stupid." Go take a COLD shower!

[eagle59]

At least the boy is taking showers! I know when my boys were 9 they hated to take a bath or a shower. It was like they suddenly became cats and they were repeled by water! I think Granny needs to go down to the senior center and find someone she can take a shower with!

[walter05]

I am often with my son at various locker rooms, etc. We shower together often. There are often other males of various ages as well.

There will come a time when my son has someone else try and tell him what he should do sexually. I want him to identify with me and be unembarrassed so he will ask me.

I think showering together in these settings makes it clear that we should not be ashamed of our bodies. It also makes it clear that we are both male. If he wants to know what older males should do, I want him to be able to ask me.

Walter

[richinoregon]

Granny probably would be horrified if she discovered that at a pool or gym her grandson along with her son-in-law were showering with other men!

[shaneone]

Alright granny, time for your pills I think.
Lots of kids shower with their parents! Who cares, no biggie

[Paniga]

so good old granny is saying that the states is the only moral country in the world also? Or am I miskaken about that

[Mike2Nude]

... How do I say nicely that America is a moral country, and we do not condone people taking shower together over here?---Wet Granny....



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, maybe a somewhat moral country.

[Ken Palmer]

It seems like this is a person who obviously doesn't believe in children showering with their parents and that's her preference if she chooses. Up until I was about six or seven years old, I used to shower with my dad. I was not uncomfortable with that at all. But at that age, who is? Unless it is pointed out to them in some way, most children don't think about the sexual implications because they are too young to understand it anyway. To most children that age, nudity is natural to them to begin with. If you look it at from a certain point of view, it is quite possible that she may have been raised in a very religious background where being naked around other family members is forbidden or taboo. If this is the case, then I understand quite well because I myself was raised in that manner. But keep in mind that this is mere speculation. Another possible angle here is some grandparents have the idea that a child may become adversely affected or even obsessed with nudity or sex at the sight of another naked person, adult or child. If this point is a bit too far fetched, my apologies. But I have actually had people tell me this, believe it or not!

I do understand how much grandparents can be concerned about the welfare of their grandkids. But as the columnist mentioned, it is the parents who have the final say-so as long as nothing illegal or immoral is being done.

Ken Palmer








In the March 2009 edition of the Reader's Digest, they have an advice column called Ask Laskas (by Jeanne Marie Laskas). This month, she fielded a question from a very uptight and just plain rude grandmother who feels that an entire nation is amoral based on the actions of her son-in-law. Read it and you'll understand.

My nine-year-old grandson still takes showers with his dad. They live with my daughter, in Sweden. It may be fine over there, but not here in America. How do I say nicely that America is a moral country, and we do not condone people taking shower together over here?---Wet Granny.

Dear Granny,
Well, I'd prefer that a nine-year-old shower alone as well, but it's up to his parents to make these decisions--not his grandmother or an advice columnist. As long as there are no other suspicions, it might be best to remember that Sweden is also a moral country, and unusual customs are not necessarily wicked.

I would have leaned a bit more into that grandmother if I were the advice columnist. That the grandmother is so ignorant to actually believe that parents and children do not shower together in her home country is bad enough, but to condemn an entire nation based on the actions of one man is horrendous. This isn't even a moral question, it can be one of convenience.

it looks like we have another columnist who is at least not hostile to nudism and at best, friendly.

Bob S.

[walter05]

I was raised in a religious environment.

During the summer, we would go to the center for swimming. My father, brother, and I often showered after swimming. The showers were open. We did this from the earliest age on. I never thought anything of it.

However, I do remember being 15 when some friends were pressuring me into going to a place in Savannah we used to call the cliffs. It was not really the cliffs but an area near where a road with bridges connected the Isle of Hope area with Skidaway Island. (Near the bridge over the Moon River that the famous Johhny Mercer song was written about.)

It was known, or at least believed by all teen boys, that if one brought alcohol, one could get to have sex with as many girls as possible.

I was able to talk to my father. They were not. When I started growing pubic hair and developing, I thought I was developing into an adult like my father. I remember that I was able to discuss sexual matters with him without any shame. After all we had seen each others' genitals and knew what they were for. I think that being able to talk to him helped keep me out of trouble.

I think if more kids grew up with the knowledge that their parents have sexual organs and are sexual, that would be positive. Also knowing that the parents know the kids have sexual organs and are sexual makes it easier to discuss.

Now as a father of two boys, I am hoping that when they are teen agers, I can help them the same way. My 8 year old already asks some very direct questions.

I am very religious. There is nothing about being religious that excuses that granny's views.

Walter

[Bob S.]

Nudony: "Am I the only one who thought: "Dana Carvey"?"

:laugh: It would had she mentioned, oh, I don't know, Satan!

Centauri: "America has many things we can be proud of and point to as leading examples of life, society and understanding, and sadly this Granny is NOT one of them."

I agree Centauri. She is not moral, she is judgmental against anything she doesn't agree with. She acknowledges that it may be fine where her daughter and son-in-law lives, but she still doesn't agree with it so she insinuates that the whole of society is amoral, not that she could be in error.

eagle: "At least the boy is taking showers! I know when my boys were 9 they hated to take a bath or a shower"

eagle, I remember when I was around that age, I also didn't like showers or bathing. I reluctantly did it, but would cut corners and would quickly later up and get it over with, sometimes just wetting my hair without washing it.

I wonder what the grandmother thinks of family saunas in Sweden.

Bob S.

[Kari P]

I wonder what the grandmother thinks of family saunas in Sweden.


Or in Finland where they are more common.

Yes, there are very many saunas in Sweden, too, and sauna equipment manufacturers coming from Sweden in the international market.

[threadbare]

Frequently on Sunday mornings or when time is short we will do "assembly line" baths. Either my wife or I will start with one of the girls ( 5 & 7 ), scrub her down & themselves, swap kids, parent on outside dries, flowers (powder) & dress kid #1. Then parent #2 trades with #1 & kid #2. When all is scrubbed & done all four of us are dressed and ready in under 40 minutes.

[Simon-new]

I am a Christian, and I fully understand that sin entered the World after Adam & Eva where naked. So, being nude, must not be sinful.

If being opened to nudity in the household leads to a more open relationship with my children in the future, I am all for it.

It would be nice if my children would understand the difference between being nude and being lude.

my children mostly just take baths, because the shower is in the basement. I have shown them where it is and how to turn it on.

I also understand that when Jesus, and the disciples bathed in the river, they probably didn't have clothes on for that.

So, just because someone is a Christian does not mean that we are all prudes.

That is my two cents!

[Nude in the North]

"So, just because someone is a Christian does not mean that we are all prudes."

Amen to that!

Granny's problem has nothing to do with being a Christian. It's just an excuse that some use when they only listen to ignorant people when developing their opinions.

Morals are not exclusive to Christians or any other group of people.

Personally, I believe the most Immoral thing a person can do is to judge others.

[sbt7879]

This father out to be commended; he is teaching his son than an unclothed human body is natural. He is instilling in his son that nudity should not be equated with sex; you can do everyday activities without the need for clothes. This way when the son runs into a situation where there is social nudity like a locker room, he won't freak out. I think it would help even more if the mother would be around her son nude as well; this way he would be used to what a woman looks like as well. A good working example of a family being nude around each other is Demi Moore and her children; her and Bruce Willis were nude around their children and the kids don't seem to be perverted in anyway.

[Naturist Mark]

"So, just because someone is a Christian does not mean that we are all prudes."

Amen to that!

Granny's problem has nothing to do with being a Christian.

I took showers with my dad up to age 7 or 8 - until I became old enough to start taking them on my own. - Did I ever mention that my dad was a minister? And a pretty good one too.

-Mark

[Nude in the North]

I took showers with my dad up to age 7 or 8 - until I became old enough to start taking them on my own. - Did I ever mention that my dad was a minister? And a pretty good one too.

-Mark

See. Mark was raised by a christian preacher , and look how good he turned out.
He's even got 3 green dots by his name.

[Naturist Mark]

See. Mark was raised by a christian preacher , and look how good he turned out.
He's even got 3 green dots by his name.

lol - Why do I get the feeling the Church just took a hit?

Nonetheless - I'm not claiming I turned out so perfectly - It's perfectly obvious to everyone here that I'm not quite - um - ordinary ... but I am saying that my shower sharing old man was perfectly respectable. And so I suspect is the dad in the original post.

-Mark

[Danee]

She obviously has never heard of the positive attributes of buddy showers! Saves water, saves time, is a social time and makes sense! Poor Gramma!

[naturalmanwa]

I agree, poor Gramma. However, it is not too late for her to learn something new and she may even enjoy it! I think Gramma needs to get naked and try it with someone and find out.

[DJ Leo]

"So, just because someone is a Christian does not mean that we are all prudes."

Amen to that!

Granny's problem has nothing to do with being a Christian. It's just an excuse that some use when they only listen to ignorant people when developing their opinions.

Morals are not exclusive to Christians or any other group of people.

Personally, I believe the most Immoral thing a person can do is to judge others.

Amen to that brother........ Don't judge unless ye be judged says it in the bible. I personally don't pass judgment on anyone not even those who don't understand what nudity is all about. If they don't like the way that I look, then don't look at me! :)

[Running Bear]

...Don't judge unless ye be judged ...
I agree that one should not judge another similar to the "do not judge until you have walked in his moccasins". People may have a different viewpoint because they have had a different world experience than you.
Now I have a problem. If we accept the idea of "do not judge". How do we deal with criminals? I could see we study the criminals motives, life style etc and the Judge makes an informed decision ie he does try to walk in the moccasins. But one man then still judges.

[Aardvark]

It's actually "Don't judge or you will be judged by the same measure." Jesus was saying that when we make judgments (as we must do in day-to-day life), just be sure that you're looking at yourself as well. In acknowledging the problems in our own lives, we are better able to come together to work through them.