Why Am I Afraid to Be Naked?

[NakedGary]

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Why Am I Afraid to Be Naked? (http://bartsystems.wordpress.com/2009/02/22/why-am-i-afraid-to-be-naked/)

22 02 2009

Help! I’m afraid to be seen naked

By Rich Santos

http://blstb.msn.com/i/70/3E1F5325C77F0D1856ED562284E.jpg

His Dating Diary: Why Am I Afraid to Be Naked?

He has real anxieties about being naked, even in front of a woman he’s developing a relationship with. Could this be tied to his fear of commitment?


More from Marie Claire


I have a major problem: I hate myself when I’m naked..

One time I was lying in bed, naked, chatting with a girl. During our conversation, she asked me to get up and turn on the light. Five main problems with this request:

1. I was naked.
2. I would have to get out from under the covers to turn on the light, thus exposing my nakedness.
3. Once the light was on, I’d be visible.
4. I was naked.
5. I was

naked.

Overridden with anxiety I mustered: “I can’t do that. I’m … naked.” She couldn’t believe her ears.

I wondered why

she
couldn’t just be the one to turn on the light. No one, including her, would argue that she looks better naked than I do. So, she should be the one to get out of the bed — naked — and turn on the lights — naked — so I could see her…naked.

I’ve clammed up in the face of nakedness much like the sad “light switch” story many times.

I’ve had a lot of opportunities to skinny-dip with people over the years, but I’ve always shied away.

Logic dictates that I should be able to pinpoint something about my naked body that I wish I could improve.

But I don’t need more muscles. I am aware that most women don’t want me to look like Fabio. I don’t have any hair on my back. I’m lucky. Believe me, if I did have hair on my back, I’d be man-scaping that on a regular basis. I don’t like my beer gut, but luckily women are not so shallow as to expect my abs to be perfect. And I’m going on a diet soon anyway … promise!

So why do I hate my naked body?

Perhaps it is because naked men are gross, so I feel gross. Can any of you out there tell me that you honestly believe that a man’s naked body looks better than a woman’s naked body? Sometimes I wonder how women can even bring themselves to get close to our male bodies.

Lately, the gym has been a traumatic experience for me. Want to find a place where men are not afraid to be naked? Take a stroll through the men’s locker room.

Why do these guys love being naked so much? They just don’t care. And the scary thing is the older the men are, the less they care about being naked in the locker room. There’s nothing worse than when I lean down to get my stuff out of my locker and I’m greeted by nudity to my right and to my left. All through high school, I never once got naked in the locker room — I guess I’m afraid to be naked in front of my buddies too.

OK, I’ll admit Michelangelo’s “David” looks pretty good naked, but he’s made of marble. Plus, he gets a lot of press. Maybe I’ve just been brainwashed to think he looks good.

So, my fear of being naked must be more psychological than physical. I know I don’t look that bad in comparison to the “specimens” that let it all hang out in the locker room at my gym, or anyone else for that matter. If I’m with a girl who is into me, I probably shouldn’t be worried that she thinks I look foul to her when naked — but isn’t this a natural fear?

When you are naked, you are completely vulnerable to that other person who is looking at you. I don’t understand why these guys at the gym don’t mind being that open to me when I can’t even open myself up to a girl I’m getting closer to.

In reality, they are just naked because what they are doing (showering/changing) requires nakedness. But everything I do with a girl has some sort of emotional symbolism, unfortunately. Therefore, my fear may be another form of my aversion to getting close to someone. Getting naked with someone is giving yourself up to them in a way. Maybe I should just give up and get naked when I’m required to and deal with it.

Rich Santos finds charm in stupidity and campiness in movies, celebs and life. He currently resides in New YorkCity where some day he hopes to fall in love. Until then, he is happy to share his failures and successes with the readers of

Marie Claire.

Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

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Being Naked (http://en.wordpress.com/tag/being-naked/)

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[Boreas]

Man, this would be so much easier to read with paragraphs and such. The way it is in the article.

[luvnaturism]

Man, this would be so much easier to read with paragraphs and such. The way it is in the article.

Agreed. I gave up after the second line. Punctuation, paragraph spacing, etc.: they all exist for good reasons.

[Boreas]

Agreed. I gave up after the second line. Punctuation, paragraph spacing, etc.: they all exist for good reasons.

Thank goodness it was not just me. I frankly do not have the time, energy or incination to read things that are poorly punctuated etc. It is just too tiring. :freak: (and it hurts my aging eyes!)

[NudonyII]

I couldn't read it either. So I re-copy/pasted it.

He has real anxieties about being naked, even in front of a woman he's developing a relationship with. Could this be tied to his fear of commitment?

I have a major problem: I hate myself when I'm naked.

One time I was lying in bed, naked, chatting with a girl. During our conversation, she asked me to get up and turn on the light. Five main problems with this request:

1. I was naked.
2. I would have to get out from under the covers to turn on the light, thus exposing my nakedness.
3. Once the light was on, I'd be visible.
4. I was naked.
5. I was naked.

Overridden with anxiety I mustered: "I can't do that. I'm ... naked." She couldn't believe her ears.

I wondered why she couldn't just be the one to turn on the light. No one, including her, would argue that she looks better naked than I do. So, she should be the one to get out of the bed — naked — and turn on the lights — naked — so I could see her...naked.

I've clammed up in the face of nakedness much like the sad "light switch" story many times.

I've had a lot of opportunities to skinny-dip with people over the years, but I've always shied away.

Logic dictates that I should be able to pinpoint something about my naked body that I wish I could improve.

But I don't need more muscles. I am aware that most women don't want me to look like Fabio. I don't have any hair on my back. I'm lucky. Believe me, if I did have hair on my back, I'd be man-scaping that on a regular basis. I don't like my beer gut, but luckily women are not so shallow as to expect my abs to be perfect. And I'm going on a diet soon anyway ... promise!

So why do I hate my naked body?

Perhaps it is because naked men are gross, so I feel gross. Can any of you out there tell me that you honestly believe that a man's naked body looks better than a woman's naked body? Sometimes I wonder how women can even bring themselves to get close to our male bodies.

Lately, the gym has been a traumatic experience for me. Want to find a place where men are not afraid to be naked? Take a stroll through the men's locker room.

Why do these guys love being naked so much? They just don't care. And the scary thing is the older the men are, the less they care about being naked in the locker room. There's nothing worse than when I lean down to get my stuff out of my locker and I'm greeted by nudity to my right and to my left. All through high school, I never once got naked in the locker room — I guess I'm afraid to be naked in front of my buddies too.

OK, I'll admit Michelangelo's "David" looks pretty good naked, but he's made of marble. Plus, he gets a lot of press. Maybe I've just been brainwashed to think he looks good.

So, my fear of being naked must be more psychological than physical. I know I don't look that bad in comparison to the "specimens" that let it all hang out in the locker room at my gym, or anyone else for that matter. If I'm with a girl who is into me, I probably shouldn't be worried that she thinks I look foul to her when naked — but isn't this a natural fear?

When you are naked, you are completely vulnerable to that other person who is looking at you. I don't understand why these guys at the gym don't mind being that open to me when I can't even open myself up to a girl I'm getting closer to.

In reality, they are just naked because what they are doing (showering/changing) requires nakedness. But everything I do with a girl has some sort of emotional symbolism, unfortunately. Therefore, my fear may be another form of my aversion to getting close to someone. Getting naked with someone is giving yourself up to them in a way. Maybe I should just give up and get naked when I'm required to and deal with it.

[NakedGary]

The article is directly from MSN Lifestyles section.

It must of got jumbled together in the copy and paste process from the blog it was transfered from.

I will edit and space it or correct the article as posted in the link at the bottom of post #1 in this thread

[Boreas]

Thanks Nudony! Much better! :D

[Journeyman]

IMHO, the writer of that article is pathetic, neurotic and a lousy journalist when he doesn't at least research "nakedness" through the ages.

[lewisis]

The article appears to be contrived.....give it no more thought then you might a pooper scooper. Bad pros and poetry abound in these times of outcome based education. be glad you have a reasonable brain to filter out this nonsense.

[David77]

Although the article interjects humor, I believe there is an element of truth to his article, as I have known persons who have this fear.

For instance, my friend and his wife do not remove their clothes before turning out the light so that they can not see each other. He feels that he is too thin and his wife feels that she is too fat. In reality (according to medical chart standards) this is both true, but they have not learned to accept the sight of their own body.

[lewisis]

"trivial

The article appears to be contrived.....give it no more thought then you might a pooper scooper. Bad pros and poetry abound in these times of outcome based education. be glad you have a reasonable brain to filter out this nonsense."






i meant to say that perhaps some of you have the reasoning to filter our this garbage...there is such a thing as Gymnophobia, but the skinny man and fat woman in the previous post do not suffer from it; they are simply embarrassed. you have neglected to say whether or not they are indifferent in front of others, perhaps other relatives or at the YMCA. Im pretty sure the male in your example has little trouble with males in a dressing room at the gym. Gymnophobia is much more serious, it reflects a certain amount of unreasonable disfunction, like the fear of flying might be to a pilot.

[richo]

Fear of flying can be disfunctional even for a non-pilot; there's simply no reasonable, practical method for traversing the world in a small amount of time that doesn't involve flying. Fear of flying only becomes a true "phobia" when one starts to take irrational steps to avoid it - cancelling trips, losing one's job, etc.

Gymnophobia should be the same way - and one can argue that going to lengths to avoid being seen by one's married spouse could count as "irrational".

There are really three basic criteria for a phobia - so-called "life limiting", where the phobia alters how one lives; "avoidance", where one goes to lengths - often absurd - to avoid the phobic situation; and "anticipatory anxiety", when one becomes pre-occupied about any upcoming situation involving the phobia. The "life-limiting" criteria is usually where something breaks down from just fear/apprehension to "phobia".

E.g., if someone goes to great lengths to avoid being seen nude or exposing him-or herself even when such exposure is considered "normal" or "commonplace", actively avoids locations or environments where nudity might be encountered, dwells endlessly on said situations where they can't fully be avoided to the point of consuming "excessive" energy by modern standards, and in general has had to modify his or her life severely around the issue of nudity, then the term "phobia" likely applies.

[sbt7879]

He personally may not experiencing this problem; maybe he is speaking for someone else who does not have the courage to say this him or herself. I am sure as many of you know, there is a problem with people in our country excepting people in their natural state. Some of it is religious misinterpretation about nudity, but the other is fear of people seeing the real person, being vulnerable. That was the lesson learned in the Garden of Eden; it wasn't that there was anything wrong with Adam or Eve's bodies, they were ashamed of what they had become or what they saw themselves as. My personal thoughts are when we wear clothes it is a way for us to forget who we are; flawed creatures that need God.

[lewisis]

Fear of flying can be disfunctional even for a non-pilot; there's simply no reasonable, practical method for traversing the world in a small amount of time that doesn't involve flying. Fear of flying only becomes a true "phobia" when one starts to take irrational steps to avoid it - cancelling trips, losing one's job, etc.

Gymnophobia should be the same way - and one can argue that going to lengths to avoid being seen by one's married spouse could count as "irrational".

There are really three basic criteria for a phobia - so-called "life limiting", where the phobia alters how one lives; "avoidance", where one goes to lengths - often absurd - to avoid the phobic situation; and "anticipatory anxiety", when one becomes pre-occupied about any upcoming situation involving the phobia. The "life-limiting" criteria is usually where something breaks down from just fear/apprehension to "phobia".

E.g., if someone goes to great lengths to avoid being seen nude or exposing him-or herself even when such exposure is considered "normal" or "commonplace", actively avoids locations or environments where nudity might be encountered, dwells endlessly on said situations where they can't fully be avoided to the point of consuming "excessive" energy by modern standards, and in general has had to modify his or her life severely around the issue of nudity, then the term "phobia" likely applies.

"great lengths" and "excessive" might be considered the operative limiting terms in your analysis....less then a hundred years ago bathing suits and bed clothing covered up considerably more then what they do today. modesty should not be confused with embarressment. spouses did not walk around naked per se...and a proper relation did not normally consist of animalistic sexual desire. the behavior of the two examples set forth previously has not seemed to alter the love or caring aspect of their relationship. indeed perhaps the conduct exhibited has become routine and accepted, or perhaps expected....the issue has only been deemed a problem by the friend. your response is not without merit or thought, thank god, unlike some others ive read. good work, but perhaps a bit clumsy...."modern standards" have little bearing, there is very little that is standard within the american culture, except perhaps death and taxes.

[richo]

"great lengths" and "excessive" might be considered the operative limiting terms in your analysis....less then a hundred years ago bathing suits and bed clothing covered up considerably more then what they do today. modesty should not be confused with embarressment. spouses did not walk around naked per se...and a proper relation did not normally consist of animalistic sexual desire. the behavior of the two examples set forth previously has not seemed to alter the love or caring aspect of their relationship. indeed perhaps the conduct exhibited has become routine and accepted, or perhaps expected....the issue has only been deemed a problem by the friend. your response is not without merit or thought, thank god, unlike some others ive read. good work, but perhaps a bit clumsy...."modern standards" have little bearing, there is very little that is standard within the american culture, except perhaps death and taxes.

Actually, you're both right and wrong.

"Great lengths" and "excessive" *are* the operative terms. Phobias are diagnosed completely within the context of society; "modern standards" are very much appropriate.

The key is that the phobia has to inhibit a lifestyle, so you have to consider the lifestyle; otherwise it's just a fear. Someone who is afraid of drowning but lives nowhere near bodies of water, nor is likely to visit them for any reason, is most likely not going to be termed "phobic" because the fear doesn't impact his or her lifestyle. Someone who lives in Hawaii, however, is likely going to have many situations where it comes up and, if said individual begins to actively avoid those situations at the cost of his or her lifestyle, it's phobic.

Phobias are really based on behavior - if there's no behavior manifest, there's no "phobia"; that doesn't mean one won't become manifest if situations change. A farmer who doesn't have need or desire to travel may have a fear of flying and never know it; an travelling salesman or consultant who has a fear of flying but flies anyway may not be phobic. If that same salesman does everything he can, possibly at the cost of his personal success, to avoid flying, that's likely phobic behavior.

And yes, it's details, semantics, "fine print", but that's how a lot of psychology is. That's why I said "likely to be", not "is", in my previous post.

[walter05]

If gymnophobia means not being seen by one's spouse and putting one's life in danger to avoid being seen nude, this sounds like Stu.

Lewisis;

There is nothing animalistic about a married couple having sex.

[Baron Lake]

Woody Allen would probably say you're not doing it right Walter. :)

b.l.

[Lord Drakkus]

Woody Allen would probably say you're not doing it right Walter. :)

b.l.
I would agree with Woody Allen! :D

[lewisis]

If gymnophobia means not being seen by one's spouse and putting one's life in danger to avoid being seen nude, this sounds like Stu.

Lewisis;

There is nothing animalistic about a married couple having sex.

i would probably be the last person to interrupt or/otherwise engage a sophist...lol. read carefully...perhaps this is not the last word on the subject but relevant and appropriate just the same.

Gymnophobia
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Gymnophobia is a fear (phobia) of nudity. Gymnophobics experience anxiety from nudity, even if they realize their fear is irrational. They may worry about seeing others naked or being seen naked, or both. Their fear may stem from a general anxiety about sexuality, from a fear that they are physically inferior, or from a fear that their nakedness leaves them exposed and unprotected. The word "Gymnophobia" is derived from the Greek "gymnos" (naked) and "phobos" (fear).

Standards of modesty (also called demureness or reticence) generally prevent public nudity. Avoidance of nudity in private situations may be a continuation of modesty, or may extend to prudishness or body shame. Only an actual fear of nudity qualifies as gymnophobia. Only when the fear is beyond one's control or is interfering with daily life can an anxiety disorder diagnosis be made.


animalism...hence animalistic...= Indifference to all but the physical appetites.

In my estimation, as is evidenced by the high divorce rate in the US, too many contemporary relationships use only slightly more then sexual attraction as an adhesive to bond the union. brief courtships and unremarkable weddings (uncelebrated) account for perhaps millions of marriage disasters. there is plenty of reason and evidence to suggest that many contemporary marriages are animalistic in nature.

[walter05]

Baron;

I may be dense but I fail to get it. Please explain the joke.

Lewisis;

Divorce is not caused because a married man and woman are erotically attracted to each other.

Divorce may happen when a married man and woman are not erotically attracted to each other.

A man who has an erection because he finds his wife desirable is indicating he finds her beautiful.

A woman whose vagina lubricates because she finds her husband desirable is indicating she finds him beautiful.

When they share their naked bodies in a moment of ecstacy, this is one of the most beautiful experiences of life. Ideally it reinforces a special closeness. This closeness makes marriage stronger.

[lewisis]

Baron;

I may be dense but I fail to get it. Please explain the joke.

Lewisis;

Divorce is not caused because a married man and woman are erotically attracted to each other.

Divorce may happen when a married man and woman are not erotically attracted to each other.

A man who has an erection because he finds his wife desirable is indicating he finds her beautiful.

A woman whose vagina lubricates because she finds her husband desirable is indicating she finds him beautiful.

When they share their naked bodies in a moment of ecstacy, this is one of the most beautiful experiences of life. Ideally it reinforces a special closeness. This closeness makes marriage stronger.

dearest walter...

your interpretation and precipitancy in reply of my last post is bewildering. in this compendium let me reiterate; i proposed that perhaps too many relationships are consumated in divorce consequent to poor choice and blinding lust.

two...a man might have an erection if, or when, he finds his wife desirable, or perhaps as well he could find desire in the south end of a north bound camel, precipitating an erection. one individual here on this site suggests that he obtains an erection periodically for no apparent reason. many find beauty in the rising sun, not necessarily necessitating an urge to produce an erection. the outgrowth of desire may or may not be an erection. I desire to have more money,,,but im not getting a hard-on over it. its almost all semantics anyway...:)

three...a woman whose vagina moisens is subject to as much scrutiny and skepticism; she may be sick. in a sexual context she might have multiple reasons for fluid production; perhaps thoughts of an ex-lover or an image of john wayne....who knows? perhaps during these moments, finding and utlilizing the male feature laying next to her is nothing more then mere convenience, allowing her to advance towards sexual gratification, perhaps without regard to the sarogates apparent beauty. perhaps an undulating synthetic probe might serve as well, or better, to quench her thirst, so to speak. if as you suggest she finds her partner desireable, and the fluid is produced from her desire to fornicate with him, this may not in the least have resulted from her thinking he is beautiful. perhaps she finds him tolerable.

forth...i refute the notion that lust strengthens a relationship (the subject of which i spoke)...perhaps as you suggest a tender and endearing consumation might temporaraly enhance good feelings each has for the other, but i am of the opinion that successful couples (married or otherwise) fall in and out of love regularly and are held together over time with values more inspiring, binding, and lasting then sexual attraction and a mere romp in the hay.....namely loyality and commitment; something sorely lacking in a majority of contemporary relationships.

[Fitz1980]

forth...i refute the notion that lust strengthens a relationship (the subject of which i spoke)...perhaps as you suggest a tender and endearing consumation might temporaraly enhance good feelings each has for the other, but i am of the opinion that successful couples (married or otherwise) fall in and out of love regularly and are held together over time with values more inspiring, binding, and lasting then sexual attraction and a mere romp in the hay.....namely loyality and commitment; something sorely lacking in a majority of contemporary relationships.

Lust and sexual attraction is a poor thing to base an entire relationship on but it's pretty dang important as well. You can have great sex with someone who you can't live under the same roof with; in fact that leads to lots of breakups. But the reverse is true as well. Some people get into 'stable' relationships with someone who they can do the domestic thing together with but have a poor sex life; those couples are the ones where one or both partners cheats.

"Firefly" is one of my favorite TV shows; it's a sci-fi adventure program set on a spaceship. On the DVD commentary the creator says that he got so many fan letters from married couples who loved that on his show he depicted a married couple with a great sex life. In fact the married couple had the most (edited for prime time TV) sex of anyone on the ship. They had a fun, stable, quirky loving, caring relationship but also had a hot sex life. That's something that you often don't see on TV or in the movies it seems.

[Lord Drakkus]

Lust and sexual attraction is a poor thing to base an entire relationship on but it's pretty dang important as well. You can have great sex with someone who you can't live under the same roof with; in fact that leads to lots of breakups. But the reverse is true as well. Some people get into 'stable' relationships with someone who they can do the domestic thing together with but have a poor sex life; those couples are the ones where one or both partners cheats.

Very well put Fitz! To just add a few things, Lust is definitely not something to base a relationship on, and I do agree with lewisis when he says that's a major reason so many couples get divorced. But I definitely do not agree with the idea that you can have a truly successful relationship without some form of lust.

Lust is, according to Mirriam-Webster online:


1obsolete a: pleasure (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pleasure) , delight (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/delight) b: personal inclination : wish (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wish)

2: usu. intense or unbridled sexual desire : lasciviousness (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lasciviousness)

3 a: an intense longing : craving (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/craving) lust to succeed> b: enthusiasm (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/enthusiasm) , eagerness (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/eagerness) <admired his="">lust for life>
Lust is not, by definition, purely physical in nature. It can be caused by other factors as well, especially personality. While true lust may not be required in a relationship, since having sex is definitely possible without feeling "true" lust, it still defnitely helps.

Most people, deep down, like to feel attractive to their partners. Just saying "I think you're pretty" doesn't cut it. There has to be something more than words to back up that claim. The best way to actually show somebody you find them attractive is to occasionally act lustful (I won't go into detail here... There may be children present). I'm not saying be forceful and essentially rape the other, but acting in a lustful manner satisfactorily shows the other person that you do find them attractive.</admired>

[Baron Lake]

Walter, Woody Allen was once asked if he thought sex was "dirty". His response was:

"It is if you are doing it right"

Not precisely referential in your case but it's the best I can do for now.

b.l.

[Tom1991]

Thanks Nudony! Much better! :D

100% agree :P