Unfulfilled....should I??

[Lappdog]

Hello everybody. This is my first post here on this forum, but not my first visit here. I am sure this has been discussed before, but I am in need of some advice from the experienced naturists here who might understand my yearning.

Since I was young, I have had a desire to experience the lifestyle of nudism. As a teen I would occasionally head to a somewhat secluded wooded area near my house and undress and just walk around and hang out. I had a buddy who also did this from time to time. I just loved the absolute freedom and unencumbered feeling that being naked in the outdoors gave me.

Fast forward 30 years or so....married 25 years, grown children and a wife who I love and repsect. She would absolutly never consider being nude outdoors or certainly not in public and therefore is unaproachable on the subject. I have hinted at it, alluded to it, and tested the waters many times, but she just rejects it outright. I can't help but feel that I am missing something that I yearn to do, and would otherwise participate in if I only had her approval.

My question is this (sorry for the long-winded post): I travel for my job and often spend several days in an area that has a clothing-free/clothing optional resort nearby. i have been toying with the idea of staying at this place to see if my yearning is real or not, and hopeful satisfy this (perceived) need. I would be doing this without my wifes knowledge.

Thoughts? Comments? Flames? (Hopefully not too many!)

Thanks!

[tiger79]

My question is this (sorry for the long-winded post): I travel for my job and often spend several days in an area that has a clothing-free/clothing optional resort nearby. i have been toying with the idea of staying at this place to see if my yearning is real or not, and hopeful satisfy this (perceived) need. I would be doing this without my wifes knowledge.

Are you saying that, when you're away on business, your wife has to approve where you stay? Sounds strange to me. Just book yourself in and enjoy the place. What's the problem?

[Lappdog]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I guess from that perspective you are right. I don't plan my stays through her. My problem is that little thing called guilt, and the guilt is that i would be doing something that I am sure she would not approve of. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with it other than that.

[EricNY]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I guess from that perspective you are right. I don't plan my stays through her. My problem is that little thing called guilt, and the guilt is that i would be doing something that I am sure she would not approve of. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with it other than that.


Little thing called communication....If you can't communicate with your spouse that itself is a problem.

If you can't talk to her about it than consider there may be a deeper problem. If she accepts and trusts you then why can't you discuss it as husband and wife?

[David77]

Lappdog,

Go, after telling and discussing with your wife that you are going.

It seems that a number of times you indicated to your wife that you like being nude and want to visit a nude venue, so it should not be a very grand surprise to her. However, it may be a surprise that she can not control you in fulling your ambitions.

Tell her the same thing that you told us, that there is a naturist resort near where you travel on business and that you are going to try it out, but that she can go along with you to a naturist resort if she cares to.

I hope you receive beautiful self fullfillment of your long held dream in this innocent visit.

[walter05]

Try for a day visit.

communications may not be good enough at a resort for an over night stay on a business trip.

[NudonyII]

For all we know, the resort you are contemplating visiting may have a policy adverse to married men visiting without the spouse or spouse's consent.

First thing first; you need to find that out.

[EricNY]

C'mon guys...Think about it...your advising a man to do something behind his wife's back.

In a marriage communication is most important, without it you got nothing.

I love and embrace naturism as a way of life, but to sneak behind a spouses back is wrong

[richo]

I'd definately agree that the biggest aspect of this is the communication.

I've never believed that getting married made the two partners into a single entity; one plus one still equals two. You're perfectly allowed to have your own hobbies and entertainments, even if your wife doesn't want to participate and, theoretically, even if she doesn't approve.

The point is this: it's part of who you are. If she tries to blatantly forbid it, you two have a lot to work out: marriage is a negotiation, not a dictatorship by either party. Another "bad" response would be the "if you really love me, you won't do this" thread. She may, however, simply tell you that you're allowed to do what you want, but she won't participate; while that can also lead to problems down the line, it's a better initial response.

Not telling her or, worse, lying to her about it would be about the worst thing you could do. Not only because it leads to the "if it's really no big deal, why are you hiding it" argument, but because of the collateral damage to the marriage.

Of course, all this is coming from the single guy who probably won't ever be married, so your mileage may vary.

[EricNY]

Valid points Richo

[JoseO42]

I think you should inform your wife what you are proposing to do. There really should not be any secrets between a husband and wife. You do not want to have her find out from a friend what you have been doing behind her back. It might make it seem to her that you might be doing something that is not appropriate.

If she still feels that this is something you should not be doing, you need to decide what is more important to you: the love and trust of your wife or your desire to experiment with something that you may not truly enjoy since you feel that you have betrayed your wife's wishes if she said no.

[David77]

C'mon guys...Think about it...your advising a man to do something behind his wife's back.

In a marriage communication is most important, without it you got nothing.

I love and embrace naturism as a way of life, but to sneak behind a spouses back is wrong

I can not see that anyone advised a man to do something behind his wife's back. You have misread the posts.

[Raven44]

I wouldnt really call it unfulfilled. My spouse knew from day one when I invited nudist friends for a Bar B Q . When she finally gave up the idea of a
sexual situation , she partially gave in . Eventually , there was no problem with my nudism and actually joined me at a small campground with a few
other campers and had a blast .
15 yrs later Im a home nudist and cant get her out of the flannel jamies
at 98 deg F .
??

[Raven44]

A double post.
Dont lie to the wife , you will run into someone who knows her .

[Sanman]

It's not a matter of "if", but rather "when" she finds out, and you DO NOT want her to find out you visited a nude resort without her knowledge beforehand. If you know that she automatically associates nudity with sexuality (yes, we all know that's not true, but to a textiler it is until they have been duitifully educated) then going to a nude resort in her mind is the same as you having an affair.

However, are you 100% sure she would be totally against it? If you can clearly present your case to her and show her that it is not sexual, she may be inclined to listen, especially since you took the initiative to talk to her first before taking any action.

[Kouak]

Little thing called communication....If you can't communicate with your spouse that itself is a problem.

If you can't talk to her about it than consider there may be a deeper problem. If she accepts and trusts you then why can't you discuss it as husband and wife?

Lappdog,

Go, after telling and discussing with your wife that you are going.

It seems that a number of times you indicated to your wife that you like being nude and want to visit a nude venue, so it should not be a very grand surprise to her. However, it may be a surprise that she can not control you in fulling your ambitions.

Tell her the same thing that you told us, that there is a naturist resort near where you travel on business and that you are going to try it out, but that she can go along with you to a naturist resort if she cares to.

I hope you receive beautiful self fullfillment of your long held dream in this innocent visit.

C'mon guys...Think about it...your advising a man to do something behind his wife's back.

In a marriage communication is most important, without it you got nothing.

I love and embrace naturism as a way of life, but to sneak behind a spouses back is wrong

Actually, they are not advising to sneak behind her back. Many of the other responses add advice about going somewhere in general.

[narod]

As a pre teen and teenager, I would go out to secluded areas and get naked, also. I always hated to wear clothes. This continued through college. My room mate at college was a swim team menber, and thus nudty was normal for him, so we very seldom wore clothes in our rooms or in the dorm. After getting married, I was afraid to continue my naturist ways. Finally , after 25 years of marriage, I had had it with the clothes. I had been going out for nude hikes, without my wifes knowledge. One day, I took all my clothes off, and told my wife I hated wearing clothes. I havent' worn clothes in the house, on our deck or in secluded area of our property since. She decided to give it a try, and we've been to nude beaches, and resorts. At one resort, we run into to this guy (let's call him Bill) who comes out there without his wife's knowledge. He calls her as he's in the camp area, naked, and they do their daily devotions, together, over the phone. We have to be quite so she doesn't hear what's going on around. A couple times there have been girls come by and say Hi to my wife and me and "Bill".. "Bill" goes into a panic. This can't be a healthy way to live and relate to your wife. Don't hide your life style choices from your wife. It's not like you're stealing or doing some other terrible thing. You are just wanting to live like God created you. There is nothing wrong wih the nude body. It's the way God wanted us.
You never know who you might run into, who might have some conection that would get back to your wife. COMMUNICATE.

[DSailing]

I suggest that you explain your desires to your wife and maybe try to get her to go to a resort with you. If you go to a clothing optional resort, then she could remain dressed while you go nude.
I definitely do NOT recommend that you go to a resort without her knowledge. This would be seen as a lie to her and will most likely cause her feelings of distrust and hurt. Then she will wonder what else you keep hidden from her. Not a good situation at all, especially if you really love your wife.

[Nude Hiker]

Your wife has the right to know if you visit a nudist resort. if you dont tell her, it is like cheating on her. This, i am sure you dont want to do. My wife also does not like my nudism life, :disappointed:but when i go on tour with Naturists she knows where i go and except my lifestyl with our guests. She knows, I will not cheat on her.

[NudeAl]

Trust is such an important part of any relationship I would not recomend doing anything to lose it, once it is lost it is very difficult to regain. I used to not tell my wife when I would go to a nude beach or club but she would always find out guilt would get to me and I would end up telling her later and she was very hurt by my actions. At first she was concerned that nudism was somehow connected to sex and she worried about marital infidelity. I have always been faithful to her but her strong negative reactions in the begining caused me to try and hide my naturist activities. All in all if I had it to do over again I would have tried to have been more understanding and not gone behind her back. Now I am open about where I am going and sometimes she will go with, though not all that often. At least she doesn't mind me going anymore. So my recomendation is to be open and honest with your wife and really try to educate her as to what naturism is and then point her to some websites that try to promote the idea to women. In the long run this is going to pay off big time. Good Luck

[cfinca]

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I guess from that perspective you are right. I don't plan my stays through her. My problem is that little thing called guilt, and the guilt is that i would be doing something that I am sure she would not approve of. In my mind, there is nothing wrong with it other than that.

Tell her the background. Tell her your desires. Don't do it in secret. But expect as much understanding from her as you do from yourself. Don't let her disapproval stop you.

[bobk]

From my personal experience, the fact that your wife knows you are going will not result in marital bliss around the subject of nudism, but other areas of marital life will be ok.

[Nakednurse]

I had to have a similar talk with my wife about going to a nudist resort she does not get the nudism thing at all. She has no plans to ever try it. We had a talk and I expressed my feelings about going without her. After some talking and her thinking for a few days see came around to the idea of me going. She is still not thrilled I went but we talked about it. It was not easy and she did not want to hear about the time I spent there. It's a work in progress and that is what a good marrige is about at times. Good luck and I hope it works out.

Nakednurse

[marko486]

Though the wife refuses to go with me I still go with her full blessing. I am way past the point where I would need permission to go or have to do everything she wants. Because I feel like I am giving in all other aspects of our relationship, I have no qualms of doing those occasional things for me as it is. Oddly enough, she is been naked around the house more then I have this year so who knows, maybe she will change her mind someday, such is her perogative.

[tiger79]

Hey guys, I think you should have realised by now that this is a classic troll. The original poster hasn't responded. And, if you care to Google his login and the word "ohio", you'll find that there are some strange posts on a site called "AddSexyPics" - posts which his "wife" certainly wouldn't be impressed by. Just ignore him.

[Lappdog]

Hey everybody,

Thanks for the replies and all of the advise. I do really appreciate your perspectives and appreciate that you took time to read my post and reply. Despite the post directly above this one, I am legit, and this is a legitimate dilema that has been troubeling me for quite some time.

I have listened to the advise given and have given the entire matter a lot of deeper thought and have decided not to pursue this without my wifes knowledge. I have instead decided to continue to open the dialog on this issue and see if I can't pursuade her to be more open to the idea. We have a tropical resort vaction coming up in a few months and there will be nude beach possibilities to try if I am sucsessful.

If I don't pursuade her to either participate or approve of my participation, then I will likely drop the issue and try to move past this desire.

Again, thanks for all of the thoughtful replies.

Best,
K

[wynotbnude]

I think that by no means should you do this without your wifes knowledge. Sneaking around and lying about where you are staying and what you are doing will not help your cause, or nudit's. It would only shatter the trust between you and her. Talk to her about it. As someone else said, perhaps just a day visit if an overniter is out of her comfort range. Remember........small steps, just like getting a reluctant spouse to try nudity at home first.
Good luck!!

[eagle59]

If you really want your wife to join you in your enjoyment of being nude, stop nagging her! Just enjoy being nude whenever it is possible. I would not sneak around on business trips to go to nude resorts without telling her first, you are just inviting trouble. Once your wife sees that there is nothing strange about what you are doing and that you are not on some new "kick" then she will eventually come around. It took many years for my wife to be comfortable with my nudity, but she has come to accept it as a part of me. Don't push and keep the lines of communication open.

[Lappdog]

Thanks for the adviice. I have been very careful not to nag my wife, in fact I have really been soft on the issue because I feel that it is possibly sensitive in her view. In a few weeks we may be in a situation where there will be opportunities to sunbathe nude. I will see if the idea holds any appeal and perhaps "breaks the ice" for other activities that are clothing free.

[Smiley]

You could just "accidentally" stumble across the nude beach while with your wife and see how she reacts. Just an idea. . . .

[Lappdog]

You could just "accidentally" stumble across the nude beach while with your wife and see how she reacts. Just an idea. . . .

Actually, we went on a cruise a few years ago and wandered up to the top deck -an adullts only area where topless sunbathing is allowed. We wandered around for a few minutes and I asked her if she would like to grab a lounge chair and stay awhile, but she just laughed it off. I didn't take it any further, but your idea is probably a plausable suggestion.

[steve-o]

uh, no. Bad idea.
She will feel (justifiably) like you tricked her.

Nude beaches are usually off the beaten path and pretty hard to "stumble across". She will not appreciate this maneuver, and she will certainly not believe that you both just "stumbled across it".

[nudeM]

My wife (hw) will not practice nudism here at home, basically because we have a Son, a grandson and her Mother living with us. She will skinny dip when the house is empty and her Mother is taking a nap, but as far as walking around with no clothes, she won't. I, on the other hand, and nude most of the time in the back, but inside the house, I just wear a light wrap around that leaves little to the imagination, but with the good covered, it is accepted. We have visited a nude beach on several occasions and she practiced nudity then, but that was because it was just her and I. We have compromised to the point that I can be nude on a regular basis, but stay "almost" covered when everyone is up and about, but out in the backyard, I don't wear anything, unless of course I'm barbequeing and others will join me.:smoking:

[yardbuff1]

Lappdog,
I think you should try a day visit after making sure the resort allows lone male visitors. You may find it totally boring being there by yourself, and not worth the guilt you may feel. By the way, your wife probably does activities that you don't want to participate in (shopping, etc.). Trying a nudist resort is not an immoral act.

[Lappdog]

Well, we returned from our recent vacation in Punta Cana and while there were no nude/clothing optional beach opportunites where we were, we did go for a couples massage together. Not quite the same thing, but was wonderful, and I found it completely natural and comfortable that we were both nude for our massages.

Again, i really appreciate all of the different opinions and realize that there are many ways to view this desire of mine. I am still hopeful that some day I will be able to experience a day at a nude beach or resort, and hope that my wife is along for the adventure.

[JohnnBuff]

I really recommend that you keep her informed of your actions. You need to keep her informed of your plans and desires since keeping secrets from each other in a marriage is usually the beginning of the end.

I recently ended a relationship with a woman who had serious body issues. I could not ever get her to even discuss being nude and she even slept with textiles on. So I can understand your problem.

The best suggestion I have is to talk with her about it and like one of the other posters said see if she would be willing to go to a clothing optional resort where she could remain clothed and see that it is a friendly non-sexual place. I really don’t think it will change her mind but she may see that it isn’t going to ruin the marriage and you can go to resorts alone. Not the best outcome but better than nothing.

But don’t lie or keep her in the dark.

[NaturalSwede]

I know I am very fortunate. My wife and I share Naturism together, which adds to the joy we feel with this wonderful lifestyle. Don't give up in your effort to involve your spouse or significant other.

[Lappdog]

I know I am very fortunate. My wife and I share Naturism together, which adds to the joy we feel with this wonderful lifestyle. Don't give up in your effort to involve your spouse or significant other.

Thanks.....I agree, I will keep the faith and gently try to pursuade her to try it sometime, or at least accept my desire to try it. As others had suggested, I am not leaning towards doing something behind her back at this point.

[lifelong]

As a women, I may have been a bit outside the norm in enjoying for many years being nude at home from time to time. These days I also experience the pleasure of nudity in various settings in Nature, and have ventured into some social situations. I do think it is a slower and more gradual process for some women, but it's certainly a desirable goal for a couple to go "hand in hand", so to speak, into the Naturist lifestyle. I think the journey would be lonely for my husband without me, and it's exhilarating together.