When should you stop being naked/undressing in front of your children?

[Davin]

Someone in Maryland wrote a letter to Dear Annie asking this very question.

Annie responds that parents should stop after age 4

http://www.pasadenastarnews.com/ci_13440839

via Diary of a Nudist (http://nudiarist.blogspot.com/2009/09/unless-you-intend-to-raise-them-as.html)

[RalphVa]

At least she said to not stop if you wanted to raise them as nudists.

Otherwise, I think this harkens back to the bad advice that Dr. Spock gave about not letting kids view naked adults. Read somewhere that he relented on this.

Can't figure how they think it is bad for any kids to see adults naked. There is NOTHING in the Bible prohibiting this.

[JoseO42]

At least she did mention that unless the family is planning to raise the kids as nudists, she gave an age that would be considered appropriate for non-nudists.

I really think if the kids are already used to seeing their parents getting dressed and undressed and are not embarrassed by it, it really has no reason to stop.

To stop might raise more questions as to why the parent has decided to stop all of a sudden.

[NudonyII]

There was a french radio program I heard some time ago on the very same topic. One young lady called saying that her parents had been nude around her during the entirety of her youth, and it'd never been a problem for her. Another young lady called and reported that remembering seeing her parent's genitals as a child was traumatic for her. Also, one mother called and said that nudity at home ended when she witnessed her young daughter being apparently a bit troubled by the sight of her nude father.

I don't think any of the callers were lying. I think that perhaps the individual approaches by the parents yielded different results. I think it's up to the parents to be cognizant of how their nudity affects their child during the different stages of development, and address these issues as they arise. The parents of the second caller may have had a "forced nudity" approach that left their child confused and perhaps even resentful. The third caller perhaps should have addressed her daughter's curiosity instead of simply "covering up Dad." When presented with such circumstances, therapists tend to jump up and exclaim "Time to cover up!" instead of looking at why these issues arise and how to remedy them without resorting to just simply covering up.
There technically is no "age limit" on parental nudity. I've also caught my daughter looking at me. Did that mean "time to cover up'? No, it meant time to address our physiological differences. Is my daughter traumatized by the sight of Mom and Dad's genitals? No, our genitals were never "displayed" our emphasized; nudity was integral and so frequent that it was uneventful. It's when parental nudity becomes an "event" that the child can be confused by it. Take the "event" out of it, and it becomes just a normal part of the child's upbringing. Of course, there are issues associated with puberty; but that's another topic and a different approach.

[Bob S.]

Families are all different, but there is no age limit for nudity. Nothing will happen if a child sees nudity.

Going with Nudony's examples from a call-in show: One young lady called saying that her parents had been nude around her during the entirety of her youth, and it'd never been a problem for her. Another young lady called and reported that remembering seeing her parent's genitals as a child was traumatic for her. Also, one mother called and said that nudity at home ended when she witnessed her young daughter being apparently a bit troubled by the sight of her nude father.

The latter two who had issues with the nudity, the one whose parental nudity was traumatic for her, as opposed to Nudony's supposition that there was forced nudity, it could have been that they were a strict textile family and she was taught it was wrong to see others naked.

I do agree with Nudony that the last example was a lost learning opportunity. Instead of figuring out why the girl had a problem with her father's nudity, they just stopped. This is not helping the girl, rather it is reinforcing that something was wrong when it may not have been.

Any time a child has a negative reaction to nudity, there is a problem. Naturally, they should have at worst a neutral reaction and any negative reactions should be investigated. An important thing to realize is that sometimes, a negative reaction to nudity can be a sign of sexual abuse.

Parents also affect the view of nudity in children, but it is only in the negative way. If they just let the children go naked and have a nudist household, the nudity will stay neutral throughout their childhood. Only when they grow up and get into their teens and older will their views of nudity really be cemented into neutral, negative, or positive. With stricter households, the parents are taking the decisions away from the children.

Bob S.

[Procrastinator]

Parents of the opposite sex should not be undressing in front of their children after the age of 4.

You will never, EVER see a statement like that, preceded by Studies have shown that ........ There is no valid scientific research that demonstrates that kids are harmed by nudity. Yet the cover-up-while-they're-young mantra seems to be nearly universally preached by advice columnists. Sadly, it's probably believed by most readers who figure "I guess they know what they're talking about, or they wouldn't have a column.

Unless you intend to raise them as nudists, both of your boys are too old for this.

I think it's safe to say that shouldn't be taken at face value. It's probably meant the same way as if someone had written about a weight problem and the reply was: Unless you're planning on a career as the fat lady in a circus, you should watch what you eat.

The 11-year-old will be going through puberty soon and will become plenty confused if he is inadvertently aroused by his mother.

Uh, if the boy was raised seeing his mother nude on a regular basis, he wouldn't suddenly become aroused by the sight of his mother during puberty. Heck, even if he WAS raised in an uptight bodies-should-be-kept-hidden environment as Annie seems to think is healthy, I doubt any normal kid would get aroused by the sight of his mother. That's just nonsense. It's the tired, old 'overstimulation' argument. A teenage boy is going to become aroused if a girl with a nice rear end walks by. By Annie's reasoning, the boy will also become aroused if his mother has a nice rear end. That Annie's a bit of a sick woman I believe.

Insist that every member of the family have some privacy.

Yes! Autocratic rule! No need for discussion and perhaps compromise. What a thing to teach the boys. I wish you could sue advice columnists for malpractice.

Joe

[Fitz1980]

There was a french radio program I heard some time ago on the very same topic. One young lady called saying that her parents had been nude around her during the entirety of her youth, and it'd never been a problem for her. Another young lady called and reported that remembering seeing her parent's genitals as a child was traumatic for her. Also, one mother called and said that nudity at home ended when she witnessed her young daughter being apparently a bit troubled by the sight of her nude father.

It depends on a lot of factors. A lot depends on how the family is as a whole. I knew a, non-nudist, girl who said that nudity in the family was common and no big deal, even for her 14 year old brother. She was also a "cleavage and short skirts" girl who had no problem with sexy revealing cloths, but never got into skinny dipping with friends or even flashing with whoever. My point is her family was totally down with nudity at home; but when I invited her to the nudist resort she responded "you're crazy; I don't think I could do that."

[johniai]

If they have been used to it since they were tiny there's probably no need - only if and when they become uncomfortable with it.

[FoUTASportscaster]

There technically is no "age limit" on parental nudity. I've also caught my daughter looking at me. Did that mean "time to cover up'? No, it meant time to address our physiological differences. Is my daughter traumatized by the sight of Mom and Dad's genitals? No, our genitals were never "displayed" our emphasized; nudity was integral and so frequent that it was uneventful. It's when parental nudity becomes an "event" that the child can be confused by it. Take the "event" out of it, and it becomes just a normal part of the child's upbringing. Of course, there are issues associated with puberty; but that's another topic and a different approach.

As a soon to be dad, I hope you can expand upon your experiences raising your family in a nudist setting. I plan to do the same and am looking for feedback.

[liberalal]

I think the questioner is the one to be addressed. He thinks that the reason why his wife is not concerned with being nude in front of her sons is due to the fact that she comes from a dysfunctional family.
Now that his sons are 7 and 11 he is questioning her behavior. Why did he pick this particular age range?
The majority of opinions that I have read always indicate that the time to cover up is when someone feels "uncomfortable" which explains why even teens brought up in a clothing-optional environment often take a break from being bare.
But in this instance neither seems to mind.

[Bob S.]

Just so we know, here is the actual letter:

Dear Annie: I am the father of two sons, 7 and 11. At what point do you stop dressing or being naked in front of your children? I come from a minister's family, and my wife comes from a somewhat dysfunctional family. Let's just say they are at the other end of the spectrum and leave it at that.
My wife still gets dressed and undressed in front of the boys, and thinks nothing of coming out of the shower naked while the boys are in our bedroom watching TV. I sometimes get dressed in front of them at home or at the changing room at the pool.
What do you think? — Curious in Maryland
Dear Curious: Parents of the opposite sex should not be undressing in front of their children after the age of 4. Unless you intend to raise them as nudists, both of your boys are too old for this. The 11-year-old will be going through puberty soon and will become plenty confused if he is inadvertently aroused by his mother. Insist that every member of the family have some privacy.

These women (Annie's Mailbox writers) are ignorant of the fact that family nudity is practiced throughout the US. They might be surprised how many families have a lessened dress code at home.

They are also trying to be respectful to all, but fail. Why should being nudist make people immune from the other rules? They are making no sense. This man also seems to hold a grudge against his in-laws. It would be interesting to know what that's all about.

Bob S.

[nimrod]

If he is coming form a ministers family he may belive that living in a nudist family is dysfunctional. Not drawing any conclusions from what is writen just saying. He does seem to think that dysfunctional is anything other then how he was raised though.

Annie needs to learn more before she starts spouting off her nonsence.