me again...new dilemma

[nude in wpg]

Ok here's my dilemma...well it isn't really mine...but I'm asking on behalf of a friend.
Ok I have this friend who is really interested in trying out naturism. We have talked about it for quite some time now and she really wants to try it, the problem is that she has a b/f. The problem is that she asked him if he wanted to try it with her and he said no and that he didn't want her to try it either (he doesn't want people seeing her nude etc) so I suggested to her that if it is something she really wants to do then do it and do mention it to him. But she doesn't want to not tell him something like this for fear that if he found out he would dump her. Now my feelings on the matter is that if he truly loves her and trusts her then he would let her try it and maybe join her (without going nude if he wished to keep an "eye" on her). Or just let her go by herself. Yet I am an outside observer. Just curious if anyone else has any input? Thanks a bunch
L /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[nude in wpg]

Ok here's my dilemma...well it isn't really mine...but I'm asking on behalf of a friend.
Ok I have this friend who is really interested in trying out naturism. We have talked about it for quite some time now and she really wants to try it, the problem is that she has a b/f. The problem is that she asked him if he wanted to try it with her and he said no and that he didn't want her to try it either (he doesn't want people seeing her nude etc) so I suggested to her that if it is something she really wants to do then do it and do mention it to him. But she doesn't want to not tell him something like this for fear that if he found out he would dump her. Now my feelings on the matter is that if he truly loves her and trusts her then he would let her try it and maybe join her (without going nude if he wished to keep an "eye" on her). Or just let her go by herself. Yet I am an outside observer. Just curious if anyone else has any input? Thanks a bunch
L /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[David77]

It sounds like maybe her boyfriend may want unhealthy control over her, and that she feels insecure in opposing her boyfriend's will.

However, her being naked with you alone at a nudist venue is not a good idea, as that momentous senario would increase his insecurity and would not be good for their relationship. If they could not go together, hopefully she could find some women friends to go with.

[Stevedaoust]

I agree with the fact that THE B/F MAY be a control freak, at which point, it's not a good thing no matter how it's boiled down. In my relationship things like this were tried and failed. I'm like, "yah right, anyways". She should be her own person and HE should get over himself. As for a possible breakup? Either he let's her have her own space or he needs to grow up.
Now as far as the nude thing. If you were a girl, I would say have a girls night/day out and let her decide if she likes it. But seeing that you're a fairly young dude this turns into a GUY THING and having you nude in front of his g/f makes for HIS little green monster to crawl out of his...let's just say it's not the 'shoulder' region that'll be doing the talking/thinking here. I would give her the information on the where's and how's but until the b/f comes around maturity wise, I'd tread lightly for now.

[Trailscout]

nude in wpg,

I agree with the previous posts.
He has no business telling her where she can go.
I am sure there is a good psychological term for her problem, but in my own words: any girl with a shred of self-respect and independence would have walked out of a relationship with such a control freak.

Nude in wpg, it almost sounds like she would rather be YOUR girlfriend, but is too cowardly to get out of a bad relationship. But would she become a control freak herself if she had a non-control freak boyfriend?

As long as he is not the psycho type, that is: someone who would come after you with a gun in a jealous rage, I'd say she might make a fun person to take as a casual date to the nudist resort. As a practical consideration, a lot of these nudist places won't let a guy go stag.

But she seems to be way too insecure or maybe immature to make a good girlfriend for you. Take her to the resort if you can, but keep her at arm's length, keep it cool.

[DeweyND]

Hi Nude in Wpg,

I'm 3 hours SW of you, in northern North Dakota, USA. Getting pretty late in the year to take the young lady (if it's even possible) to either Crocus Grove, or Musqua. However, maybe Crocus Grove will be having nude swims in Winnepeg again this winter, like they did last winter. Something to find out from a club member up there.

If they do, then that's another possibility for your lady friend to consider if she's really serious about trying nudity....going skinnydipping at a nude swim /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Take care and stay bare everyone

Dewey

If she thinks he's too restrictive now, just wait until she marries him, if she does. It will get far worse. A contol freak wants to control EVERYTHING his wife does, where she goes, and who she sees, even her female friends. Her life would be hell on earth with this weirdo.

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David77:
It sounds like maybe her boyfriend may want unhealthy control over her, and that she feels insecure in opposing her boyfriend's will.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Or it could be the boyfriend just feels insecure in the relationship. Perhaps HE should go first in order to separate the reality of nudism from what he imagines.

A couple of points;
1) Preventing a partner from doing something they want is not going to strengthen a relationship. We all make compromises, but self-denial is not the glue that holds us together.
2) He obviously thinks of nudity as only sexual and needs to be taught outherwise, whether he ever participates or not. Right now he probably thinks his girlfriend's pal is a pervert and may be wondering about her.
3) Other people (including men) will look at and covet his girlfriend whether she is clothed or not, if SHE is happy and secure in the relationship HE doesn't have to worry.

-Mark

[Nude in the North]

If he won't let her go where she wants to....

Then she should tell him "Where to Go"!

Steve

[nude in wpg]

Thanks for all the input. I dont think he's a control freak (just a little over protective), and there isnt much chance of them breaking up, and I already got a g/f. But thanks again all.

[Trailscout]

WPG,

I am assuming you all are kind of young.

Adults don't tell other adults that they can't go to nudist resorts (or anyplace else).

[David77]

Since you now state that you already have a girlfriend, one would wonder how your girlfriend would feel about the plan you are considering, going with the other girl.

[Elery]

Well then...ask your girl friend if she wants to go and if so if your friend friend can come along. Or have them go nude somewhere together. Chances are no one in this particular circle is really ready to be free. "Ownership" of women (or of male partners for that matter)is only one of the many evils of attitude that body acceptance only starts to address. Always try not to "hurt" anyone by your actions but if you want to be free expect to bother SOMEONE. Life is compromises and you have to find your middle ground. So, is personal freedom worth loosing a relationship over? Damned right.

If I had a girlfriend who didn't want to go to the resort with me and didn't want me to go, I would say, "It's been nice knowing you. Goodbye!"

[Fresh Air]

It is her desicion. I suppose it boils down to her choosing between what she wants and what her boyfriend wants. Both decisions are valid. In relationships there is giving and taking (sharing) and sacrifice is often a byproduct of love.

That said, I agree with Stevedaoust. The situation seems to revolve around you somewhat. I don't feel that her bf would have a problem if it was just her alone trying nudism by herself. Even if it was with another girl. But you have to expect that someone who can not understand motivations of nudism can not comprehend the innocence of coed social nudity.

One lie will only lead to another if that is the path she chooses. I would advise her to either tell the truth or seek more honorable (aka respectable to her bf) ways of discovering nudism.

Fresh Air

[Trailscout]

Fresh Air,

Yes, in some perverse way, allowing her boyfriend to forbid her to go somewhere is her decision, sort of.

Oh yeah, it's a decision to let someone control you, but a valid one? Not hardly!

I am all for give and take and maybe a sacrifice or two. If you love someone you don't demand that he or she not go here or go there OR ELSE.

Too bad that she would even have to worry that he would break up with her for defying his wishes. Not much give and take to that is there?

It is obvious that the boyfriend doesn't understand coed nudity. But it is equally obvious that he probably doesn't want her to go anywhere without him right there to WATCH her.

I agree with you that sneaking around behind his back doesn't resolve the problem with trust they both seem to have.

Anyone who demands and expects you to do exactly as they say isn't worth your time. My second wife didn't want me to even be in my underwear in the house. She got very upset when I was nude in the bedroom with the door open with just us and her 16-year-old son here. I told her he liked girls and wasn't interested in me.

She also constantly criticized everything I said and everything I did. After 7 and a half months of that, I told her to look for another place to live, and we would end that farce. I tried to accomodate her, but enough is enough! No one is going to control me, and I have no desire to control anyone else. That's NOT love.

[Bob S.]

Just because her boyfriend does not want her to go to a nudist venue does not automatically make him a control freak. But I do agree with David that she seems to be insecure. She is afraid that he will dump her if she does what she wants to do.

I also agree that you should stay out of this situation. Leave it up to them to figure it out. She needs to decide for herself whether her relationship is more important than her wish to go naked. If you do anything, try and put her in touch with more nudists, esepcially women. Give her this URL and the site addies for other good nudist sites.

Good luck.

Bob S.

[Ren]

If the guy loves her, he will protect her only when she is hurting herself. Trying naturism won't hurt anyone, so he should let her do it.

He is probably insecure since she will be nude. More than likely, he is putting nudity in the sexual context rather than the context naturism intends. Entirely understandable, so let's just quell the problem at the source. He needs to realize that she isn't looking to go nude in order to attract gapes and stares from admirers. She just wants to feel the freedom of it all.

Let's cut them both some slack and hope they relax a bit about it and use some common sense.

[Buzzer]

I understand that it is quite common for nudist clubs to have all female afairs. Why couldn't your friend attend one of these "days out with the girls" ?
(The b/f souds like he has traits of being too controling, to me too.)

[tarsus]

if a b/f or husband tells his companion not to step in front of a train,thats being protective
if he tells them they cannot go to a social event
or club with someone thats being controling.
same for g/f or wife.

[Polarbear1]

(Please read all)
Ok here's my dilemma...well it isn't really mine...but I'm asking on behalf of a friend.
Ok I have this friend who is really interested in trying out BECOMING A DEMOCRAT. We have talked about it for quite some time now and she really wants to try it, the problem is that she has a b/f. The problem is that she asked him if he wanted to try it with her and he said no and that he didn't want her to try it either (he doesn't want people seeing her BEING A DEMOCRAT etc) so I suggested to her that if it is something she really wants to do then do it and do mention it to him. But she doesn't want to not tell him something like this for fear that if he found out he would dump her. Now my feelings on the matter is that if he truly loves her and trusts her then he would let her try it and maybe join her (without JOINING if he wished to keep an "eye" on her). Or just let her go by herself. Yet I am an outside observer. Just curious if anyone else has any input? Thanks a bunch


Just thought it might be interesting to see if the same responses would be made if the topic were something different. A topic that people often can feel very passionate over, misunderstand, have pre-programmed responses for, in addition to insecurities over what others might think if they knew about the activity.

Having a certain fear of the unknown, a concern over what others may think, and insecurity over the strength of a relationship may be irrational, but that still doesn?t mean that the feelings don?t exist. Education may help in the understanding of both the desire and implications, but reason can?t always win over emotion.

Summarily saying that he is controlling is to take a very narrow view. Suggesting that these are sufficient ground to seriously question the relationship and saying that it will only escalate is a foolhardy, and a patently self-defeating attitude (imho). If my wife asked if she could paint the house vibrant green, and I said I didn?t want her to, am I controlling? Should she question my worthiness as her lifelong companion? Should she disregard my feelings and do it anyways only because she wants to? I sure hope not.

As others have suggested, a relationship is give and take. If this is something worth fighting over, fight. If this is something that is not worth fighting over, don?t. If you are fighting tooth and nail over something that you have never tried, stop and think about why! Your decision.

I expect some of you will pick apart my comparisons as not being valid. So what? The point is that people can have differing points-of-view while still having very valid, caring opinions.

Remember that communication, not an ultimatum (on either side), is the first move toward resolving any dispute.

[shãybare]

I think you have made a very good comparison, Polarbear1. It does help to stop and look at a different situation to confirm how one feels. And never ever let a spouse paint a house any color but blue.haha /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[hw]

Polarbear1, perhaps you should suggest to your friend to come to this site and have her b/f check it out as well. Is he really that afraid of her becoming a Democrat, or is he like many of the mindset Democrats=sex, Government=orgies?
She may have to rethink her relationship with said b/f if this is not an isolated thing. Does he tell her other things she can and cannot do? Does he isolate her from family and friends? Does he have to know where she is every single minute, who she is talking to on the phone?

Tell her to check all her options before becoming a Democrat.... Repubicans can be open minded. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Shaybare....Yes on the blue painted houses! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Tell her to check all her options before becoming a Democrat.... Repubicans can be open minded. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Was that an intentional misspelling?

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Tell her to check all her options before becoming a Democrat.... Repubicans can be open minded. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Was that an intentional misspelling? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>LOL,

If you went smoothy, then changed back ... you are a Repubican!

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Tell her to check all her options before becoming a Democrat.... Repubicans can be open minded. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Was that an intentional misspelling? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes Joke...yes it was intentional. Ewe should know me by now. Oh now the voices are feeling like sheep. Am I baaaaaaaad? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Just ram-bunctious, as usual.

[shãybare]

I don't know, but it has been my experience that Democrats have been more open-minded than Repupicans. They have been so open-minded that most of them walk around with only half a brain!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Of course I could be wrong. Maybe half a brain is all they were born with making it a hole brain. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[aunaturelone]

By and large the resorts tend to be populated by Republicans. Democrats are more into the beach and backcountry.

[Bartamus]

hummm..let me remind all you fellow naturists that to my recollection, every politician both
local and national that has raised a legal
objection to nude recreation has come from the "Grand Ole Party" otherwise known as the
Republicans. Most recently Congressman Mark Foley R-Florida comes to mind. Remember him? He
wanted to investigate Naturist Youth summercamps.

[Stevedaoust]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Polarbear1:
[QB] (Please read all)
Ok here's my dilemma...well it isn't really mine...but I'm asking on behalf of a friend.
Ok I have this friend who is really interested in trying out BECOMING A DEMOCRAT. We have talked about it for quite some time now and she really wants to try it, the problem is that she has a b/f. The problem is that she asked him if he wanted to try it with her and he said no and that he didn't want her to try it either (he doesn't want people seeing her BEING A DEMOCRAT etc) so I suggested to her that if it is something she really wants to do then do it and do mention it to him.


This all reminds me of a "THAT GIRL" episode (ok, i'm showing my age). She decided to start voting, for the first time, but when her father asked what party she's voting for, she refused to say which way because it would reveal which way she was going to vote.
Let's remember that voting is a right and it's "NOONES" business which way we vote. I'd remind THE B/F of that very fact!

[Nude in the North]

Sometimes it's better if the "Democrats" stick together.
Those "Republicans" just don't understand.

If she were my friend I'd take her to a "voting" place and let her give it a try. Or maybe you can just have her over to your home and try "voting" there.
One way or the other, Nobody should be kept from "voting" the way they choose. If the boyfriend wants to remain a "republican" that's his choice. It's not like she can't find another boyfriend. There are alot of "democrats" out there.

Steve