I'm interested, but my wife isn't...

[oakley]

I'm really interested in nudism... I've been to Playalinda Beach a couple of times, and Haulover once. I really didn't stay long, I just wanted to go long enough to get a sense of how comfortable I would be with being nude in front of other nude individuals. I've always considered myself a nudist, as I rarely wear clothes around the house (unless others are over, of course), or in my back yard.
I would really like my wife to join me for a day at a beach, or a resort, as I've never felt so comfortable or free as I did those few hours I spent by myself, but she's not the least bit interested. I really don't want to do it by myself... and most resorts wouldn't allow me to go by myself anyway.
My question is this: what would be the best way to try to get my wife to join me on a beach or a resort? I don't want to nag her, because I don't want her to go just because I wore her down... I'd like her to want to go with me. I'd really appreciate as many womens' points of view as possible... guys' experiences would help, too, though. Thanks!

[nudenwv]

my personal experience was to choose a clothing optional lodge! that way she could decide on her own when to disrobe! she enjoyed the hot tubs with just the two of us and that was a start! i'm nude in the home (have been for six years) although not around daughter who is twenty-five! i don't feel i should make it law that we all go nude! if forced it could make for a bad experience and that's not what it's about! hang in there and take every nude moment you're allowed! to date - my wife still chooses not to be nude even in the house with the two of us alone!

[barbararuth]

You want her to join you, bribe her. Money..lots of money and jewelry and a Farrari would be nice! NO..JUST KIDDING!

Compromise..common ground..make her a part of the "family-leisure" decision. Find out what SHE wants and go for it. If nudism goes against her grain, as it does most women, you can't force her to participate or risk irreputable harm in your marriage. Next to adultry, social nudism might be second on the list of things least tolerated. If there is something in it (the experience) for her, it will be an easier sell. If that does not work, you will have to weigh the consequences. Good luck!

[Shoobie]

Be confident in what you want for yourself, and be respectful that she may never want to do it. However, it is critical that you be open and honest with her about your reasons for being interest, especially if you are like many folks who've not previously expressed an open interest because you weren't sure how it'd be received / wanted to be sure about what formal nudism was all about before talking about it.

At the moment, my wife opts out. She does not have a problem with me doing it, but she has no desire to participate yet. This, however, is all fairly new -- since February -- that i've been attending events.

Also, know your relationship. Lots of misinfo is out there on nudism for folks to get the wrong idea. You don't want her to worry that this is about checking out babes or swinging, or sex. Some non purist organizations for the latter exist, so keep that in mind, too. Although, i stress, those are NOT nudists or naturists. They are naked swingers who happen to also be nudists.

[Nude in the North]

Trade offs are always a good way to compromise.
I get to go to the nude beach once a year. She get's to go to Mountains.
If she doesn't want to be nude atleast that way she might come with anyway. Make sure she knows that you won't pressure her into getting nude. Let her decide if and when that happens.
Maybe even take her somewhere she want's to go first. That way she will know your willing to give as good as you get.

Steve

[Naturist4Ever]

Oakley, I strongly suggest you read the topic "I am a reluctant spouse" that was started by sue (sad-eyes) ( reluctant spouse topic (http://clothesfreeforums.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/3400016152/m/7170003233/r/7230023233#7230023233) ) which is very appropriate for a view of the other half (i.e., don't alienate her! - it's not clear from your original post is she agrees to it or even knows about you going to nude beach by yourself...)

Do you know WHY she is not interested?

Good luck.

[Fresh Air]

It also sounds a bit like me 2-3 years ago. In retrospect, my advice would be to be open about everything, even if it causes akwardness. If you are going to a "nude" beach. Let her know. Talk to her about what it means to you. If it is not a fad, let her know it isn't. Try not to get upset with her for making her own choices, even if the gets upset with you for making yours. Reassure her that you want her company more than her beside you nude.

My wife not joins me at nude beaches. She has yet to go nude herself, but I'm deffinately somewhere I never thought I'd arrive. Good luck on your own journey.

Dan

[Nu]

Hello, Oakley:

My advice would be for you and your wife to go for a day in the country.

At a secluded forest or park like area, go for a walk/picnic.
If no people around, do some nude(free)hiking.
Note to your wife how cool and relaxed you are.
She may join you or be encouraged to join you.
This would be a good first step.
Nude outdoors.

After gaining this achievement and comfort, your wife may now be confident to join you at a clothing optional beach or resort.
Do this on a weekend day when lots of other people are there to enjoy the clothes free lifestyle.
Noting all this, she may then join in.

Good luck!

[Jeff Brooks]

Hey everyone to there own way of life. My wife loves me naked 24/7 but she on the other hand only wants to be nude at certain times. Go figure? Somedays she is fully dressed and even wears clothes to bed. Other days I will come home from work and she is nude and stays nude all evening. In the summer by the pool she is always nude and I love it. I just accept her the way she is.

JB

[oakley]

Thanks to everyone for their input... as I said, I would never dream of "forcing" her to join me, or even to nag her into it. I would never want her to do something just because I wore her down... that wouldn't make for a good experience for either of us.

I will keep trying, but I've actually already tried in the past some of the things suggested here. At any rate, thanks again for the help... I'll just keep trying to find a way.

[BackpackerBrian]

First, I would suggest to get an article from either The Natursist Society or AANR on nudism from a woman's perspective. I have seen these especially in issues of "Nude & Natural".

Second, I agree w/Keith''s suggestion above; take her to a clothing OPTIONAL place where she feels secure.

Thirdly, you may want to get a video on nudism from TNS or AANR; there are qyute a few of them.

It seems like the women I know who embrace nudism the most are the ones who were the most scared at first . . . go figure.

Hope this helps.

[DAllen]

I, too am new to nudism. Went with my wife into the mountains on a 4x4 road, and just had to get naked in the woods. Told her I always wanted to do it. Just striped down and went for a short stoll in the woods.

She is very self concious about her body and only rarely sleeps topless and never in the nude.

When I got back to the car I told her how great it felt.

Two weeks later I just went for a longer walk naked and she suprised me by taking off her shirt and sunning herself for a bit until we thought we heard a car coming, tuned out to be an airplane several miles away.

I thanked her for joining me topless and told her she did not have to join me, but I really enjoy being naked in the great outdoors.

I can hardly wait for the next weekend to find another isolated mountain road.

[richinud]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by DAllen:
Two weeks later I just went for a longer walk naked and she suprised me by taking off her shirt and sunning herself for a bit
QUOTE]
Excellent.

My wife will go with me to our nudist club, but she is still unhappy about me going for a naked walk. I think she'd enjoy it too, but getting her to come along may be a bit of a big leap, so I'm impressed your wife has joined you in a public, albeit wild, place.

In answer to the original poster - pressure is definitely the wrong way to go. All you can do is raise the subject occassionally and let the cogs slowly turn of their own accord, answering each and every question patiently. She may come round in her own good time, but she certainly won't come around in yours.

Rich.

[lovebeingnude]

I took my wife to a resort in Jamaica that had a "nude island" (Couples, Ocho Rios). She knew I wanted to go over to the island, but I held off asking. Finally, toward the end of the trip, she suggested we go over and see it.

[ken0254]

Lovebeingnude,

So what happened?

ken

[Heather1]

I think you have to give it time and hopefully she will come around. The harder you try to sell her on the idea though I think will push her away

Heather

[lovebeingnude]

Originally posted by ken0254:
Lovebeingnude,

So what happened?

ken

It was a "nude island"... We got nude and did a little sunbathing. Unfortunately, she was feeling a little shy, so we didn't swim in the nude pool. Not really big enough for swimming anyway - good for cooling off and having a drink on the underwater tables. Definitely next time.

This resort (Couples, Ocho Rios) also has a couple of secluded 2 person hot tubs, complete with "busy/vacant" signs. We skinnydipped in those as well.

Recently, she indicated she would like to go back and is willing to spend a lot more time out on the "nude island". http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[ken0254]

lovebeingnude,

WOW, that's totally awesome!! Good for you guys. Hopefully she'll ask herself "What took so long?"
BTW, how far are you from Somonauk?? Email me privately.

ken

[Buzzer]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/applause.gifMy wife is a lot less resistant to nudism, also. She is completly comfortable being nude at mome. But, still won't go to a nudist camp!
She finally admtted her biggest fear is being accepted, in the nude, by other wonen.
I don't understand her problem but I will respect her decision until she changes it....without any pressure from me.

[Tampanude]

My girlfriend (now wife) knew I was a nudist when we met. She never considered participating other than at home at first. After listening to me clear up all the myths (olympic bodies constantly "swinging" etc.) she agreed to visit the club I had a membership to (bathing suit of course). Once she met a few of my friends there and witnessed all shapes, sizes, ages, she became more at ease with the idea. It took about an hour before she gradually slipped out of her suit. I laughed when she said........."This is great, just like home except more cool people to talk to. I should have come here earlier with you"

[tj52]

I am in the same boat as some of you. I am the nudist, my wife on the other hand is not. I have tryed to talk her into giving it a try but so far no go. I would like to go to a C/O resort or beach but we have neither one here in MN. I would like to go on a vacation just the two of us somewhere where they alowed women to go topless maybe she would do it and then we could go from there. Hopefully I could convince her that their is nothing wrong with going clothesfree. I could only dream or wish.
Love to be nude
Tom

[Dakotawalker]

Oh, but there are two such resorts or camps in Minnesota, unless they closed down since last summer. Check out Oakwood and Avatan, both of which are just north of the Twin Cities. Both have nice facilities, not a lot of acreage, but nice facilities. They are about half an hour or so, north of Minneapolis.
Dakotawalker and wife

[usuallylurk]

Originally posted by Dakotawalker:
Oh, but there are two such resorts or camps in Minnesota, unless they closed down since last summer. Check out Oakwood and Avatan, both of which are just north of the Twin Cities. Both have nice facilities, not a lot of acreage, but nice facilities. They are about half an hour or so, north of Minneapolis.
Dakotawalker and wife

Dakotawalker,

Some parks are not "clothing optional" but are NUDIST and require disrobing. However, MOST parks will allow a newcomer to get used to it at his/her own selected pace -- within reason.

Even the club my wife and I belong to - Cedar Waters - which has stringent rules -- is "nudist" -- and no bathing suits are permitted anywhere in the park. Nudity is required in the lake, hot tub, and sauna.

However, the intro tour is clothed. And if a reluctant wife wants to take her time before disrobing -- sure, she can wear a long t-shirt or some type of coverall until she's ready (which is almost always the first day).

There's even a "shy beach" away from the crowd.

Most parks are tolerant.

Some clubs are "clothing op" -- two of the non-landed clubs we belong to are clothing optional. And the "big one" - Eastern Naturist Gathering - in Lenox -- every June - is clearly a CLOTHING OPTIONAL event.

Some clubs - however - will not allow a married person to visit without the spouse. This used to be for legal reasons (club did not want to become involved as a party to a divorce) and now is primarily social -- some clubs are retreats for a husband and wife to enjoy together, or a family to enjoy together.

Some clubs don't want to be a retreat **FROM** the spouse or family. You want that, Duffy's Tavern is down the road.

And some require disrobing for the tour as a "test" of some type, which I never could figure out.

[Nudony]

And some require disrobing for the tour as a "test" of some type, which I never could figure out.

I've read or heard about this somewhere else: a resort where nudity is required for the introductory tour. Is that for real or is it a nudist urban legend? Every single nude resort I've visited has allowed clothing on the first visit. Is there an actual resort out there that doesn't? http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/goofy.gif

[usuallylurk]

Originally posted by Nudony:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">And some require disrobing for the tour as a "test" of some type, which I never could figure out.

I've read or heard about this somewhere else: a resort where nudity is required for the introductory tour. Is that for real or is it a nudist urban legend? Every single nude resort I've visited has allowed clothing on the first visit. Is there an actual resort out there that doesn't? http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/goofy.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, there are some. Not very many. But I've heard that there is at least one still left.

The first place we ever visited - City Retreat - had such a rule. That was in 1979.

It is now called "Gulf Coast" and is under different management.

[BrianRI]

I am in the same boat as you all. My wife is not into it and she knows that I would enjoy myself. She has gone skinny dipping with me in the past and has even gone with another couple years ago. Now, she goes skinny dipping just with me and it takes a lot to get her to go. Me on the other hand enjoy swimming nude as many times as I can. I also layout nude. Day or night it doesn't matter to me. She on the other hand will only do it in the night.

Oh well, at least it is a start. I think that she is too worried about how she looks to enjoy herself. She loves the feeling of beeing nude, but doesn't like the look of her body. I tell her it doesn't matter and tell her that she has a good body, but it doesn't help.

[JohnE44]

For me the best way i found so far was to go nude around the house and do everything you would do with with your clothes on show her how relaxing it is. and most of all (I think) show that its not a sex thing. once you show her the fun and enjoyment of going nude she might join you.

[Ann1]

Hi there,

I'm one of the wives who participated in the "Reluctant Spouse" discussion last year. Where I left off was that I was going to go with my husband to the resort, as it was something very important in his life. However, because agoraphobia is a problem for me I didn't get around to going last year, and at the end of the season he decided this was all a "mid-life crisis" spree and that he didn't want to return, apologized for what he'd "put me through" with the nudism issue, and said he was determined never to go again. Therefore I considered this a dead issue and we didn't speak of it again. I was actually glad he'd come to this decision and thought that'd be the end of it.

We had decided to become members at a nearby "regular" swim club, but the atmosphere is not one we'd really feel comfortable with (very evangelical Christian. I have nothing against ECs, but it's not exactly an atmosphere conducive to relaxation if you are not one). I asked my husband if he was considering returning to the resort, and he said "not really", but knowing him, I knew this meant he was.

My heart really sank, as I thought this was a dead issue and something we'd put behind us in our marriage. We went round and round about it again, and I could see now that this would likely be a part of our lives from now on, and where did I stand? I eventually become so upset that I told him if he returned to the resort, it would be the end of our marriage, and he gave in at that point. However, there was no real sense of victory on my part. Over the next couple of weeks he became dour and rather discouraged and I began to feel bad that I was, in a sense, taking away something he enjoyed very much. Would it be worth continuing to forbid him to go and threatening to end the marriage if he did go?

I did a lot of soul-searching and decided to back down. I told him I knew it was important to him and that if he needed to go, he should go. He wants to me to go, but the agoraphobia is still a problem; however, I do intend to get there this season. Two things this year are making it easier: one, because he's been an AANR member for a year now he won't have to pretend to be single anymore (a former sore spot with me), and two, because he will still be able to go even if I am only able to go for part of a day at first, that keeps me from feeling like if I can't stay, or can't return, he wouldn't be able to go back, which was an issue last year. For some reason, with those two issues resolved, I began to feel a lot better about things. so when he renewed his AANR membership this year, I joined as well. I'm sure he has his doubts, but I do intend to get there this year!

I realize my story is a little different from that of many reluctant wives, because of the agoraphobia. If that were not a problem for me, I would likely have given going with him a try long before now. But the bottom line is that this has all not been worth almost ending our marriage over. I think, as others have said, compromise and patience is the best approach, and many wives will likely join their husbands one day.

Happy Spring to you all,

Ann

[nacktman]

Thanks for the update Ann.

Hopefully you can get to go often and just maybe it'll help ease your agoraphobia.
If you find that you enjoy yourself at the resort it should.

I have had some sucesses with patients with similar distress when they found something to do in which they enjoyed.

Compromise and patience are vital as you stated and the key to both is communication.

[Naturist Mark]

Agoraphobia can be a tough obstacle. It affects nudists too. Hopefully when you make a visit to a good resort, you'll come to be reassured that it is a safe environment, not that that will necessarily make it any easier. All of our best to both of you.

-Mark

[Buzzer]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/cool4.gif It took my wife three years to get used to going bout the house nude. One morning, she forgot tht she only had a t-shirt on ond did some gardening in the back yard. One of the neighbor ladies came out of her house and my wife stopped what she was doing to chat with her....still clad only in a t-shirt!
When she came in the house, I reminded her of what she had just done, and she was surprised. She now feels so comfortable in the nude that it is common for her & I to go about the hose nude.
She still doesn't want to go to a public beach or anything. The problem is that she's afraid of being critisized by other women! This surprised me because I thought that being nude in front of others of the same sex was no problem.

[Alii]

Originally posted by Nudony:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">And some require disrobing for the tour as a "test" of some type, which I never could figure out.

I've read or heard about this somewhere else: a resort where nudity is required for the introductory tour. Is that for real or is it a nudist urban legend? Every single nude resort I've visited has allowed clothing on the first visit. Is there an actual resort out there that doesn't? http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/goofy.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

At the website for Glen Eden in Corona, CA they say this:
"A hospitality tour is given to first-time guests. Customarily, weather permitting, tours are in the nude between the hours of 10 am and 3 pm"

I don't think my wife would have ever tried going nude if she was "forced" to be nude her first time. Our first time was at a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs. I read her reviews of the facility and told her about their relaxed rules on requiring nudity. I told her she was free to wear as much or as little as she felt comfortable with. I even told her we would come home if she was ever uncomfortable (even though we had a 2 night committed reservation).

We arrived after dark on a Friday night which made it a little easier. We joined several others in the hot tub and my wife took her top off only. The next day she started off with a little coverup. By the time we hit the chaise lounge chairs and the sun was starting to get warm she got nude. Boy, was I surprised how fast she adapted. She still is not a "nudist" but she does enjoy our twice a year visits to the same clothing optional resort. We have also gone to a nude beach in Maui, but I think I enjoyed that more than she did.

[sunaddicted]

Originally posted by Alii:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Nudony:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">And some require disrobing for the tour as a "test" of some type, which I never could figure out.

I've read or heard about this somewhere else: a resort where nudity is required for the introductory tour. Is that for real or is it a nudist urban legend? Every single nude resort I've visited has allowed clothing on the first visit. Is there an actual resort out there that doesn't? http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/goofy.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

At the website for Glen Eden in Corona, CA they say this:
"A hospitality tour is given to first-time guests. Customarily, weather permitting, tours are in the nude between the hours of 10 am and 3 pm"

I don't think my wife would have ever tried going nude if she was "forced" to be nude her first time. Our first time was at a clothing optional resort in Palm Springs. I read her reviews of the facility and told her about their relaxed rules on requiring nudity. I told her she was free to wear as much or as little as she felt comfortable with. I even told her we would come home if she was ever uncomfortable (even though we had a 2 night committed reservation).

We arrived after dark on a Friday night which made it a little easier. We joined several others in the hot tub and my wife took her top off only. The next day she started off with a little coverup. By the time we hit the chaise lounge chairs and the sun was starting to get warm she got nude. Boy, was I surprised how fast she adapted. She still is not a "nudist" but she does enjoy our twice a year visits to the same clothing optional resort. We have also gone to a nude beach in Maui, but I think I enjoyed that more than she did. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

We just returned from the nude cruise. It only took us 23 years to get there! Its a slow process and I am very lucky. My wife enjoys going to beaches and resorts with me, though she would not go by herself. Patience works. But both sides need to understand that a good marriage is built on compromise. We always include some nudity on our vacations, sometimes more, sometimes less. I try to remember that there is more to vacationing than just being nude, so we do alot of sightseeing. My wife understands that I feel more comfortable without clothes. We don't go to clothed beaches, and with the exception of Cap D'Agde, don't go to nude cities. Good Luck and keep trying.

[Naturist4Ever]

Originally posted by Tampanude:
My girlfriend (now wife) knew I was a nudist when we met. She never considered participating other than at home at first. After listening to me clear up all the myths she agreed to visit the club I had a membership to (bathing suit of course). Once she met a few of my friends there and witnessed all shapes, sizes, ages, she became more at ease with the idea. It took about an hour before she gradually slipped out of her suit. I laughed when she said........."This is great, just like home except more cool people to talk to. I should have come here earlier with you"

Just wondering, would it help if clubs etc handed out a introduction DVD that could help those reluctant spouses get over their first nerves by showing EXACTLY what to expect. You know, like a virtual tour of the area and facilities, a few interviews with some other guests, some of the activities. Children's entertainment?

Just a thought...

[krcNY]

When I cannot be nude, I wear light summer dresses with nothing underneath. I wear them around the house, to the Grocery Store and errands. It is so comfortable feeling. It is the next best thing to being naked, but when I get home I can take it off.

Have her try it, she may like this as a first step. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif