More Jokes

HW and I like jokes. Anyone else who wants to can join in.

Alabama Dumb Laws:

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

It is illegal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

You must have windshield wipers on your car.

More later.

HW and I like jokes. Anyone else who wants to can join in.

Alabama Dumb Laws:

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

It is illegal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

You must have windshield wipers on your car.

More later.

[barelybob]

Is that bear wrestling, or bare wrestling? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I'm sure bare wrestling would be a lot more fun than bear wrestling.

[missouriboy]

And probably prohibited as well.

[hw]

Thanks Jon-Marc... I do like the jokes. Thanks for posting! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Top 17 rejected names for the movie Twister:


17. "Totally Gone With The Wind"

16. "Lift and Separate"

15. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn"

14. "Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn't Fit in
the Plot"

13. "The Weather Channel: The Movie"

12. "Schindler's Twist"

11. "Field of Debris"

10. "Dead Man Flying"

9. "I, Cumulus"

8. "One House Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

7. "The Splintered Bridges of Madison County"

6. "Wizard of Oz II: The Search For Toto"

5. "Killer Genuine Draft"

4. "Four Weddings & A Funnel"

3. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom"

2. "A Funnel Thing Happened On The Way To The Farm"

1. "Roofless in Seattle"


/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

More Alabama Dumb Laws:

You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Masks may not be worn in public.

You may not drive barefooted.

You may not maim yourself to escape duty.

Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.

Lee County: It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.

Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.

[threadbare]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:

Top 17 rejected names for the movie Twister:
18. "Little House Over The Prairie"

17. "Totally Gone With The Wind"

16. "Lift and Separate"

15. "Boys on the Side -- Of My Barn"

14. "Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn't Fit in
the Plot"

13. "The Weather Channel: The Movie"

12. "Schindler's Twist"

11. "Field of Debris"

10. "Dead Man Flying"

9. "I, Cumulus"

8. "One House Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"

7. "The Splintered Bridges of Madison County"

6. "Wizard of Oz II: The Search For Toto"

5. "Killer Genuine Draft"

4. "Four Weddings & A Funnel"

3. "Indiana Jones and the Trailer Park of Doom"

2. "A Funnel Thing Happened On The Way To The Farm"

1. "Roofless in Seattle"


/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>+ 1 /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
You may not main yourself to escape duty. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Don't you mean "maim yourself"? That typo makes it sound like you're doing drugs. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hmmm...And what if you're not wearing the jeans, or anything else? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Mobile: It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Obviously they had a problem with wolves! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[owl tn]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:

You may not drive barefooted.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Actually, I don't think that is prohibited in any state. Check out this site (http://www.barefooters.org).

I think barefooting and nudism go hand in hand. There are lots of nudists in the Society for Barefoot Living, for example.

Now back to the topic, as this post isn't funny at all. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Alex

[Naturist Mark]

Kentucky Law Mandates Bathing Once a Year
Excite News (http://apnews.excite.com/article/20031125/D7V1CD6G1.html)

Nov 24, 10:03 PM (ET)

By JERIANNE STRANGE

ELIZABETHTOWN, Ky. (AP) - A state law mandating that people take a bath once a year is just one of many unusual - some bizarre - statutes that are or have been on the books in Kentucky.

"There are a lot of crazy laws out there," said Ruben Gardner, Elizabethtown's chief of police.

Another state law, for example, stated that "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The law was later amended with: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."

Other unusual laws and proposed punishments from across the state include:

- Throwing eggs (or tomatoes) at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison.

_It is unlawful to dye or color a baby chick, duckling or rabbit and offer it for sale unless six or more are for sale at the same time.

Steve Park, finance director for the city of Elizabethtown, said he's found some interesting laws that were adopted by the city in the late 1800s and that are still on the books.

"There's one that states if a horse dies in front of a house, the horse owner has 12 hours to have it removed. If the owner doesn't, then it becomes the responsibility of the property owner to have it removed," Park said. "I'm sure that at the time it was a necessary law, but I'm not sure how needed it is today."

Another local law concerns a dog tax that was imposed. Park said the handwritten statute, found in very old minutes of city council meetings required a small amount for each dog be collected. "The sheriff is to collect the tax or shoot the dog," according to the minutes.

[tarsus]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by owl tn:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:

You may not drive barefooted.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Actually, I don't think that is prohibited in any state. Check out this site (http://www.barefooters.org).

I think barefooting and nudism go hand in hand. There are lots of nudists in the Society for Barefoot Living, for example.

Now back to the topic, as this post isn't funny at all. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Alex <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>quick note: that driving barefoot law goes back to the days when the brake/clutch petal was screwed on and could fall off,ouch!

As far as I know it is illegal to drive barefoot in Michigan.

Jochanaan, I corrected my typo.

It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street in Montgomery, Alabama, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

Q: Why do folks in Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
As far as I know it is illegal to drive barefoot in Michigan. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Actually not.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Janet Wilcox, Analyst, Communications Section, Bureau of Driver & Vehicle Records, Michigan Department of State noted that while there is no law making driving barefoot illegal, "if a police officer feels that it is a careless driving practise, he may ticket you for careless driving." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>No US State prohibits driving a car while barefoot (http://www.urbanlegends.com/legal/driving.barefoot/driving_barefoot.html), but in many states -including Michigan, it is possible to be cited for 'careless operation' or the equivalent. Just like 'disorderly conduct' type charges you can be cited for just about any behavior an officer decides they don't like. Such a citation is unlikely to survive in court if contested.

I often drive barefoot in Michigan after hiking or a beach outing.

So if a cop hasn't met his quota of tickets for the day, week or month, you could get one for "careless driving" because of not wearing shoes, if he stops you for any other reason and notices you're not wearing any.

A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I'm 6-2 and weigh 225. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250. And that guy at the other end of the bar is 6-6 and weighs 280, and all three of us are from Alabama. Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are you chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

Don't think I'm picking on Alabama people. I'm just going through the states in alphabetical order.

[MongooseBoy]

Until recently, the US Department of the Interior tagged migratory birds with the following inscription: "Wash. Biol. Surv."

Then they got this letter from a hiker:

"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I
want to tell you it was horrible."

The tags now read, "Fish and Wildlife Service"

[tarsus]

jon-marc
i guess you got plenty for ole kentucky don't you? well first of all i have to wear shoes,i can't drink "r.c." cola or eat moon pies. i do seem to have a lot of junk cars however,since i hate a junk car i do not understand that one at all.and i own a lap dog, not a coon dog.wanted to clear that up before you got to the "k's". and the only person i ever knew who tried to marry his sister lived in ohio. yes i said i knew them.
have a good one jon-marc. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
and the only person i ever knew who tried to marry his sister lived in ohio. yes i said i knew them. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hey tarsus, was that the Simpsons? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
I heard they live in "Snow-My-O"! /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

A man walks into a store and says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, and a a pair of red pants."

The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!"

The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme?"

The clerk looks at him and says, "No, this is a hardware store."

Q: Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A: Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.

Q: What do you call a genius at Alabama?
A: Visitor

It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University's response was, "Why do we need another phone company?"

An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"

To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

[missouriboy]

WOW, Jon-Marc, I can't wait til you get to Missouri. Godspeed! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I've still got quite a few to go on Alabama, and then I'll start on Alaska.

The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?"

"No, he said again, "I want to stay here in the front seat with you."

---------------------

Q: How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on him!

Q: Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first!

---------------------

You're probably an Auburn fan if....

You can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.

Your wife's idea of cleaning the house is throwing everything out in the yard.

You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.

You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.

You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2!!

You won't buy a Japanese car because you're afraid you won't understand what they say on the radio.

Your kids go to a private school, and they won't tell you were it is.

Your granny beats you in the tobacky spittin' contest.

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
WOW, Jon-Marc, I can't wait til you get to Missouri. Godspeed! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Me too! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[R.M.GREENMAN2]

Q:How many Nebraska fans does it take to eat road kill?
A: 3. One to eat, two to watch for traffic.


Q: Why does the corn in Iowa lean west?
A: 'Cause Nebraska sucks!


Q: Why do Raider fans wear black?
A: It's harder to tell when they messed themselves!


Q: How do you know that you are in the Oakland Raiders locker room?
A: The showers and soap haven't been used!

Q: How do you know if a Raider fan has been in the library?
A: The books haven't been touched!

Q: What is the difference between Satan and Al Davis?
A: Satan wouldn't be caught in those glasses!

Q: What do they put on the bottom of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A: Please open other end.

---------------------

An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitch-hiking. He told them to jump into the back of his truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.

As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out of the truck. They replied, "We're trying to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"

That's all, folks! Next time, Alaska.