HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

[Sanslines]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines .
Mexico, complaining about the ignorance of its new citizens, are trying to return Mexas (formerly Texas) back to the US.

[Sanslines]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.


Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut


Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines .
Mexico, complaining about the ignorance of its new citizens, are trying to return Mexas (formerly Texas) back to the US.

[nudeM]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/applause.gif Too cool.

[D-TX]

HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029

...
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
...


Does Jeb Bush have a son named George? Just wondering, because George W. Bush does not have a son named George.

Take Care & Stay Bare,
David

[Eric6420]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


Frankly, I think that it is difficult to get more racist than that.

It reminds me of nazi propaganda when Hitler said that the Jews were very dangerous for the German culture.

The Christians who pretends to be persecuted in the USA because gays can get married in Massachussetts is another good example.

[NudePete]

Eric

It seems to me that racism is defined as the persecution of an ethnic group. This entry was posted is in the Fun and Humor section of the forum and every one of its sub-parts is a joke - and most of it pretty funny in my mind.

I am reasonably sure that racism was not intended here at all. I firmly believe that we should all be able to laugh at our differences, providing that target of the laughter also "gets the joke" too. Don't you agree?

[Journeyman]

Can't say I thought the post was very funny, either, NudePete. I agree that we should all be able to laugh at ourselves, but there seemed to be an underlying meannesss to this "humor". Clearly written by a conservative, the post slags Mexicans, the French, Massachusetts' liberals, etc - and also manages a swipe at gay marriage.

Sanslines, are you the author, or is this from a conservative radio station or something similar?

[Sanslines]

Hey Journeyman,

No, I am not the author. This was sent to me from a friend in California and was meant as a joke. Nothing serious was meant by it. We can't take everything in life too seriously or else who would watch Jay Leno and David Letterman?

[nacktman]

.

[Eric6420]

Well,

I would say that there is a kind of jokes that are dangerous because it is either racist or homophobic or sexist.

I think the jokes in the first post are in denial of reality.

I mean civil rights are not to be laugh about when you live under the Patriot Act,

The situation of gays and lesbians is not to be laugh about when they have no protection in many states,

The situation of Mexicans immigrants is generally not funny either.

I mean, there is a war in Irak that makes the USA very unpopular in many parts of the World.

I do not think that it was very funny.

[Sanslines]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Eric6420:

.........I do not think that it was very funny. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Some might find it funny and some might not. Such is the nature of humor. As was said above, this was posted in fun and humor section and was not to be taken seriously. Some of it might be a bit strong but as with jokes the intention was not to directly offend anyone. Some will still get offended no matter what. Some might not like Jay Leno or David Letterman's humor but then again many do as their shows are very popular in the USA. Sometimes people make statements with humor over events that they have no control. I don't think that Jay Leno or David Letterman are out to seriously offend anyone and their intention seems to be to always express with humor.

[Eric6420]

I think that humor is also a powerfull weapon.

Trivialisation of people can really hurt them. Just think how long homosexuals had been trivialised, there was much more than humor in thoses "jokes", there was an intent to kill an identity.

Pratically all French Canadians remember the day Canada has repatriate the Constitution from England in 1982.

René Lévesque was the premier of Quebec at the time and he was invited in Ottawa like premiers of other provinces.

It turns out that the prime minister and other premiers had repatriate the Canadian Constitution without any respect for René Lévesque or French Canadians in general. They were making jokes about our premier.

René Lesvesque said an historic comment that day, he said : "A day, they will maybe realized that this was not that funny".

Let me tell you that if the prime minister and others premiers had respected Quebec and French Canadians that day, the separatist movement would maybe dead since then.

Instead, André Boisclair is now the main leader for making Quebec a country, and the fact that he is an openly gay man is symbolic because he looks as a defender of two repressed minorities.

Be aware of who you ridicule, because one day, they may be stronger than you or they may hurt you in a way you do not like.

Humor is more serious than most people think.

[Sanslines]

This is supposed to be fun and humour section and as such what is posted here is not to be taken seriously. Had these jokes been posted in another section of the forum, then they would most probably have been taken more seriously. These jokes are not about Canadian politics or the situation between Quebec and the other Canadian provinces. (I live close enough to the Canadian border and travel to Toronto often. I understand both sides of the issue that you mention but such a discussion is way too serious for this fun and humor section.) I don't think that you have watched Jay Leno but be forewarned that he is very popular here and can 'appear' to offend anyone when in fact he is laughing with people. Would you be offended by some of his Bush jokes? These jokes are obviously an American 'thing' and with the many difficulties that we face in America now, if we lose our sense of humor, then what do we have left? Believe it or not, but it is getting to the point that no matter what we say, we offend 'someone' and therefore everything has to be white washed to be 'politically correct'. There are also things that you might find funny that others find offensive. Do we ban those things? Do we ban everything? Do we ban nudism because some people find nudism 'offensive'? Do we ban this forum because non nudists might find it offensive? Remember, it is not always what it said but how it is said that conveys the true meaning. La vie est trop court!

[barenaked1]

Eric,

Lighten up!

Ever heard of the term 'Satire'

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Eric6420:
I think that humor is also a powerfull weapon.

Trivialisation of people can really hurt them. Just think how long homosexuals had been trivialised, there was much more than humor in thoses "jokes", there was an intent to kill an identity.

Pratically all French Canadians remember the day Canada has repatriate the Constitution from England in 1982.

René Lévesque was the premier of Quebec at the time and he was invited in Ottawa like premiers of other provinces.

It turns out that the prime minister and other premiers had repatriate the Canadian Constitution without any respect for René Lévesque or French Canadians in general. They were making jokes about our premier.

René Lesvesque said an historic comment that day, he said : "A day, they will maybe realized that this was not that funny".

Let me tell you that if the prime minister and others premiers had respected Quebec and French Canadians that day, the separatist movement would maybe dead since then.

Instead, André Boisclair is now the main leader for making Quebec a country, and the fact that he is an openly gay man is symbolic because he looks as a defender of two repressed minorities.

Be aware of who you ridicule, because one day, they may be stronger than you or they may hurt you in a way you do not like.

Humor is more serious than most people think. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Eric6420]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Eric,

Lighten up!

Ever heard of the term 'Satire' </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, I am not against humor in general, I am just saying that humor has long been used to put down minorities.

And there are subjects that I would not make humor or satire about, because I think that theses subjets are too serious.

For example, I think that it would be totally inapropriate to make jokes about the 9/11 victims or their families.

Or making jokes about the soldiers in Irak would be wrong also, because I wouln'd want to be at their place.

Or jokes pretending that Arabs are all terrorists would be quite bad also.

I have nothing against humor in general, and I am not personnally angry at what I read. I just find that sometimes , so called humor is not that funny.

[Journeyman]

Sanslines, the original poster, is right. Humour comes in all kinds of fashions and some of us like it, and some of us don't.

Eric, I can appreciate what you're saying, but let's not take Quebecquois and federal Canadian politics here. This is not the issue.

The issue to me is that what might be funny to some people is not funny to others. Simple.

But jeez, Sanslines, do you work for Jay Leno part-time as a publicist?! You're hawking him more than Tide detergent. ;-)

[Eric6420]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Journeyman:
Sanslines, the original poster, is right. Humour comes in all kinds of fashions and some of us like it, and some of us don't.

Eric, I can appreciate what you're saying, but let's not take Quebecquois and federal Canadian politics here. This is not the issue.

The issue to me is that what might be funny to some people is not funny to others. Simple.

But jeez, Sanslines, do you work for Jay Leno part-time as a publicist?! You're hawking him more than Tide detergent. ;-) </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK! We will keep things light light light in this funny section.

Light like the oil they use at the White House for their freedom fries and their freedom toasts!

I am sure that their oil is very light and very great, after all, this G.W.Bush administration knows a lot about oil...

[barenaked1]

Thanks, Eric.I do know that some people have a sensitive spot and yes, there are some things not to be taken lightly.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Eric6420:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Journeyman:
Sanslines, the original poster, is right. Humour comes in all kinds of fashions and some of us like it, and some of us don't.

Eric, I can appreciate what you're saying, but let's not take Quebecquois and federal Canadian politics here. This is not the issue.

The issue to me is that what might be funny to some people is not funny to others. Simple.

But jeez, Sanslines, do you work for Jay Leno part-time as a publicist?! You're hawking him more than Tide detergent. ;-) </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK! We will keep things light light light in this funny section.

Light like the oil they use at the White House for their freedom fries and their freedom toasts!

I am sure that their oil is very light and very great, after all, this G.W.Bush administration knows a lot about oil... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Sanslines]

Originally posted by Journeyman:
"Sanslines, the original poster, is right. Humour comes in all kinds of fashions and some of us like it, and some of us don't."

Didn't I say this above? See above: "Some might find it funny and some might not. Such is the nature of humor......." If you like it fine. If you don't also fine. What's the big deal???

"Eric, I can appreciate what you're saying, but let's not take Quebecquois and federal Canadian politics here. This is not the issue."

"The issue to me is that what might be funny to some people is not funny to others. Simple."


"But jeez, Sanslines, do you work for Jay Leno part-time as a publicist?! You're hawking him more than Tide detergent."


No, I don't work for Jay Leno. I kept mentioning Jay Leno to bring home the point that he is a popular comedian whose jokes are liked by many and disliked by some. Many people know of his show here in the USA and can understand and relate to his kind of humor. If you like him , fine. If you don't like him, again fine. Eric made some good points and I replied. If you don't like my explanations, then don't read them so you won't be 'offended' by mention of Jay Leno. Jeez, lighten up! This is supposed to be a fun and humor section and not a drama section!!!!

[Journeyman]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Sanslines:
... If you don't like my explanations, then don't read them so you won't be 'offended' by mention of Jay Leno. Jeez, lighten up! This is supposed to be a fun and humor section and not a drama section!!!! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Such is the problem when I post online without using smiley faces. I was TRYING to make a joke of you being a publicist for Leno. Guess I failed. Guess I'm unfunny ...*sigh* ...and if I lightened up any more than this I'd be invisible. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/wink3.gif

[Sanslines]

JMan,

Didn't see the smiley face but no worries. Live long and prosper. Peace!

[NudePete]

PC run amok.

A simple reference to a minority, or an issue, in a joke does not necessarily mean one is "taking a swipe" at it. These were patent absurdities, obviously intended not to be taken seriously. As long as we all recognize that any stereotypes portrayed are there for humorous purposes, what's the problem?

(This reminds me of a story I heard a while back about a witness who failed to note the most distinguishing characteristic about her assailant - his race, for fear that she was being discriminatory. What the heck was she thinking!!! The woman was attacked! She, and we all, need to look at the big picture!)

In my view, if we can't make gentle jokes about the things we care about, we are taking things much too seriously. It is only when people start making vicious attacks on others under the guise of humor that we need be concerned.

I apologize for taking this thread away from it original intent. Let's get back to the humor.

[nimrod]

I laughed, then I felt like crying. I come to the Fun and Humor section to get a laugh or even a smile. In the future if you do not like the joke(s), report it to the moderators, not on this thread. And for those who did not like the Mexifornia, visit So. Cal. you might change your mind on the subject and find it funny.

[nacktman]

How about something really funny?

[nimrod]

I do not know about that nacktman, our friends from PeTA might find that offencive. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/clown.gif Sorry, I really should practice what I preach.

[Bob S.]

Eric:"there are subjects that I would not make humor or satire about, because I think that theses subjets are too serious."

Life's too serious to be taken seriously.

Eric, for me, there are no subjects that cannot be joked about. Yes, some jokes can go too far, but there is the possibility to laugh about anything.

Bob S.

[Naturist Mark]

The steers that live in my neighborhood found that cartoon offensive.

-Mark

[tonka258]

Another headline from the year 2029
New survey 87 percent of worlds population enjoy living in the nude.

[OZJames]

Naturist Mark QUOTE - The steers that live in my neighborhood found that cartoon offensive.

Mark - Steers do not have testicles - it's a BULL

Nacktman - <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">How about something really funny? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I think the bull got his own back - HEADLINES - "Clown sticks needle in bull's balls. Bull kicks off rails and kickes clown in the teeth http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by OZJames:
Naturist Mark <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> - The steers that live in my neighborhood found that cartoon offensive. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Mark - Steers do not have testicles

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes James, that is why they are offended. Just like starving people are offended by being taunted with pictures of food.

http://www.nbc.com/photos/Late_Night/Late_Night_with_Conan_O_Brien/2LCOamN05.jpg
IN THE YEAR 2029
-jokes will be funny even after being explained.

-Mark

[OZJames]

DUH, http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/bonk.gif - sorry Mark - BUT all the steers I have known are used to being pushed around by bulls and would take great delight in seeing a bull get his cumuppance.

For some reason desexed animals are often bullied (skuse the pun) by entire males and female animals, especially mares.

IN THE YEAR 2029 - cities become unpopulated due to lack of water - populations move to country areas and learn more about nature

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif

[Bob S.]

Mark, you a Conan Fan?

Bob S.

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Bob S.:
Mark, you a Conan Fan?

Bob S. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Conan, and also Craig Ferguson. Unfortunately I can't manage to stay up that late anymore ... I'm lucky if I make through the first 20 minutes of Letterman.

-Mark

[something]

I thought it was hilarious.

[NekkidAl]

Maybe the person who authored the list is an overweight, former NBA player in a homosexual marriage who voted for Bush, had a thing for Chelsea Clinton (prior to coming out), works for the USPS and owns a Japanese made electric car.

His birth mother was Mexican and was living in Iran when impregnated with the sperm of a donor who was French. She used to smoke Cuban cigars but stopped when she found out the pregnancy took.

Upon further research, the spermcicle donor turned out to be a former IRS worker from Massachusetts who is now a very liberal member of the Supreme Court and instrumental in saving the Spotted Owl's natural habitat.

Also, by the way, the author had a twin sister who has been sentenced to some prison time due to being a fast-talking promoter of using common household items as weapons.

(Did I miss anything?)

[NekkidAl]

Another --

In the year 2029:

All forms of communication are outlawed due to the hypersensitivity of the human race. Sales and stock of sensory-deprivation chambers skyrocket. Global overpopulation worries end now that all procreation is now precisely controlled in laboratories. And, this forum ends because we can't "talk" to each other anymore. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/sad3.gif