I'd like to introduce my wife to nudism. [Archive]

Fresh Air

01-31-2003, 11:12 AM

I'm just writting for oppinions and advice. It would be especially interesting to hear stories similar to my own. Here's my story:

I have always wanted to try nudism. Two years ago I finally did and it has been more relaxing and liberating than I ever imagined. One year ago, I married my wife (after I was a nudist). She has no problems with being nude at home (quite often). Social nudity is another thing, though. While we had talked about it, she does not seem interested in trying it. So, I don't bring it up anymore. She has a fear of being seen by someone she knows.

I still go to nude beaches (San O. and sometimes Black's), though she doesn't know, when ever I go alone...for relaxation and the convinience of dressing/undressing my wetsuit for surfing.

For some time I have known my brother to be a nudist. We're very close, but don't talk about nudism. So, he does not know I am. I recently found out that his girlfriend is now also a nudist. I'm happy for him. My wife, my brother, his girlfriend, and I are all good friends. I just with this was something we could share, but I don't feel like I can tell my wife that they are or that I am or even tell them that I am also. I feel like I have to play dodge ball being we go to the same beach. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

When summer comes again, I might try asking my wife again. I just with there were somewhere secluded (even more so than a resort) that just the two of us could introduce her to it at. I'm certain she would go nude outside if it was just the two of us. She has even flashed me at the beach or driven home from the beach nude. I know she has the mindset, I just don't know how to take the next step. I'm tierd of experiencing nude beaches alone. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

So, here's my questions:

Is it wrong to go alone?
Is not telling her bad?
Do any of you have similar experiences and have resolved them even?
Any other advice?

I'm interested in hearing the responses.

/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Thanks

Fresh Air

01-31-2003, 11:12 AM

Fresh Air

01-31-2003, 11:14 AM

The smiley face in paragraph 4 was an accident

Opps /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

BrianM

01-31-2003, 11:48 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Fresh Air:
I'm just writting for oppinions and advice. It would be especially interesting to hear stories similar to my own. Here's my story:

I have always wanted to try nudism. Two years ago I finally did and it has been more relaxing and liberating than I ever imagined. One year ago, I married my wife (after I was a nudist). She has no problems with being nude at home (quite often). Social nudity is another thing, though. While we had talked about it, she does not seem interested in trying it. So, I don't bring it up anymore. She has a fear of being seen by someone she knows.

I still go to nude beaches (San O. and sometimes Black's), though she doesn't know, when ever I go alone...for relaxation and the convinience of dressing/undressing my wetsuit for surfing.

For some time I have known my brother to be a nudist. We're very close, but don't talk about nudism. So, he does not know I am. I recently found out that his girlfriend is now also a nudist. I'm happy for him. My wife, my brother, his girlfriend, and I are all good friends. I just with this was something we could share, but I don't feel like I can tell my wife that they are or that I am or even tell them that I am also. I feel like I have to play dodge ball being we go to the same beach. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

When summer comes again, I might try asking my wife again. I just with there were somewhere secluded (even more so than a resort) that just the two of us could introduce her to it at. I'm certain she would go nude outside if it was just the two of us. She has even flashed me at the beach or driven home from the beach nude. I know she has the mindset, I just don't know how to take the next step. I'm tierd of experiencing nude beaches alone. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

So, here's my questions:

Is it wrong to go alone?
Is not telling her bad?
Do any of you have similar experiences and have resolved them even?
Any other advice?

I'm interested in hearing the responses.

/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Thanks <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

01-31-2003, 11:54 AM

Hi Fresh Air.....You have got to keep the communications open..Going alone to the beach and purposely not telling your wife does not seem to me a good idea. With the 3of the 4 of you close friends into naturism gentle Friendly peruasion should eventually win her over. But above all avoid taking her to a place where she might have a bad experience...That could really set back your cause. Been there ..done that and am sorry. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

BrianM

01-31-2003, 12:02 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Fresh Air:

So, here's my questions:

Is it wrong to go alone?
Is not telling her bad?
Do any of you have similar experiences and have resolved them even?
Any other advice?

I'm interested in hearing the responses.

/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Thanks <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I cannot understand why you do not want to talk to your wife about it. Only married a year, go for it. If you can't talk now about someting so simple, then you're doomed later.
Not wrong to go alone, wrong not to tell her about it.
Tell her about it first, after taling with her then tell your brother. I've been to Blacks, there are plenty of times when you can be "alone" there.
From your post, it seems she may be associating sex with the nudity a little too much (riding home nude, etc). That is the first thing to get across, that nude beaches are not supposed to be a sexual place.
Second, that she does not have to be nude with you if you go to the beach. Plenty of "mixed" couples there.
Third, don't push her into it, just open it up to her. Let her move at her pace.
Fourth, if it doesn't work out, either forget about it and keep your cloths on from now on, or tell her take a hike. Innocent sneaking around forever will not work, and there is no need for it.
Before my first time nude at a beach, my wife knew that I wanted to go to one, and she talked about it as a possibility, but was reserved about it. When I was in San Diego for business, i "stumbled upon" Blacks beach. I went and tried it, and loved it. As soon as I got home, I told my wife about it, and later that year, we went to an unofficial nude area together. Just be honest, but not pushy.

luvnaturism

01-31-2003, 01:52 PM

Fresh Air -

You're getting wise counsel from others who have responded. I would advise anyone who wants to have a solid, rewarding marriage that rule #1 is make sure that your wife is the first person to hear of anything that you do that might be misunderstood. Nothing undermines trust like keeping secrets.

There's another part of your message that is intriguing. You have a close relationship with other naturists, and you can't even tell them of your interest? If not them, who? Most people would love to know others in their close circle who are naturists.

Are you sure that you're grown up enough yet to be trying naturism? I don't have the impression that you yet have an adult sense that "I run my own life now, and I've decided to explore naturism."

Think about it.

Back to your original question: if your circumstances allow, take her far enough from home that she will feel comfortable that she's not going to meet someone she knows. This truly is a big issue for some women. For some men, too, for that matter.

Good luck.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Vin

01-31-2003, 04:25 PM

florida-david

01-31-2003, 07:30 PM

i'm interested to know why you have not spoken to your brother about it? i like the idea of planning a secluded vacation with the four of you, but first maybe plan a long private getaway with only your wife and introduce some naked fun just for the two of you. but make sure it is non-sexual so that she does not assume every time you get naked, it is associated with sex. also, i think you should discuss your interest in nudism with her, it seems as though she is open minded about it. in my opinion, you guys are too early in a relationship to have your secrets. it might be that she does not want to attend the nude events with you and you end up experiencing these things alone, but with her approval. no sneaking around, that's my advice.

Fresh Air

02-03-2003, 01:17 PM

Hi

Thanks for all the honest oppinions. They are really helpful. I guess I could clarify some things.

I like to surf. When I go to the beach, I usually go with my wife or brother. I sometimes go to a nude beach when I go surfing alone, but surfing is still my primary reason I'm at the beach. I don't socialize or go to the highly congregated areas. I do see your point(s) though. I'm starting to agree that perhaps I shouldn't go If I have to "hide" it...ie, that I can't talk about it openly.

I actually have talked about it with my wife. Asked her views (doubtfully, not enthusiastic about trying it) and told her mine (It doesn't bother me). I have just never told her that I've tried it before and still occasionally. I just don't feel that she would fully understand without trying it first.

We both were raised Christian, she more conservative than I, and there often are stigmatisms associated with things like nudism that are hard to overturn. This is also why my family (brother included) don't discuss some topics...nudism included. We haven't seen eachother naked since we were around five. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

The four of us is a good idea, but I don't think it would work...I do like the idea about the two of us and non-sexual naked fun. That's a really good idea.

Thanks outdoorbare, BrianM, luvnaturism, vin, and florida-david for your responses. They make me think /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I'm thinking I'll not go alone anymore. If I go to tan only, I will probobly be to a secluded area (like a hot spring) where no one usually is. She knows I've done that and doesn't mind. I'm still going to try to slowly leak it to her.

Thanks again!

Rik

02-03-2003, 02:32 PM

Just to add a little more to this. I had a similar experience with my wife.

When we were younger many of our holidays were spent in France where nudist beaches are fairly easy to find. I always mangaged to arrange it so that the beaches we chose to go to were nudist although she just assumed it was coincidental that just about every beach we visited was nudist. So for many years she accepted that I would go nude although she didn't want to do it herself.

Then, perhaps 5 years ago, I started to go on solo camping trips and on one of these trips I discovered the joys of nudist camping. During my stay away I'd spoken everday to my wife on the telephone but didn't mention I was staying at a nudist site. When I got home I felt guilty so I told her but I guess I made it sound like I'd just stumbled on this place and thought "why not give it a try?". Her immediate reaction was along the lines of "it's up to you what you do but I don't really want to know too much about it". But I felt a slight burden being lifted off me for telling her.

The following year I did the same and although I assumed she knew I would stay at nudist camp sites it wasn't until I got back that I "confessed" all. This time we had a resonable conversation about it, I showed her some camping brochures I'd picked up on the way, she asked some questions (like "you mean there were no orgies?") and I also said that in future I would seek out nudist sites when I went off on my trips. She was, and still is, quite comfortable about this and I felt liberated that we had spoken so openly.

These days we always go to clothing optional beaches. She always keeps her bikini bottom on but is completely comfortable with the nudity she sees around her.

You said "I have always wanted to try nudism. Two years ago I finally did and it has been more relaxing and liberating than I ever imagined." If, next time you go to a nude beach alone, you're open and honest with your wife about it I'm sure you will feel even more liberated and hopefully it will pave the way to being able to go to nude beaches together.

Good luck.

Rik

Nude in the North

02-03-2003, 02:58 PM

You probably know your wife better than anybody. I can't guess how she will react. But I do know that you won't be happy keeping secrets from her. You need to talk about what makes you happy, and tell her how important it is to you.
Don't wait 25 years to find out that she was waiting for you to make the first move.
Communication is the key to a happy marriage. Even if you don't get the answer you want, it's better than not asking the question.

Steve

florida-david

02-03-2003, 06:45 PM

all good advise - i think you should work nudity into both of your lives slowly and it sounds like she might eventually agree that the nude surfing/beach trip is ok. i would suggest to not immediately give up your beach trips as this is something you do for yourself that you find enjoyable; some things in a marriage are done solely for YOUR enjoyment and not your partners. hopefully she has things she lkes doing on her own that you might not agree with for yourself. my wife makes a yearly yoga retreat with her best friend (female). neither myself or her friends' husband object - we know it is a little indulgence done for their personal recreation. i make a solo yearly camping trip - we all need an innocent break from our married life and our kids.

Rik

02-04-2003, 01:00 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by florida-david:
... i make a solo yearly camping trip - we all need an innocent break from our married life and our kids. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Well said. Partnerships are strengthened by the partners sometimes being independent but they are never strengthened by deceit.

Rik

Vin

02-04-2003, 06:52 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Rik:
Partnerships are strengthened by the partners sometimes being independent but they are never strengthened by deceit. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Excellent point. But it raises a question: where is the line between independence and deceit? I ask that honestly, because quite frankly I don't know how to answer it right now.

Rik

02-04-2003, 07:46 AM

Vin,

If truth be known we all deceive our loved ones from time to time. If that deceit is to protect them (e.g. from something unpalatable) then it may be excusable but if the deceit is to protect us from incurring their disaproval then we should question whether such deceit is acceptable or, perhaps, whether we're in the right relationship.

Rik

Vin

02-04-2003, 08:01 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Rik:
If that deceit is to protect them (e.g. from something unpalatable) then it may be excusable but if the deceit is to protect us from incurring their disaproval then we should question whether such deceit is acceptable or, perhaps, whether we're in the right relationship. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>But when is it okay to keep something to yourself because it's an independence issue? For example, my wife and I have separate bank accounts, partly because we're both strong-willed and drive each other nuts trying to jointly manage finances. I don't snoop into her accounts because it's none of my business what she does with her money. I don't think either of us is deceiving the other; we're simply exercising independence.

Maybe deceit is deceit, and the real question is "when is it justified?"

Pondering (as if I don't have enough to do today),
Vin

toofeelgood

02-04-2003, 08:51 AM

Fresh Air,
I am almost in an identical situation. Uncanny, very similar. I am recently married and have been comfortable with nudism prior to this. My wife is natural with ordinary nakedness. Showering in front of me, blow drying her hair, occasionally sleeping naked etc... although, she does not just stay naked while going about her daily stuff while at home. And it sounds like your wife is comfortable at home being naked. So this is a good thing! It illustrates a true comfort level with herself being herself with or with out clothes. You are one up on me. My wife's sister knows I am a nudist and she thinks it is all natural too. Coincidently enough, after confiding in her she said her boyfriend is nude 24/7 at home and he is just like me. She said she would like to do a resort with us, that it sounds life fun but a little scary. Although, her boyfriend isn't ready for social nudity. Maybe you should talk to your brother or his girlfriend possibly she can give you advice or even talk to your wife about it. The suggesting of going to remote locations to let her experience being nakded outdoors is a good one. My wife is ok being naked for short periods of time while camping, remote beaches in tropical places etc...
Since these experiences she agreed to go to San O with me. Initially she was defensive walking to the beach. She kept her bakini on, then relaxed enough to take her top off. On the way home she noted that she had never been to a beach where there were so many people yet everyone kept to themselves, no one invading our space, kicking sand on us, playing a gheto blaster in our ear. She even said her fear was just that, her fear and for her to get over it and next time loose the bottoms, that it really isn't a big deal. I know she doesn't feel completely comfortable with body freedom, as do I, so I haven't forced the issue for going back. Hopefully this summer we can frequent there. I suggest when you do take her to San O to go on a nice warm crowded summer weekend, bcs this is when the beach seems to be like any other beach just naked. Times like this no one pays you any nevermind, but off season or off weekend you can get some pervs etc.
I too occasionally go surfing there without telling her I go there. More often than not it is by mistake, bcs I say I am going to old mans and get there and it is flat, blown out and windy so I travel looking for a better break and trail 6 is usually pretty good. Like you it is very convenient to just strip the wet suit on and off so this is a plus. I have told her after words that this is where I went and a couple times she has said you should have called me so I could come down. After reading your story I intend to tell her that this is where I am going if I indeed plan it ahead of time.
Let me know if you ever want to go surf. Also, it sound like maybe are wives should meet one another.

Good luck,
T.

Rik

02-04-2003, 12:45 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Vin:
But when is it okay to keep something to yourself because it's an independence issue? For example, my wife and I have separate bank accounts, partly because we're both strong-willed and drive each other nuts trying to jointly manage finances. I don't snoop into her accounts because it's none of my business what she does with her money. I don't think either of us is deceiving the other; we're simply exercising independence. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Vin,

Perhaps we're slightly at cross purposes. What I was trying to say was that taking time away from each other can be a good thing for, from my experience, it strengthens the relationship. What is not so good is being deceitful about what you do when you're apart.

Rik

florida-david

02-04-2003, 04:58 PM

toofeelgood and freshair - you two need to get to the beach together. set up a date and time two weeks in advance and tell your wives they are welcome to come clothed or not. regardless, you two guys get together and hit the surf. i have this feeling your wives will go and have a great time. they will probably decide nudity is secondary to the quality people at the nude beach.

good luck ...

Vin

02-04-2003, 06:35 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Rik:
What I was trying to say was that taking time away from each other can be a good thing for, from my experience, it strengthens the relationship. What is not so good is being deceitful about what you do when you're apart. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Ah. That definitely bears thinking about. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Fresh Air

02-05-2003, 10:39 AM

Thanks again for all the advice, stories and oppinions. They are great. Now a little more about my wife.

As I said before she is comfortable nude at home. We always sleep in the nude and never dress after showers (unless we have to go somewhere). If it's warm inside we are both nude and she has no problem doing housework (ie. dishes, vacuming, dusting, etc.) nude. If we have to change clothes or are just getting comfortable by removing them, she enjoys doing stripteases for me sometimes and dancing around after. She is definately comfortable with her body around me. Other than me, though, she does place high importance on what others "think". She often prefers to dress more conservatively, such as not showing her midrift, mostly because of what others might think if they see her dressed in that manner. Which I understand. It again refers to the way that we were raised where it is as important (if not more) to do what is expected of you, rather than what you choose. I only recently have begun growing out of that and am certain she has too. It's not anything to complain about, though. It can be a comfort to know that others care about your life and future too.

I'm planning on working to minimize the deciet while still respecting the independence. I feel I am more independent that she (I think most guys are) and am also working on strengthening her independence. I believe the strongest marriages are a balance of co-dependence with independence.

toofeelgood,
It's nice to hear from someone in a nearly identical situation. If comparing, I'd have to say our wives are 'ahead' in different areas. I'm still working on the camping or remote locations. So far, it has never been an option for us. I do feel that is the first step, though, and after this I will try to proposition a nude beach experience again. I can imagine that it is nice to share that experience with the one person in the world you love the most and want to share the most with. I'm proud of you wife and hope my wife too, someday shares a similar view.

In theory, it sounds nice for out wives to meet or for us to go surfing sometime. Given my situation, however, it should be handeled with delicacy. I am open for baby steps, though. If you want to discuss it further you can email me at: dancurious@yahoo.com And, thank you for the offer.

I know what you mean about the pervs on weekdays...but also on weekends. Unfortuantely I've seen my share of the stalker types and the exhibitionist types during my stolls on the beach. That's actually one of the things that really scares me.

My wife is an attractive woman. I don't recall ever seeing someone as attractive as her on the beach, but I might be bias, lol. She is 25 and in great shape. We both go to the gym frequently and stay in shape. Both of us are tall and slender. I know that if I take her on a busy day people will stare...but if I take her on a slow day, there is a greater chance of encountering a class-shady character (I've even had problems with the stalker-wackers myself...and I'm a guy). Either way I think it would make her uncomfortable for a first time experience. My fears are unrealized though and perhaps if she ever does want to give it a try they will be more appropriate to consider.

Anyhow, feel free to email me toofeelgood.

Again, all the responses are excellent and so helpful. I just want to let you all know I appreciate them all. I will keep you posted if anything ever happens, but I don't expect anything anytime soon.

Thanks,

Fresh Air /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Fresh Air

02-11-2003, 09:24 AM

If anyone wants to add more comments, I'd be happy to hear them...

Fresh Air

02-12-2003, 10:21 AM

My wife and I talked about nudism again (last night). It came up, because we were talking about south beach miami. We went there before, but it was cloudy, we didn't stay long at the beach.

Anyhow, she said she would want to go again. She said she wouldn't mind the "naked" people (which would be topless or skimply clad in this case). I said "would you go topless?", she said, "no, I might see someone I know...maybe in another country".

Then she told me about the MTV episode where the son was embarassed by his parents, who own a nudist resort in palm springs.

We've been talking about camping lately too. She says she'll go, but never where there is not a public restroom or showers. Which in my oppinion is not true camping /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif But, perhaps we will find a quite secluded spot yet, to be nude alone and together.

Vin

02-12-2003, 12:24 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Fresh Air:
We've been talking about camping lately too. She says she'll go, but never where there is not a public restroom or showers. Which in my oppinion is not true camping /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif But, perhaps we will find a quite secluded spot yet, to be nude alone and together. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sounds like a great idea. Once she's comfortable being nude outdoors with you, maybe she'll be ready to expand. You might go to a CO beach somewhere far enough away to be fairly safe from running into someone you know.

Good luck! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Rik

02-12-2003, 12:38 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Fresh Air:
I said "would you go topless?", she said, "no, I might see someone I know...maybe in another country". <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I find this attitude completely illogical although clearly it is real enough to those who espouse it. If you meet someone you know at at clothing optional beach then there are 3 scenarios I can think of:

1) The other person is not nude but because they're at a CO beach they are surely comfortable with other people's nudity and their reasons for practising it.

2) The other person is nude and therefore comfortable with other people's nudity and their reasons for practising it.

3) The other person, nude or not, is there to gawk. It's them who have the problem.

Rik

scottnc

02-12-2003, 08:13 PM

I'm glad to see you are talking with your wife about going nude/topless together. My ex & I kept certain things from each other because we were both raised as conservative Christians who thought nudity equated sex. It did not help us and eventually broke down the trust we had in each other, leading to our divorce. We are more open now which has helped us to be good parents to our son even though we are no longer married.

Gary Naturist

02-13-2003, 02:43 AM

Rik, once again you're absolutely right -- meaning, I guess, that I agree with you.

Many women have the "don't want to meet someone I know" problem. It's an emotional problem, while the solution (your 3 points) is an intellectual one.

I think that it takes everyone some time (some more than others0 before they see the situation intellectually rather than emotionally.

Gary

missouriboy

02-13-2003, 02:57 AM

Yes, Rik is right, and I'll offer another thought about #2, where the "someone I know" is also nude: it just means that both of you have discovered that each has the same interest!

That other person is in the exact same situation as you are... how could they possibly censure you for doing exactly what they are doing? They cannot, of course.

Greet them! Celebrate your newfound common ground!

MikeyBear1964

03-15-2003, 08:04 PM

I ran into an acquaintance in a nudist social situation recently. We talked for about 45 minutes before we even acknowledged the fact that we were nude. Don't know about anyone else, but when I have a conversation with someone (clothed or not) I look them in the eye and focus on whatever we're talking about. When all paries are nude, it's hard for me to understand why anyone would be ill at ease.

03-15-2003, 08:25 PM

I've always been in the habit of looking a person in the face when we're talking. I don't change that habit simply because we're not dressed. I've noticed though that many people hardly look at me at all when we're talking. They seem to have a problem with making eye contact. Since eye contact seems to make so many people uncomfortable, I do like they do and glance around while we're talking and only make eye contact part of the time.

Jochanaan

03-15-2003, 08:54 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
I've always been in the habit of looking a person in the face when we're talking. I don't change that habit simply because we're not dressed. I've noticed though that many people hardly look at me at all when we're talking. They seem to have a problem with making eye contact. Since eye contact seems to make so many people uncomfortable, I do like they do and glance around while we're talking and only make eye contact part of the time. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Fascinating, because I've had nearly identical experiences. I tend to follow the lead of who I'm conversing with, but appreciate it when someone will meet my eyes and not look away.

I wonder what this characteristic says about our society? I have read that people in certain other cultures don't have this problem, while others have it worse than we do. My sister has taught English as a second language to a Japanese woman, and she says her student would not look her in the eye at all until she insisted. But I've also read that Indians (not Native Americans) are very good at eye contact, and many of the Africans I've met are the same way. To me it seems very sad and unhealthy if we can't really look at another person.

Suntied

03-16-2003, 10:38 AM

I think self confidence is shown by eye contact. I rarely have a conversation with someone that will look me in the eye. I allways try to look at them, but feel I'm being ignored as they don't look back. Self asteam in America is low (I go all over the eastern US)

To Fresh Air I say it is the same problem. Look your wife, brother, and his girlfriend in the eye and pronounce "I am a NUDIST". You really have nothing to loose by the bro & G-friend finding out, so get your wife on the right track by just taking a stand. You will not be going to beaches alone anylonger... unless she has a complex about you being seen by others... can you handle others seeing her naked?
If she doesn't like the idea, then it is ok for you to go alone, if it is ok with her that your going. Just be honest.
My similar experience is with my daughter. I have a stong enough relationship with her to risk that she might think I'm nuts by being a nudest (she's 19)... so I told her. She might think I'm crazy, because she has no interest what so ever, but I don't have to lie to her when I go to a nude event. I tell her where I'm going (nude bowling, nude swim, nude resort) and she just chuckles. It is a shame that I must cover myself when I'm around her... but that is respect for her.

These are just a few thoughts I had and felt it enough to share with you... so just be honest and let the truth be known. (my best friend knows I like being naked, but also has no interest(wouldn't know naturism from naturalism)).

Nudity Rules!!!
/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Suntied /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

FireProf

03-17-2003, 11:57 AM

I really think that unless a child has been brought up a nudist, non-nudist children are not going to get the whole nudist/naturist thing.

We tried to bring up our children in an environment that did not hide nudity. We never told them that being nude was wrong. We just happened to stop the nudity for awhile while in transition from one house to another and we somehow could not regain the same lifestyle. Only one year had lapsed and we somehow lost it.

Now our children are grown, we've told them about our lifestyle and they just could not get beyond nudity/sex correlation. We've had several talks and they are okay with us living it, but they confess to not being mature enough to still grasp it.

A couple of years have come and gone and our children are more comfortable with us and our lifestyle. They know were we go and what we do but don't think they can do it yet.

I think that's why we see more of a mature group of people living a naturists lifestyle and less of the younger crowd. A whole new topic for discussion between the older crowd and new, young naturist crowd. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

luvnaturism

03-17-2003, 01:21 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
My sister has taught English as a second language to a Japanese woman, and she says her student would not look her in the eye at all until she insisted. But I've also read that Indians (not Native Americans) are very good at eye contact, and many of the Africans I've met are the same way. To me it seems very sad and unhealthy if we can't really look at another person. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>The meaning of eye contact depends on the culture. Some cultures express respect by avoiding the direct gaze. Therefore it's important to be careful about reading lack of respect or lack of self-confidence into what a non-Anglo US person does in this respect.

An African American friend once told me that their children were taught to express respect for adults by averting their eyes. I think, but don't know for sure, that this may also be the case in Japan.

03-17-2003, 09:46 PM

I was taught that making eye contact with the other person shows respect. It says "I'm interested in what you're saying." And that not making eye contact says "I'm NOT interested in what you're saying."

Of course, different cultures have different ideas on everything. Like Jochanaan I follow the other person's lead. If they look at me then I look at them. If they seem to avoid my eyes, I do the same for them.

missouriboy

03-18-2003, 02:34 AM

Hmmmm. I was never taught anything about eye contact. I sort of came to believe contact meant "I'm being honest with you" while aversion meant "I'm trying to con you" or otherwise being dishonest.

So I don't really know, and it's interesting to read all these theories.

BigTim

03-18-2003, 08:01 AM

Fresh Air, I thought I'd share my recent experiences with you.

Both my wife and I were raised as quite conservative Christians and still are. But, I have been able to reconcile my desire to be clothes free when appropriate with my beliefs. Anyway, a couple of months ago I decided to go to a local clothing optional beach, Haulover, alone, and for the first time in my life I was really nude in public.

My wife and I are not in the habit of keeping things from each other, so less than 24 hours later, I told her what I had done. I had assumed that she would be very upset. She wasn't. She knew that I really liked being naked at home and avoided wearing clothes if I didn't have to, so she almost expected it from me. She was surprised, though, because of my body acceptance issues. One week later she suggested we go together. Now I was the one who was shocked. The next weekend we went and have been back several times. The first time, she was top free and wearing full "boy short" bottoms. Then se went and bought a bikini and wore just the bottoms. Last week, she bought a thong bottom to wear to the beach. At this rate, I figure, she'll be comfortable enough to go totally nude in a few weeks. I never push her or coerce her into doing it. She really enjoys it.

What's funny is that she is not very often nude at home. She has always said that she likes the feeling of a cotton t-shirt against her body, although recently she has been top free around the house more often.

Now, I've begun to toss around the idea of going to a resort. She's a bit cool to the idea, but hasn't totally disregarded it. I've requested some promotional materials from resorts and just leave them around the bedroom where she will pick them up and read them. We've been married for almost 13 years and I know it takes time for her to warm up to new things. I'll just be patient and communicative.

Find what has worked for your relationship up to now and use that. There's no reason for deceit or hiding.

Peace,
Tim

naked cowboy

03-21-2003, 08:00 PM

Hello Fresh air. The first thing I have to ask is does you wife trust you. She needs to know that your intentions are pure. Does she know that she is the most beautiful pearson in your life? I had to learn that my wife needed to know I did not want to just look at all the naked ladies. But that to me she was more beautiful than all the peolpe we saw later. Your wife can tell when you are faking it and being truefull. It.took me nearly 3 years for my wife to suggest that we go to OAK lake TRAILS here in Oklahoma. I had to wait for her to know that I loved her more than anything else. Now she wants to go all the time. Just love your wife and make her feel beautiful and she will go with you.

03-22-2003, 12:05 AM

Naked Cowboy...Great advice! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Fresh Air

03-24-2003, 10:06 AM

Wow! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif The thread came back to life again.

Well, here's an update on my wife and I. It's still winter, so we haven't been able to do much outdoors. That option will be more prevelant in the summer. We have talked a few times, though. It seems she's back to the "will try it in europe" position. She is totally comfortable with her body around me. For example, she is ok with digital nude pictures of herself and the other day even wanted to make a mini video. But when it comes to others she is very shy about her sensuality and especially is about her nudity.

In regards to Naked Cowboy's comments: I'm certain she does trust me. She does have trust issues though. Her father cheated on her mother when she was younger and that is a fear of hers (though it would never happen).

Big Tim: Thanks for the story. I can associate with the concervative Christian perspective. I am hoping for a similar situation this summer. All I need is some kind of catalyst I'm sure. Regardless, though, if anything happens or not. This summer will be fun for the both of us (as always) and I'm really looking forward to it.

Suntied: As much as your advice is valid and might work, I am pretty certain in my situation or should I say "culture" (if you can call different mindsets and ways of life culture), it would not be the best option. I'm certain the dynamic of the situation would fall out a lot differently than you might percieve it would. And, most likely, not in a good way.

Thanks for the comments everyone. I'm introducing her to it slowly but surely. I know it's the pace of a snail, but that's what works best for us. Feel free to comment more.

Happy sun shine /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

FireProf

03-25-2003, 04:17 AM

FreshAir,

Do you live near So. Cal? Is a long weekend or short weekend possible to So. Cal?

If so, maybe you and your wife should try Terra Cotta Inn in Palm Springs. Small resort, friendly people and it is clothing optional. We frequent the resort many times a year for the day and long weekends.

My wife was really unsure about the whole nudist/social aspect of our lifestyle and loves this place. Your wife can remain clothed if she likes. We were there a month ago and a couple had swim suits on for half of the day. By 3:00 pm they had felt comfortable enough to take them off and walked around with cover ups on. Later that night they were both nude and enjoying the company of others.

Some home nudists adjust to the social nudity quicker than others and this place and the nudists that visit Terra Cotta Inn are used to seeing the shy, uncomfortable nudist and really go out of their way to make them feel welcome and less threatened.

This resort also has a room that has its own private patio and private entrance. If you rent this room, you and your wife can enjoy the outdoors by yourselves before venturing out into the pool/spa and common areas of the resort. It is a real good transition from being an indoor nudist to outdoor exploration and then on to social nudity.

/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif