Annie's Mailbox

[Bob S.]

In Monday's (Sept 12) Annie's Mailbox column, they fielded a letter about a woman who was concerned about a 4-year-old boy who plays naked in his front yard.

I find her advice to the writer to be very good. The woman's only problem is regarding pedophiles and how to raise her concerns to the parents.

In the link, if you click and notice it is on another date, just go to the bottom to see earlier columns.

Bob S.

Dear Annie: There is a family that lives around the corner from my house. I've lived in this town all my life. They have been here only about five years. This is not a crime-riddled area, but it's not exactly the most peaceful neighborhood, either.

This couple has two young children. One is a boy who looks to be about 4 years old. Every summer, they let their young son play in the front yard completely naked. He is, of course, supervised by one or both of his parents when he is playing, but we do not live in a safe age anymore.

Pedophile incidents are becoming frighteningly too common these days. As far as I know, there aren't any pedophiles in this neighborhood. But it is not a tight-knit neighborhood, so I can't say for sure.

I am not going to speculate as to why this couple allows their child to be naked in public. I don't know them. I don't even know their names. I was thinking of sending them an anonymous note, asking them to please be more careful with their son. I certainly don't want them to think I'm a prude. I believe the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. But I just don't feel this is a safe or wise thing to do.

Is it OK to send an anonymous note? Am I just being paranoid? Please let me know what you think. -- Concerned in Massachusetts

Dear Concerned: Don't send an anonymous note. That would scare the living daylights out of them. It's true that pedophiles would consider naked children attractive targets, but mostly, pedophiles look for children who are easy prey. Those kids are being supervised closely by their parents.

Why don't you make friends with your neighbors? One of those nice days when they are sitting outside, go over and say hello. You can then voice your concern about pedophiles, who, by the way, live in every kind of neighborhood.

[Bob S.]

In Monday's (Sept 12) Annie's Mailbox column, they fielded a letter about a woman who was concerned about a 4-year-old boy who plays naked in his front yard.

I find her advice to the writer to be very good. The woman's only problem is regarding pedophiles and how to raise her concerns to the parents.

In the link, if you click and notice it is on another date, just go to the bottom to see earlier columns.

Bob S.

Dear Annie: There is a family that lives around the corner from my house. I've lived in this town all my life. They have been here only about five years. This is not a crime-riddled area, but it's not exactly the most peaceful neighborhood, either.

This couple has two young children. One is a boy who looks to be about 4 years old. Every summer, they let their young son play in the front yard completely naked. He is, of course, supervised by one or both of his parents when he is playing, but we do not live in a safe age anymore.

Pedophile incidents are becoming frighteningly too common these days. As far as I know, there aren't any pedophiles in this neighborhood. But it is not a tight-knit neighborhood, so I can't say for sure.

I am not going to speculate as to why this couple allows their child to be naked in public. I don't know them. I don't even know their names. I was thinking of sending them an anonymous note, asking them to please be more careful with their son. I certainly don't want them to think I'm a prude. I believe the human body is nothing to be ashamed of. But I just don't feel this is a safe or wise thing to do.

Is it OK to send an anonymous note? Am I just being paranoid? Please let me know what you think. -- Concerned in Massachusetts

Dear Concerned: Don't send an anonymous note. That would scare the living daylights out of them. It's true that pedophiles would consider naked children attractive targets, but mostly, pedophiles look for children who are easy prey. Those kids are being supervised closely by their parents.

Why don't you make friends with your neighbors? One of those nice days when they are sitting outside, go over and say hello. You can then voice your concern about pedophiles, who, by the way, live in every kind of neighborhood.

[nudeM]

Thanks for the article, Bob. It is unfortunate we live in a different society knowadays. What used to be safe back when I was a kid, is not exactly safe these days.

I am referring to the days when we, as kids, were allowed to ride our bikes for miles to play basketball at a school, or just to go to the store (lived in the country). But, now, you read of pedophiles that are literally everywhere.

How do you spot them? You don't. Sad, but it usually takes an incident to happen before one is found. At least, thanks to Megans' Law, one could go to the computer and search for pedophiles, and check your neighborhood. This is how we found out that the neighbors' ex brother-in-law, was a felon. Hw found this out over that site. He moved out soon after the word got out. (He has since passed away).

Thanks for sharing that with us. Goes to show, there are still some people who will still look out for the little ones.

[Ben_m]

I seriously doubt that clothes present much of an obstacle for pedophiles, but as noted, I'm sure close supervision does. Curious how we still allow the nudity=sex idea to influence our thinking.

[Kari P]

Do you think pedophilic incidents have really increased? Most probably it's only their publicity.

[Croydon]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Kari P:
Do you think pedophilic incidents have really increased? Most probably it's only their publicity. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
You are 100% right Kari. Pedophilia is not on the rise. The media has focused so much on the issue and make it APPEEAR it is on the rise. Because people hear about it a lot, they make conclusion that it is on the rise.

In the early days, Pedophila was no different than today. The difference, today, many children come out and tell someome. Years ago, many children said and did nothing. These incidents were rarely reported to the authorities.

Also, one thing the writer left out. We often think pedophiles are strangers, people we do not know and live in our neighborhoods or the like. This is not correct. Majority of sexual molestations are commited by pepople who know and associated with the family of the child. In a lot of cases, it is a relative, not some complete stranger.

[usuallylurk]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Kari P:
Do you think pedophilic incidents have really increased? Most probably it's only their publicity. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not just the publicity -- but people report it more these days.

[meredith2kp4]

The idea that society is going to hell in a handbasket is a staple of the religious right, who have been thinking the same thing for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. I have correspondence of my grandfather, who was choirmaster in a lutheran church, about the church's pedophile pastor in 1910. My grandfather left the church.

I am 75 years old, and it is clear to me that people who talk about "the good old days" have poor memories.

Unfortunately I remember my past very well, which is why I don't recall very many "good old days".

[nakednudists]

I bet there are pedophiles that visit the forums here.

[Ben_m]

I already posted to this thread so I should shut up now, but I just had to chime in again and say how much I appreciated the perspective and thoughts of those who posted here. It feels good to talk about/hear reality, rather than whatever it is that often seems to be offered to us.

I am aware of cases of pedophilia relatively close to me, and in all cases I know of it was FAR from the sterotypical guy lurking outside the school trying to lure (naked? - lol) kids into his van. The boggieman presented to us is largely a creation of our own collective fear, and seemingly far from reality.

[JayFromFLA]

If a pedestrian walks, or one gets a pedicure, then why is a pedophile a person that "loves" kids? Shouldn't it be a person who likes "feet"?

[PascoDoug]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by JayFromFLA:
If a pedestrian walks, or one gets a pedicure, then why is a pedophile a person that "loves" kids? Shouldn't it be a person who likes "feet"? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

One is from Greek the other is from Latin http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Pedophile: From two Greek words: ''pedo" means "child;" and "philia" means "love for."

Pedestrian: From Latin "pedester" which means going on foot. Ped = foot.

[Bob S.]

"Do you think pedophilic incidents have really increased?"

As Croydon and lurk mentioned Kari, it has to do with both the increased publicity and increased reporting. Back in the days, the term pedophile was not in the lexicon of US society or any society.

Sex with children may have been frowned upon as it is today, but the victim was looked down upon for complaining about it. And go back even farther, if a single man got a twelve-year-old girl prgnant, he would have to marry her. If he was married, the rape victim would be considered an outcast and damaged goods.

But boys having sex with women never was and still is not seen as traumatic as girls and women. Boys were expected to be promiscuous, girls to be chaste.

"I seriously doubt that clothes present much of an obstacle for pedophiles, but as noted, I'm sure close supervision does."

Absolutely Ben. Pedophiles don't go for the kids who are being watched. They go for the vulnerable children who are not being watched. Responsible supervision will always prevent child abuse. Clothes do not.

"Curious how we still allow the nudity=sex idea to influence our thinking."

As I mentioned, that is the problem we have with our pedophilic society. People start to think like the pedophile and it makes them sick to see children's nudity. They will then become guilty about seeing children naked, even their own and force them to wear clothes.

Bob S.

[Boreas]

I also believe that there are not more pedophiles per capita, just more publicity. The whole issue of sex abuse is out of the closet. Arguably, that will decrease its incidence.

I have worked with victims for many years. I have heard stories from retired people of being abused when they were children. Unfortunately, it does still happen today. Part of the reasons people didn't come forward have been mentioned here already. People blamed the victim or just didn't believe it could happen "in our family". Unfortunately that thinking does still exist.

The court system does play a big part too. Years ago IF the case did get to court it would not have gone very far, or the penalty would have been laughable. Now the courts are taking the issue more seriously even though there are still flaws. It is difficult for the court to take a young child's testimony, even though there are ways to do this and to discern whether a child has been abused. Never-the-less, things are improving steadily.

Pedophiles do tend to have particular characteristics. One of which is being good with children. Another can be just being a nice likeable guy who blends in. Of course, that is not enough to suspect someone. One alarm can be when a person seems to take great measures to be surrounded by children. They also might not intereact well with peers on a one to one level.

[Bob S.]

"One alarm can be when a person seems to take great measures to be surrounded by children. They also might not intereact well with peers on a one to one level."

Other red flags are an adult or an older teen who wants to spend a lot of time with the child. Someone who will buy them gifts for no reason. Someone who will gladly help out the parents with sitting all the time, maybe even with his own suggestion.

This part of the abuse is grooming the child. Looking at it from the pedo level, it is romancing the child and the parents.

There is no one stereotype that all pedos will fit into. That is another problem. They could be really good with children or intimidated by them. They could be happily married or single. They could have an abusive past or a healthy one.

Because of this invisible enemy, people become suspicious of anyone and everyone. I have experienced that as a preschool teacher. Thankfully, only on rare occasions.

Bob S.

[nfstan]

When I was a kid (a very long time ago) we all knew of a local pedophile who liked little boys and used to take them to his home for a meal, a bath and God knows what sexual antics. We never took it seriously and in fact thought it a big joke. If anyone was traumatized by it we never heard of it. He was a member of a prominent local family which may account for why nothing was ever said or done about it.

There was also a case of a local pastor who got a little boy and girl togerher and encouraged them to have sex while he watched. His church invited him to go elsewhere but no other action was taken. The kids said that the "sex" was no fun at all.

And we all knew how to keep our distance from dirty old men who would grab at your crotch.

[Naked_Justin]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Kari P:
Do you think pedophilic incidents have really increased? Most probably it's only their publicity. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
I was going to make that same point.
I'm sure the reporting and the coverage has increase, but if there has been an actual increase, I doubt it's at the same rate.

Justin

[Bob S.]

"I'm sure the reporting and the coverage has increase, but if there has been an actual increase, I doubt it's at the same rate."

Justin, I believe that the rate of abuse has decreased with the increase in reporting. Children have more rights and people are watching more vigilantly. Of course, that is a double edged sword that has led to what was called somewhere (maybe here) as pedophilephobia as evicenced in the woman who wrote the letter to Annie's Mailbox.

This pedophilic society has also led to lack of showering in schools, lack of acceptance of topless girls, laws in VA and TX, WalMart photo lab scares, and many other aspects of society.

Bob S.