View Full Version : JOKES
stevenf64
12-13-2003, 08:34 PM
REMEMBER THESE ARE JUST JOKES, IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED DONT READ THEM:
Church Gossip
Mabel, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny - he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mabel's house ... and left it there all night.
stevenf64
12-13-2003, 08:34 PM
REMEMBER THESE ARE JUST JOKES, IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED DONT READ THEM:
Church Gossip
Mabel, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny - he said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mabel's house ... and left it there all night.
stevenf64
12-13-2003, 08:37 PM
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 01, 2003
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional Christmas Carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of Gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty
================================================== =========
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 02, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty
==============================================
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 03, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Oh! And forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
================================================== ========
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 04, 2003
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Everyone happy now??? Did I miss anything???
Patty
================================================== =========
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: December 05, 2003
RE: The F***ing Holiday Party
Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including f***ing organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
The ***** from HELL!!!!
================================================== =========
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 06, 2003
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery. I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off (with full pay).
Happy Holidays!
stevenf64
12-13-2003, 08:38 PM
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning. "Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course.
The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says "Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater".
There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for
her business, so naturally she did a lot of flying. Flying made
her extremely nervous, so she always took her Bible along with
her to read since it helped relax her on the long flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull
out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle, smirked and went back to
what he was doing.
After a while, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really
believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about the guy that was swallowed by the
whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the
Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time
inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get
to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Jochanaan
12-16-2003, 07:45 PM
A big Irishman walked into a pub, pounded his fist onto the bar, and roared, "When Paddy drinks, everybody drinks! Serve them a round!" Everyone cheered as the bartender poured fresh drinks for them. A little later the big man pounded his fist on the bar again and roared, "When Paddy drinks, everybody drinks!" Cheers again, and again later when the same thing happened. Finally, about "last call," Paddy pounded his fist onto the bar and roared, "When Paddy pays, everybody pays!" And he paid for his own drinks and walked out.
(I can't claim credit for that one; as far as I know, my father first told it at a gathering in which the subject matter had gotten a little blue.)
Nutty Hunters
Two men went hunting.
Joe had been hunting all his life, but
Steve was hunting for the first time.
Joe told Steve to sit down and not
make a sound. So he did.
But when Joe got 100 yards away,
he heard a scream. "I thought I told
you to be quiet!" he said.
"Well, I was when the snake bit me,"
said Steve.
"And I was when the bear attacked me...
but when the two chipmunks crawled up
my pant leg and said,
"Should we eat them or take them with us,"
I screamed." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
*************************************
New Years Resolutions
1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. You've been missing some good stuff.
5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
6. Stop bringing lunch from home: Eat out more.
7. Get in a whole NEW rut!
8. Spend your summer vacation in Cyberspace.
9. Don't eat cloned meat.
10. Create loose ends.
11. Get more toys.
12. Get further in debt.
13. Don't believe politicians.
14. Break at least one traffic law.
15. Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
16. Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.
17. Associate with even worse business clients.
18. Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
19. Wait around for opportunity.
20. Focus on the faults of others.
21. Mope about faults.
22. Never make New Year's resolutions again.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Nutty Hunters...funny story Hw.. Do you think those are the same Chipmunks that sing that Christmas song? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ...My only New Years resolution is to try to break the addiction to this forum...which I will probably fail at like all my other resolutions... /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb
Odie I think Alvin, Simon, and Theodore have retired. (Sound familiar?) /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
Here's another one for you, Steve and Jon-Marc.
(tarsus, no Toads were licked in the telling of this joke). /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people
show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the
other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it --
this is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys
better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment: chair,
whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the
whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion
starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way
there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked
body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her
and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves,
kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He says, "I've never
seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young
man and asks, "Can you top that?"
The young man replies. "No problem, just get that lion out of the
way." /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
OH! HW, naughty, naughty!
A man asked his pharmacist for half of a viagra pill. The pharmacist says that half a pill won't do any good; he need to take two or three pills.
The man explains, "No, you see the reason I only want half a pill is because I'm tired of peeing on my shoes."
---------------A man went to apply for a job. After filling out the application he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read his application and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great!" the man said. "What is it?"
"It's called the door."
----------------
What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!
Jon-Marc....with Christmas just a week away, I am not being naughty...I am being extremely nice! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
Judge: "What are you charged with?"
Prisoner: "Doing my Christmas shopping early."
Judge: "That's not an offense. How early were you doing this shopping?"
Prisoner: "Before the store opened."
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
Clerk: "What denomination?"
Woman: "Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?
Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic."
The 3 stages of man:
1) He believes in Santa Claus.
2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
3) He is Santa Claus.
What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?
They would have asked directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby,
cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and brought practical gifts.
One Christmas I got a battery with a note saying, "Toy not included."
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
tarsus
12-18-2003, 08:52 AM
h.w. sounds like the girl rubbed the toad on her body before going into the lions cage.
also think toad was licked after telling joke. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the rates.
"$50 for three questions," replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
----------------
Inventions by Idiots
1. Inflatable dart board
2. Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3. Solar-powered flashlight
---------------
If microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.
----------------
How to get a Raise
A boss tells his new employee, "You will earn $8 an hour starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
tarsus
12-18-2003, 04:20 PM
two statues,a male and female had stood in the park for many years facing each other,one night an angel came down and said i shall give them life for thirty minutes,as they have been together so long.so this the angel did,and the two looked at one another for a minute,so the angel said to them is there not something you two would like to do? they nodded and with a giggle ran off into the bushes.fifteen minutes later they were back flushed and happy.the angel said you still have fifteen minutes of life would you not like to do more? with that the female looked at the male and said,"o.k.this time i will hold down the pigeon and you sh*t on its head!"
Oh....sh**u**re tarsus! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
So have you hugged your toad today? Just don't give your toad a Bare/bear hug....it might lead to sail toad. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Signs You Have a Hangover
You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.
Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."
Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.
You'd rather have a pencil jammed up your nose than be exposed to sunlight.
You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.
You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
All day long your motto is, "Never again."
You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.
Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Shut up!"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
MAFIA Valentine Card Verses
My love for you...it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.
I'm here to fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car--so why ain't you dead?
Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
------------
Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.
They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window.
After they were safely on the ground, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old?"
The nun replied, "Nah, don't you know old habits are hard to break?"
missouriboy
12-19-2003, 02:02 AM
Another hangover sign:
Kitty walks in, and you admonish her to "Quit stomping!"
Heeeeeeeeeere's yer sign! /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"
Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen". From then on anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen".
This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until the old priest passed away.
Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen!"
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest.
But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week!"
Talking Dog for Sale
In Kansas, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and
in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running.
The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
Driving to the office this morning on the Intertate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds, and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear. The cell phone fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!!!
WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!
tarsus
12-22-2003, 06:36 AM
i have a question;
what is a magnificent bastard?
some guy at work keeps calling me this,and i don't know if i should be flattered or insulted.
h.w. return to your toad,i already know what you think /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
i have a question;
what is a magnificent bastard?
some guy at work keeps calling me this,and i don't know if i should be flattered or insulted.
h.w. return to your toad,i already know what you think /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>tarsus you should be flattered. This guy is paying you the highest compliment. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif
Now I have a couple of questions for you. Did KY Jelly originate in Kentucky? Do people from Kentucky use KY Jelly on their Toadst? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Tarsus....Well...I guess if you are truly being a bastard ..you are doing a great job of it...If you're not ....Hmmmmm?...Odb /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
All the knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusades."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yells, "Hey! You gave me the wrong key!"
--------------------
You're a redneck if...
You have more fingers than teeth.
You cut your grass and find a car.
You consider Denny's a fancy restaurant.
Your best suit contains more than five colors.
Your favorite pick-up line is, "Does this look infected to you?"
You have a family reunion, and everyone in town shows up.
Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.
tarsus
12-24-2003, 05:54 AM
h.w. and odb
true story: woman gave birth,nurse gave her birth control jelly[can't spell contraspective:see?]woman put it on toast and ate it /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif you can guess what happpened.
ky jelly is great, if you work on your own auto
use to lube coolant hoses but be careful almost slamed radiator hose through radiator.all so good for other things but too close to party time[new years] to tell /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif you guys get enough ideas as it is /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif .
ok first wife called me son of she dog,second wife called me ugly faced bastard.guy at work calls me magnificent bastard.wish they would make up their mind.
oh. i call him off-spring of a diseased goat,could this have anything to do with it?
tarsus
12-24-2003, 06:09 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
All the knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusades."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He yells, "Hey! You gave me the wrong key!"
--------------------
You're a redneck if...
You have more fingers than teeth.
You cut your grass and find a car.
You consider Denny's a fancy restaurant.
Your best suit contains more than five colors.
Your favorite pick-up line is, "Does this look infected to you?"
You have a family reunion, and everyone in town shows up.
Your wife and ex-wife are sisters. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>jon-marc
denny's is a fancy restaurant --isn't it /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif
i dated sisters once does that count? it was at the same time,if that means anything. that's how i meet my first wife,she was friends with the family. i was young; full of life and a little crazy back then /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif . i bet the rest of you have done some strange things also,i am just old enough to admit it /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Jochanaan
12-24-2003, 04:06 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
i have a question;
what is a magnificent bastard?
some guy at work keeps calling me this,and i don't know if i should be flattered or insulted.
h.w. return to your toad,i already know what you think /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I just came across that expression in a quote attributed to Gen. George Patton: "Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR BOOK!" (Rommel was the German general in charge of North African operations during WWII. He was known as The Desert Fox.) HW is right; your friend is giving you a high compliment by characterizing you as a worthy enemy.
Jochanaan
12-24-2003, 04:12 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Just don't give your toad a Bare/bear hug....it might lead to sail toad. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>All right, all right! You stumped me, hw. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's good!
tarsus
12-24-2003, 04:38 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Just don't give your toad a Bare/bear hug....it might lead to sail toad. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>All right, all right! You stumped me, hw. Doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's good! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>excuse me for being so bold as to answer:
ever hear of a "sail cat"? if not i will let h.w. explain,she should know all about this not so uncommon creature. oh queen of the throne of the warty one;i give you the floor.
One of the dumbest things I ever did (besides getting married) was to run around nude at my workplace at night when no one should have been there (including me) and nearly getting caught when somone came into the building. I never moved so fast in my life!
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."
Wise old Cheney, feeling sorry for his boss, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."
Now Cheney, to patronize George W., took him outside and hailed a taxi driver, "Please take us to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.
The cab driver without saying a word drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, "See, that guy was really studid!"
"No kidding," replied George W. "There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead."
A man was driving along a dusty road, when he ran out of gas. The man walked to the nearest house and asked if he could get some gas. The owner of the house said that he could stay the night if he wished, since the gas stations were now closed.
"But I must warn you," said the owner, "there's a monster in the garage. No matter what you do, don't touch it."
With that, the owner went upstairs to sleep. But the man was curious, and went out to the garage. He flipped on the lights, and saw a huge, horrible, reptilian monster, curled up in a heaving, grunting ball in the corner. He walked close and stuck out his tongue at it. Nothing. He made a nasty face at it. Nothing. He called him some evil names. He made fun of his mother. Absolutely nothing. So he put out his finger and touched the monster. All of a sudden, the monster sprung up and roared. The man wasted no time and took off running -- with the monster in hot pursuit, and gaining.
The man found himself on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go, and the pounding steps of the monster getting closer and closer. Then the monster was upon and with one giant claw put his finger on the man's shoulder.
"You're it." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Hahahahah!!!!!hw ..thanks for lightening our day...Moral?...Dont jump to conclusions /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove didn't seem very qualified for the job.
"Do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?" asked the foreman.
"Well, as a matter of fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times!"
--------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
--------------------
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband wanted".
She received over a hundred replies to her ad. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine!"
This joke is dedicated to all my buddies in O-my-O. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Especially the one that holds the P.H.D.. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.
The people did some research and found they could buy a cow up in Mansfield, Ohio, for $200.00.
They bought the cow from Ohio and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were pleased and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the local veterinarian, who was very wise, what to do. They told the vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."
The vet thought about this for a minute and then asked, "Did you buy this cow in Ohio?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had purchased the cow.
"You are truly a wise vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Ohio?"
The vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Ohio." /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
That was very funny, hw. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif I did more than chuckle this time; I laughed out loud! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying."
--------------------
Then there was the man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
--------------------
One of the greatest things about being a husband and a father is that you can say anything you want to in the home. Of course, no one pays the least of attention.
Thanks for the kind words Jon-Marc. Here's some more for you. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner?
His wife gave him the cold shoulder!
************************
One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.
When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.''
And at that instant?the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, ''Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!''
stevenf64
01-09-2004, 04:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son. I'm still paying."
--------------------
One of the greatest things about being a husband and a father is that you can say anything you want to in the home. Of course, no one pays the least of attention. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Jon-Marc great posts but this is the joke section.
steve
Steve,
It's not possible to joke about the truth? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif How about this one?
Father O'Grady was saying his goodbyes to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears. "What's bothering you, dear?" asked Father O'Grady.
"Oh Father, I've got terrible news." replied Mary. "My husband passed away last night."
"Oh Mary!" said the father. "That's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
"Yes...," Mary sheepishly replied.
"Well?" "He said,'Please Mary, put down that gun.' "
hw Jon-Marc and others posting here in the fun stuff.... Thanks!!! for keeping some Fun!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif in the Forum...Odb
Thanks, Odb. With all the fussing and fighting, fuming and disagreeing, a little joking helps to brighten things up--at least for some of us.
-------------------
Catherine, pregnant with her first child, paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reasuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it." Catherine said. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
---------------------
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:
Show up naked,
Bring beer.
Naturist Mark
01-10-2004, 10:19 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I first heard this as HOW TO GET A WOMAN IN THE MOOD followed by:
HOW TO GET A MAN IN THE MOOD:
Show up.
-Mark
Jon-Marc...ROFLMAO /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
************************************
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!"
Doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
************************************
What does NASCAR stand for?
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
******************************
Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo were sitting at a table talking.
Hercules says, "I think I'm the strongest man in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
Snow White says "I think I'm the fairest lady in the land but it hasn't been proven yet."
Quasie says "I think I'm the ugliest, meanest son of a gun in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table.
Hercules says, "It's true I'm the strongest man in the world for God told me so."
Snow White says, "It's true I'm the fairest lady in the land for God told me so."
Just then, Quasi started walking up the road really steamed.
He says, "Guys can you do me a favor? Tell me who the heck is Janet Reno?"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
The teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just has a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that.
The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rosebuds show!" and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes downstairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate.
"Loosen up, sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."
Jochanaan
01-11-2004, 06:46 PM
"Hanging baskets?" Wouldn't that be just as appropriate for Grandpa with his pants down?
Nude\'n\'happy
01-11-2004, 10:47 PM
Of A RETIRED MIND
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease...that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
missouriboy
01-12-2004, 06:27 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by I be nude Gary:
I know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yup. Immediately followed by, "HEEEEEEERRRRE'S YOUR SIGN!!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is a miracle of nature and is just a head. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm.
The man thought, "Hey this is good."
So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm.
The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes.
The bartender looks over at the man and says, "Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
How do you cure constipation?
Sit on a block of cheese and swallow a live mouse.
-------------------------
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.
-------------------------
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
-------------------------
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
-------------------------
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
-------------------------
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
-------------------------
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon."
"Sure it does," he said. "How else can I see the numbers?"
A guy took his girlfriend to the movies. During the pre-views, she asked him if he would go and buy her some M & Ms.
When he returned with her candy, she opened the bag, picked out all the brown ones and threw them away.
"What did you do that for?" he asked her.
"I'm allergic to chocolate!" she replied.
*********************************
You might be a redneck if your congregation uses shot glasses for communion.
*********************************
What happened to the Blonde Tap Dancer?
She fell in the sink.
*********************************
Man Quiz -- Are You Trained?
As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?
A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Going into the ladies room with your mom.
In your opinion, the ideal pet is:
A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.
You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy-you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you can not honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen.
Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her - sharing the joys and the sorrows, the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:
A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"
What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?
A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.
What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy.
B. Religion.
C. Remote control.
Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:
a. Present it to the President of the United States.
b. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
hw,
As always, those were very good.
A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle. Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J. My wife favored Suzy-Q. One son liked the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y. So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked.
"None of them survived the branding."
----------------
If the prefix "con" is the opposite of the prefix "pro", then is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
----------------
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him scribbling furiously on a notepad.
I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about writing a will.
He said, "Will, WHAT WILL? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite!!"
hw and Jon-Marc..Thanks for chuckles...Poor cows...Barecued on the hoof ..oooooh...Talk about Mad cows /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ...Odb
Now that I'm older...here's what I've discovered...
I started out with nothing; I still have most of it.
I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember getting absent-minded.
All reports are now in. Life is now offically unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
I went to college to become a wit, only got halfway through, though.
The first rule of holes: if you're in one, stop digging.
It was all so different before everything changed.
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
I wish the buck stopped here; I could use a few.
Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
------------------
The Secret Service got a scare the other day when someone threw a beer can at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.
Fortunately, it was a draft, and he was able to dodge it.
NakedGary
01-25-2004, 05:59 PM
Nudist Tatoo
There's this guy named Jack, and he has a girlfriend named Wendy. Jack loves Wendy a lot. To prove how much he loves her, he gets "Wendy"
tattooed on his penis. When it's erect, it says her name, and when deflated, it reads "Wy". So, when she sees her name on his masculine member, she is overwhelmed.
He pops the question, and she accepts. So Jack and Wendy decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Once there, they try out all the local culture,including a nude beach. They are having a great time, when Jack decides to get up from sunbathing and get something to drink at the beach bar.
He walks over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eyes wander and end up embarrassing himself. He orders a drink from the guy at the bar, who is also naked. He is surprised to note that the bartender also has "Wy" tattooed on his penis!
Jack says to the guy, "Wow, what a coincidence. So, you have a girlfriend named 'Wendy' and her name is tattooed on your dick too?"
The bartender looks slowly down at Jack's thing, back to his and starts laughing. Flashing a wide grin, he says, "No, mon. Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day.'
"NakedGary"
Naked Gary...Fun nee! By my calculations that equals about 33 inches...Oh My! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb
missouriboy
01-26-2004, 03:58 AM
Odb:
WOW! How about calculating this one for us?
Shorty / Shorty's Truck Stop, Chattanooga, Tennessee
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
T Shirt Lines:
"Filthy Stinking Rich...Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"
"I Used Up All MY Sick Days...So I Called In Dead"
"Husband and Cat Lost...Reward for Cat"
"Happiness Is Seeing Your Mother-in-Law on a Milk Carton"
"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt"
"Learn from Your Parents' Mistakes...Use Birth Control"
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
"Procrastinate Now"
(Across the drawing of a skeleton) "Waiting for the Perfect Man"
"My Husband and I Married for Better or for Worse...He Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse"
"The More I Learn About Women, the More I Love My Harley"
tarsus
01-26-2004, 08:08 AM
i am continuing a post over here related to a poll
posted by aunaturelone. in off topic misc.
man having sex with frozen chicken:
honey why don't you ever talk to me? our relationship is going nowhere,i do all the work ,you just lay there,i knew you were a little cold when we first got together,and true you have warmed up a lot,but still it's like making love to a corpse.and why don't you wear that comb you used to wear?and really dear i think it's time you had a bath,i will go heat the water.
to understand this go read that poll. sorry i could help myself. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Zen Quotes:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newpaper, that's the time to do it.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
Some days you're the bug. Some days you're the windshield.
Ohhhhh, So Thats What It Means...
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer
the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who
doesn't get it.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious
bummer.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come
at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until
you realize it was your money to start with.
Semantics -- n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (This one got extra credit!)
Glibido: All talk and no action
/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
tarsus
01-27-2004, 08:59 AM
that one about "karrageddon", been hangin out in the valley again h.w.?
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
that one about "karrageddon", been hangin out in the valley again h.w.? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Like totally tarsus....it's like a life long commitment. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Naturist Mark
01-27-2004, 02:44 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
that one about "karrageddon", been hangin out in the valley again h.w.? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>That was Karmageddon...
Kerrageddon is Rush Limbaugh's nightmare about the winner of today's New Hampshire primary.
-Mark
tarsus
01-27-2004, 04:31 PM
i am just gonna take my medication,sit in the corner,hug my knees,and rock back and forth talking to myself.like always. like totally fer shur,i mean like why don't you gag me with a spoon all ready? rush,rush? didn't that used to be something they put on joints to get higher? limb,something you go out on,baugh,goes with humbug as in a "christmas carol". which the democrats probably thought it was christmas when all that broke in the tabloids. bush may have meet
his match . /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it
was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had
a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed
finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of
their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather
trustingly.
"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like
it infrequently."
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then over his glasses, he
looked her in the eye casually and asked, "Was that one or two words?"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
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