hehehaha

[hairyhomer]

/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Mahatma Gandhi, as we know, walked barefoot, which produced a huge set of
calluses on his feet. He ate very little, which made him frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...........what?


> A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

[hairyhomer]

/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Mahatma Gandhi, as we know, walked barefoot, which produced a huge set of
calluses on his feet. He ate very little, which made him frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...........what?


> A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!

[Jochanaan]

Aha! So that was the mystery character in "Mary Poppins"!

[S.M.A.]

Boy, does that joke sound familiar. It's funny and all, but didn't someone post this pun about four months ago?

[namedun]

This just in: An irishman was found dead in a feild today. Laying next to him were the remains of small porcelin cows, which the perpetrators of this crime apparently used to beat him to death. Further investigation is pending while police have only released this statement "This is the first inctance of a nick-nack paddy-wacking we've seen in the last 20 years."

Namedun /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[hw]

A young man gets a job as a bus driver
for the Sesame Street School Bus Company.
His first day on the job, he arrives at his first stop,
opens the doors and looks out at his first passengers.
There he sees a mother and her two daughters.

The mother looks into the bus and says,
"You're new aren't you?"

The bus driver says, "Yes ma'am, I am."

She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my two little girls.
This is Patty Sue and this is Patty Anne."

He simply can't believe his eyes -
these kids are big. Really big.
They're fat.

The mother says, "Now Patty Sue
and Patty Anne are big for their age."
He keeps his tongue under control.
She says, "I'd like you to give my two little girls
individual seats of their own on your bus."

"No problem," he says, as the two girls
squeeze down the aisle and find their seats.
He closes the door and drives to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and he sees
a mother and her young son.

The mother looks at him and says,
"You're new, aren't you?"

He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am."

She says, "Well, I'd like you to meet my son Josh.
He's very special."

And he looks down at what can only be described
as the nerd to end all nerds.
The boy wears thick glasses with white tape
holding them together.
He has pencils in his shirt pocket.
He has the short sleeved dress shirt.
He has the white socks and sandals.

The mother says, "My Josh is very special.
I want you to give him a very special seat on your bus.
I want him to sit up front every day."

"No problem," says our driver,
as Josh proudly seats himself right up front.
The bus driver closes the door and goes to the next stop.
He opens the bus doors and sees
a mother and another little boy.

The mother looks at him and says,
"You're new aren't you?"

He says, "Yes, ma'am, I am."

She says, "Well, my name is Mrs. Cleese,
and this is my son Lester."

And when the driver looks at Lester,
it's a pitiful sight to behold.
The poor little guy obviously has foot problems.
He's limping painfully.
The mother says, "Lester has problems with his feet."

The driver nods sympathetically.
The mother says, "I want you to help Lester
as he gets on and off your bus every day,
so that he will not trip, stumble, or fall."

The driver says, "No problem,"
and he helps Lester limp to his seat.
And then, as he closes the bus doors and drives away,
he sees in his rear view mirror that
Lester has removed his shoes and socks
and is picking at the largest,
most grotesque bunions he has ever seen.
It's disgusting, the way that Lester picks at his feet.

The driver shudders and drives on.
He delivers the kids to school and returns to the bus barn.
He parks the bus and finds his supervisor.
He walks right up to the boss and yells, "I quit!"

The boss says, "Whaddya mean, you quit?"

The bus driver replies, "There's no future in this job."

The boss says, "What are you talking about?"

The bus driver answers, "Here's my problem.
How could I take a job where all I would have
to look forward to every day would be......


(are you ready for this?)


"Two obese Pattys, special Josh
and Lester Cleese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus


/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny" replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

************************************************

A Plane was flying through the jungle when suddenly the engine stalled. The pilot ejected and drifted gently down to land. Unfortunately he landed in a large cooking pot which was gently simmering over a low fire.
All the local tribesmen turned to look at him until the chief, blinking in disbelief asked, "What's this flier doing in my soup?"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[NoodJuggler]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
A young man gets a job as a bus driver
for the Sesame Street School Bus Company.


He walks right up to the boss and yells, "I quit!"


"Two obese Pattys, special Josh
and Lester Cleese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus


/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hey hw..Stop picking on us BUS DRIVERS..heheheheh /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif It takes either a very special person or either a very Stupid person to be a BUS DRIVER..Guess which one I am? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif sfgidlic /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Rex]

There was a young fellow of Crewe,
Who found a dead rat in his stew,
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
And wave it about,
Or the others will all want one too!"

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NoodJuggler:
Hey hw..Stop picking on us BUS DRIVERS..heheheheh It takes either a very special person or either a very Stupid person to be a BUS DRIVER..Guess which one I am?
sfgidlic <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I wouldn't pick on you NoodJuggler. After all, you did give me a bouquet of mushrooms. (blush, blush) /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif
So who was picking on who? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
hehehaha /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[NoodJuggler]

Can I help it if I'm a nitpicker.. :-) I mean MUSHROOM picker.

sfgilif

[Jochanaan]

Just remember: Nitpickers are lousy. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[hairyhomer]

Indian Love call

Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods, all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and then he listened very closely until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. "Was he crazy or what?"

"No," said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler "Wooooo Wooooo! Wooooo!" into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave. The second Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"
Immediately, there was an answering "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave.
He tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard the answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!
WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the Newspaper read...

"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Rex]

Three American Indian maidens got married.

One slept on an elk skin.

One slept on a buffalo skin.

One slept on a hippopotamus skin.

They all got pregnant.

The one on the elk skin had a boy.

The one on the buffalo skin had a girl.

The one on the hippopotamus skin had twins.

Which just goes to show that the squaw on the hippopotamus, is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.

[tarsus]

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then he came upon a great big cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!"

ok, as a hillbilly once married to a plump desendent of an indian,who loves to go caveing;
what are you trying to say here??? mmmmm?

[hairyhomer]

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A
RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE BUT... THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
************************
I thought that I could love no other.
Until, that is, I met your brother. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
*************************
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
*************************
Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.
***************************
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif
***************************
I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
****************************
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
****************************
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
****************************
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
******************************
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
******************************
My feelings for you no words can tell.
Except for maybe "go to hell".
/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

A Misunderstanding :

After his death, Osama bin Laden went to heaven. There he was greeted by George Washington, who proceeded to slap him across the face and yell at him, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive"? Patrick Henry approached and punched Osama in the nose and shouted,"You wanted to end our liberties but you failed" James Madison entered, kicked Osama in the crotch and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense" Thomas Jefferson came in and proceeded to beat Osama many times with a long cane and said, "It was evil men like you that provided me the inspiration to pen the Declaration of Independence"! These beatings and thrashings continued as John Rudolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the Muslim terrorist leader. As Osama lay bleeding and writhing in unbearable pain an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept in pain and said to the Angel, "This is not what you promised me." The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven. What did you think I said"?

/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif