View Full Version : They Walk Among Us
Sanslines
08-07-2006, 04:28 AM
They Walk Among Us!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.
You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.
Caution...
They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.
They walk among us, AND reproduce!
Sanslines
08-07-2006, 04:28 AM
They Walk Among Us!
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home.
You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it.
Caution...
They Walk Among Us
====================
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking
him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
They Walk Among Us!
====================
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. They Walk Among Us!
====================
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"...
They Walk Among Us!
====================
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.
They walk among us, AND reproduce!
NudePete
08-07-2006, 05:26 AM
It's a wonder they can walk at all!
John Spooner
08-07-2006, 11:09 AM
Not only do they walk amongst us, but in the US they vote for Bush and here in Oz they vote for Howard.
Regards. John S.
nacktman
08-07-2006, 04:44 PM
Dagnabit, John, ya beat me to the punch on this one
nudeM
08-07-2006, 04:44 PM
Sounds like Bill Engvall's "Here's your sign". Great stuff. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif
OZJames
08-07-2006, 05:29 PM
SANSLINES - <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
How many people (like me) turned their head to check ? http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif "DUH"
http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif
shãybare
08-08-2006, 06:44 AM
http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/cool4.gif
James, what color is your hair? haha
Daveinct
08-08-2006, 01:36 PM
In a high school science class years ago, our teacher stated that if the polar ice caps melted, the level of the world's oceans would rise 200 feet. One of the supposedly brighter students raised his hand and asked "Would that cover any land?"
I couldn't help but reply that no, in fact, if you went to the beach, you'd find a 200 foot wall of water.
Dave
sliver
08-08-2006, 02:52 PM
If you really want to see some of the best forms of human stupidity, go to darwinawards.com You only get an award if you kill yourself while comitting something REALLY STUPID!! (this means you knew better and went ahead and did it anyway) "They walk among us!"
Naturist Mark
08-08-2006, 03:28 PM
Reports from across the nation:
<UL TYPE=SQUARE> <LI> One of my co-workers (who is originally from Arkansas, just FYI) told me one day that he knew for a fact that sex feels better for women than it does for men. I asked, "How do you figure that?" His reply was (and I am not making this up!), "Because when you put your finger in your ear and wiggle it around, it feels better to your ear than it does to your finger."
They Walk Among Us
<LI> The following is part of a deposition given by a local Chief of Police:
"In the accreditation process we had certain requirements that we had
to meet to meet the requirements of the accreditation."
I'm not entirely comfortable knowing that this is the guy who's in
charge of keeping us from getting killed.
They Walk Among Us
<LI> I was recently at the hairdresser on a very rainy day. As it had
been raining consistently for what seemed like weeks, I made a joke
to my hairdresser about going home to build an ark. She proceeded to
ask me what an ark was. I told her (hopefully w/out sounding
condescending) it was like a boat, you know, Noah's Ark, haha? She
proceeded to tell me that she had never read or seen Noah's Ark (I'm
assuming she meant a movie about Noah's Ark; apparently the Academy
also missed that one.) Anyway, after an awkward silence, the
hairdresser working next to her the entire time said to me, "And
you're going home to build one?"
They Walk Among Us
<LI> A few days ago, a couple of friends and I were talking and our
conversation verged toward weather. (I’m a terrible
conversationalist, I know, but I compensate by blaming other people.)
My boss came in and said "Every time I go outside I'm cold, but I
don't know why." This is a true story.
They Walk Among Us
<LI> On a recent trip to a nearby restaurant I was seated one table over
from two twenty-something young ladies. I overheard this bit of sage
advice, "Girl, you'd better stop putting so much salt on your food!
You'll end up with diabetes like your dad."
They Walk Among Us
<LI> I work at a collections agency, and I called one lady about her bill,
and another lady answered, and I asked if Ann was there, and she said
"I'll Check. One Minute." So I waited for 30 seconds or so, and she
came back on and said "She's not here right now, but she asked me to
take a message."
They Walk Among Us
<LI> A friend from West Virginia was shopping at the Wal-Mart in Blacksburg, VA. At the cash register, my friend wrote a check.
The clerk asked for her driver's license. The presented her West Virginia drivers license and the clerk grabbed it way from
her and scoffed at her, "If you're going to use a fake ID, you could at least use a real state!" A manager was required to verify
West Virginia's statehood.
They Walk Among Us
<LI> While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labelled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
She replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
They Walk Among Us
<LI> There's an automotive tire dealer in town with the following motto painted in two-foot high letters on the storefronts of their
several locations:
"If it's in stock, we've got it!"
They Walk Among Us [/list]
Tip o' the hat to Scott Adams.
-Mark
missouriboy
08-09-2006, 04:37 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">James, what color is your hair? haha </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Naw, ya say it like this... "James, what color was your hair before you dyed it dark?" HAHA
Welcome back, Shaybare old buddy! http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif
And James: Just kidding, pal, just kidding. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/wink3.gif
shãybare
08-09-2006, 05:34 AM
http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/cool4.gif
Some things in life are just too good to pass up.
OZJames
08-09-2006, 06:03 PM
trouble is it nearly all fell out
http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/laugh.gif
KetchumMaine
09-25-2006, 06:31 AM
We were renting an apartment. It is a 4 room apartment, and we stated such in our ad in the newspaper. We received a call from a woman asking "how many rooms are in your 4 room apartment?" We responded by stating that it depends on how you divide them. If you divide them in four, you can get 16 rooms, but if you divide them in half, you only get eight.
............heeeers's your sign http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif
missouriboy
09-26-2006, 01:47 AM
Many years ago, in the era when Motel 6 and Super 8 got their names based on their nightly room rates, my Dad was traveling to Texas and stopped at a motel that advertised "FREE TV" on their billboard signs. He asked how much the rooms were and was told, "We have $6 rooms and we have $8 rooms." He then asked, "What's the difference between the six and eight dollar rooms?"
"The eight dollar rooms have free TV."
(Golly! Free TV for only 33 percent more!)
johny
09-26-2006, 04:41 AM
RE:""I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. We bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....They Walk Among Us!""
Similarily here at Riga was big Nike action where was acclaimed that if You bring them a two pairs of old shoes, you get a one pair of brand new pair of Nike`s for just a half price.
Newspaper told that many people came there with an 4 old shoe pairs to tell they are willing a one pair completely cost-free....
One between laws of Nature states - `the sum of intelligency over the World is a constant; but number of people is still growing and growing`...
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