Are My Voices Offending You?

[Naturist Mark]

"no offense but ..."

mass murder is funny!

[Naturist Mark]

Those Sony cameras with infrared can reveal what goes on when the lights go out ...

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m223/SomeStones/hugs.jpg

[Naturist Mark]

pornography (http://pimpandhost.com/media/simple/23196/616ff12c2c07.jpg)

[nimrod]

pornography (http://pimpandhost.com/media/simple/23196/616ff12c2c07.jpg)

That was just disqusting, how could you even post that.;)

[hw]

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions.

I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form
that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then
asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"A folding carton."

"What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of
them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the
office without even telling her about my folding bucket. :mad:

:rotflmao:

[Naturist Mark]

<object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/7EYAUazLI9k&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/7EYAUazLI9k&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>

[Navigator]

I love that clip of the Sound of Music Flash Mob in Antwerp.

A scene in an episode of Weeds also had a Flash Mob and I've always thought it would be a kick to be part of one.

Here's Wikipedia's explanation for anyone not familiar with Flash Mob:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_mob

[hw]

Dead Penquins


Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on

the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird

which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for

life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact

with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members

of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in

the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is

deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh

grave and sing:


"freeze a jolly good fellow."


" Then they kick him in the ice hole." :D

[hw]

<TABLE class=EC_EC_EC_EC_MsoNormalTable cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in" vAlign=top><TABLE class=EC_EC_EC_EC_MsoNormalTable cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in" vAlign=top><TABLE class=EC_EC_EC_EC_MsoNormalTable cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD style="PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; PADDING-LEFT: 0in; PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; PADDING-TOP: 0in" vAlign=top>ATLANTA AIRPORT -
You gotta love this one even if you've never lived in the South. Some of you will enjoy this more than others.. Southerners can be so polite!



Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R



Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."





Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."



Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great."



Pause...









Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"



Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511."



Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE.. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE."



Atlanta ATC: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- "

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

[Naturist Mark]

Speaking of peeing .... (http://www.clothesfreeforum.com/showthread.php?t=15175)

This is supposed to be a true story, told to me by the perpetrator ... let's call her Peenelopee ... and if it isn't true, well it ought to be.

A couple of the guys were out back, boasting about who could pee the farthest, "P" and her sister thought they were being ridiculous and needed to be taken down a notch, so "P" says they are full of it and that she could beat them all. Well, there were words exchanged, and wagers made. "P's" sister wondered just what the heck "P" was going to do to get out of this.

Well, the boys each took their best shot, streaming with all their might far into the yard. Then "P's" turn came. She dropped her shorts, kicked them off, started her stream ...

... AND RAN ACROSS THE YARD ...

beat the boys distance by a mile.

[walter05]

Mark;

St. Patrick's Day in Savannah is a wild time. The parade is supposed to be the second biggest in the U.S.

When I was 19, I was coming back up Factor's Walk from River Street. The ramps were well known to be used for urinals on St. Patrick's Day.

I then heard a female voice say she would bet a guy $5 she could pee higher on the wall then him.

My friends and I stopped to watch.

The guy accepted.

He unzipped, stood back and did a good job of peeing high on the wall.

She then dropped her shorts, stood on her hands, spread her legs and earned $5.

[Baron Lake]

Another way females can win the farthest bet without moving is to draw
a line in the sawdust (you can tell what class of bar I hang in) and invoke
the "no hands" rule.

b.l.

[Lord Drakkus]

Another way females can win the farthest bet without moving is to draw
a line in the sawdust (you can tell what class of bar I hang in) and invoke
the "no hands" rule.

b.l.

A guy can still win that one, under the right circumstances... :eek:

[Kouak]

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!

[Kouak]

I love that clip of the Sound of Music Flash Mob in Antwerp.

A scene in an episode of Weeds also had a Flash Mob and I've always thought it would be a kick to be part of one.

Here's Wikipedia's explanation for anyone not familiar with Flash Mob:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flash_mob

It was not a flash mob. From the definition:

The term flash mob is generally applied only to gatherings organized via telecommunications, social media, or viral emails. The term is generally not applied to events organized by public relations firms or as publicity stunts.

It is fairly obvious that this was a coordinated and previously rehearsed dance. I initially thought it was a dance studio but the ages seemed too disparate. I wonder if it was a theatre group. They would be very adept at large group choreography and have a wide range of ages.

[Naturist Mark]

New boat owner tries to launch boat
... unclear on the concept.

[missouriboy]

In a catholic elementary school the nun asked each child what they wanted to be when they grew up. They took their turns, giving the usual responses of policeman, nurse, fireman, pilot, etc. Then one little girl stood up and declared, "When I grow up I wanna be a prostitute!"

The nun jumped up, grabbed her spanking ruler, and yelled, "What did you say?"

The girl clearly repeated, "I wanna be a PROSTITUTE."

The nun sat back down saying, "Oh, OK. For a second there I thought you said a PROTESTANT!"

[Naturist Mark]

Don't look ...

[Naturist Mark]

A couple goes on vacation to a fishing resort in Northern Minnesota. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn, the wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out and get some sun. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies. (thinking, isn't it obvious.)

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading"

"Yes but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you can start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am, " and he left..........

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads, its likely she can also think.

[Kouak]

The Gift

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift, so he stopped at a department store on his way home.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.

She showed him a $50.00 bottle.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.

"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.