Are My Voices Offending You?

[nacktman]

You are the egg man
They are the egg men
I am the walrus
goo goo ga joob....

J. Lenon

------------
Can't get any more profound than that

[nudistmatt]

I'd just like to add that six fingers is a dominant trait.

[OZJames]

http://www.thegreatillusion.com/nude%20egg.jpg

"Nude EGG"

JAMES

[Rex]

One night farmer Brown was takin` the air
Locked up the barnyard with the greatest of care
Down in the hen house something stirred
When he shouted, "Who`s there?"
This is what he heard
There ain`t nobody here but us chickens
There ain`t nobody here at all
So calm yourself and stop that fuss
There ain`t nobody here but us
We chickens tryin` to sleep and you butt in
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, with your chin
There ain`t nobody here but us chickens
There ain`t nobody here at all
You`re stompin` around and shakin` the ground
Kicking up an awful dust
We chickens tryin` to sleep and you butt in
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble, it`s a sin
Tomorrow is a busy day
We got things to do, we got eggs to lay
We got ground to dig and worms to scratch
It takes a lot of sittin`, gettin` chicks to hatch
Oh, there ain`t nobody here but us chickens
There ain`t nobody here at all
So quiet yourself and stop that fuss
There ain`t nobody here but us
Kindly point the gun the other way
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble off and hit the hay
Tomorrow is a busy day
We got things to do, we got eggs to lay
We got ground to dig and worms to scratch
It takes a lot of sittin`, gettin` chicks to hatch
Oh, there ain`t nobody here but us chickens
There ain`t nobody here at all
So quiet yourself and stop that fuss
There ain`t nobody here but us
Kindly point the gun the other way
And hobble, hobble, hobble, hobble off and hit the hay
Hey, hey boss man, what do you say?
It`s easy, pickins, there ain`t nobody here but us chickens

[missouriboy]

Well, YES, I have seen an egg plant. It was planting a... a... er... /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Darn! I know there's a yolk in here somewhere, but now I can't find it! /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[nudeM]

posted by hw: "nudeM have you ever seen an "Egg Plant?"----------------------------------------------------

Of course, but have never seen an egg factory.

[nacktman]

I think a egg factory is called a Chicken, can't be sure all the factories by-products are chirping in my ears and "fowling" the air...whew! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
Well, YES, I have seen an egg plant. It was planting a... a... er... /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Darn! I know there's a yolk in here somewhere, but now I can't find it! /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Plant your chickens pretty deep in MO., Moboy? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif The yolk's on you. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Speaking of being deep, just look how long this thread is, and how many people have added their voices to it!!!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Just like Baskin Robbins... 31derful pages.

[Rex]

Originally posted by hw 5.8.03.

"Hey all, quick question. Are my voices offending you in any way, shape, or forum? If my signature is offensive to some, does that mean we can no longer use the words, crazy, nuts, whack-o, or whack-job?"

Quick question, lengthy answer!

[Rex]

Anyone notice the "Last Post" under New Naturists?

"how did you become a...
(olderguy)"

Well, I started off as a youngerguy and then it gradually crept up on me...

I remember being young, slim and trim, full of energy, reasonably good-looking, and without a pain or ache in my body. When did all that change? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Jon Marc...For me it started at the big 60...congratulations on reaching that point earlier in life.. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ...Odb

[shãybare]

Never get old,
Never get old,
Run around with
younger women,
and never get old.
Or so I am told.

I heard that a woman is only as old as she looks, and a man isn't old until he STOPS looking! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[nacktman]

That means I am ancient! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
---------------

The three signs of aging are:
1. Memory loss
2. uh, uh What was I talking about, sonny?

I'm 58, and I have people younger than I am calling me young man. That always makes me feel good. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif When I tell them "I bet I'm older than you are.", they say something like "I'll bet you're not." Then I tell them my age, and most people are surprised because they think I'm a lot younger, or else they're very good liars! True or not I like to hear, "I thought you were in your 40's."

When I was 30 something, I had an old woman say, "I thought you were about 18." As much as I enjoyed hearing that, I assumed her eyesight must have been really bad. About that same age a 16-year-old girl was attracted to me until she found out my age, so maybe I did look a lot younger. I always tell myself I do.

[OZJames]

One of the best things in life (for an older person) is to talk to young people and find that they enjoy your company and want to talk to you.

Aching bones then become irrelevant

JAMES

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
I'm 58, and I have people younger than I am calling me young man. That always makes me feel good. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Jon-Marc you are young at heart, and that's what counts. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Some very good advice:
Enjoy life and whatever it offers. (It seems you've got a head start on all of us by living your dream in a nudist resort.)

Have fun with people of all ages. Older people have the experience of life, while younger ones have visions of making this a better planet to live on. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

You are only as old as you feel. A very wise person said that.

Since this thread has a few serious, and quite a few not so serious comments, I'd like to ask you and everyone else for a special favor.

Jon-Mark, Trailscout and all the others who pray on a regular basis, please say a special prayer for one of my buddies. He needs us all at this time.

Thank you...hw /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[missouriboy]

"Well, I started off as a youngerguy and then it gradually crept up on me..."

You remind me of George Burns who, when asked "How did you become a Hollywood star?" replied, "Well, I started out as God and worked my way UP!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I was young-looking once myself. A counter-clerk laughed out loud at me for plopping a 6-pack on the counter one day... until I proved I was 26!

hw, I do sometimes get the yolk on my shirt when I gobble my eggs too fast. IF I'm wearing one, that is. If not, then... /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Jochanaan]

Hey, I always knew we were a bunch of good eggs... /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

(Sorry I haven't been here for a week or so; I was visiting my parents for my mother's 90th birthday! And don't you dare call her an old lady! At least not in my hearing. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif )

If the yolk's on me, does that mean I'm plastered? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
...it was probably the same guy who figured out by putting olives in lye they weren't poisonous anymore. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>That's a lye!

And I still say that the first guy who decided to eat whatever came out of a hen's derriere was lucky he didn't wind up in chickens***! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Jochanaan]

Hey! 900 and counting!

[OZJames]

Didn't your mummy tell you you should never count your eggs before they hatch - chicken jokes might run out.

http://www.chickenrun.nl/images/gallery/gallery1/Counting_Eggs_Thumbnail.jpg

JAMES

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Hey! 900 and counting! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>900! Now that's OLD! Oh! You meant your number of posts? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Outlaw]

Refering back to Jon-Marc's post 2618, the way I heard it is that a woman gets old when she tells her age and a man gets old when he won't.

Mike

[Jochanaan]

What's the opposite of an outlaw? An inlaw?

[OZJames]

Sometimes inlaws are outlaws - as long as i'm not shot down in flames I will try to please

JAMES

[Jochanaan]

Hmmm...I haven't seen any flamers here yet, Oz, so are you still trying to please?

Sign in men's restroom: "We aim to please. You aim, too, please."

[OZJames]

Anyone for BBQ lamb ???

"Flaming sheep.jpg"
http://www.wuut.net/~geordan/images/csua/flaming-sheep.jpg

JAMES

[tarsus]

i would love some, but i am late for my shock treatment at the ward,and i can't find my meds or uzi. save some for me, will you?

James... I see youre enjoying warm sunny Aussie weather...But didnt think it got that hot...Hmmm...It's starting to warm up for Summer here so it should be cooling off down under ...Right?...Odb /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
What's the opposite of an outlaw? An inlaw? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Joke-anaan Do you know the difference between an In-law and and Out-law? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Out-laws are Wanted! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Gee, thanks, hw. I guess I know where my place is now. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[hw]

Joke-anaan

You said your mother was 90. Way to go mom!

I hope this wasn't her. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone
failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when
it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The
senior telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog .... or the senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the
subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog
moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole,
the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain
and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone
number was called.

4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate on himself and the ground.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing telephone to
ring.

Which only goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pi$$ing and
moaning...


/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Rex]

Talking of moaning, man says to his wife, "I saw this video and a couple were making love and the woman was moaning. Why don't you do that?"

She thinks, "Well, anything to please him." So next time they make love, she starts to moan. "The weather's terrible lately. The price of groceries has gone up again. There's nothing good on the TV anymore-----"

[threadbare]

Sounds like she needs some cheese to go with that w(h)ine!!!

[missouriboy]

For my anniversay, I got a sweater. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

But what I wanted was a screamer or a moaner. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
For my anniversay, I got a sweater. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Happy Belated Anniversary Moboy and Mogirl. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Moboy: But what I wanted was a screamer or a moaner. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Does Mogirl know the words to that? Maybe she could just hum a few bars. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Joke-anaan

You said your mother was 90. Way to go mom!

I hope this wasn't her. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>No way! My mother's mind is as sharp as ever. She needs a walker to walk, but otherwise her health is fine.

We surprised her with the party. Two of my sisters planned most of it, going so far as to put an announcement in the local newspaper; then my dad (stepfather, actually) took out that page of the paper before he brought it in! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Mom says she knew nothing until all her children started arriving the day before; then she figured out something was going on. But I wonder if she's just being polite. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif She's a sharp one.

[hw]

So Joke-anaan what did you give mom for her birthday? With summer approaching I think she might appreciate a sThong of two. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Maybe you could har-moan-ize with Moboy. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://upchucky.net/~upchucky/flash-fun/thongs.swf /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hw...Love those thongs..er flipflops /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Strange how words meaning can change over the years...from something between your toes to something betwween your cheeks...What will thongs apply to next..Hmmm?...Love that "Baby Elephant Walk" music too...

[Jochanaan]

hw, Mom doesn't do thongs of any short, er, sort, and my inclinations don't incline toward Moboy. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Rex]

"James... I see youre enjoying warm sunny Aussie weather...But didnt think it got that hot...Hmmm...It's starting to warm up for Summer here so it should be cooling off down under ...Right?...Odb"

Just up the hill a bit from James' place:

http://winterhighland.com/glencoe/pics/jan_17_04_21.jpg

<span class="ev_code_RED">Brrrrrr!</span>Brrrrr!...Thats cold enough to freeze your assets... Near 100 degrees here today /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif<span class="ev_code_BLUE">ODB</span>

[OZJames]

OK OK I get the message. I might add that if the admin don't change the font size back to what it was I will go blind and I don't mean snow blind

By the way you would all get sore buns trying to ski down our mountain. Its all rock and trees. Ill let you know if it snows

JAMES /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Corky]

The font size is the same as the old forums. See this thread (http://clothesfreeforums.com/eve/forums?a=tpc&s=39710742&f=2500016152&m=8300063252&r=9260063252#9260063252)

I fixed the link. -Sandman

[Rex]

Welcome Sandman. Was this your last job?

http://www.oneposter.co.uk/UserData/Poster/Poster_2056.jpg

I have been behind the scenes for quite some time. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[hairyhomer]

It never gets too cold in the Great Pacific Northwest to go Nude! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[tarsus]

for i have seen the light and heard the glory,----- wait a minute wrong voice--hang on while i adjust voices---this little baby will do any thing------just wait till your father gets home----
hey baby you come here often?------ the repubican party will be the doom of us all----- i can't hold her captain kirk!! the anti matter engines are gonna tear themselves apart!!!-----
frankly scarlet,i don't give a damn.--------------------------------- for the next hour we are in control of your t.v. set.----.
no,no, no, i am on the computer!
i think i am getting this thing figured out it's going to take more then new software to silence the voice of techno-man.

[hw]

/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Wow tarsus, you've spent way too much time in front of the Boob-tube! Did Lassie ever save little Timmy? Are you really the Cable guy?

Tune in tomorrow, same bat time, same bat station, for answers to these....</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[tarsus]

timmy actually went to hell and was doomed to be rescued week after week for all time. something about animal abuse???
as i "dream on" and "dream of jeanie" with her "bewitched" way
i can't help but wonder is "my mother the car" reposeing somewhere in a junkyard?
did the people lost in "the time tunnel" ever make it back home?
DID LUKE SYYWALKER AND HIS SISTER DO "IT" BEFORE THEY KNEW THEY WERE BROTHER AND SISTER?
"stay tuned" to all 666 channels for many more questions that cannot be answered!

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Wow tarsus, you've spent way too much time in front of the _Boob-tube_! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

How can it be a "boob tube" when the broadcast networks can't show women topfree?

[shãybare]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Wow tarsus, you've spent way too much time in front of the _Boob-tube_! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

How can it be a "boob tube" when the broadcast networks can't show women topfree? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

"I have but one boob to show to my Country.", Janet Jackson

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shaybare:
"I have but one boob to show to my Country.", Janet Jackson <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ROFLMAO!!!!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Call me old and confused, but I don't think some of the new features are working on here. I can't see Shaybare's pix on the above post. I hadn't seen his post and yet it didn't show up as new when I logged on???? Hmmmmmmmmmmm /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Ok it must be the computer fairies...just as I posted this, Shaybare's pix magically re-appeared. ?????????????? /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[OZJames]

HOORAY I'm back in business with the aid of Mozilla browser which increases the FONT size so that i can read the forum posts without going blind

I thought Mozilla was a monster ?? Must be a kind monster

http://www.sagmal.de/advograf/mozilla.jpg

JAMES

[tarsus]

prehaps like "godzilla" he has a love hate relationship with humans. or maybe "son of godzilla" grew up and begain useing his real name?
it is aalso here that i will give the latest news.
i will return to work "full time" as of 6-28-o4. its been awhile,but but since its an inter-department change,and not a complete job change i will fall into place quickly. i will still be around. so don't give that sigh of relief too soon.

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shaybare:
"I have but one boob to show to my Country." Janet Jackson <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOLROF The other must be in a booby trap! Or maybe it was named Justin...

[Jochanaan]

Hey! Where's my avatar?

[NudeAl]

The same place mine went I suppose into the trashcan.

[tarsus]

i think you can get it back, i found mine old one,but chose a new one,which i like very well. as soon as i hear back;and get a decent pix i will post me. but be warned-- when you are cool,the sun shine on you all the time,so you better wear shades. i should get it up in about a week or so. crappy digital camera needs full sun to take a good pix.

[OZJames]

My avatar dissapeared too but on the new "improved" forum you can get it back easily. Go to your personal profile pages and look about for the link.

JAMES

[OZJames]

Hey, I found a nude AVATOR, (sorry aviator) any want to use it ??

http://www.globalserve.net/~sandymac/Sega_14inch_Aviator_Pooh.jpg

<span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[tarsus]

well people the sun is out!!!! i am going off-line for a few days,but will soon return. hope they don't change these fourms again too soon as i just am getting the hang of them now.
this is the voice of the inner child running through the meadow.
now if i just don't pick up any 2x4s lol
isn't that right h.w.?

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
now if i just don't pick up any 2x4s lol
isn't that right h.w.? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">tarsus Most men I know try to pick up members of the human kind, but if you want to date a 2X4 that's fine with me. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif One thing I ask is that you don't invite your date to the drive-in to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Otherwise, you might get to see a re-run of the pizza. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span>

[fred950]

Hey!! I have a 2x4 pick-up! And over the years it's been used to pick up tons od 2x4s 4x4s 6x4s 2x8s as well as all sorts of other junque.
But I don't rightly know if my pick-up ever tried to pick up another pick-up. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fred950:
But I don't rightly know if my pick-up ever tried to pick up another pick-up. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Hey Fred, is that a Pick-up line?</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[missouriboy]

"it's been used to pick up tons od 2x4s 4x4s 6x4s 2x8s"

How much wood would a pickup pick up if a pickup would pick up wood?

/infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[tarsus]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
now if i just don't pick up any 2x4s lol
isn't that right h.w.? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">tarsus Most men I know try to _pick up_ members of the _human_ kind, but if you want to date a 2X4 that's fine with me. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif One thing I ask is that you don't invite your date to the _drive-in_ to watch _Texas Chainsaw Massacre_. Otherwise, you might get to see a _re-run_ of the pizza. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
lol, for those who might wonder-- it concerns the origial movie and a what happened to the car just down from me and a friend. that was one weird movie in 1974. indeed those were the days. carefree,young and wild. strong as a bull,and a head full of hair.now look at me.

[tarsus]

see? now if the protests are not too loud i will try and get it over there in the corner.
may have to get sandman to help with that one before its over with. cheap camera btw.

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
tarsus Most men I know try to _pick up_ members of the _human_ kind, but if you want to date a 2X4 that's fine with me. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Actually, hw, I've dated a few ladies who were nearly that stiff. By the end of the evening I would really be board. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Fred, when I still had a pickup, it wouldn't pick up anything. I had to load it myself! /infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Actually, hw, I've dated a few ladies who were nearly that stiff. By the end of the evening I would really be board. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Joke-anaan buddy...if the dates were that bad, why didn't you offer them a stiff one? Not that! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I mean like a stiff drink; Wild Turkey or maybe some Sacramento wine. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif</span>

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Joke-anaan buddy...if the dates were that bad, why didn't you offer them a _stiff_ one? Not that! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I mean like a _stiff_ drink; _Wild Turkey_ or maybe some _Sacramento_ wine. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif</span> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">The churches I've been in mostly don't do Sacramento wine; they serve grape juice for Communion. (My Episcopalian sister says, "Whenever three or four Episcopalians get together, there's always a fifth. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif)</span> But when I was growing up in Nebraska, my friend Jack Daniels could have shot them a Wild Turkey. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[gamblefish]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:

[color:PURPLE] (My Episcopalian sister says, "Whenever three or four Episcopalians get together, there's always a fifth. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmmm.....that's what my Old Grandad used to say...

[hairyhomer]

Hey that's what we still say about us Catholics /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif and we have the real thing (wine sometimes good and sometimes not, depends on what was donated /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif) from a glass!

hh /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Jochanaan]

Homer, I thought only priests drank Sacramento wine in the Catholic churches...?

[barenaked1]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Actually, hw, I've dated a few ladies who were nearly that stiff. By the end of the evening I would really be board. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Joke-anaan buddy...if the dates were that bad, why didn't you offer them a _stiff_ one? Not that! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif I mean like a _stiff_ drink; _Wild Turkey_ or maybe some _Sacramento_ wine. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif</span> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I always thought it was sacramental wines as I've been to Sacramento and the closest wineries were either in Lodi ( about 30 miles south) or in the Gold Country.
Sometimes I've been board to tears, but that was just fom dealing with some stiff turkeys

[hairyhomer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Homer, I thought only priests drank Sacramento wine in the Catholic churches...? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Now every one can if they believe they are receiving the blood of Christ, We have Eucharistic ministers that help distribute the wine(blood) and bread(body) at Communion. My wife and I are what are know as lead Eucharistic ministers as we set up every thing before mass and get subs if others don't show up and clean the vessels after mass. And then we go to Collins Beach to continue to thank the Lord for all the good he does for us.

hh /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[hairyhomer]

CATHOLIC MOTHERS

Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how important their children are. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say "Your Grace." The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but MY son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say.'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her the subtle "Well...?" She replies, " My son is an gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, Chippendale's male stripper. Whenever walks into a room, people say, "OH MY GOD..." /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[OZJames]

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air then opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place and, as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds.
"I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"Come on God, give me a break!," the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
Then the Atheist continues, "God, please let the Loch Ness Monster become religious."
God replies, "So be it."
The scene starts up, atheist falling.
The Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says,
"Lord, bless this food you have so graciously provided...."

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[johny]

To the topic....
I read this and enjoy a much.


"To not offend one with your speech, be sure about your POLITCORRECTNESS in language use""


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is SURGICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10.She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11.She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12.She is not a TWO-BIT ***** - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a GRAIN ALCOHOL STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL *** - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

[hairyhomer]

IDIOTS IN PUBLIC SERVICE: This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line? Well there are a few out there with cable).

IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore. I could swear I've recently worked with some of these people...

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

IDIOT SIGHTING #3: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."

IDIOTS IN THE FAMILY: My daughter just moved into a new apartment and called the water company to turn on the water, then she called me to find out if she should call them back because they only turned on the COLD water! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hh /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[tarsus]

hello all,
once more i have come here to tell you good bye.
a sudden and life altering event has occured. i will be shutting down my i.p. before most of you read this.
so many to say good bye to you who were the ones i p.m. are that the top of course.
i will even miss stu,he's not all that bad after all.
i cannot get on here from other locals [work,etc] for they are monitored and all you can do is check e-mail or "family" sites.
i know but they don't in the offices.
it is with saddness i depart. and hope you have fond memories of me.
i am going home, the time has come and within the next 60 days
will leave for north carolina. i need to put in my notice and get some things done while i have insurance.
i am reducing costs now.
so many things are left unfinished,this i regret deeply.

remember it is better to live free for a day then to live a lifetime in chains.
live free,live nude,live life as it was meant to be.-- live--
jon-marc
fred950
gamblefish
odb
red
hw [with fondest of memories]
trailscout
shaybare
and i am sorry if i left you out anyone.
goodbye.
i wonder if the tears are saddness or joy, i am going home,i shall never leave, for it is there that i wish to remain for all time to come. the mountains call me.
ronnie

[Jochanaan]

We'll miss you, Tarsus! I pray everything works out!

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">tarsus...I too, will miss you and your "toad-i-ness". /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif I wish you the best, and may you find happiness in your new life. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Life is about change and as much as we would like to keep things the same, there will always be change. Some changes are good, some not so good. It will all work out for you buddy. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Stay in touch and take care cause I care. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span>

[Jochanaan]

hw, it looks as if you've got a serious case of the blues, affecting even the color of your font! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
hw, it looks as if you've got a serious case of the blues, affecting even the color of your font! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Glad you noticed Joke. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif I do have a lot on my plate right now. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif But blue is my color of choice....ever notice there is no ugly blue? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

BTW I like your new avatar pix. The last one made you look so youth impaired. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif lol Is that politically correct johny? </span>

I will miss you Taurus...Best wishes...Odb

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
BTW I like your new avatar pix. The last one made you look so _youth impaired_. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif lol Is that politically correct johny? [/color] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Are you trying to tell me I look my age? Thanx, hw! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif That's me busking on the Sixteenth Street Mall in Denver. (No, I wasn't naked. Perhaps later I'll take some shots--no, not Wild Turkey shots!--with my new web cam.)

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Thanx, hw! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif That's me busking on the Sixteenth Street Mall in Denver. (No, I wasn't naked. Perhaps later I'll take some shots--no, not Wild Turkey shots!--with my new web cam.) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You're welcome. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif It looks like you are busking up on your musical talent. /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
About your age....why look your age when you don't act your age. /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif lol

Speaking of Wild Turkey, take heart Odie..I have been in touch with tarsus..he is fine. I'm sure he will be back one day to share his humor with all of us. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

What are you saying, hw? Come on now, spell it out! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
What are you saying, hw? Come on now, spell it out! /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">You asked for it...</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif


You're Getting Older When...
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.

- You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.

- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

- Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

- Happy hour is a nap.

- When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

- Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

- It takes twice as long to look half as good.

- The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

- You give up all your bad habits and you still don't feel good.

- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.

- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.

- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.

- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.

- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.

- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where I parked my car.

- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.

- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.

- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

- Your eyes won't get much worse.

- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

- Things you buy now won't wear out.

- No one expects you to run into a burning building.

- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

- You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."

- You start video taping daytime game shows.

- You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

- You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

- You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

- You look both ways before crossing a room.

- You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

- You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread USED to cost.

- You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

- Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

- Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

- All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

- The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

- You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

- You are proud of your lawn mower.

- Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

- Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

- You sing along with the elevator music.

- You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

- Neighbors borrow your tools.

- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

- You have a dream about prunes.

- You send money to PBS.

- You take a metal detector to the beach.

- You wear black socks with sandals.

- You know what the word "equity" means.

- You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

- Your ears are hairier than your head.

- You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

- You got cable for the weather channel.

- You can go bowling without drinking.

- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

- You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

- Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

- You look forward to a dull evening.

- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

- You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

- You don't remember when your wild oats turned to prunes and all bran.

- You finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

- You don't remember being absent minded.

- "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

- Tying one on means fastening your Medic Alert bracelet.

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Ok Joke-anaan is this enough or do you need more?</span> lol /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! That's much more than I asked for! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

On second thought, I wonder about a few items you included:

- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.

Inversely? I thought the multi-vitamins got exponentially larger.

- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

See comment about grass.

- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Hey, just because you're a hypochondriac doesn't mean you're not ill.

- You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

That is, if you can still see the road.

- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Also known as "organ recitals."

- You can go bowling without drinking.

Too late! I always need a glass of water.

Anyway, I live according to a plaque on the wall at a friend's place: "I may be getting older BUT I REFUSE TO GROW UP!" /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Uh Oh!...I'm in trouble...I love accordian music, my All Bran Buds and the Weather channel and the 71 Impala convertible I bought new now has classic value....where's that fountain of youth?

[barelybob]

I don't remember why I'm posting. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hairyhomer]

"You find yourself beginning to like accordion music."

I'm glad I still have my accordion,with all of us getting older maybe I will be able to make a some money at playing it. That is if I still remember how to play it. /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

hh /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T like accordian music. Does that mean I've ALWAYS been old /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif?

[fred950]

My teeth and I have been sleeping separately for the past thirty-four years now.... /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[OZJames]

I think its time to commit suicide - they all apply

/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Accord-ian to the voices I much prefer a good piano or organ solo piece.</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[FireProf]

Who started this thread!!!!?? 43 pages and still going strong.

hw, me and the Prof can always count on you to get us chuckling! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Thank you! /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[barelybob]

Amen! /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Ok guys, I know I have been neglecting my duties here so I'll make a Clean Sweep and get the ball rolling. lol

You can thank Moboy for this. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif</span>

2 Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a
while they got to know each other so well, they
decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom. The other
the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white
dress.. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his
tuxedo.

The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the
wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said
to the groom-broom "I think I am going to have a
little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom.
* *
*
*
*
*
Are you ready for this!!?
*
*
*
*
Brace yourself; this is going to hurt...
*
* *
*
Really bad...
*
*
! *
*
*
*
*
*
*
"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER YET"
/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

AH Ha ha ha aha ha...I started laughing at the first groom broom...My wife said to tell you she's glad she wasn't drinking her coffee when I read it to her /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif...Thanks for sharing

[Jochanaan]

Hey, hw, you didn't have to tell us it would hurt! We figured that out on our own. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

But I have to admit, that was a really clean joke. Although a bit dusty. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[missouriboy]

Thank me, dang me, or hang me... I guess I gotta plead guilty. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[hw]

Ok guys here's something I can fully appreciate:


Mother's Dictionary

AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too.

DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

DROOLING: How teething babies wash their chins.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it

PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it

STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words

WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[missouriboy]

"WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

Hasten, Jason! Bring the basin!
URRRRP, sloppppppp! Too late, bring the mop!

[Jochanaan]

"EVERY mother is a working mother." (seen on a bumper sticker)

"NOT ME": The perpetrator of any wrongdoing by a child.

[fred950]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
<span class="ev_code_BLUE">_Accord-ian_ to the voices I much prefer a good piano or organ solo piece.</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Accord-ian? Isn't that a Honda that's been crashed? /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[OZJames]

HW - thanks for the wonderful mother's dictionary, I have eMailed it to my daughter in law who has recently had a baby. Being a recent first time grandparent and a nudist reminded me of this:-

A man came walking up to his grandparent's house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off into the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no clothes on from the waist down?", he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here without a shirt on and I got a stiff neck.

This was your Grandma's idea!!"

/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

OZ...Grandma was wise woman. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Congtratulations on the new baby. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Now for something totally not related, read on:


Reading Between The Lines
Have you ever struggled with a performance review? Read on for some tips to make the next one easier.

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Signed ...
Jim

A memo was soon sent following the letter:
John,
That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment of him.
Regards ...
Jim




/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Have you ever noticed how fond the big companies are of the word "execute"? My former employer once used as part of a slogan, "superior execution on a sustained basis." I often wondered what, or who, was getting executed. /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Jochanaan]

BTW, hw and everyone else, I trust the voices haven't told you to call me a "flautist" despite the instrument I'm playing in my photo. If I were to be a flautist, who or what would I flout? /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[missouriboy]

A flautist?? OH, NO, not That!!!

What would you call the person who claims to play the Beer Barrel Polka using only flatulence? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Naturist Mark]

Important questions:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
<LI>If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
<LI>Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
<LI>Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
<LI>If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
<LI>How did a fool and his money GET together?
<LI>How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?[/list]

-Mark

Moboy...Strange if you just moove U U can change Flautist to Flatuist... /infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
What would you call the person who claims to play the Beer Barrel Polka using only flatulence? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Flat. /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

[Trailscout]

Jochanaan,

It would be presumptous to assume that you are playing a flute in your avatar picture. It might be a piccolo. It could even be a sheet of paper viewed from an oblique angle. Or is it a very large piece of white chocolate that you are biting from the middle? /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[Jochanaan]

You're right, Trailscout; it might be any one of those things. But it isn't. It is a flute. But I'm still not a flautist! I'm a flutist. Or flat. /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
A flautist?? OH, NO, not That!!!

What would you call the person who claims to play the Beer Barrel Polka using only flatulence? /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">I would call that person......

that's right....

I would call that person, nudeM. /infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span>

[Trailscout]

I don't play a flute, but I do eat flautas when I go to a Mexican restaurant.

And I would not dream of attempting to play the Beer Barrel Polka by any method.

[Jochanaan]

I'd hope not, Scout! I trust you'd be too busy dancing.

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
A flautist?? OH, NO, not That!!!

What would you call the person who claims to play the Beer Barrel Polka using only flatulence? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">I would call that person......http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif</span> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Does that make you a dance caller?

[hairyhomer]

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess
looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says
"Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went
back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that: only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did!
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Hey every-buddy! Hope your summer is going well and it's not been too hot for you. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
I know I've been spending way too much time at the coast and not visiting this site, but I'm baaaack!</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two-week cruise
for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships
were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he
could do.

A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get
them onto a three-day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to
buy Dramamines and three condoms.

The next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a
five-day cruise. The guy said, "I'll take it," and returned to the same
pharmacy to buy two more Dramamines and two more condoms.

The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now
book them on an eight-day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the
drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.

The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said,
"Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[barelybob]

It's not possible to spend too much time enjoying yourself. Welcome back! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_RED">Thank you bob. It hasn't been all pleasure, more like a working vacation. If I could only figure out how to clone myself
....hmmmmmmmmm. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif </span>

[tarsus]

clone yourself? we should have learned with the bush clone that this is a bad idea! defeat duyba, if you don't like kerry then vote "none of the above" he will do a better job,then george the cloned.

[barelybob]

Is the world ready for more than one hw? Though, it would be a more cheerful place. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[S.M.A.]

Maybe, but I think a clone would inevitably water down hw's more finer qualities.

Wow- this is only the second time I have ever replied to this thread. And the first time was well over a year ago.

Other Stu

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_RED">Welcome Back tarsus!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif You've been Sour-ly err...sore-ly missed. lol http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I'm sorry about your misgivings on Bush, but after the Clinton fiasco, I cannot in good conscience, support the Demo-Rats. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif lol</span>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">barely bob and S.M.A. thank you for the kind words. But just think how much more fun it would be with two of me. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Hmmmmm... With all these voices maybe there are two of me. </span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[tarsus]

what can i say?i am a man man of few words.
but let me try, spit that lemon out and pucker up! give us a big kiss right on the mouth! for those who don't know or remember or care to remember i am a former "young repubician" lol. true there is no such thing as a young republican,just ask h.w. lol.also in case you are wondering i am to h.w. what maria is to arnold,only a lot prettier,then maria ever hoped to be. [hey when you got it flaunt it,mom always said,and could she turn them sailors heads] vote "none of the above"in nov. make your vote count,it will confuse the florida voting machines,which counts both bush and kerry as a bush vote.
i am the lone voice crying in the wilderness,i am the warning bell,i am the light house that warns of the rocks,heed my cry flee the wrath of the wackedbush.
yes brothers and sisters i am back for a little while,rejoice,our salvation is near,and for a short time you will bask in my greatness.

[David77]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
i am the lone voice crying in the wilderness,i am the warning bell,i am the light house that warns of the rocks,heed my cry flee the wrath of the wackedbush.
yes brothers and sisters i am back for a little while,rejoice,our salvation is near,and for a short time you will bask in my greatness. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey Tarsus,
I much enjoy your poetic expression, listed above!

[OZJames]

A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush - has that proverb got anything to do with American politics ?

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span>

[tarsus]

thank you david 77.
and ozjames,since you don't livehere maybe you didn't hear this one.
the guy who made the new florida voting machines,went on national t.v. no less,and said "i would do anything to help president bush win re-election" florida is a key state in the nov. elections.the cuban sector all but has a strangle hold,on votes there. since they hate castro,and bush is still withholding trade with this country [cuba]. guess who will carry florida?
castro maintains his power,because of this embargo,if we opened up trade again with them,then in a couple years they will be just like usa;drowning in debt,fat off fast food and and droping like insects on a tour of a pesticide factory.plus they will get to stop driving old cars,worth a lot of money and drive new cars that cost a lot of money and fold up like fans if a bird hits it. they will get to build with lumber so worm eatten that that with luck it will last two years.
and that comment about birds james: well we have had two bushes and one ladybird can't think of anymore just now. lol

[OZJames]

Its wonderfull that Bush is withholding trade from Cuba because he is concerned for for Cuban's general health and wellbeing !!!!!

I just remembered that it was Clinton who had a bird in the hand - or was it the other way round ??

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

While were on the subject of Bushes....hw how are your roses doing in all this heat...Here is one of mine especially for you

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
what can i say?i am a man man of few words.
............................................
also in case you are wondering i am to h.w. what maria is to arnold,only a lot prettier,then maria ever hoped to be. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_RED">Ummmm tarsus buddy..I hate to burst your bubble, but Maria and Arnold are actually married...to each other. I will give you the prettier.....wait are you talking about me or you? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif</span>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Thank you Odie for the roses. Mine are holding up fairly well, although they do tend to fade a little faster when it is over 100 for several days/weeks in a row. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif I wonder if they make a sun screen for flowers?</span>

<span class="ev_code_GREEN">OZ James, I think the bird you refer to in Clinton's hand was Cigar shaped.</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_PINK">For all my retired buddies.</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Being Retired

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a city cop writing out a parking
ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of horse sh*t.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.. the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.


I didn't give a crap. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[tarsus]

ok let me try to cover a lot of bases.
h.w. i mean shes "d" and hes "R". and has arnold ever give a state of the state nude? couldn't keep clothes on him in his movies.
james, i think in clintons case the bird ate the cat.
odb, while not directed to me those are some nice roses,what i can see in the pix looks like you have a great area to live.
i can't grow anything the deer and rabbits ,coons and possums,skunks,and dogs are everywhere around here.
back to h.w. that was me that did that to the cop. lol.
oh how that brings back to memory of younger days,and some of the crazy things i done. thanks for the memeories,i raise a dozen eggs to you h.w. lol.

[missouriboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>OZ James, I think the bird you refer to in Clinton's hand was Cigar shaped. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL! Remember when Clinton was charged with "contributing to the delinquency of a cigar?" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

hw, as I think I said before, you may be retired, but you're definitely not the retiring type! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[OZJames]

Getting back to BUSHes - have any of you smoothies out there had any need to wear a MERKIN ?

http://www9.general-hosting.com/kctrln/SXM-Info/SXM-Beaches/amc/

<span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span>

[David77]

Last year, I noticed that all the nude women in the cabaret review at the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris France were wearing these small pubic hair toupees - all the same color, black. I wonder if they were wearing this to comply with some law in Paris. I think that their own pubic hair would have been more appropriate, as it is natural.

[Jochanaan]

Nope, no merkin for me! (Before I checked your link, I thought a merkin might be cousin to a jerkin. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif) My bush is very healthy, thank you. No, not the one in the Oval Office! I have no idea how his health is, although his sidekick has had heart problems for years, surprising some who didn't know he had one. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_RED">No retirement for me Joke-anaan</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

New Phrases for a new phased world:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O. J. trials were a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, etc.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[OZJames]

I thought WOOFEYS was what older folks did making everyone else leave the room ASAP

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">Could be OZ...Depends, or it could be just a RedNeck thing.</span>! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


Jesus and the Redneck

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and
asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress
nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He
shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress
for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,
"Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said
to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on
crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there,
sweet thang! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked
across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The
waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold
glass of coke, "On my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and
said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the
strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the
door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your
kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening
up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back
flips out; the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and
yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm drawin' disability!" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">Could be OZ..._Depends_, or it could be just a _RedNeck_ thing.</span>! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Would toilet retraining for elders involve going off the Depend? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

If you think the elderly <span class="ev_code_RED">DEPENDS</span> line by Jochanaan is bad...wait til you see my commercial announcement http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[OZJames]

Outdoorbare, I think I would be jumping in at the DEEPEND if I gave one of your Woodies to my grandmother.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[nudistmatt]

this thread is incredibly stupid.

And its incredibly popular too. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[OZJames]

Matt - I totally dissagree with you, I think posts on this site are more often very clever being posted by inteligent people (myself excluded). Full of clever satire & fun, each bouncing off the other.

Take miguelnude234's retort - whilst seeming to not disagree with by using the word "too" he is in fact pointing out that , Matt - YOU ARE THE EXECPTION

How is the above for a boring reply ? Probably because I am an accountant and sometimes wear a grey tie !!!

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

OZJ...No need to worry about Grandma .. she can join you naked in the deepend.. Her <span class="ev_code_RED">UNIQUE WOODY</span> (Wood ) would be just what she needs to buoy her up and keep her afloat...Although that could depend on her weight....I'll bet she would realy enjoy my new model..created from <span class="ev_code_RED">HARD</span> rock (or is that rock hard) maple This beautiful slick polished wood is known for its strength and endurance..(could be passed on to the younger generation when dear ole Granny passes on)..A New family Heirloom...and speaking of pool (deepend)this wood is used for cues and also bats...You cant go wrong...

[OZJames]

My POOL has a DEEPEND and a FENCE around it. Can you FENCE (sword fight !) with a Woodie too. After all it has a soft blunt end (Glan)and could not hurt you. (might be a bit tough on Grandmar.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

That Woody looks as if it might be better used for billiards than fencing; it's a little thin to be a good fencepost. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[missouriboy]

Speaking of billiards... is Australia still cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass pool table? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nudistmatt:
this thread is incredibly stupid. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Wow Matt sorry you feel that way. There is a solution to this problem tho. When I find a stupid topic , I don't read it.

<span class="ev_code_RED">Odie, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Hmmmm?hw...Is chucking wood the same as carving wood?..Wood that make me a wood chucker who could chuck wood ? Hmmm? Lets chuck the whole wood topic...It's been beat to death http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Well, maybe a woodchuck woodn't chuck wood if it didn't eat so much of it! <ducks>

[Qwertie]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Well, maybe a woodchuck woodn't chuck wood if it didn't eat so much of it! <ducks> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Who said wood chucks chuck wood? We haven't even figured out whether a chuck can chuck!

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Well, maybe a woodchuck woodn't chuck wood if it didn't eat so much of it! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>..Keep those hungry wood chucks away from my <span class="ev_code_RED">"UNIQUE WOODY"</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[nudistmatt]

Woodchucks cannot chuck wood. they lack arm strength, finger strength, and the coordination to pick up a piece of wood.

The common woodchuck, however, may be able to slap a piece of wood into midair with enough force from it's tail.

[Naturist Mark]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Qwertie:
Who said wood chucks chuck wood? We haven't even figured out whether a chuck _can_ chuck! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ahhhh,

There is no wood that a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck can't chuck wood. But what if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Just how much wood would that woodchuck chuck, IF that woodchuck could chuck wood?

[nudeM]

good one Mark

[missouriboy]

How many boards would the Mongols hoard, if the Mongol hordes got bored?

[harveym]

Is it time for tongue twisters? How about:
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.

[hw]

I've shucked corn and bucked hay but the only thing I can recall chucking was up morning after. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Jochanaan]

Like the woodchuck I posted about. (Hey! Wood, post, chuck...Anyone out there named Chuck?)

[OZJames]

If my name was CHUCK (which it isn't) I woudn't own up with all you lot chucking words about

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

PS - OZ current waether here - last night temp. 28F but nice sunny days between 70F & 77F

[shãybare]

What's the one about the bear? Yep, I'm still around even if my brain ain't.

[OZJames]

What makes a pot of debatable Stew. (Stu) ?

Clothesfree forum threads where

- no one can agree on the ingredients
- it heats up by itself,
- it lets out a lot of gas and hot air
- sometimes the ingredients smell
- the cooks are moderated and do not have a free hand
- sometimes it coagulates because nothing mixes
- it never gets any better
- but we must consume it otherwise our brains die.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

OZJames...Enjoying cooling off up here ..Cooler Kalifornia weather...Nice sunny days...High 78 lows in the 50s.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[threadbare]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
What makes a pot of debatable Stew. (Stu) ?

Clothesfree forum threads where

- no one can agree on the ingredients
- it heats up by itself,
- it lets out a lot of gas and hot air
- sometimes the ingredients smell
- the cooks are moderated and do not have a free hand
- sometimes it coagulates because nothing mixes
- it never gets any better
- but we must consume it otherwise our brains die.
- too many cooks spoil the broth (stew)(stu)

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
What makes a pot of debatable Stew. (Stu) ?

Clothesfree forum threads where
- it lets out a lot of gas and hot air


http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You are so right OZ and speaking of gas, it has come to my attention there is an important date approaching.

On saturday September 18th my good buddy <span class="ev_code_RED">Moboy</span>, aka Missouriboy will celebrate his birthday. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Let's all raise a glass of our finest, (insert your fav. drink here), in a toast to this fine nudist.

Have a great day Moboy..Sal-lute!

BTW if drinking your favorite drink produces gas go ahead and toot your own horn. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif LOL

[OZJames]

My favourate drink is Riesling which has aged at least 8 or 10 years - Happy Birthday MoBoy - sweet 16 and never been kissed ?

By the way HW , I know I have no right to ask this because my avatar is a bit of a joke, but why can't I see your avatar - it says "Picture of hw" ?

The first line of my ruined Stew description should have been

- it has nothing to do with "The Naked Chef"

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Shaybare said<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>What's the one about the bear? Yep, I'm still around even if my brain ain't. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...Glad to see you're still around...Is This the bear one ?

Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuz a Bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no Hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wuzn't Fuzzy...Wuzzy
Hmmm?Wuz Fuzzy a Bear or a Bare..? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gifHmmmm?..I heard a rumor That MrBee use to be FuzzyWuzzyBear

[barelybob]

It's a bit early to hoist a beer to you, but I shall later. Happy Birthdat Suit to you, moboy! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[missouriboy]

"Have a great day Moboy..Sal-lute!"

Why, thankee thankee, hw, thankee thankee!!
I PLAN to have a great day! Didja folks know our campground club is putting on their fall hayride that evening? How many folks get to celebrate their birthday with a nude hayride??!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Happy Birthday MoBoy - sweet 16 and never been kissed ?"

Why, <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span>, good buddy, I thought you'd never ask! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

I'm four times eight, plus another twenty-seven,
And five times nine, plus at least a half a dozen,
I'm just a young thing...
And cannot leave my mother!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

"Happy Birthday Suit to you, moboy!"

Thank you, Bob. Ya know, if I get to the campground on Friday night as usual, I'll be spending my ENTIRE birthday in my Birthday Suit, for the very first time in my sweet young life! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Thanks again, everybody! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
My favourate drink is Riesling which has aged at least 8 or 10 years - Happy Birthday MoBoy - sweet 16 and never been kissed ?

By the way HW , I know I have no right to ask this because my avatar is a bit of a joke, but why can't I see your avatar - it says "Picture of hw" ?
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Good question OZ. I can see me just fine...anyone else having trouble with my avatar? We may have to ask noodjuggler since he is the one who helped me with my avatar oringally. Nood-buddy any advice? </span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

Moboy! Skaal! *raises a glass of mead*

P.S. A nude hayride? Sounds scratchy! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

P.P.S. I can't see your mushroom either, hw.

[fred950]

Mo-Boy, this Jack Daniel (green lable) is for you. (I'll drink to that)

PS Joke-annan, you get used to the feeling of hay! Remember, the ol' hayloft has a reputation to live up to! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[fred950]

H W , I believe your mushroom was kidnapped! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif I saw it last night, <span class="ev_code_RED">and somebody else was using it!!!</span>(<span class="ev_code_GREEN">can't think of the name right now</span>)

[nudeM]

Everyone on this board, there has been an A.P.B. put out on the perputrator of the kidnapped avatar. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fred950:
H W , I believe your mushroom was kidnapped! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif I saw it last night, <span class="ev_code_RED">and somebody else was using it!!!</span>(<span class="ev_code_GREEN">can't think of the name right now</span>) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_RED">Fred you've got to be kidding!!!!! That was specially made just for me. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Actually it was derived from the selection from clothes free avatars....just a little Flash-i-er. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Where, oh where has my avatar gone? Where, oh where can it be? Did it fall through the cracks or what? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif </span>

hw..NudeBert on the Bare to Breakers topic has a mushroom avatar...but it isn't nearly as beautiful as your glowing blushing one was... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gifOdb

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
hw..NudeBert on the Bare to Breakers topic has a mushroom avatar...but it isn't nearly as beautiful as your glowing blushing one was... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gifOdb <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_BLUE">Thanks Odie. I'm not sure when Noodjuggler will have time to help me with this case of the missing mushroom.

I hope everything is ok with him and everyone else in FL and those other states where the hurricanes have been hitting. And they all wonder why we put up with the earthquakes. </span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Yes hw...TGWDLIF http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Odb...And Moboy...Hope you have a great nude day tomorrow on your birthday in your appropriate suit..Here's a toast with my glass...Prune juice..Ummm Ummmm! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:

Where, oh where has my avatar gone? Where, oh where can it be? Did it fall through the _cracks_ or what? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The investigators will probably recover it with <span class="ev_code_RED">Scream</span> and <span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Madonna</span>. That's the painting, not the pop star.

Hay, Fred, I stand--uh, sit--uh, lie corrected.

[Jochanaan]

Psst! Yeah, you with the stolen mushroom! Somebody's trying to get a rise out of you in the word-by-word story.

[OZJames]

I had fried mushrooms on toast last weekend

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[Jochanaan]

Freeze! Assume the position! Are you OZJames? You are charged with cannibalism and the murder of hw's avater. You have the right to remain silent...

[nudistmatt]

that poor mushroom was sad enough without you eating it!

[fred950]

"Ahhh rec-kin we all git together 'n string up a rope. Bi t' way, duz Oz- land have trees tall enough? Or should we jist throw 'm to the crocs?"...John Wayne

[OZJames]

I'm terribly sorry your honor, I thought it was a Toad Stool and I was trying to go on a trip. PLEASE let me off

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif <span class="ev_code_BLUE">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[Jochanaan]

What does the bereaved victim say, hw?

hw ...Here is a photo of the mushroom head of one of my <span class="ev_code_RED">"UNIQUE WOODY"</span> rejects that you can use as a substituteavatar til your blushing one returns... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[shãybare]

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Now that makes me Blush. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

I can't get my text to print in color. Any Help Please?

Hey Shaybare...When replying or posting just click on that<span class="ev_code_RED">little</span><span class="ev_code_GREEN">artists</span><span class="ev_code_YELLOW">pallette</span>next to smiley..pick your color..type your woords and press OK...

hw..and nudeM...hope you aren't offended by my including you in my addition to the "Joke" topic...The voices told me to do it.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif..Odb

[fred950]

Well. it does look (vaguely) like a mushroom.

[nudeM]

outdoorbare? joke away. No problems, afterall, it takes a little humor to keep people interested. Hw is away for the weekend, so I'll fill her in when she returns next week.

[OZJames]

Shaybare - try buying a color printer

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_BLUE">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
hw..and nudeM...hope you aren't offended by my including you in my addition to the "Joke" topic...The voices told me to do it.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif..Odb <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_RED">Odie you could never offend me. Just been a little busy dodging</span> <span class="ev_code_GREEN">Mountain Lions</span> <span class="ev_code_RED">and trying not to get all shook up.</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Yes I was on the coast when the shaking started, and no we did not fall off into the ocean. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

I can still see my mushroom....maybe you need to borrow my <span class="ev_code_PINK">Rose</span>colored glasses. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

<span class="ev_code_GREEN">Mountain Lions?</span>...Didn't feel any shakin up here...I'm always lookin thru <span class="ev_code_PINK">rose colored glasses</span>...<span class="ev_code_YELLOW">Glad you're back</span>..We all missed you...Much cooler up here in No Ca ...Odie

[S.M.A.]

Welcome back once more, hw. How have you been? How's the weather in California?

Other Stu

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by S.M.A.:
Welcome back once more, hw. How have you been? How's the weather in California?

Other Stu <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_PURPLE">Thank you Other Stu and Odie. The weather has been just great! Nice and sunny, but not too hot.

The guy from Fish and Game said the mountain lions are coming into populated areas because of the drought. The one I saw was less than 500 yards away. It was actually looking into a motor home that was parked outside a residence. I supposed it was just doing a little window shopping, for dinner. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Now for something a little different: Has anyone heard from Moboy since his birthday hayride? I sure hope he didn't bale on us.</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

I'm glad to find you're still well-balanced, hw (as in, not falling off). Now, about OZJames and the mushroom...? I notice the 'shroom still hasn't been restored to its place of honor.

[Nu]

Has anyone heard from Moboy since his birthday _hay_ride? I sure hope he didn't _bale_ on us.[/color] http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/QUOTE]

Very clever, HW.
Thanks for the wit. You always keep us laughing and loose.
Good luck with the restoration of your mushroom.

Sincerely, Nu

[hw]

[QUOTE]Very clever, HW.
Thanks for the wit. You always keep us laughing and loose.
Good luck with the restoration of your mushroom.

Sincerely, Nu[?QUOTE]

Thanks Nu, but I still can see my flashing mushroom on my computer.

<span class="ev_code_RED">Noodjuggler.....where are you?</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
Thanks Nu, but I still can see my flashing mushroom on my computer.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmm...The censorship possibilities inherent in that--you can see it but we can't--don't even <span class="ev_code_RED">bare</span> thinking about.

[missouriboy]

"Has anyone heard from Moboy since his birthday hayride? I sure hope he didn't bale on us."

The hayride got postponed due to wet weather... but I still had the best birthday of my sweet young life that day at the nudist campground! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Then I spent all this past week helping my friend reap his soybeans. We've trucked over 50 tons to market already, but we're not half done so I'm heading back tomorrow to resume the battle!

See ya again next weekend. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Mm Mm Mmmm! ..Moboy..Love those "Soy Crisps"...Keep On Truckin... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
"Has anyone heard from Moboy since his birthday hayride? I sure hope he didn't bale on us."

The hayride got postponed due to wet weather... but I still had the best birthday of my sweet young life that day at the nudist campground! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Then I spent all this past week helping my friend reap his soybeans. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_RED">Soy solly your birthday suit got wrinkled by rain Moboy., but what the Hay.</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Great to CYA again! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[hw]

<span class="ev_code_RED">Corky, Corey, Red and the rest of you who live near Fresno should enjoy this. </span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif






YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM FRESNO WHEN...

You have to explain to friends from out of town what animal a "Tri-tip" comes from.

You think salsa goes on everything

Drivers think a red light is just a suggestion.

Your out-of-town friends start to visit after October, but clear out before the end of April.

The best restaurants in town start with "El" or "Los."

You think $700 a month rent is way too high.

You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.

People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.

The pool can be warmer than you are.

You realize that Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

You still don't know your way around downtown.

Anywhere "and 99" is too far away.

You think you're better than people from Clovis.

Someone mentions the Fair and your thoughts immediately turn to Cinnamon Rolls.

You drive just as fast on a sunny day in June as a foggy day in December.

You have to explain to someone about "G Street."

The whole town shuts down at 11:00 p.m.

You complain about how boring Fresno is, but still make fun of people from Sanger, Selma, Reedley, etc.

You hadn't been to Manchester Center in 10 years until the movie theater opened.

You never knew how you managed before River Park.

Someone from out-of-town talks about how foggy it is and tell them, "Just wait."

You know not to take Shaw at 8:00 a.m., 12:00 p.m., or 5:00 p.m.

You swear there was an orchard there last week, where now there are houses.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Fresno. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

There must be a little Fresno in my blood...I get most of them....Haven't been there in quite a while though...Not up on G street...Hmmm?... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif...Odb

[Jochanaan]

A good half of those indications, hw, apply to small towns around these United States. The weather ones vary slightly. ("Ah, this foot of snow is nothin'! Shoulda been here in '69. Now THAT was a hard winter!") And people in small towns even as close to Mexico as Nebraska still aren't sure what salsa is. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[hw]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
("Ah, this foot of snow is nothin'! Shoulda been here in '69. Now THAT was a hard winter!") And people in small towns even as close to Mexico as Nebraska still aren't sure what salsa is. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<span class="ev_code_PURPLE"> Joke-anaan, LMAO @ winter! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif</span> I wasn't aware that Nebraska was that close to Mexico. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Salsa can be a dance or pleasure/pain food.

Odie... <span class="ev_code_RED">G Street</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hw:
color] I wasn't aware that Nebraska was that close to Mexico. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, it isn't. But you've got to admit, it's closer than Maine, or even Iowa! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Although the current immigration wave has reached as far north as Interstate 80, the major east-west highway through the Cornhusker State, so my remark about salsa may be slightly outdated.

Hmm..."Out dated"? Would that be the day the world learned of one's sexual preference change? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[fred950]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Hmm..."Out dated"? Would that be the day the world learned of one's sexual preference change? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I thought that was a contest between nymphos... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Jochanaan]

I guess we'd better not go there, Fred! Yikes!

Say, I was just checking, and this th--topic, that is, is nearing a thousand posts! With some great barbs too! Shall we see if we can get it "wired" (or is that "weird") into four figures? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[missouriboy]

Bringing up Fresno reminds me of the time I spent an unsuccessful half hour searching the map of California for the town of Fresyes. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Fresyes http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Fresno...Fresmaybeso...

[Jochanaan]

LOL http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Naturist Mark]

http://www.mycathatesyou.com/images/cats/2004/10/teagun.jpg
<span class="ev_code_GREEN">Here Fishy Fishy Fishy </span>

[barelybob]

Hey Mark! Gamblefish would have loved that one. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[hw]

You are so right bob...Gamblfish wood have loved that kitty pix by Mark. I think he is just too busy with the post office to visit his friends here. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Ok guys keep it up...this thread I mean. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif Got to take another trip..going coastal. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif CYA'll

hw...Hope you have a great time at the coast before Winter sets in here in Cal...Weathermaen are saying first significant rains could come Sun -Tues....Hey ..That cat looks really hungry!..as it appears Gamblefish isn't available right now...Love that fish...How about a Turd Bird]http://www.turdbirds.com/] ( [url="http://www.turdbirds.com/") [came across them on my Yahoo Home Page....And you all thought my <span class="ev_code_RED">"UNIQUE WOODIES"</span>were bad..At least they filled a unique niche...(Hand y walking stick)http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif..Odb

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
..At least they filled a unique niche... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Natch! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[nudistmatt]

go for 1k posts!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Ok ...here goes...With my birthday approaching this month..those feelings of old age come creeping in to everyday life....Hmmmm OVER 40
>
>
> Chapter 1: THE PERKS OF BEING OVER 40
> (1) Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
> (2) In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
> (3) No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
> (4) People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
> (5) People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
> (6) There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
> (7) Things you buy now won't wear out.
> (8) You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
> (9) You can live without sex but not without glasses.
> (10) You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
> (11) You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
> (12) You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
> (13) You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
> (14) You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks
into
> the room.
> (15) You sing along with elevator music.
> (16) Your eyes won't get much worse.
> (17) Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to
pay
> off.
> (18) Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
> weather service.
> (19) Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
> remember them either.
> (20) Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
> (21) You can't remember who sent you this list.
>
> Chapter 2 : GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
> (1) Sag, you're it.
> (2) Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
> (3) Twenty questions shouted into your good ear.
> (4) Kick the bucket.
> (5) Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
> (6) Doc Doc Goose.
> (7) Simon says something incoherent.
> (8) Hide and go pee.
> (9) Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.
> (10) Musical recliners.
>
> Chapter 3: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
> (1) You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
> (2) Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is
using
> you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying
you
> are not amused, you shoot him.
> (3) You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
> (4) The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult
gives
> you four hours of decent rest
> (5) You change your underwear after every sneeze.
> (6) You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a
> field trip to Chippendale's.
>
> Chapter 4:TELLTALE SIGNS OF YOU'RE "OLD" IS WHEN...
> (1) Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you
> answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
> (2)Your friends compliment You on your new alligator shoes and
you're
> barefoot.
> (3) A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage
> door.
> (4) Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
> (5)You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
> have to go along.
> (6) You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the
> police.
> (7) "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber
> today.
> (8) "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
> (9) An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
>
>Nooooo! This cant be for those over 40...It only applies to those over 65....Right???? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
>
>

[Jochanaan]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
>Nooooo! This cant be for those over 40...It only applies to those over 65....Right???? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
>
> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, if the "booby trap" fits...

[No Threads]

I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older.
Hey is this going to work?

[missouriboy]

Seems like I just had a birthday back in... back in... dang, I can't remember! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

[barelybob]

Since I just hit number 56 yesterday, I can relate to many of those. However, I still find speed limit signs a serious challenge. Some of my family members have asked me when I am going to grow up. I tell them that to grow up I have to get old, and I refuse to do that.

Age is a matter of attitude. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[fred950]

BarelyBob, in three weeks I'll be (only) 54 and what you said applies to me,too!
BTW, that line about singing to elevator music got me thinking...who needs karioke when who can do 'Sing Along with Mitch' by heart?
When I point out that the Wilson Jones paper punch (that I used to paint for a living) is older than most of the sailors I work with, those young-uns jaws drop.

[OZJames]

As a 61 yr old life goes faster and faster, I think because we try to enjoy it more and more by fitting in more and more - that why I havn't the time to put clothes on any more http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span>

[Jochanaan]

"I may be getting older but I REFUSE TO GROW UP!" (sign in my cousin's living room)

[nudistmatt]

yeah you're old, but al least you can use the computer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

[OZJames]

I may be an old computer user but at least i'm not a "maladjusted teenage hacker" as described on the net.

"The computer hacker has been depicted in the popular press as a socially maladjusted teenager whose goal is to wreak malicious havoc on unsuspecting computer users. In the culture of the computer programmer however, the hacker takes on a far different aspect. The true hacker is raised to heroic status with tales of amazing feats circulated through computer networks in the form of stories and legends."

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[NudistGuy47]

Thanks outdoorbare for letting me know I am not getting old. I could not relate to anything on the list!

I am with No Threads...I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older! (I may get chronologically older, but as long as I can learn something everyday, I will not get older!)

NG47...Unfortunately a couple apply to me( only a couple mind you)...Say did you hear a bout the chicken that crossed the road?...Last night 4500 live chickens were dumped on the road on Hy37 near SanJose CA when the truck carying them hit a center divider in the rain of our first winter storms..Saw photos on the news...What a mess...Chickens crossing the road in<span class="ev_code_RED">E V E R Y</span>direction...Not really funny http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

[WacoTX]

Speaking of chickens---
We say in Texas, "Why does the chicken cross the road?"
ANS "To prove to the armadillo that it can be done."

[missouriboy]

Ah, yes! In Missouri we say that about 'possums.

Wanna know what we call armadillo roadkill? 'Possum on the half-shell! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Daveinct]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NudistGuy47:
Thanks outdoorbare for letting me know I am not getting old. I could not relate to anything on the list!

I am with No Threads...I will not get older, I will not get older, I will not get older! (I may get chronologically older, but as long as I can learn something everyday, I will not get older!) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My problem is that while I learn something new every day, I forget at least 3 or 4 things every day!

[nudistmatt]

that means 5 things every day... yeesh

[edd]

My problem is remembering things I want to forget and forgetting things I want to remember.

At least the older you get, the fewer tests you have to take.

[OZJames]

Is the adult brain like a round table on which is all your memories - when you learn something new it goes on the table but unfortunatly something falls off the other side.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <span class="ev_code_RED">JAMES</span> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif