Are My Voices Offending You? [Archive] - Page 5

Zorro

10-19-2004, 05:46 PM

A philosopher (sometimes called a stand-up comic) once said: "Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes."

fred950

10-19-2004, 05:47 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by edd:
My problem is remembering things I want to forget and forgetting things I want to remember.

At least the older you get, the fewer tests you have to take. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Same here!n Just yesterday I got half-way to work before I realized I forgot my I.D.card! Required to get on base! NO Execptions!

fred950

10-19-2004, 05:51 PM

This thread is now over 1,000 posts! HW, come on down and accept your throphy!

OZJames

10-19-2004, 06:52 PM

Fred has the Trophy -
http://www.pillowtalkweb.co.uk/images/retch_naked_with_trophy.jpg

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

nudeM

10-19-2004, 08:21 PM

hw will return this week and I will tell here of her trophy. Get ready for a nice response.

10-19-2004, 10:12 PM

Hey, I can't even walk from one room to another without forgetting why I'm there, and I live in a small trailer!

OZJames

10-19-2004, 11:20 PM

NudeM - should I be scared - ESPECIALLY AFTER EATING HER MUSHROOM ??

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

barelybob

10-20-2004, 03:05 AM

It was a pleasant surprise to see this morning that we had finally gone over 1,000. My congrats also to hw. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob

Daveinct

10-20-2004, 05:43 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by edd:
My problem is remembering things I want to forget and forgetting things I want to remember.

At least the older you get, the fewer tests you have to take. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Boy do I know that problem! I was blessed/cursed with a terrific memory for useless knowledge. Can remember all sorts of things I'll never need to know, but can't remember my brothers' and sisters' birthdays.

missouriboy

10-20-2004, 07:45 AM

Albert Einstein didn't even memorize his own phone number. He said Why should he clutter his memory with things he could look up?

That's the way really great minds work, I guess. Now, where can I look up my address? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

shãybare

10-20-2004, 08:02 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif It is true that useless info can clutter up your brain and that it is difficult to get rid of the junk. That is why one must be very cautious about what you put in to it. "Stay away from negative people. Always think positive. Always look for the good in life." Those are just a few of the things my parents hammered into by brain while I was growing up.

As far as helping you to remember things the best way to do that is very simple. It has always been very simple and when I tell you what it is, you won't believe how simple it is. The "secret" to remembering things is not to forget them. hahahahaahahahh

missouriboy

10-20-2004, 08:09 AM

Well, I also remember the "secret" of how to live for 100 years. It's simple, too: just drink a glass of apple juice every day for 1200 months!

shãybare

10-20-2004, 08:19 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gifMoboy, I don't like apple juice so will having sex everyday for 1200 mos. without the apple juice work instead?

Jochanaan

10-20-2004, 11:24 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by fred950:
This thread is now over 1,000 posts! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Thread? Thread?? I keep telling you that threads are for textiles! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Does that make it a kilopost? (All right, you punsters out there; I've left myself wide open. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif)

Jochanaan

10-20-2004, 11:27 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by shaybare:
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gifMoboy, I don't like apple juice so will having sex everyday for 1200 mos. without the apple juice work instead? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
That only works if you have a good partner. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Playing a musical instrument works too. I won't say it's better than sex, but it's certainly as good.

10-20-2004, 12:08 PM

I have difficulty remembering my own phone number since I rarely have a reason to call myself http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif. I probably wouldn't answer if I did http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif.

OZJames

10-20-2004, 05:47 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> Originally posted by shaybare:
CoolMoboy, I don't like apple juice so will having sex everyday for 1200 mos. without the apple juice work instead? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

In an effort to reduce our alchohol consumption, once a week after work my wife and I decided to have sex at 6 pm instead of beer and wine etc. VERY RELAXING -

It worked for a while then we started having sex and beer and wine - so we gave it up

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

10-20-2004, 06:43 PM

Gave up what--sex?

OZJames

10-20-2004, 07:00 PM

Jon- Marc -- I knew somebody would ask that question. I think that could be a poll

If you had to give up either sex OR grog which would you give up ??

Anyway getting back to the question asked, we havn't given up either but what we did give up was the alchohol free sex at 6pm after work http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

10-20-2004, 08:19 PM

I know from personal experience (yes, I can remember that long ago) that a little alcohol can make sex a lot more enjoyable http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif.

missouriboy

10-21-2004, 06:11 AM

"will having sex everyday for 1200 mos. without the apple juice work instead?"

GOOD question! I'll research it very carefully, and get back to you in 2104. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Jochanaan

10-21-2004, 05:35 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
I know from personal experience (yes, I can remember that long ago) that a little alcohol can make sex a lot more enjoyable http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
And vice versa? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

S.M.A.

10-22-2004, 08:06 AM

True. Plus excessive drinking reduces sperm count, so you'll never have to worry about any "aftereffects."

Other Stu

10-22-2004, 08:14 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by S.M.A.:
True. Plus excessive drinking reduces sperm count, so you'll never have to worry about any "aftereffects."

Other Stu <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It only takes ONE of those little critters to slip through to create one of those "aftereffects". http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Zorro

10-22-2004, 10:01 AM

Well, then just make sure that one or both of you are protected... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

fred950

10-22-2004, 04:59 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
If you had to give up either sex OR grog which would you give up ??

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, at least a glass of Jack Daniel never said "Not tonight. I have a headache!"

Zorro

10-22-2004, 11:17 PM

I'd give up the grog in a heartbeat! I only drink socially, and I wouldn't miss it...

Jochanaan

10-23-2004, 02:09 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by fred950:
Well, at least a glass of Jack Daniel never said "Not tonight. I have a headache!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
ROFLOL! (Actually, I probably won't ROF. I "gave up" doing sex when my wife and I separated. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif)

10-23-2004, 02:44 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
If you had to give up either sex OR grog which would you give up ?? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...No Question here...Definitely the Grog...in fact in most instances already have...makes me too sleepy.. and life is too exciting to dull my senses with alcohol... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gifOdb

OZJames

10-24-2004, 05:51 PM

ODB - I think that if I had as much sex as I have alcoholic drinks I would be in a continious state of exhaustion and my senses would be dulled.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

10-24-2004, 06:43 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
ODB - I think that if I had as much sex as I have alcoholic drinks I would be in a continious state of exhaustion and my senses would be dulled.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, and you'd have a constant silly grin on your face http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif!

EricNY

10-24-2004, 07:05 PM

Wait a minute...if you look at Oz's avitar he most certainly has a distinct grin on his face.

hmmmm

hw

10-25-2004, 07:22 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
Fred has the Trophy -
http://www.pillowtalkweb.co.uk/images/retch_naked_with_trophy.jpg

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nice trophy James...butt (There is always a Butt in the nude life.) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I don't believe that guy is a true nudist. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif He seems to have a strange fungus growing on his lower extremities. Did he eat my avatar?

Maybe I should go back to the old cat avatar. Then you could award me a cat-as-tro-phe. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jochanaan

10-25-2004, 09:07 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Nice trophy James...butt (_There is always a _Butt_ in the nude life_.) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Unless you laugh your butt off! ROF
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Maybe I should go back to the old cat avatar. Then you could award me a __cat-as-tro-phe__. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Here kitty kitty kitty!

10-26-2004, 01:05 PM

hw said..Nice trophy James...butt (_There is always a _Butt_ in the nude life_.) [/I] Recipe

How come when you mix water and flour together

you get glue..

and then you add eggs

and sugar...

and you get cake?

Where did the glue go?

NEED AN ANSWER?

You know darned well where it went!

That's what makes the cake...
Stick to your BUTT

Jochanaan

10-27-2004, 05:57 PM

You know, every once in a while I feel like Balaam (see Numbers 22). Except that my--you know--isn't nearly as articulate or wise as his! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

OZJames

10-27-2004, 07:06 PM

http://www.savhammar.net/lank/bilder/butt%20why%20per.jpg
There are an awful lot of BUTTs in this thread !!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

NudeAl

10-27-2004, 07:49 PM

If I gave up grog I'd have to give up sex. Hey I've been married 17 years gimme a break!

Jochanaan

10-28-2004, 10:03 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
There are an awful lot of BUTTs in this thread !!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yes, maybe we should bring this discussion to an end. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

fred950

10-29-2004, 05:29 PM

Which end?

missouriboy

10-30-2004, 05:03 AM

"GOOD question! I'll research it very carefully, and get back to you in 2104."

Pant, pant, wheeze, cough, cough, pant, pant, pant! Kerplop!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

10-30-2004, 06:53 PM

Moyboy..Hmmm..What are we about up to ..Day 10?<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>
Pant, pant, wheeze, cough, cough, pant, pant, pant! Kerplop!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>..Maybe you just need to eat a little more with the extra energy drain...or maybe vitamins..or perhaps limiting it to once a day....Hang in there..only 1199mosand 20days to go...We know you can do it...Odb

OZJames

11-08-2004, 03:37 PM

No posts for 10 days - Is somebody offended ?

Discussion -
A discussion of the continuum between pointlessness and offensiveness is incomplete without an illustration of the latter. The following joke is grossly offensive, although some find it funny.

XXXXXXXXXXX joke deleted because it was too offensive !!!!

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jochanaan

11-08-2004, 08:57 PM

Well, I was offline for a few days...Fortunately, I'm back on now.

missouriboy

11-09-2004, 05:02 AM

Pant Pant Wheeze Choke Pant

BEER! Gimme BEER! More BEER! BEER BEER BEER!

Pant Pant

11-09-2004, 08:36 AM

Way to go Moboy...Keep it up...We're all cheering for you... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jochanaan

11-09-2004, 01:40 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
Pant Pant Wheeze Choke Pant

BEER! Gimme BEER! More BEER! BEER BEER BEER!

Pant Pant <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Beer? I'd rather savor a sip of Chianti or Chardonnay--slowly, slowly--then offer some to my lady (when I find her)...

OZJames

11-09-2004, 05:06 PM

Joch. - try this to win any lady

a nip of Gin
a nip of Quantro
2 nips (or fill the cocktail,glass) with Champagne

VEERY SMOOOOTH

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

missouriboy

11-10-2004, 01:54 AM

She's already sipping her favorite Merlot! (Ugh.)

The BEER'S for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! Energy, Energy! BEER, BEER!

[Wheeeeeze Pant Pant]

11-10-2004, 09:53 AM

Hmmm?...Beer for energy?...Doesn't too much beer cause a beer belly?...could be detrimental to the mission...but then again I guess you are working it off as fast as you drink it... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif..."pant pant Wheeeeze"..Have you tried an Oxygen bar?

missouriboy

11-11-2004, 03:40 AM

Beer belly, yes, but hey I've lost almost three pounds so far!

<Huff Puff Pant Gasp Gurgle>

BREAK TIME!!! Pssssssssstttt! <looonggggg swig> Ahhhhhhhh! <burp>

Trailscout

11-11-2004, 06:53 AM

If you want to win a lady, don't you get better results when you nip the lady more and the bottle less? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

11-11-2004, 08:44 AM

Moboy "lost 3 lbs."..Fantastic!...Lean and fit!....My wife brought to my attention an article from one of her Womens mags..."Womens World""Stir up more passion" ...Scientists have discovered...Make love once a week and reduce your risk of heart disease...twice a week and you'll strengthen your immune system...and couples who make love three times a week look a whopping 10 yrs younger than couples who dont.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Trailscout

11-11-2004, 08:50 AM

What would it take for me to look 25 years younger? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

11-11-2004, 08:58 AM

To look 25 yrs younger???let me do my simple math...Hmmm?..3+3=6..add one... multiply by 10....I ' d say at least once a day! as Moboys doing ought to do the trick... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

shãybare

11-11-2004, 09:03 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Trailscout:
What would it take for me to look 25 years younger? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Find a picture of youself you from 25yrs back, blow the face up to reality size and wear it on your face. Hey!, it could work.

barbararuth

11-11-2004, 10:01 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
a nip of Gin
a nip of Quantro
2 nips (or fill the cocktail,glass) with Champagne VEERY SMOOOOTH <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey OZ where's the party? I'M THERE. Too bad you're on the other side of the world...or am I on the other side of the world???

Forget the body nip, bring on the booze!

hairyhomer

11-11-2004, 06:03 PM

Hey Moboy beer is great it is full of carbs and that is just what a runner like me needs, no beer belly as long as you run at least 30 miles a week and http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif a couple of marathons a year! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

missouriboy

11-12-2004, 06:26 AM

"run at least 30 miles a week"

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif But, do people ever accuse you of "running around" naked? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

harveym

11-12-2004, 09:52 AM

Is that 30 mile per quart? Sadder Budweiser

Jochanaan

11-12-2004, 12:51 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by barbararuth:
Forget the body nip, bring on the booze! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Aha! Her true feelings slip out! Thanks a lot, BR. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif LOL http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
If it weren't already too late, I would suggest we "nip" this exchange in the Bud. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

hairyhomer

11-12-2004, 10:00 PM

(But, do people ever accuse you of "running around" naked?)
Yes they do Moboy as I usually only wear running shorts unless it is cold out then I wear gloves and a shirt for the first 3 miles and then the shirt comes off but the gloves stay on. I have had people around town who see me run say they didn't recognize me with clothes on because they have only seen me running half naked. They could have seen running completely naked if they had been at the Bar Buns Run last summer. I'm the one with the red sweat band and sun glasses. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

(Is that 30 mile per quart? Sadder Budweiser)
Nope harveym, just 10 miles per 12oz of Black Butte Porter (Deschutes Brewery, Bend Oregon) and that will also put hair on your chest! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

missouriboy

11-13-2004, 02:41 AM

Whooooooooops!!! The research has just come to an abrupt end. Why? Well, let's just remember the old adage, "There are some things even a vampire won't do!" (And I absolutely refuse to be unfaithful.)

So, sorry Shaybare, and everyone else too, but it's back to the apple juice for me! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

11-13-2004, 02:08 PM

BUT but..BUT IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A MONTH YET! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hw

11-16-2004, 08:18 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
BUT but..BUT IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN A MONTH YET! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey guys..I'm baaaaack! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Who'd of thought this topic would go on for so long? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Ok a couple of quick comments....Odie where is your other shoe? Did you buy a pair with two left feet? Maybe the right one took a hike? That is a nice pix of you, none-the-less.

Moboy do we have to send out a posse to look for the missing shoe? BTW is my avatar still missing? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

As for the beer adding weight to a body, I don't see how that is possible. After all, beer is only leased on a short term basis. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

11-16-2004, 08:53 AM

hw...Glad you're back...It wasn't easy keeping this topic going without you...Hey I didn't think anybody would be looking at my feet to notice one shoe missing http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif...This was the only palm in a long stretch of coastline near Waikaloa on the big Island...Lots of fallen palm fronds at the base..a race with the self timer and Oops! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif..Welcome back!!!

Jochanaan

11-16-2004, 12:00 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Hey guys..I'm baaaaack! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Reminds me of the time I said to a college roommate, "You're back!" He replied, "No, this is my front," then added as he walked past me, "This is my back." http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>As for the beer adding weight to a body, I don't see how that is possible. After all, beer is only leased on a short term basis. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I think the calories are extracted before the rest gets discarded. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Nu

11-16-2004, 01:34 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by hw
BTW is my avatar still missing?

Hello, HW
We have missed your wit.

Yes, your avatar is still missing.

You could recover your "mushroom" or choose a different avatar by going to your profile and then to edit and then down the steps to the avatar options.
If you prefer a personal avatar or your picture,you will need other advice.

Good luck.
Sincerely, Nu

Zorro

11-16-2004, 07:47 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
I think the calories are extracted before the rest gets discarded. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Excess carbs don't help either...

Jochanaan

11-17-2004, 04:49 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
Excess carbs don't help either... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yeah, when I had a car, it only had one carb.

Jochanaan

11-17-2004, 04:51 PM

btw, hw, I'm surprised that those voices haven't led you directly to your lost avatar! Obviously they let you down. You should really get some new ones! Voices, that is. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Zorro

11-17-2004, 07:08 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
Excess carbs don't help either... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yeah, when I had a car, it only had one carb. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sometimes they don't have any!

Jochanaan

11-18-2004, 05:56 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Yeah, when I had a car, it only had one carb. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sometimes they don't have any! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Oh, so that's what's wrong with them these days? (I know, I know, a lot of cars get their fuel mainlined--uh, injected. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif)

fred950

11-18-2004, 06:09 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
Excess carbs don't help either... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yeah, when I had a car, it only had one carb. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Sometimes they don't have any! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Older Ferraris used to have sixof them. But then, really serious runners need a high-carb diet!

hairyhomer

11-19-2004, 05:51 AM

You need lots of fluids and carbs when you run allot, so by drinking beer you kill two birds with one stone! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif And you will probably get sick if you drink it while running or right after a long hard run. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Jim
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

hw

11-19-2004, 07:43 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Nu:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by hw
BTW is my avatar still missing?

Hello, HW
We have missed your wit.

Yes, your avatar is still missing.

You could recover your "mushroom" or choose a different avatar by going to your profile and then to edit and then down the steps to the avatar options.
If you prefer a personal avatar or your picture,you will need other advice.

Good luck.
Sincerely, Nu <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks Nu....my avatar was custom made for me by Noodjuggler. He hasn't been around much lately to help me.

So tell me what you see when I post? A
red X?

11-19-2004, 08:54 AM

Yes hw a Red X in a box...Does your avatar reveal your inner personality.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Nu

11-19-2004, 09:56 AM

Yes, I agree with outdoorbare.
In the avatar area, I see a red X inside a square box with the words "Picture of hw".

Sincerely, Nu

Jochanaan

11-19-2004, 11:07 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Nu:
In the avatar area, I see a red X inside a square box with the words "Picture of hw".
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Me too.

hw

11-20-2004, 07:34 AM

Well, you know the old saying.... (_X_) marks the spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

barelybob

11-20-2004, 07:56 AM

We used to have a driver at our old store who had an unofficial spot to park her car. Her name is Genise, "G" for short. We called her parking place the "G" spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob

hw

11-20-2004, 08:10 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by barelybob:
We used to have a driver at our old store who had an unofficial spot to park her car. Her name is Genise, "G" for short. We called her parking place the "G" spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh Geez Bob look what you have done. 55 pages, and going strong. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Zorro

11-20-2004, 09:08 AM

We had a bar here in Napa called Geezer's. It closed a few years back, and one of the former bartenders said he wanted to open one like it and call it the Geeze Spot. He also works at an adult bookstore (which is where this conversation took place), and I suggested he call it the G Spot...

Jochanaan

11-20-2004, 11:26 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Well, you know the old saying.... (_X_) marks the spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
A long time ago when I had a regular job, our trainer was training a new employee to use the computer system we had then. The trainer said, "Put your X there." I interrupted to ask, "But what if you don't have an X?"

Daveinct

11-21-2004, 03:56 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Well, you know the old saying.... (_X_) marks the spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
A long time ago when I had a regular job, our trainer was training a new employee to use the computer system we had then. The trainer said, "Put your X there." I interrupted to ask, "But what if you don't have an X?" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Often, when asked how to spell a given word, I'll reply "I spell it without an X". Sometimes I really amuse myself.

missouriboy

11-21-2004, 06:33 AM

(_X_) marks the spot. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

(_!_) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

Nude in the North

11-21-2004, 07:49 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
...Scientists have discovered...Make love once a week and reduce your risk of heart disease...twice a week and you'll strengthen your immune system...and couples who make love three times a week look a whopping 10 yrs younger than couples who dont.. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So how come I look like I'm 50 and my wife looks like she's 30?
We're both 46 according to our drivers licence.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Steve

Nude in the North

11-21-2004, 07:55 AM

My Grandmother started running 5 miles a day when she turned 70.
She's 85 now and we havn't got a clue where she is.

Steve

Nude in the North

11-21-2004, 08:02 AM

My Doctor told me to drink a beer every day, to keep my arteries from clogging.

According to my calculations, My arteries won't clog untill the year 2347.

Steve

shãybare

11-21-2004, 10:08 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Nude in the North:
My Grandmother started running 5 miles a day when she turned 70.
She's 85 now and we havn't got a clue where she is.

Steve <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I saw an older lady running along side Hwy 59 going toward Shady Point the other day. She had dark hair with alot of gray in it and was wearing a maroon sweat suit and white running shoes. What does your grandmother look like?

OZJames

11-23-2004, 06:31 PM

Hey Nude in the North - does your granny have a motor bike ?

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

missouriboy

11-24-2004, 05:02 AM

"We're both 46 according to our drivers licence."

Hey Steve, does your wife's driver's license indicate she got an "F" in Sex? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Nude in the North

11-24-2004, 05:57 AM

Shay!
That could be her! She only lived a 1/2 mile off of Hwy. 59 here in Minnesota.
I can't wait to tell the family she's been spotted.

Oz,
Granny had to give up the motor bike. I guess that's why she started running.

Moboy,
My wife not only got an F in sex. But she barely qualifies to go on the Adult rides at the amusement park.

I hope she doesn't read that.

Steve

hw

11-24-2004, 04:23 PM

Happy thanksgiving to all my favorite Turkeys !!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

shãybare

11-24-2004, 04:34 PM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gifSo nice of you to think of me, hw. Tomorrow is one of my favorite days. I get to gobble, gobble, gobble all day long. lol Hope you have a good day. Love always, Shãylin

fred950

11-24-2004, 06:50 PM

My only problem with turkey is by the time I finally finish the Thanksgiving left-overs, it's time for the Christmas Turkey! And the Christmas Turkey leftovers...

barelybob

11-25-2004, 03:54 AM

Happy Thanksgiving, hw! All the rest of you, also! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob

hairyhomer

11-25-2004, 07:16 AM

Happy Thanksgiving
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif
'TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING AND I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP.
I TRIED COUNTING BACK WARDS, I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP.

THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED - THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT.

TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.

SO I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.

I GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES.

I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,
'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.

I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.

BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES . . .
"HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE."

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP,
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N' GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP.

MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS, MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE.
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Jim http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

nudeM

11-25-2004, 08:06 AM

Very nice hairyhomer. Thanks for sharing with us. I enjoyed reading your poem, and knowing that ever bit of it is soooooo true. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Nude in the North

11-26-2004, 01:12 PM

Great poem.

I think I resemble that remark.

Steve

hairyhomer

11-27-2004, 01:35 AM

Just go out and run 3.6 miles on turkey day (after celebrating your birthday with you sons) and then run 10 miles the day after and you will look the same as you did a week ago as long as it doesn't rain because that will make your hair frizz! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

tarsus

11-27-2004, 01:11 PM

56 pages??? this monster cannot die! what do you mean "x" marks the spot? what the h*ll is a "g" spot? when i was in school guys talked about "eatting at the "y". never got that one since there was no ymca in the town where i went to school. as i look at some of these posts i think you guys have covered everything from "t" to "a".
remember reading an old book once which refered to flying "kites" never got that one.
i am the last virgin in america. and p*ss proud of that fact!!!

Jochanaan

11-27-2004, 04:25 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Daveinct:
Often, when asked how to spell a given word, I'll reply "I spell it without an X". Sometimes I really amuse myself. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

But what do you do if that isn't eXactly right? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Jochanaan

11-27-2004, 04:29 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
56 pages??? this monster cannot die! what do you mean "x" marks the spot? what the h*ll is a "g" spot? when i was in school guys talked about "eatting at the "y". never got that one since there was no ymca in the town where i went to school. as i look at some of these posts i think you guys have covered everything from "t" to "a".
remember reading an old book once which refered to flying "kites" never got that one. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Sure, Tarsus. And you had to hike ten miles to school every day, uphill both ways. And you've got some real estate on a bridge over the East River. Pull the other one. (No, not THAT one! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif)

hw

11-27-2004, 08:44 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hairyhomer:
... you will look the same as you did a week ago as long as it doesn't rain because that will make your hair frizz! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

hairyhomer, rain or shine, http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif my hair frizzes like I got shock therapy! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif Any suggestions to get it to straighten out a little? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

hw

11-27-2004, 08:59 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
56 pages??? this monster cannot die! as i look at some of these posts i think you guys have covered everything from "t" to "a".
remember reading an old book once which refered to flying "kites" never got that one.
i am the last virgin in america. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No tarsus we must keep this monster alive at all costs. Yes, we pretty much have covered everything from tonsils to adnoids. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

Since I have the same amount of children as you , I must be second to last. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hw

11-27-2004, 09:09 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
Pull the other one. (No, not THAT one! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

tarsus whatever you do when Jokeanaan points his finger at you...for Pete's sake.... DO NOT PULL IT!!!! Otherwise someone may think you are a real horse lover and ask you Hoof Hearted??? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

tarsus

11-28-2004, 03:57 AM

jochanaan, i really was born on a hillside anyway. and i walked out of a place to the main road to catch a bus, that was not the end of the world --but you could see it from there.
lol,i lived on "north pole rd" ,which had an ajoining road called "chicken hollow".
hw, may i suggest an old indian beauty method? bear fat combed through the hair should work on that frizz. and did you know indians were not troubled with the curse of school childern ?{head lice}. take my word on it a little bare--i mean bear grease will do the trick. you will have to wash the sheets a little more often,but its a small price to pay for beauty.
and yes i do have three childern,but they came from the cabbage patch.

hw

11-28-2004, 02:45 PM

tarsus where might I find bare grease or is that bear grease, perhaps bare geese. Hey I don't like greasy kid stuff.

tarsus I think I figured out how to say your name in an old Indian dialect.

tarsus translates to ...owa-tan-ol-far-tiam. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Got SA? Bwaaaaaaaaaa

Jochanaan

11-28-2004, 03:04 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
tarsus whatever you do when Jokeanaan points his finger at you..._for Pete's sake.... DO NOT PULL IT!!!! Otherwise someone may think you are a real horse lover and ask you Hoof Hearted ??? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Hey, watch who you're comparing to a horse, hw! I know my face is long, but I didn't think it was THAT long! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gifLOL! Oh well; I've got to get my kicks some way. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

hairyhomer

11-30-2004, 05:33 AM

BARE or BEAR grease? It's to hard to find and sounds like a big mess like that butch wax from the 50's. Just put the 1/8" guard on the electric clippers, and your hair will be to short to frizz! It does take up a lot of time if you have to do your head and back both! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif You don't want your back hair to frizz during a rainy race our you will look like the missing link! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

barelybob

12-01-2004, 02:51 AM

Wow, 1111 posts! Keep up the good work! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob

Zorro

12-01-2004, 02:55 AM

This is a monster thread... what exactly is it about anyway??? LOL

barelybob

12-01-2004, 04:46 AM

It's about whatever makes you grin. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Bob

missouriboy

12-01-2004, 05:07 AM

Well, yeah, it is now. But does anyone (besides the originator) remember exactly why it got started? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

12-01-2004, 07:52 AM

Hmmmm????Why it got started???..If I remember correctly it was because the originator was being derided for the originators' byeline , popularity and humor by a former member(who shall remain nameless)

Jochanaan

12-01-2004, 11:21 AM

IIRC the sharpest wit on these forums asked if any of us were offended by the rudiments or fine points of her humor. The rest of us--well, most of us--said No weigh, keep doing who, uh, what you're doing!

Zorro

12-01-2004, 10:41 PM

In other words, it's now become a thread to rack up posts? lol

OZJames

12-01-2004, 10:46 PM

The DIVINE THREAD
Poem by William York

There is an essential sweetness
Of life
Of moments strung together that
Briefly hang in my memory
Beautiful and iridescent
Whole and complete unto themselves
Yet connected as if by some
Divine thread
Holding them all magically in place

Older ones fade
But the sweetness remains
Newer ones arrive
Bright shining gems
Each one powerful and unique
As the moments they are born from
They live in their uniqueness
Ever connected in the heart of the dance

Sitting quietly
Smiling there is only in
With simplicity there is only out
Ah, see the inner lights
I recognize them as old friends
In their midst are the wonderful sounds
Like beautiful flowers of light
I delight in their fragrance

The calmness!
In the stillness it approaches
I greet it joyfully
I move beyond
The flow of in and out has melted away
Opposites are now one
There is only love
The lover and the loved

Oneness, whole and complete
There is no end
There is no beginning
It is all so wonderful
Each moment
Beautiful and iridescent
Whole and complete unto themselves
Connected by the Divine thread

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Zorro

12-01-2004, 10:55 PM

Somebody said that it couldn't be done
But he, with a grin, replied
He'd never be one to say it couldn't be done!
Leastways, not till he tried.
So he buckled right in
With a trace of a grin
By golly, he went right to it!
He tackled the Thing That Couldn't Be Done!
And he couldn't do it.

missouriboy

12-02-2004, 02:46 AM

ODB, that's right. "Remain nameless" insinuated "originator" chose her byline to insult people with mental illness. Bleah!!

Zorro: That wouldn't have had anything to do with dribbling a football, would it?

EricNY

12-02-2004, 02:55 AM

Voices...What happened to the Voices??????

shãybare

12-02-2004, 09:25 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif I certainly have some of the Voices especially in the mornings. After I take my meds and have several mugs of coffee most of them go away. But where they go I do not know. I am sure hw could answer that question.

fred950

12-03-2004, 05:14 PM

I hear voices all day. OICs, AOICs, PLRs, HMCs, DKCM, MilLeads just to name a few. Of course, I have one big advantage (most) of you-all don't have. when I get tied of hearing them, I just turn my hearing aid off http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif!!!

shãybare

12-04-2004, 06:26 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
Guvmint

> The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an
> Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's
> political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production,
> destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of Pric*s, and gives
> you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
>
> Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
>
> ---------
>
> The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a
> Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not
> Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of
> lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work
> environment.
> ------------------
>
> ! ZERO GRAVITY
> When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
> that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this
> problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a
> pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface
> including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to
> over 300 C.
>
> The Russians used a pencil.
>
> Your taxes are due again--enjoy paying them
> --------------
>
> COWS
> Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
> can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the
> stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked
> her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million
> illegal aliens wandering ! around our country.
>
> Maybe we should give them all a cow.
> ------------
>
> "They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't
> we just give them ours?
>
> It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200
> years and Hell, we're not using it anymore. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

NakedGary

12-04-2004, 10:08 PM

Quoted by "Shaybare" :

COWS
> Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government
> can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the
> stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked
> her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million
> illegal aliens wandering ! around our country.
>
> Maybe we should give them all a cow.

I love it, Great one! Shaybare

Zorro

12-04-2004, 10:19 PM

What was this thread about again???

EricNY

12-04-2004, 10:24 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
What was this thread about again??? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Voices...I think....I cant remember

NakedGary

12-04-2004, 10:54 PM

Thread Topic: Are My Voices Offending you ?

Category: Fun & Humor

Naturists seem to be such comedians. Here is a special place opened by popular demand. This is where you can present your skills as a comedian, nudist related or not. No off color jokes allowed.

Its always at the top of the Post Page F.Y.I.

tarsus

12-05-2004, 03:24 PM

zorro, no it is not here for the mere sake of racking up posts;but is rather a place where those of us who march to the beat a differant drum post. a drum heard by many,understood by few. it is here that the voices speak of meta-physical things. it is here that the voices become one,their mummer becomes a roar,here they shout in joy and the very essense of being. it is here they embrace one another,here they find a peace such as one might find in a meadow full of flowers,a place where others stroll in the sunshine. only the few;the chosen understand.
it is here that that the childern play; the old become young,the young become wise.
let us run barefoot and nude through this world of flowered fields together zorro.

but look down man--i saw cows grazing right over there!

fred950

12-05-2004, 04:20 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
...here let us run barefoot and nude through this world of flowered fields together zorro.
but look down man--i saw cows grazing right over there! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah! I stepped in it! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

OZJames

12-05-2004, 04:25 PM

re TRACKING COWS AND ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

Nakedgarry - In OZLand (and possibly USA) cows have electronic tags in their ears. They are about an inch in diameter and 1/4 inch thick punched through theear with plier like impliment - like a leather punch. The electronic tags have the farm registered number and animal number and when sold a bar code is created which is put on each piece of meat sold. That way the meat is traceable back to the farm whereever sold.

If humans had electronic ear tags they could be brightly coloured and have a hole in them to attach hanging jewellary. We could be tracked whereever we went and never get lost. If we entered public buildings the Govt could send us a fee. We could be classified in groups e.g. nudists, and rounded up if necessary. The possibilities are endless WOW

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

hairyhomer

12-05-2004, 08:14 PM

Voices heard today:

Do doctors make amnesia patients pay in advance? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

"Chili today-Hot Tamale." Is this a menu or a weather forecast? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

when the company sat down for dinner, the six year old was asked to say a prayer. She said she didn't know what to say. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," she was told. "Dear Lord," the girl said, "why on earth did I invite all these people for dinner?" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

When the teacher showed the class the large ostrich egg, she asked the students if anyone knew what was in there. "Pantyhose," one youth said. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Holy acrimony-another name for marriage. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

A bartender is a man who can put you in contact with the spirits. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jochanaan

12-06-2004, 01:05 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Do doctors make amnesia patients pay in advance? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I don't remember. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

"The good thing about Alzheimer's is that you meet so many new people." http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Nude in the North

12-06-2004, 03:08 PM

I don't contribute much to the Humor on this thread. But I sure do enjoy reading it.

Someday I'll think of something funny to put on here.

Steve

OZJames

12-06-2004, 04:22 PM

Steve, don't turn your radio off- keep listening

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Jochanaan

12-07-2004, 06:00 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Nude in the North:
I don't contribute much to the Humor on this thread. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thread?? THREAD!? I keep telling you all, threads are for textiles!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

OZJames

12-07-2004, 06:23 PM

Oh no - are we in danger of being HUNG BY A ....... ? (I won't say the word again)

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

missouriboy

12-08-2004, 05:30 AM

I will! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif THREAD is also a synonym for STRING! And this thread is a string of posts. (Not a string bikini, though.)

shãybare

12-08-2004, 11:42 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif We're nudists, we don't need string bikinis. And the ones I've tried were just too uncomfortable!! And if a person gets down to a string bikini, they might as well get rid of the string.

Jochanaan

12-08-2004, 04:54 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
I will! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif THREAD is also a synonym for STRING! And this thread is a string of posts. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I thought that was a fence...

fred950

12-08-2004, 05:58 PM

Well, Jochanaan, we do post what our voices say, and a post is indeed part of a fence.....

Nu

12-09-2004, 08:07 AM

Hey, Shaybare:
See you just passed the 1000 post mark.
Congratulations on your dedication.

Sincerely, Nu

Jochanaan

12-09-2004, 03:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by fred950:
Well, Jochanaan, we do _post_ what our voices say, and a post is indeed part of a fence..... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I see I need to hone my rapier wit and practice fencing! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Nude in the North

12-09-2004, 03:21 PM

I did some fencing last weekend.
Snow fence that is.
I strung it between steel posts.

Steve

shãybare

12-09-2004, 03:57 PM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif Thank you, Nu.

OZJames

12-09-2004, 04:34 PM

I have barbed wire fences threaded around the hills on our farm. Barbed wire is a bit pr|ckly but we don't have any pr|ckly threads here so we don't need barbed wire

JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

missouriboy

12-10-2004, 05:14 AM

Holy Cow! Gosh knows there are enough barbs flying around this BB to make lots of fence!

But to make them into a fence, would you string them together? Or thread them together?

12-10-2004, 08:36 AM

I have a large scar on my inner thigh from a quick roll over a barb wire fence to escape a charging bull...Beware of the bull ! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Nude in the North

12-10-2004, 08:47 AM

I wonder what the neighbors would think if I used BarbWire for a Privacy Fence?

Steve

shãybare

12-10-2004, 10:27 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif There's plenty of "bull" on this thread, also, even though there isn't as much as there used to be but still plenty enough to keep the thread fertilized. You are right, ODB, those barbs can really hurt. I don't mind the BS so much but I do hate those barbs.

MoBoy, "Don't Fence Me In". All together now!!!

hw

12-10-2004, 04:08 PM

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Yes the voice of the minimumly inane. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Thanks to all my SA buddies for keeping this filament going. (Hey Jokeanaan, notice I didn't use the "T" word?) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


A special thank you and hugs to Odie, Lorraine is Beautiful!!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif You really are someone special! 

Now before you all start getting all teary-eyed remember poor Ethel. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Ethel
>>
>> Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge
around
>> the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to
maximum
>> speed on the long corridors.
>> Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the
other
>> residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.
>> One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and
Kooky
>> Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted
in a
>> firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing? "Ethel fished
around
> in
>> her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him.
"OK"
> he
>> said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
>> As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird
Harold
> popped
>> out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of
insurance?"
>> Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it
up to
>> him. Harold nodded and said "Carry on, ma'am."
>> As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy
Craig
>> stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding Captain Happy in
his
>> hand. "Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the Breathalyzer again!"

a1922stanley

12-10-2004, 05:59 PM

Just a question for all...How do you know when you are finished doing nothing?

CWR

sawdust

12-10-2004, 11:25 PM

That answer is easy! You start doing something!
Sawdust

Nude in the North

12-11-2004, 03:53 AM

""Oh, good grief," said Ethel, "Not the Breathalyzer again!"

That's what I'm going as at next years Halloween party.

Steve

Jochanaan

12-12-2004, 04:15 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
(Hey Jokeanaan, notice I didn't use the _"T"_ word?) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif
 <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Very good, young lady! Advance to the head of the class, and here's a gold star for you!

(I was about to write a line about treats in the office after school, but that's not anything to laugh about.)

OZJames

12-12-2004, 06:23 PM

HW - "I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! Razzer Yes the voice of the minimumly inane. Wink"

I was down the paddock [nude] catching a partially blind calf for treatment and a green ant bit my bum. My wife thinks I too am minimaly INSANE

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

barelybob

12-13-2004, 02:42 AM

That sounds like a real pain in the ash.

Bob

missouriboy

12-13-2004, 06:23 AM

Remember a few years back, when some Eastern religionists were doing self-immolation protests in public streets? Once I remarked, "Oh no, another one just made an ash of himself!"

Cousin of my wife couldn't stop laughing his ash off!

12-13-2004, 08:37 AM

Ash and you shall receive...

Hey Oz..Ive seen red ants and black ants and velvet ants ..Oh My...but I've never seen a green ant ...Do they fly?..Is their bite serious? ..Inquiring minds want to know...

And hw ...do you filament like you filaneed?

OZJames

12-13-2004, 04:21 PM

ODB - no the bite is not serious which makes me think that here is the 206th reason to be nude.

Green ants have a habit of crawling up your leg into your pants if you have any on. If they bite you under your pants, obviously you try to squash them but then they bite more and more until you squash them dead. The best solution is to quickly take your pants off and brush them off - so why wear pants in the first place ?

Reason 206 - Wear no pants so that Green ants only bite once http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

They actually look black and are about 1/4 inch long. Probably if you looked closely they may have a green tinge.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

a1922stanley

12-14-2004, 10:22 PM

No, hw your voices are not offending me, but that tick and that miggitt clanging that bell in my head sure are!

hey, would someone PLEAsE turn off the batsighn in my room?

hw

12-16-2004, 08:00 PM

Hey Stanley call Batman for your bat problems....no clanging with him...he's Bell-free. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

OZ I've heard of the Green Hornet but never green ants. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Now for all my SA buddies I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New'd Year. I got the best news today..my son will be home for Christmas!!!!! YES!!!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Now here is a form letter to Santa....be sure to write to him right away. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

http://www.wtv-zone.com/LadyBoheme/dearsanta.html

barelybob

12-17-2004, 02:54 AM

It's great to hear that you will be having an even better Christmas this year. Merry Christmas and Happy Nude Year!

Bob

hw

12-17-2004, 11:04 PM

Well barelybob...things have changed. My son won't be home. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

But I will be going coastal for Christmas. Had some good news from the Dr. recently so it's not all bad. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

barelybob

12-18-2004, 05:50 AM

Well, have very Merry Christmas anyway and a most Joyous New Year!

Bob

stevenf64

12-18-2004, 04:03 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
I have a large scar on my inner thigh from a quick roll over a barb wire fence to escape a charging bull...Beware of the bull ! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Its not the bull you have to beware... ITs the horns http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Jochanaan

12-18-2004, 05:48 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Had some good news from the Dr. recently so it's not all bad. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Did you tell him about the voices? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Jochanaan

12-18-2004, 05:51 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by stevenf64:
Its not the bull you have to beware... ITs the horns http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yeah, that bull can get pretty h*rny, all right! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

hairyhomer

12-19-2004, 08:33 AM

State Motto's

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave
Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An
Attorney....

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers! (I'm neither one of these! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif hh)

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men... and the sheep are scared

shãybare

12-19-2004, 08:45 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
HW, great to hear you had good news from the doc.

hairyhomer, you are a riot. Now where are those krazy kops when you need them.

Jochanaan

12-19-2004, 11:57 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
Had some good news from the Dr. recently so it's not all bad. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
BTW, which Dr. was that? Rodeo Dr.?

hw

12-19-2004, 04:02 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Jochanaan:
BTW, which Dr. was that? Rodeo Dr.? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Nope, no witch Dr.s for me. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif But.......t I can assure you the Dr. did confirm I don't have my head up my a$$ and I am not full of sh*t. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

The End http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

missouriboy

12-19-2004, 04:08 PM

"Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese"

What? When did they change it?

Last I knew it was still: Come Smell Our Dairy Air

hw

12-19-2004, 04:14 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
_"Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese"_

What? When did they change it?

Last I knew it was still: Come Smell Our Dairy Air <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

With all those cows the State motto should be: Hoof Hearted ??? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

fred950

12-20-2004, 05:08 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
_"Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese"_

What? When did they change it?

Last I knew it was still: Come Smell Our Dairy Air <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

With all those cows the State motto should be: _Hoof Hearted_ ??? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
 <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

(in ref to the minnasota motto)our mosquitoes can beat up thier mosquitoes!

missouriboy

12-21-2004, 07:16 AM

Hi Fred from Wisconsin -- does your derriere smell good, too? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Or did they change the motto because------- http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Jochanaan

12-21-2004, 05:47 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
_"Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese"_

What? When did they change it?

Last I knew it was still: Come Smell Our Dairy Air <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And thereby hangs a tale...

OZJames

12-21-2004, 06:15 PM

A tale of Two .......... (was it Cities?)

QUOTE "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." -Charles Dickens (A Tale of Two Cities)

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

fred950

12-21-2004, 06:19 PM

Personnally, I wouldn't know...I haven't done Yoga for years...I guess I'll have to ask another dog...

David77

12-22-2004, 06:12 AM

Hairyhomer,
Thanks for the post about state mottos. It certainly was humorous. I had a great laugh, much enjoyment. Thanks again.

<hr color= "orange">

hw

12-22-2004, 08:49 AM

Merry Christmas eveyone....FireProf check your private messages. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

THE PASTA DIET, IT REALLY WORKS !
THE PASTA DIET, IT REALLY WORKS !

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I know this one has been here before but it bares repeating.

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Jochanaan

12-22-2004, 04:14 PM

Wow! Sixty pages! Those voices sure get a lot of mileage, hw! Did you ever think, when you started this topic, that it would grow to the monster it is? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
A tale of Two .......... (was it Cities?)
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You're probably thinking of Groucho Marx's paraphrase: "A Sale of Two T*tties." http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

OZJames

12-22-2004, 05:04 PM

Joch. - I'm not sure , how much did they go for ?

HW - congratulations on your longeivity. Mine never last that long http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL and A HAPPY NUDE YEAR in 2005 http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Jochanaan

12-23-2004, 01:05 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by OZJames:
Joch. - I'm not sure , how much did they go for? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I never heard. Groucho probably paid a pretty Penny. (And Penny never told. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif)

tarsus

12-26-2004, 05:54 AM

once more i stop my what has to be my favorite page.
true its not what you eat that kills you.
true its not what you drink that kills you.
nor is it the languge we speak that kills you.
but rather it is this that will beyond all doubt kill you.
living.
so if you want to live you must stop living.
life ain't it a *****??
excuse me while i go suck down a couple beers,a bottle wine,eat a hog,and not worry so much about tomorrow,i got enough trouble today.

missouriboy

12-26-2004, 07:04 AM

"life ain't it a *****??"

Gee, I wonder what that was before the cybercop changed it to *****? Maybe something about a:

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself?

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

hairyhomer

12-27-2004, 05:11 PM

Beautiful
Intelligent
Thoughtful
Caring
Housewife
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hairyhomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

missouriboy

12-28-2004, 02:54 AM

Boy,
I
Think
Caring
HONKS!!

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hw

12-28-2004, 09:08 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hairyhomer:
Beautiful
Intelligent
Thoughtful
Caring
Housewife
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hairyhomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aww how sweet. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Wow!
I'd like to raise a glass of ... whatever is available..to toast all the people who have made 60 pages possible!!!

(Not even the voices could have predicted this much success.)

Zorro

12-28-2004, 11:34 PM

I'll drink to that... but all I have handy is a cup of water. That'll have to do...

missouriboy

12-29-2004, 06:03 AM

Predictions? The voices can make predictions? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

WOW! Gotta get me some of those!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

shãybare

12-29-2004, 07:23 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
Predictions? The voices can make predictions? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

WOW! Gotta get me some of those!! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
Yes, MoBoy the voices are all knowing and can make predictions. Unfortunately all the voices are not on your side and some of them are making false predictions to keep you even more confused and some are telling you not to listen to certain voices.
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
My meds help some but it is still very confusing. If I could only get the right combination. Shaybare you are too far gone for help!!! No I'm not. Yes you are. No I'm not. Yes you are. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes..................................

hairyhomer

12-29-2004, 11:09 PM

I am stressed, are you yes I am why doesn't the doctor understand when I tell him or her this?

Stressed

"Doctor, please help me. I'm so stressed," says the patient. "I keep losing my temper."

"Tell me about your problem," says the doctor.

To which the patient replies, "I just did, jackass!"

hairyhomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

hw

12-30-2004, 04:10 PM

A store that sells wives has just opened in Dallas, TX where a man may go to choose a wife from among many women. The store is composed of six floors, and the women increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a woman from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a man goes to the shopping center to find a wife. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These women have jobs.

The man reads the sign and says to himself, "Well, that's better than my last girlfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up he goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These women have jobs and love sports. The man remarks to himself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up he goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - these women have jobs, love sports and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" he says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These women have jobs, love sports, are extremely good looking and do all the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the man, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" and again he heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These women have jobs, love sports, are extremely good looking, do all the housework and don't b*tch about anything. "Hot D*mn!" But just think what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor he goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - you are visitor 133,956,779,012 to this floor. There are no women on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that men are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Wife Mart and have a nice day!!
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

FireProf

12-30-2004, 06:22 PM

Hey,

What was the original question??? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Congrats hw, The Prof and I will be lifting a glass of wine tomorrow night to you, nudem and all our friends here on ClothesFree. 60 pages about....what?? It's like Seinfeld episode. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Happy Nude Year Everyone http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

missouriboy

12-31-2004, 05:19 AM

"...visitor 133,956,779,012"

Ahhhhh... the secret to successful marketing: REPEAT BUSINESS! ...since there are only about 3 billion men on the planet.

It also indicates that men are extremely slow learners, I guess, since all of them must have reached Floor 6 an average of almost 45 times... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Whoa! I guess it'd be way more than 45, after you subtract all the men who stopped on the lower floors, right? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

missouriboy

12-31-2004, 05:27 AM

And the reason that I reached Floor 6 about 127 times is that I wanted a woman who won't bug me to death about sports! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Jochanaan

01-03-2005, 02:17 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:
A store that sells wives has just opened in Dallas, TX... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Why Dallas?

Never mind; since they don't sell any women who love great music and being naked, I guess I'll try to find one the old-fashioned way. (Whatever that is. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif)

hairyhomer

01-03-2005, 09:01 PM

I'll take the floor with the one from the Great Pacific Northwes! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine--You might be from the Pacific Northwest if:
1. You know the state flower (mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. You use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain without an umbrella
waiting for the "Walk" signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted,
it is not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best,
and Batdorf & Bronson coffee.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and
Willamette. (yes.. these ARE real towns/cities & state)
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark
while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by "Today's forecast:
showers followed by rain," and
"Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers."
17. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks".
18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
19. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
20. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see
through the cloud cover.
21. You notice "the mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you
can actually see it.
22. You put on your shorts and fire up the barbecue when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
23. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
24. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
25. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
26. You knew immediately that the view out of Frasier's window was fake.
27. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you can't find the old ones after such a long time. Or better yet, you continue to wear your sunglasses on cloudy and rainy days.
28. You measure distance in drive time.
29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.
30. You use a down comforter in the summer.
31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.
32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
33. You know all the important seasons:
Almost Winter (Winter), Still
Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer),
Deer & Elk season (Fall).
34. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends in the Northwest or those who used to live here!

hairyhomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

NudeAl

01-03-2005, 09:26 PM

YOu know whats really scarey I get those jokes even after living in southern Ca for 18 years man I am going to have nightmares tonight! No make that flash backs! Heres are a few more.

In Oregon we don't tan we rust.
Oregon is known as the beaver state, it's even on the flag!
Hence the unoffical state motto, "Save a tree eat a beaver!"
Spotted owl, it's what's for dinner.

OZJames

01-04-2005, 06:44 PM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif ONLY JOKING http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
I don't know why jokes like these are written seeing Aussie expatriates are taking over the world http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

What's the difference between Aussies and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into Aussies when they drink.

What's the difference between an Australian and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Why do birds fly upside down over Australia?
It's not worth shi**ing on.

Why was the Christ child not born in Australia?
You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less a virgin!!

What do you call a field full of Australians?
A vacant lot.

The Aussie pilot, when asked for his height and position, replied, "I'm 5'11 and sitting in the front seat".

An Aussie is proof that God has a sense of humour.

What do you call an Aussie with half a brain?
Gifted.

If Santa Claus, a smart Aussie and a dumb blonde were in a room, and you tossed in a hundred dollar note, who would grab it first?
The blonde - the other two don't exist.

How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
Ten. One to make the batter, and nine to peel the Smarties.

What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you.
Pull the pin and throw it back.

Did you hear about the Aussie who had a brain transplant?
The brain rejected him a week later.

What's the difference between yoghurt and Australians?
At least yoghurt starts with a little culture.

What does an Australian girl use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter.

There's a Japanese firm that has developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast it can actually catch an Aussie with his mouth shut.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

fred950

01-05-2005, 05:54 PM

OZ, ROFLMAO .I'll have to remember some of them next time Mary turns on Steve Irwin.

Jochanaan

01-06-2005, 01:27 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hairyhomer:
Jeff Foxworthy comedy routine--You might be from the Pacific Northwest if:
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Hey, I feel that way in Boulder, Colorado!
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I don't know about "recently erupted", but the bit about "no snow" is true here too.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
All right, how DO you pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon, and Willamette?<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Hey, not all of us Midwesterners are uneducated in that department! Now, if you really wanted to impress me, you might distinguish between Thai and Vietnamese food.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Humidity? What's humidity? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yep, Colorado again.

OZJames

01-06-2005, 03:22 PM

Fred - "thanks a bunch" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif - sometimes I wonder whether "ROFLMAO" applies to all my attempts http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif .

By the way most Aussies don't watch Steve Irwin unless he is on the news for trying to feed his baby to the crocs http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

hairyhomer

01-07-2005, 08:48 PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know about "recently erupted", Mt. ST. Helens is still sending up steam and the dome is getting larger everyday http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Issaquah, Oregon,and Willamette.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All right, how DO you pronounce Sequim, like sqirm without the "r" sqimPuyallup,poo-al-up Issaquah,is-a-qua Oregon,orygun and Willamette?wi-lam-it,we also have Humptulips, Snoqualmie, Clatskanie, and Scappoose! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Humidity? What's humidity? Out here it is rain, rain, and more rain! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

hairyhomer
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

missouriboy

01-09-2005, 04:54 AM

"Why was the Christ child not born in Australia?
You'd have a job finding three wise men, much less a virgin!!"

Up here, we say that's why there are never any Nativity Scenes in Washington, D. C. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

shãybare

01-09-2005, 09:07 AM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
The Aussies would get mad at these jokes about them...if they could understand what the joke is!!!

Nu

01-10-2005, 09:17 AM

Thanks to OzJames for the Aussie jokes.
Made my day.

Sincerely, Nu

hairyhomer

01-10-2005, 07:44 PM

These really cracked me up. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Hollywood Squares

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laughhttp://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

HairyHomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

Jochanaan

01-12-2005, 02:45 PM

Ouch!!! Homer, those were great! But I agree with you: Too often the term "Hollywood Squares" describes its participants entirely too accurately. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

Nu

01-14-2005, 08:41 AM

Thanks, Hairyhomer for the Hollywood Squares humour.
True brilliance from some great individuals.

Sincerely, Nu

hw

01-16-2005, 02:56 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hairyhomer:

--------------------we also have Humptulips, http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
quote:

hairyhomer
http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmmmmmmmmmmm ... I wonder who named that one? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif



Now for some really off the wall stuff:

INTERESTING TRIVIA

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his
wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word
GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were

Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: -Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:$6,400

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour:- 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:

Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in
the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the
air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse
has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration o f Independence on July
4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August
2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular
boat name requested?

A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go
until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and
laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of
the year?

A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which
we know today as the honeymoon.

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed
a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your
whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow

FireProf

01-16-2005, 03:25 PM

Okay, you caught me......so you really can't lick your elbow.....who'da thunk that! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Naturist Mark

01-16-2005, 04:02 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by FireProf:
Okay, you caught me......so you really can't lick your elbow.....who'da thunk that! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's why you need friends!

OZJames

01-16-2005, 07:00 PM

FireProf - Who says nobody can lick their elbow ? Surely it depends on how long your tongue is.

Prof, how long is your tongue ? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

hairyhomer

01-16-2005, 09:10 PM

Social Tips for Rednecks (and just plain good advice) In General... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

1. Never take a beer to an interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out

1. When decanting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)

1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM .. Others might say "Monday," If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette

1.. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings

1. Livestock, usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.

3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too. (why not she will probably work up a sweat and would enjoy sharing one) http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

HairyHomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

OZJames

01-18-2005, 06:18 PM

HairyHomer - "Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended."

I thought crying babies had to be PUT DOWN

What does putting down mean ?

On our farm if we have a sick animal it is "put down"

I put things down the loo

http://www.lifeprint.com/asl101/signjpegs/p/put-down1.jpg
is the above sign language for put down

Have you ever been PUT DOWN by other forum members on this site ? I have

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif JAMES http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

missouriboy

01-19-2005, 09:13 AM

Sign Language? Egad!

If a deaf boy uses swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Jochanaan

01-19-2005, 04:49 PM

And the voices speak on... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Zorro

01-24-2005, 12:37 PM

But what are the voices saying???

hw

01-24-2005, 05:08 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Zorro:
But what are the voices saying??? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The voices are saying...Yeah, sure tarsus will fit right in. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

On the other hand tarsus may not want to come here. My grand daughter who is 10, was telling me about the Church she is attending. She was talking about The Ten Commandments. I don't remember this one, but then again I haven't attended church in quite some time.

She said, and I quote, "Thou shall Respect Adultery! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

Talk about the voice of confusion! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

FireProf

01-24-2005, 05:19 PM

Out of the mouths of babes........ya gotta love um! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

threadbare

01-25-2005, 09:08 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hw:

INTERESTING TRIVIA

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular
boat name requested?

A. Obsession
[/color] <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My guess would have been "Wetdreams" http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

S.M.A.

01-26-2005, 06:46 AM

"Monkey Business," maybe?

Yeah, I know, it's an 80's joke.

Stuart

tarsus

01-26-2005, 05:46 PM

She said, and I quote, "Thou shall Respect Adultery!

is no one going to let me forget???
geez one little mistake and someone somewhere just has to bring it up!!!

01-26-2005, 06:35 PM

"Obsession"..and "WetDreams"..and"Adultry" Oh My!..These voices are gettin a little raunchy http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif

S.M.A.

01-27-2005, 07:08 AM

If comes to worst, there's always "The Love Boat."

Stuart

hw

01-27-2005, 10:11 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by outdoorbare:
"Obsession"..and "WetDreams"..and"Adultry" Oh My!..These voices are gettin a little raunchy http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Welcome back Odie! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
I think I'd name a boat "My Kids Inheritance. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

BTW..check your PM's.... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

01-27-2005, 02:22 PM

I saw a bumper sticker that read, "I'm spending my kids' inheritance."

tarsus

01-27-2005, 04:18 PM

jon-marc; i already spend my kids inheritance.
stuart; i loved "the love boat"
odb; getting raunchy? those voices of hw's have had me blushing like a virgin in a *****house since i don't remember when.
oh,by the way i had a "wetdream" once, damn near drown;i fell asleep in the tub!

tarsus

01-27-2005, 04:25 PM

question: did the people who run this fourm all suddenly join the republician party?

Suntied

01-28-2005, 12:04 PM

I sure hope so tarus... it would really make me happy enough to go for a bunch of nude runs. Dems can't run with their head up their... hahaha... I said nude runs. Oh, that's right... seems a Damn Republican got 60 million votes... oops that wasn't funny... (yes it was!) ?nude run anyone?

Smile... America hasn't failed you,
Bart.

EricNY

01-28-2005, 12:09 PM

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif HUH!!!! somebody say NUDE RUN?????? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Jochanaan

01-28-2005, 02:36 PM

Hey! Not all of us here are Republicans! (I'd say more but I don't like flame wards--uh, wars.)

fred950

01-28-2005, 06:30 PM

Well, the nice thing about a "nude run" is you don't have to drop your pants when you get to the throne!

hairyhomer

01-28-2005, 07:28 PM

You don't have to wash any SWEATY clothes after a nude run! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Not all Dem's have there head up their ...hahaha... and can run (Boston Marathon 3:13:27) clothed or naked I'm ready to run. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

HairyHomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

EricNY

01-29-2005, 03:09 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by fred950:
Well, the nice thing about a "nude run" is you don't have to drop your pants when you get to the throne! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

AHAH fred you remembered http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Sauna

01-29-2005, 04:41 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by hairyhomer:
You don't have to wash any SWEATY clothes after a nude run! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif
Not all Dem's have there head up their ...hahaha... and can run (Boston Marathon 3:13:27) clothed or naked I'm ready to run. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

HairyHomer http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Have you ever heard saying "the longer run the smaller brains". No extra load is possible like fat and brains are possible. (this was nothing personal)

barelybob

01-29-2005, 05:20 AM

Oh GOD! The nude runs are back! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

hairyhomer

01-29-2005, 05:39 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR> Originally posted by Sauna: Have you ever heard saying "the longer run the smaller brains". No extra load is possible like fat and brains are possible. (this was nothing personal)
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
No, but I have heard of "the larger the neck the smaller the hat size", so since I have a small neck and wear a large hat, I must have a large brain so I guess I don't fit into either one of these categories! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
Now where am I and what am I doing? What ever it is at least I'm naked. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

HairyHomer

EricNY

01-29-2005, 05:48 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by barelybob:
Oh GOD! The nude runs are back! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just like a BLAST from the past...

hw

01-29-2005, 07:08 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Suntied:
I sure hope so tarus... it would really make me happy enough to go for a bunch of nude runs. D ?nude run anyone?

Smile... America hasn't failed you,
Bart. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh crap Bart-man, where's that stinky Fish when you nude him? or is that need him? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

missouriboy

01-29-2005, 08:28 AM

"Just like a BLAST from the past..."

Past... ? What's that unfinished word supposed to be? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Pasture?
Pasteur?
Posture?
Posterior?
A BLAST from the posterior = a nude run? NAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, forget that!

01-29-2005, 10:51 AM

"The larger the neck the smaller the brain."

Well, that explains my dad's problem. He had a 20 inch neck.

EricNY

01-29-2005, 11:06 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by missouriboy:
_"Just like a BLAST from the past..."_

Past... ? What's that unfinished word supposed to be? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif

Pasture?
Pasteur?
Posture?
Posterior?
A BLAST from the posterior = a nude run? NAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, forget that! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You hit the nail right on the head...That is EXLAXtly what I meant.

http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

missouriboy

01-30-2005, 08:52 AM

EXLAXtly!?! ROTFLMAO

{kerplop} Ouch! I need that seatbelt again! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

tarsus

01-30-2005, 10:16 AM

suntied; that explains the mask. lol
nude runs? sounds good, how about a nude beer run?
hey people!! for the first time in like twenty-three years i went out last night [jan 29th] i was with five beautiful ladies,
one brought her hubby,and two were single!! there is life after divorce!
all you ladies on here,don't be jealous,there's enough of me to go around. and you guys don't be mad,with age comes experence.
just call me "party animal", the paint may be sagging,and some shingles off the roof,but the fire inside is hot!!

01-30-2005, 01:50 PM

Tarsus, you said,

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by tarsus:
hey people!! for the first time in like twenty-three years i went out last night [jan 29th] i was with five beautiful ladies,
one brought her hubby,and two were single!! there is life after divorce! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

When I went to school during the dark ages, 1 plus 2 made 3. What happened to the other 2?

hw

01-30-2005, 01:55 PM

ercNY You hit the nail right on the head...That is EXLAXtly what I meant.

I don't stink you EXLAXtly need that for Nude Runs. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Wow...conflatualtions tarsus! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif Nice to know someone is having a good time. http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

So what are the names of the five beautiful ladies you were with?
A Rose by any other name.... http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif