How do I get my wife to be nude?

[jason_a]

I am 26 years old. I have never been nude around other people, but I want to give it a try. I think I would enjoy it. The only problem is that i want my wife to participate. I cannot seem to convince her that she might enjoy it. I told just try it once and if you don't like it I'll never ask to do it again. I really want to do this, but I also want her to be a part of it. If she continues to decline should I go ahead and go by myself? How can I convince her? Please help.

[jason_a]

I am 26 years old. I have never been nude around other people, but I want to give it a try. I think I would enjoy it. The only problem is that i want my wife to participate. I cannot seem to convince her that she might enjoy it. I told just try it once and if you don't like it I'll never ask to do it again. I really want to do this, but I also want her to be a part of it. If she continues to decline should I go ahead and go by myself? How can I convince her? Please help.

[Bartamus]

Jason A..I would think that if you tried it by
yourself, she might give it a go just so she
wouldn't be left out. That's especially true
if you tried it and really enjoyed the experience.
By the way, welcome to the INA forum!

[jeep]

Jason welcome;afew simple tips to start.Dont go alone,it will create a split in your marriage union.Go do outdoor thihgs like camping ,hiking etc.together.My wife an i started this way,it led to intimate outdoor activities while on picnics hiking etc. We progress to sunbathing,skinniny diping,with some of her relatives.This may take years,we dont to nude resorts my wife is not ready yet.Were,married 24 years now the progress has been worth the wait. Good luck Jeep

[Rik]

I disagree with Jeep.If your marriage is strong it's hardly likely to fall apart because you want to do something she doesn't. Many a would-be naturist caves in to the demands of their non-nudist spouse and spend years resenting the fact that they can't do what they want and many couples make the mistake of always compromising when they disagree but the end result is that no-one gets what they really want and everyone gets what they don't really want. Either way the relationship is never strengthened by always capitulating.

I say go it alone but make sure you're completely open and honest about it. You'll both survive.

Rik

[Trailscout]

Some people will never become nudists, but let's assume that your wife wasn't traumatized in her youth and that she is just a little shy and body-conscious.

If so, perhaps she could go to a nude beach with you and you could wear as little as you please and she could remain covered up in normal beachwear.

I know of one couple at a nudist resort. The first time I saw them, she kept her bathing suit bottom on and her husband was nude. One day, they both arrived at the pool in the nude. There was no fanfare; she just quietly decided that she was ready. I hope your wife will come to see nudity won't put her in the spotlight. She will be just like anyone else: comfortable!

Welcome, Jason, to the forum. I'm no longer married and probably not qualified to answer, but here's my 2 cents worth.

Most nudist clubs and resorts are clothing optional. Tell your wife that she can remain clothed until she is ready to try partial or complete nudity. The same thing if you go to a nude beach.

If she still refuses, ask her if she would care if you went because you're interested in trying a new experience that you believe you would enjoy. Then you can excitedly tell her how wonderful it was to be free of clothes and that you would love to share it with her even if she remains clothed. Of course, she might think you're wanting to go for some reason other than just enjoying being nude outdoors with other people who also enjoy it, but she just might agree to go and try it. I had a man where I work interested in going to Turtle Lake Resort here in MI. When he asked his girlfriend about going, she asked him, "What are you up to? I know you're up to something." He won't go alone because he's afraid it would damage his relationship with her.

However, if you never go for fear of destroying your relationship, you could always resent that decision and wonder what fun you missed out on by giving in to her. Of course, you can't force her to go, but hopefully you can get her to give in a little at a time. Asking her to go and be nude with total strangers is a lot to ask, but she can start out being fully clothed and gradually wear a little less as time goes by. Good luck, and the key words are "patience" and "perseverence". Hopefully, she will gradually come around. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif /infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Bob S.]

Jason,

What you should do is start to go naked at home. Ask her to occasionally join you. And in these instances, do not make it out to be something sexual. Just watch TV or make dinner sans clothing.

She may take to it or not. But don't pressure her. And keep a dialogue open between you two regarding nudism and public nudity. She may allow you to go to a nudist park or beach, but keep in mind that a lot of parks are leery about accepting unaccompanied married persons to their parks. This is mainly, I believe, a legal tactic so that they cannot be dragged into a divorce case where one partner's practice of nudism is a factor.

Keep on trying. She may one day turn the corner. Good luck.

Bob S.

[Naked Bob 2]

I agree with the previous post. Try it at home or in some other "safe" environment, perhaps a hotel with a private hot tub. She has to be comfortable with herself first. For some reason being in or around water is conducive to nudity.

Then you could try it with some trusted friends, backyard hot tub after dinner and a few drinks. You may look into joining on a trial basis a nonlanded club, a club without grounds. Quite a few of them have potlucks at club members homes they usually have a hot tub there. Most of these do not require nudity so she may remain clothed.

I would like to recomend our nude beaches if you live in an area that has them, but alas many of them are frequented by less than desirable types that may make it uncomfortable for a first timer. So I would not try these until she has progressed a bit.

If she is anything like my wife you will have to work to overcome a lot of her fears. Some of which may have to do with your motivation for doing this and your relationship and her own negative body image.

Have patience, be gentle but persistant, and always try to demonstrate the positive benfits you and her may derive from this. It took me several years to get my wife to go with me and yes I did go by myself durring that time. Good luck

[greensunshine]

Dear Jason,

I would like to add my 2 cents worth in on this topic, from a female perspective who was married to a non nudist /infopop/emoticons/icon_redface.gif It wasn't me being a nudist that destroyed our marriage, it was other factors...so if your biggest concern is "What is it going to do negatively to your marriage," look at all the other other factors that could also be impacting your life together.

Sorry but chosing to run around naked with or without each other is just a copout for other things that could also destroy your marriage, such as in the case of mine, he was a closet alcohic amongst many other reasons why it failed.

Greensunshine /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[TomorrowMan]

Pardon me for straying from the topic at hand but this thread highlighted to me a (vaguely) related issue...

I've only been to a nudist beach once, and it ended up being a failed attempt at enjoying public nudity for the first time. I got as far as wearing only my shorts, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to take them off and hence quickly vacated the area - my face flushed with embarrassment! I'll freely admit that "nerves" played a big part in holding me back, but in retrospect I recall several nudists staring at me as if I was committing some kind of crime. I'm sure this played a part in my reluctance to make another attempt at public nudity.

A few years pass and I now find myself trying again, only this time taking it one little step at a time. As the weather warms up here in the Aussie summer I've been nude around the house as frequently as possible, and hopefully I'll pluck up the courage to visit a nude beach again before the weather turns cold again.

Perhaps the moral of this story is that some of us just need to be "eased" into the lifestyle, rather than thrown in at the deep end. I think it also highlights the importance of established nudists being as tolerant as possible of those who visit their beaches and clubs without removing clothing. I understand the concern about "gawkers" but surely it would be pretty easy to distinguish them from the nervous newcomers.

I also hasten to point out that I fully understand not all nudists are as militant as the ones I encountered. That's exactly why I'm committed to giving nude bathing another try.

Cheers!

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TomorrowMan:
Pardon me for straying from the topic at hand but this thread highlighted to me a (vaguely) related issue...

I've only been to a nudist beach once, and it ended up being a failed attempt at enjoying public nudity for the first time. I got as far as wearing only my shorts, but I couldn't pluck up the courage to take them off and hence quickly vacated the area - my face flushed with embarrassment! I'll freely admit that "nerves" played a big part in holding me back, but in retrospect I recall several nudists staring at me as if I was committing some kind of crime. I'm sure this played a part in my reluctance to make another attempt at public nudity.

A few years pass and I now find myself trying again, only this time taking it one little step at a time. As the weather warms up here in the Aussie summer I've been nude around the house as frequently as possible, and hopefully I'll pluck up the courage to visit a nude beach again before the weather turns cold again.

Perhaps the moral of this story is that some of us just need to be "eased" into the lifestyle, rather than thrown in at the deep end. I think it also highlights the importance of established nudists being as tolerant as possible of those who visit their beaches and clubs without removing clothing. I understand the concern about "gawkers" but surely it would be pretty easy to distinguish them from the nervous newcomers.

I also hasten to point out that I fully understand not all nudists are as militant as the ones I encountered. That's exactly why I'm committed to giving nude bathing another try.

Cheers! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yes,nudists do need to be more tolerant of the clothed people on the beach. I don't think they realize that some of them aren't gawkers and might just need some encouragement. I've made that mistake myself twice so now I just go and ask them why they are there. Sometimes having someone to talk to helps you to actually go all the way and take those shorts off.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jason_a:
I am 26 years old. I have never been nude around other people, but I want to give it a try. I think I would enjoy it. The only problem is that i want my wife to participate. I cannot seem to convince her that she might enjoy it. I told just try it once and if you don't like it I'll never ask to do it again. I really want to do this, but I also want her to be a part of it. If she continues to decline should I go ahead and go by myself? How can I convince her? Please help. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You've gotten some good advice so far. Please remember education is a good thing too. If she likes the Internet give her some good nudist websites to visit like this one.

If she isn't online then print out anything you find that might help her to understand what we are about.

Find out specifically what her objections are so you can show her that her fears are not founded on reality. Many people have religious objections for instance. There are good websites out there for christian nudists like www.cheef.com (http://www.cheef.com) and lots of others.

If her fears are based in a lack of confidence in her physical appearance there are articles on that too, written by women nudists that went through this.

Get literature from a resort near you so she can see what it is like. Have her call them and ask them questions if you can. Some places have orientation for newbies so ask the club.

"Originally posted by jason_a:
I am 26 years old. I have never been nude around other people, but I want to give it a try. I think I would enjoy it. The only problem is that i want my wife to participate. I cannot seem to convince her that she might enjoy it. I told just try it once and if you don't like it I'll never ask to do it again. I really want to do this, but I also want her to be a part of it. If she continues to decline should I go ahead and go by myself? How can I convince her? Please help."

You don't try to persuade her. She might enjoy it, but she might not. You should respect her wishes not to participate in nudity if she doesn't want to. I would NEVER try to persuade my wife to be naked anywhere - I can just imagine what she would say if I did!!! /infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif

Stu

[travisg]

I think you need to be patient with your wife. Someone who hasn't thought about nudism much, or who isn't inclined, will take time to come around. In the meantime, if your marriage is strong, your nudism around the house or occasional visits to a resort can be accepted. At least, that's how it is in my case. I am usually nude around the house in the morning and evening, watching TV, and sometimes at dinner. My wife and kids are around, and all seem to accept it, although they don't go nude themselves. I have also been to resorts several times -- alone -- with my wife's encouragement and understanding. I find nudism extremely relaxing. From my few experiences at a resort, nothing tawdry goes on. In many respects, it's more conservative than at a community rec center.

Good luck. Talk it out, and maybe she'll come around.

Trav

[TXK NUDE]

I hate to even post this, because the last thing I want to do is disuade anyone from enjoying nudism. However, I think it is time to tell my story.

Like the original poster, I wanted to try social nudism but my wife was reluctant. She was willing to be nude with me in our home, or other private areas, and even after our son was born whe was willing to continue being nude because I explained the positive effects of nudism on children.

Finally, after a couple of years of patience, and honest dialogue, she agreed to accompany me to a nudist resort near our home with the stipulation that she didn't have to be nude all the time, or at all if she was uncomfortable. I agreed, and we left our son with his grandparents and went for a weekend. To the clubs credit, everyone there was very friendly and accepting, and soon my wife was shedding her oversized shirt and joining in the conversation around the hot tub. But we felt slightly alone, as we were the ONLY people there under 45! My wife enjoyed the trip, and suggested that we attend another club that was close by. We did, and to our delight, we met many more young couples and families.
We made friends with several couples that attended the club, and when we found some that were living within an hour of our hometown, we were elated. Finally, we would have some people that we could enjoy nudism with without having to drive for two or more hours, and pay the high day fees.
For a while, all seemed to be going well, but one particular couple seemed to have OTHER things on their minds, and eventually, their (especially his) overt sexual behavior toward my wife became a point of nearly sending us to divorce court, and ruined any possible friendship we would have had with them.
A sad side effect of this is that now my wife is reluctant to be nude with anyone but me again. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif
All the ground we had gained has been lost because of a couple of perverted people who used nudism as a hunting ground for their sexual pleasure.
I know people have blasted me and removed my stars on my rating because of my rather vocal stance against erections and sexual behavior in nudist venues, but until now, I have never been able to fully explain what happened. Now you know.
I have been, and will continue to be a nudist, and hope that someday my wife will rejoin me at a club or resort, but until then, I am staying at my wife's side, nude in my home, and soon, in my back yard (next summer hopefully).
PLEASE, if there is any possibility that your marriage could be damaged by your participation in nudism, then realize that your marriage is more important than any lifestyle/recreational pastime. And if you are reading this post, and fear what happened to me will happen to you, I am at least glad to say that MOST nudists are completely above board, but there are those few who ruin it for all. So be careful who you invite into your home for nudist activities!
And if you are reading this any you are one of those who use nudism to get your sexual rocks off, either through voyeurism, exhibitionism, group sex, or wife swapping, PLEASE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! Your kind is not wanted, or appreciated by other nudists, who have enough to do fighting the sexual stigmata that has been placed on nudists and resorts for the past thirty years.
Take it from me, nudism is good, when good people are nudists--but it can be bad when the wrong people call themselves nudists.

To the original poster, I really don't want to scare you or your wife away from nudism. It's worth it if you can get a good club and some great friends out of the deal--but tread lightly. Choose your words with your wife carefully, and choose your friends from whatever club you do attend with great diligence. I wish you better luck than what I have. /infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

I dont see how your post about two overboard swingers would cause anyone not to try nudism. You could have ended the relationship with that couple after the first time your wife was made uncomfortable and that would have been the end of it. It was her reaction to them, not to nudism, that was the problem. You kind of skipped over the exact details of their approaches and how they were handled so I can't get more specific but it appears this wasn't an isolated incident and went on for a period of time. I think everyone should know that these things can happen at nudist resorts just like they can at textile resorts. We are no different than the rest of humanity. Instead of sugarcoating nudism we should be more honest about what may happen at our nudist venues. I've been sexually harrassed by married men a few times and very little was done about it. It doesn't stop me from going.... I know it could have occurred anywhere and isn't peculiar to nudists.

As for swingers that are also nudists, you will find them at every nudist club there is, the difference being that most are courteous and at the most you'd be asked once about swinging and then they'd not mention it again. Most don't even bring it up till they know you a bit and are of the opinion that the invitation might be welcomed or at the least turned down gracefully without you getting an attitude. I would bet that most likely some of the other nudists you know are also swingers and such but haven't told you. I belonged to one club for a few years before I found out who swung and who didn't because they just aren't that open about it.

Your request that swingers go elsewhere just isn't going to happen and wasn't the real problem anyway. They were there long before you got there.

[dbickin]

>For a while, all seemed to be going well, but
>one particular couple seemed to have OTHER
>things on their minds, and eventually, their
>(especially his) overt sexual behavior toward my
>wife became a point of nearly sending us to
>divorce court, and ruined any possible
>friendship we would have had with them.

I don't understand. Why would his hitting on her almost send you to divorce court? Did you encourage him to hit on her, or try to encourage her to go along with it?

Did she take this example to be "proof" that nudism is a front for swinging? How does she now view the couples you met that DIDN'T hit on her?

I suppose it is no business of mine, but we need to understand what exactly happened in your case, so jason_a can avoid the same problem.

David

[FireProf]

jason a,

Several here have given you the same advice I'm going to.

Patience, Patience, Patience.

I started my wife out with nudity with me inside the house. When she was comfortable with that, we ventured outside to our backyard. Small amounts of time, gradually increasing at her comfort level. It took me years to get her to try a nude beach, mostly because we had children that were around the ages of 8-12 years old. She was a little less willing to practice nudism around them as they got older. If you and your wife are going to raise your children as nudists or home nudists, you're way ahead of us. We didn't and regret it.

Eventually, through lots of discussions, arguments etc., etc. , I asked her if she would like to try a nude beach. Lots more questions and concerns on her part but she said yes. It happened to be a good experience. We visited numerous times, usually always my invitation or idea.

Now after 3 summers of visiting the beach probably 20-25 times a year, she agreed to visit a resort in Palm Springs. We've been back nearly a dozen times...usually her invitation or idea. We are going to celebrate our 30th anniversary next summer. She suggested a week at Club Orient in the French West Indies.

Patience, ensuring she was comfortable and with a little nudging, and I do mean a little, she has become quite the nudist. I do not know you or your wife but I think if you follow the advise of those who suggested patience, you will probably be happy you did.

Good luck!

/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

[Nude\'s wife]

I've been sitting back trying to think out my reply, but nothing has come to me so here I go anyway.

I am TXK Nude's wife. That's a good place to start. Without going into gory details, please don't ask for them, the whole experience with this other couple traumatized me. It wasn't that they were swingers or that they (both of them) hit on me, it was that HE took advantage of me. I don't feel it is appropriate to go into details, so I won't, but I am terrified of seeing them again. I'm sorry I cannot explain myself further. I have asthma attacks or panic attacks when I go places I might see them (like to the other side of town or the mall). I was date raped as a teenager and this really brought back some bad memories (no, I'm not saying this man raped me).

When reading some of the replies to my husband's post, I felt he was being attacked. It took me a long time to feel comfortable being nude in front of others and it is going to take me a while before I will be able to go back to that club. My husband would NEVER try to get me to go to bed with anyone else. Never. I think it was very rude of the person who suggested that to say such a thing. The things that happened to us were confusing and heartbreaking and very stressful. Until you go through something like we have, you cannot say what might lead to divorce. Because our marriage was ultimately strong, we are closer now than ever.

Will I go back to a Nudist Club? Yes, I will. I don't know when, but I will. I have to have an idea of what I will do if I see this couple again.

As for swingers being at all clubs...well maybe so. My question is, "Are they there to be nudists or are they there to be swingers and pick up other couples?" I don't want to be propositioned ever again. I really hope these people don't go to Nudist Clubs to find other swingers. I'm sure there are other venues for that kind of behavior.

Now, for the original poster. Don't go without your wife. That would have made me really mad. Be patient with her. See if she can read some of the posts on this forum. Show her some other web sites. There are some links for women on this site. I ended up loving being nude. After I sort through my issues, I will love going out again. I hope you are as kind and loving to your wife in your efforts to get her to go to a club with you as my husband was to me. Good luck to you.

Nude's Wife

[Trailscout]

I think that there is strength in numbers.
When I go to a nude beach, I prefer to go to with a non-landed club for the sociability of it, but also for the united front we can present to the small number of gawkers and perverts who could pester a lone couple, but would not dare confront a group of vigilent nudists.

I go most often to a nudist resort that is overwhelmingly pro-family, featuring lots of activities for kids. I made friends with decent non-swinger families and avoid those few who seem a little on the wild side.

I do not fault our good friends from Texas. They were newcomers and had not had time to build a network of safe friends to protect themselves.

Most people at most nudist venues are wonderful delightful folks. Don't worry unduly about the chance of meeting a few bad apples. Just find good friends and stick with them and try to favor the most family-oriented places.

Neither should you assume that textile campgrounds and resorts are safe havens from "weirdo's". Wolves sometimes wear sheep's clothing and sometimes no clothing!

As you and your wife learn more about living as nudists, you'll see that it not so different from anyone else's life, just a lot more comfortable.

There's no rush to undress. In your journey toward nude living, find a pace both of you can life with and incorporate as much or as little nudity as you both like into your daily routine.

[FireProf]

Nudes Wife,

Really nothing anyone can say to make you feel better or erase that very unfortunate incident.

Luckily, we have not been approached by anyone. It took me about 10 years to get my wife to
agree to try social nudism. I would hate for some idiot to ruin all we've worked towards in a matter of minutes.
My wife and I hope you are able to continue visiting nudist resorts with your husband in the near future without being hassled again.

Good luck in resuming your nudist lifestyle.
/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[toofeelgood]

Jason, it hasn't been easy for me to truely enjoy body freedom like I would like to bcs my wife isn't as into it as I am so I do not pressure her. Like others have mentioned start slowly in the home by occasionally sleeping nude or staying nude for a while after a shower... Also, I think you need to explain to her exactly why you like to be nude. Is it for comfort, is it just a natural way to be after all it is society that says we must be clothed, but humans have been around for 100,000 years in nothing but skin, just natural. Be honest and open with her, also make sure she knows that she is the focus of you and you love her the way she is. She might be uncomfortabel with her body image so reassure her. Greensunshine is right, other things in a relationship can need fixing first before you add another stumbling block like nudism. This is kind of how it is for us... my wife does sleep nude, has gone nude in remote areas, beaches etc... topless on a very populated nude beach, but she does not see nudism as something totally natural and so normal and enjoyable like I do so I try not to force it on her all the time and she is more and more excepting of my nudist ways. So take your time with her and keep us posted let us know how it is going.
Are you usually naked at home, how does she feel about it? Is she ever naked at home? Make a deal with her and tell her you'll do more chores around the house if you can do them nude!

Good luck

[Naked Bob 2]

Txk nudes wife,
Someone else said there is very little or nothing that we here can say or do to make you feel any better. All the same I wish you well and hope that you will sometime in the future be able to put this behind you and enjoy this activity again. It is extremely unfortunate that these people took advantage of your trust.

My wife and I had a similar situation once. I was unaware that anything had happened till we had left the persons home. It was a club party at this persons house and some inappropriate behavior occured. When my wife told me I blew up! I was also angry that I didn't know about it right away. I brought it to the attention of the leadership of the club and they then took up the matter with this person. They haven't had any more parties at his house.

The thing that is so upsetting is that you feel extremely vulnerable in the nude, and for these people to take advantage of it is very unfair, underhanded and downright sleezy.

[Olga Alba]

I?m a spanish woman, 27 years old and I?ve recently discovered nudism with my husband. I?ve never been before attracted to nudism and nudity has never been accepted in my family, so I never thought practice it.
Last summer my husband proposed me to go to a clothing optional bech to try it. I was reluctant but finally agreed with the condition of keeping my bikini on while he was nude, since I didn?t want to be nude with strangers.
But once we were at the beach, I saw that no one was staring at us, so first I took off the top and after a while took off the bottom and stayed naked, feeling the wonder of stayng nude in nature. I?m sure if you proposed her going with you being fully clothed she will enjoy and finally will get her clothes once.
Good luck, from Spain.
Olga.

[Rik]

Hi Olga and welcome,

I certainly agree with you about Spain. I have been to a few naturist beaches in the Mojacar area and without a doubt they were the best beaches I have ever been to (and I've been to many throughout Europe). They are clothing optional with clothed and nude mixing happily together and no gawkers, no oddball characters to spoil the atmosphere.

My wife, who has also been to many naturist beaches but has always viewed naturism as a bit odd, admitted that even though she couldn't quite bring herself to go completely nude she felt completely comfortable.

On one occasion she watched as a man (probably around 40-50) helped his aged invalid mother into the sea. She said she found the sight quite touching and I think even she began to realise that naturism is, perhaps, not as odd as she had always thought.

Rik

[Snoboy]

Rik---thanks for the touching story about your experiences in Spain. You made my day. God bless. /infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif