NoodJuggler
07-01-2003, 06:26 PM
I found this on the net and had to pass it along...enjoy
Andy Rooney's tips to use with telemarketers
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off
(instead
of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much
more
time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep"
tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has
efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the
other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone
calls
and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a
"real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one
there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7
times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the
call and it kicks your number out of their system.
Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased dramatically.
(3) Another Good Idea: When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone
or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending
companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for
everything
from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw
away
the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It
costs them more than the regular 37-cent postage if and when they receive
them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was
around
50 cents before! the last increase and it is according to the weight. In
that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in
these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas:
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.
Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else
that day, then just send them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on
anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to
keep them guessing!
Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting
their own junk back in the mail.
Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and
best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that
e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need
to
increase postage costs again. You get the idea !
If enough people follow these tips, it will work----I have been
doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.
THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO
YOUR
FRIENDS.
Here is another one..
Allegedly George Carlin but some of these sound like Stephen Wright.
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
7. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
10. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
11. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
12. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
13. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they stale to begin with?
15. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
16. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
17. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
18. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
19. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
20. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
21. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
22. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
23. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.
24. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
25. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
26. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
27. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
28. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
29. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
30. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Hope you enjoyed these..Keithmj
Andy Rooney's tips to use with telemarketers
Three Little Words That Work !!
(1)The three little words are: "Hold On, Please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off
(instead
of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much
more
time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep"
tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has
efficiently completed its task.
These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the
other end?
This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone
calls
and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a
"real" sales person to call back and get someone at home.
What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one
there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7
times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialed the
call and it kicks your number out of their system.
Since doing this, my phone calls have decreased dramatically.
(3) Another Good Idea: When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone
or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending
companies throw their own junk mail away.
When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for
everything
from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw
away
the return envelope.
Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It
costs them more than the regular 37-cent postage if and when they receive
them back.
It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was
around
50 cents before! the last increase and it is according to the weight. In
that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in
these cool little, postage-paid return envelopes.
One of Andy Rooney's (60 minutes) ideas:
Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express.
Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else
that day, then just send them their blank application back!
If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on
anything you send them.
You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to
keep them guessing!
Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting
their own junk back in the mail.
Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and
best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that
e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need
to
increase postage costs again. You get the idea !
If enough people follow these tips, it will work----I have been
doing this for years, and I get very little junk mail anymore.
THIS JUST MIGHT BE ONE E-MAIL THAT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD TO
YOUR
FRIENDS.
Here is another one..
Allegedly George Carlin but some of these sound like Stephen Wright.
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
7. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
8. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
9. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
10. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
11. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in . . . what happens to the other penny?
12. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
13. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they stale to begin with?
15. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
16. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
17. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
18. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
19. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
20. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
21. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
22. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
23. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me, they're cramming for their final exam.
24. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
25. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
26. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
27. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
28. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
29. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
30. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
Hope you enjoyed these..Keithmj