Nude at pool okay but not in house

[Macanude]

Take a swing at this one.
We have daughters who are now 18 and 12. We have been swimming naked ever since installing our pool in 1992, although our daughters are now at that age where they have become self conscious and rarely swim nude any more.
My wife will live with me being nude in the pool and inside the pool fence, but if I should come in the house naked, she says I should cover up and not let the girls see me like that because they get embarrassed. This is despite the fact they have seen us naked on at least a thousand different occasions, or so it seems.
We have been through the whole rationale of how it would cease to be notable after about the third or fourth time, but she is convinced of the rightness of her position.
The 18 year old says she really doesn't care, but the 12 year old seems flustered, so I think I need to yield some ground there.
I continue to push the limits when I think I can do it without a big upheaval, and will continue to do so.
This not posted to seek advice or a solution, just as a topic of discussion. Some of our best discussions come from the smallest starts.

[Macanude]

Take a swing at this one.
We have daughters who are now 18 and 12. We have been swimming naked ever since installing our pool in 1992, although our daughters are now at that age where they have become self conscious and rarely swim nude any more.
My wife will live with me being nude in the pool and inside the pool fence, but if I should come in the house naked, she says I should cover up and not let the girls see me like that because they get embarrassed. This is despite the fact they have seen us naked on at least a thousand different occasions, or so it seems.
We have been through the whole rationale of how it would cease to be notable after about the third or fourth time, but she is convinced of the rightness of her position.
The 18 year old says she really doesn't care, but the 12 year old seems flustered, so I think I need to yield some ground there.
I continue to push the limits when I think I can do it without a big upheaval, and will continue to do so.
This not posted to seek advice or a solution, just as a topic of discussion. Some of our best discussions come from the smallest starts.

[Buck Nekkid]

Wellllll, I have been wrong so many times I am getting good at it. But my view is your wife is willing to compromise, go with it. Or better yet, three females, one male, you could vote on it. But I really think you have the best of both worlds now. Just my thoughts.......... BN

[carbuff]

Maybe its just a phase and they will grow out of it .

[EricNY]

I have to agree with the phase thing,my kids grow in and out of their comfort for social nudity

[Tampanude]

Stay the course. It's your home too

[nudeM]

Yea Macanude, I see where you are at this point. My wife is tolerable of my being nude in the house, but only not as much as I would like. There was an incident at school involving our grandson that I agreed to 'slow' down a little. He is at that age when "loose lips, sink ships". Our son (17) is okay, but he constantly has friends over, so I have to cover up.

Times, like now, there are no kids around, so there is no need for any clothes. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif

[Ben_m]

I don't pretend to have any worthwhile advice to offer, which I guess is okay, since you said you're not looking for it. But I must say that you've made me once again realize how fortunate I am this way. My wife is not naturist-inclined in the least, to put it mildly, and doesn't like it much, but neither she nor either of my daughters (ages 14 and 11) even blink if I'm not dressed around the house, and I'm often not. While it may be easy for me to lament that my wife will not join me (and I do), I need to also remember to be very thankful for their acceptance of me around the house. I will note/admit that to get to this point I did have to "stay the course" and act quite deliberately for a period of time.

[FireProf]

If I were in Macanude's barefeet http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/beam.gif, I'd go along with what my wife and daughter were comfortable with. You already know that the youngest is somewhat embarassed by the nudity, so limit it when she's around. If the eldest is okay with it, you'll just have to compromise the times you are nude and the times you are dressed or covered.

In time, the youngest may become more comfortable or tolerant and you may be able to increase your nude time inside and outside your home. For now, I'd just go along with the phase the youngest seems to be in and see what happens. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/wink3.gif

[nacktman]

Seems like a phase to me as well and it never hurt anyone to try and get along with a teenage or soon to be teenage daughter, not trying to get along is another matter.

[Macanude]

I always allow for the fact that it is their house, too, and they have the right to be comfortable.
To my wife's credit, when the girls are gone, I am usually naked immediately, and she never acts bothered in the least.

[nudeinfl]

No advice to offer here; not an easy answer.

Seems like you are on the right track with it thoufh.

All's I can say is good luck with it.

[FireProf]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Macanude:
I always allow for the fact that it is their house, too, and they have the right to be comfortable.
To my wife's credit, when the girls are gone, I am usually naked immediately, and she never acts bothered in the least. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

We also took this path with our girls when they were those ages and began shying away from being nude around the house.

We would spend our time nude when they were in school, when they were at the home's of friend's or later in the evening when they went to bed. It was a compromise we could all live with. http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/wink3.gif

[KetchumMaine]

At 12 years old, your daughter may be experiencing embarassment due to confusion between societal norms and your values. Your wife having different values on nudity may contribute to this confusion. A twelve year old is not only gettting accustomed to her body changes, but also to the accompanying emotions. Since she is now aware of how sex works, and presumably doesn't see many penises beside yours, the sight of your penis may cause her to think of the sexual functionality of the organ (perhaps even thinking of how you use yours with your wife - her mom), and thus cause embarrasment. We need to remember that, as nudists, WE are the minority here. Many consider what we do to be exhibitionistic, and as such we need to be sensitive to how our decisions affect those close to us. Do you have the option to be nude when the 12 year old is not home? Either way, you need to communicate with your daughter on the topic in a manner which is respectful of her feelings.

[Rabid_Clam]

KetchumMaine offered the best comments on this so far. You are gold for bending to the excess of your 12 year old. You make her life more comfortable and that is what a relationship is, a giving thing and you give that to her. Good!

OVer all you are doing things correctly for the benefit of the family structure and well being. Good job !

[Nudony]

This happens all the time. I was at a social gathering some time ago, when I met a man who shared his nostalgia upon seeing my daughter being so comfortable nude around everyone. He told me that "once upon a time" his own daughter used to be the same way. But at 13, she had renounced nudism, and he was baffled by it. Seemingly overnight, she had gone from jumping at the opportunity to meet other nudist families and their kids, to shutting herself in her bedroom whenever he was entertaining nudist guests. This happens for a variety of reasons too long to list; the most common one being puberty. All of the sudden there is body shame, and an emotional response to seeing Mom or Dad's genitals that didn't exist before.

Parents can choose to deal with it two different ways: staying the course or compromise. The latter often seems to be the "safest" course of action; it really depends on the child and/or the parent-child relationship. What sometimes also happens is that the child will quit nudism during puberty, then come back to it in later years (often if the mother is still practicing.) In one case that was once posted, a man shared that his daughter, after several years of wanting nothing to do with nudism, reluctantly came out to the pool while he was sunbathing to ask him an important question; this turned into a lengthy discussion, and she soon realized that she was no longer troubled by her father's nudity. She then simply asked if he minded her joining him, and simply disrobed before resuming their debate. This happened in just one day, after years of avoiding her nude father. She then resumed going to the resort and beach with her parents. You never can tell.

[richinud]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Macanude:
Take a swing at this one.
We have daughters who are now 18 and 12. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
My wife is 45 and is prepared to be naked with me at a nudist club nearby but nowhere else.
My eldest daughter is 16 and has never entertained the idea of being naked, anywhere, and probably never will.
My youngest daughter is 13 and has played naked outdoor chess with me at our local club.
I like to hike naked in the woods/mountains nearby, usually alone.

Life ain't perfect, you can do what you can to bring things into a better alignment sometimes, but you can't make that horse drink water, if it doesn't want to.

Rich.

[MJ_KC]

What is being missed in some of the comments is that she is OK around the pool, but not OK in the house. If she wasn't comfortable with nudity in both locations, it would make more sense.

[nudeM]

I understand MJ_KC, I too am guilty of getting off subject. I swim nude all the time, but never when there are other kids around, just our immediate family members, who are still living here. They are used to seeing me naked, but when the friends are over, then I cover up or our daughter and her boyfriend. He seems like a very nice guy, so I don't want to chase him off.

[shãybare]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/cool4.gif
My kids and their friends were always cool with me being naked in my own home and they would go nude on occasion. My wife would not go nude but had no problems with me and my nude friends.

Every situation is different but communication is always the key, especially during their teen years when they are so susceptible to learning. Teens always want the truth about a subject. It seems at times they know it all and it is their way or nothing but continuing with truthful statements does sink in.

Taking a stance about the goodness of nudism and being truthful about what you tell them is what I suggest.

Of course I could be wrong.

[WNYjoe17]

It sounds like the 18 year old went through puberty without developing an issue, but the 12 year old is different.
I understand the daughter's perspective, as well as the mother's. But here is the other half

When and how often should we modify our behavior because of someone else, and when is it appropriate to try to educate someone and not be worried about offending them, at the expense of our ideas?

And that concept applies to all elements of life. Not just nudism.

Joe

[Lilwilly]

Macanude, I would love to be in your position. I can only be nude in the house, not by the pool (unless my wife is away) and never when the kids are around.

[nudenwv]

almost the same situation here. my daughter (26) chooses not to see me nude. she knows of my nudity and my wife and i go to resrots. my wife is non nudist too. i feel and had the advice of other to make it as comfortable for them as they do for me. i'm nude only when daughter is not home. don't want to ruin a good relationship.

[KetchumMaine]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by WNYjoe17:
It sounds like the 18 year old went through puberty without developing an issue, but the 12 year old is different.
I understand the daughter's perspective, as well as the mother's. But here is the other half

When and how often should we modify our behavior because of someone else, and when is it appropriate to try to educate someone and not be worried about offending them, at the expense of our ideas?

And that concept applies to all elements of life. Not just nudism.

Joe </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joe,
When it involves children. Perhaps talking/educating is the solution, but if that doesn't work, it is your duty as a parent to modify your behavior, within reason, to help them feel safe and comfortable. The goal is not to create anxiety in a child. If a child is anxious in their home, a place were they should feel most comfortable, they may develop physical and psychological problems. It is not the exposure to genitals, specifically, which causes the problem, but rather their perception of comfort, which affects their feelings of being safe in their home. Such feelings may cause short term physical illness as a response to the anxiety, or even long term psychological effects such as an obscession with never being nude, dislike for parents or social dissociation.

So, my vote is for trying education, but not closing the door to modifying your personal behavior.

[KetchumMaine]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by KetchumMaine:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by MJ_KC:
What is being missed in some of the comments is that she is OK around the pool, but not OK in the house. If she wasn't comfortable with nudity in both locations, it would make more sense. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

D'oh!! You are right, I forgot that. We can only speculate why this is the case. Perhaps Macanude can delve into this when he has a talk with his daughter. But here is a possibility. Perhaps she feels okay with it in the pool because it is a different situation. In the pool, she can avoid being close or looking at him. In the home he could show up at any time. Presumably the pool is an open space, and dad is not likely to catch her off guard. Another thought is that perhaps she considers the home to be her safe zone, but not the yard. The outer walls of the home would be like the walls of the womb, and therefore be her protection "boundary". Although, unlike the womb, the water is in the pool not the house http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif.

Some people have also missed the point by stating that their children are comfortable with being nude around the house. The issue, as I read it, was the child's discomfort with DAD being nude around the house. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

[Macanude]

I agree 100% that the pool is an entirely different situation than in the house. When one thinks of how little most girls wear at the pool, true nudity is only a twitch or a bad dive away.
Inside the house is usually much closer quarters, unless you are Bill Gates, and nudity is not nearly as natural, nor as easily accepted, in most families.
Besides, if you have ever taken a teenage daughter to the mall, they absolutely love clothes.

[tinner666]

http://oakhurstonline.com/icon/happy.gif Without getting into it, I went the comprimise route, if I was in the mood for it. The daughter preferred me clothed, but didn't fuss if I wasn't. Wife fussed if daughter was around sometimes, not others. Go figure.