leaving your spouse behind

[nudenwv]

[nudenwv]

with many of our reluctant spouses who wish not to join in social nude visits which would you do:

[carbuff]

Goodquestion Keith , according to the poll we have the right mindset.

The "right mindsest" is not spelled out anywhere that I can see. How did you come up with that?

Is there only one right answer for everyone?

[nakednudists]

I think that if you hide where your going and your spouse finds out, they will be very upset. I think honesty and communication is the key to a successful marriage or relationship. Without those two, you have nothing.

[missouriboy]

I voted "go with permission" though it didn't happen exactly that way. We were at a textile beach together when we "heard" there was a nude section about a mile away. I said I was going to check it out, and WENT. I didn't get approval OR denial, but I didn't use any deception, either.

An hour or so later, she came to check up on me, stopped at the edge, and wouldn't come in any further. I saw her, went over and talked with her, then she returned alone. I returned later and all was well; she was just concerned for my well-being.

She did accompany me later that year, but wouldn't disrobe. The following summer, she finally joined me, just topless at first, then nude. I had never expected her to, and didn't ask her to; she did it on her own.

[usuallylurk]

Good question.

This comes up quite often.

Depends on the reluctant partner's outlook and personal feelings.

Some try to equate social nudism with a trip to a football game or a day out fishing. But, realistically, social nudism offers a PERCEIVED form of intimacy that a non-participating spouse would rather not have her/his (usually it's HER) partner share with strangers.

In plain English - if a wife doesn't feel comfortable about a husband going to the nudist park or club or gathering, and doesn't like it -- then maybe he shouldn't go. I know, some will view this as nudist heresy. I really don't care if they do. The reason is that I respect the institution of marriage more than social nudism.

Around a week ago, someone posted a club's official policy and explanation on someone visiting without the spouse- and the response was - paraphrasing here - no, because we want to bring people together. Someone quoted this and made a comment about - does a bartender ask if your wife is with you before he sells you a drink?

Which led me to say - a bar provides a respite from the rigors of every day life. A nudist park does the same thing, but obviously in a different manner. However ... most taverns willingly and openly afford an opportunity to escape from the family -- from the wife -- for one evening, or EVERY evening.

On the other hand, most nudist parks do not wish to serve as an escape from the wife or family. An escape WITH the wife and family, yes, but not an escape FROM it. If you're trying to get away from your wife and probably your kids, go to the bar. Go to a football game. Go fishing.

And do not come to our nudist park for such an escape. That message is often misunderstood by those married individuals with non-participating spouses. We used to use the term "married singles". Other options -

- go home, find a common ground - a hobby, another pastime with the spouse that both of you can enjoy together.

- discuss the reasons why she (it's almost always "she") won't come along. The reasons are often scoffed at by some in the nudist world. But to the reluctant person, they are legitimate. And do not kid yourself into thinking "my wife has no problem with my going" when in fact she may be saying so out of fear of your reaction, or fear of family disruption.

- find a place that WILL admit those with reluctant spouses -- however, do not be surprised if a large number of individuals at such a club are men in a similar predicament; also - do not be too surprised if the club's couples and umarried singles do not accept you into their social circles.

[Nudeinbama]

I am, for the most part honest and loyal to my spouse and would and will ask for permission,or better words, acceptance of going to a public nude outting, but I know at this point she wants no part of it and does'nt want me doing so either, so I've left that alone for awhile, but I still get out to private places to be nude, usually without her knowing of it. She does, even have a problem with that, but I'm only allowing myself to be limited so far.
nudeinbama

[Dakotawalker]

I always involve my wife's opinion or approval with my nudist activities, no matter if it is skinnydipping or a nude hike for the day. I always invite her along, it is her choice to do as she wishes. She almost aways wants to come along on nude hikes and the past two times skinny dipping. She admits to enjoying seeing mme nude and she admits to really enjoying skinnydipping. Nude hiking? We're working on that one. She will hike topless, if she is assured that it is perfectly safe. But, I always involve her and her opinion. She appreciates that, knowing that her opinion and thoughts mean something to me, and that her word counts!
DakotaWalker

[nudenwv]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakednudists:
I think that if you hide where your going and your spouse finds out, they will be very upset. I think honesty and communication is the key to a successful marriage or relationship. Without those two, you have nothing. </div></BLOCKQUOTE> right on! you said it all. my spouse always knows when i'm going and where i'm going. she is always welcomed to join me.

[usuallylurk]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by keith bricker:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by nakednudists:
I think that if you hide where your going and your spouse finds out, they will be very upset. I think honesty and communication is the key to a successful marriage or relationship. Without those two, you have nothing. </div></BLOCKQUOTE> right on! you said it all. my spouse always knows when i'm going and where i'm going. she is always welcomed to join me. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Which is good - provided that both of you are honest about the fact that she doesn't mind your activities.

One midwestern nude activist disappeared from the scene, after several years' involvement in nudism without his wife -- when he his club asked her to sign a spousal consent form. She didn't mind turning her back on it, but when she had the opportunity to get him out of it, she did so by refusing to sign off.

Many guys who tell me "my wife doesn't mind" end up going ballistic when you propose an invitation to a non-nude get together.

And I have observed - on mulitple occasions - situations in which a wife and husband come out to a camp - rent a cottage or a camp site, and the wife hides while hubby is out socializing.

There was a particularly ugly scene at our camp four years ago where the husband was out on the beach with the kids, and socialized, etc., but the wife was not just aloof - but nearly hostile to anyone who tried to converse with her on the few occasions that she did emerge from the cabin. It was obvious that she didn't want to be there and had only gone to, hopefully, "let him get this foolish thing out of his system."

So HONESTY and COMMUNICATION are the major keys....

[Nudony]

Interesting question indeed. Two years ago, my wife expressed her desire to quit nudism, at least temporarily, due to growing discontent with herself and the state of out marriage. It's one thing to have a reluctant spouse from the "get-go"; it's another to have your spouse actually embrace nudism, only to turn around and renounce it after four years. So for the past two years, I have been going on yearly out-of-state trips, with her permission and approval. However, for me, sporadic lengthy trips are a far cry from the bi-or tri-monthly visits with friends or resorts I had grown very fond of.
But I am a patient man, and am allowing my wife time to think about herself, our marriage, and my passion for nudism, which is not going anywhere. But as I am dissatisfied with the sitaution, we're eventually (and very soon) going to have to sit down and figure out a solution that suits the both of us best; if no solution is found, then we're going to have a problem and will deal with it as it arises.

There's a difference between the "anti-nudity" spouse and the "reluctant" spouse. If one's spouse is adverse to being socially nude or considers social nudity unhealthy, going to a resort or gatherings anyway is going to often be a slow (or fast) road to bitterness; he/she may "sign the waiver" or tell you to do as you please; but he/she is probably not going to feel too good about it. And this often leads to frustration and even anger. Not a good place to be...
A reluctant spouse, on the other hand, may have a different perspective; especially if he/she understands the benefits of social nudity and the spouse's motivation to participate, but is not motivated to participate him/herself. If that's the case, go for it; but always discuss with him/her in detail, explaining how the day went, what you liked about it, etc... Communication here is essential, so that your spouse doesn't feel like you're living a double life.

[FireProf]

I voted like the majority, only because that's what I would most likely do. Nudism is so much a part of who I am that I couldn't give it up completely, I'd still have to participate in social nudism somehow.

I too was faced with a reluctant wife in the beginning. Reluctant with social nudism not nudism altogether. She was very willing to be nude at home, backyard, swimming pool, sunning, etc. within the security and privacy of our four walls and fence line. Social nudism was difficult for the Prof but she has gotten quite comfortable with it and enjoys it very much now.

It's important to be honest and tell them where you're going as it is also very important to continue to tell the reluctant partner that it's not the same without them and you hope they'll change their minds so you can enjoy nudism and each other in this venue.

Good luck Keith! http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

[Ben_m]

While I realize the issues involved (perhaps too well) and I do strongly believe in trying to be understanding and sensitive to the issue, I'm not a big fan of the idea of needing one's spouses's "permission" to do things, as a very generalized rule. I also think honesty is a good plan. Frankly I'm not sure I really have my wife's "permission". She knows, she deals with it, but she doesn't like it. But, it's simply too big of a part of me and too important to me to simply walk away from (and she also knows that). I really think attempting that would cause even bigger issues. In fact, I'm pretty sure I think this from experience.

[FireProf]

Maybe the word "permission" is the wrong word. I can understand what you're saying but I think what you said about being honest and your wife acknowledging that, is what some of us are actually trying to say.

If you come to an agreement that nudism is that important to you and you want to do it with her or without her, as long as she acknowledges that then it, nudism, shouldn't be an issue if you've agreed on it.

Make sense?? http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[Ben_m]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Make sense?? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>Uh huh http://clothesfreeforums.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[usuallylurk]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Nudony:

There's a difference between the "anti-nudity" spouse and the "reluctant" spouse. If one's spouse is adverse to being socially nude or considers social nudity unhealthy, going to a resort or gatherings anyway is going to often be a slow (or fast) road to bitterness; he/she may "sign the waiver" or tell you to do as you please; but he/she is probably not going to feel too good about it. And this often leads to frustration and even anger. Not a good place to be...
A reluctant spouse, on the other hand, may have a different perspective; especially if he/she understands the benefits of social nudity and the spouse's motivation to participate, but is not motivated to participate him/herself. If that's the case, go for it; but always discuss with him/her in detail, explaining how the day went, what you liked about it, etc... Communication here is essential, so that your spouse doesn't feel like you're living a double life. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know three men whose wives decided to stop going after a number of years!

But I do like your analysis of anti-nudity vs. reluctance.... very good - I never put it that clearly or thought about it in those terms.

[fre2bnude]

Like a lot of others my wife has no interest in naturism but accepts me around our property without clothes, so I suppose she comes under the heading of reluctant spouse. I've not had the opportunity to go social yet though I've been a private naturist for a few years, but I'd like to do so and when I do end up on a naturist beach I'm pretty sure that she will accompany me though I'm also sure she won't take off any clothes. If I ever do go on my own she will be in agreement and know full where I'm going.

fre2b

[P.J.]

Interesting question and a great subject for a poll.

The responses were intersting.

I have a non-nudist wife, so there are plenty of activities which we do not engage in together along with interests which we do not share.

However, we do trust one another, and I'm free to do what I want (within reason, of course!).

Since I do not engage in any activities which are illegal, amoral nor dangerous, I do not need get permission nor do I worry about getting caught with my pants down at any nudist venues.

Once when my wife noticed that I was badly sunburned in areas which those of the textile community normally keep covered, I simply told her that I went to a nudist resort.

Without causing a domestic blowout to erupt, I told her about a quiet afternoon which I spent with some very normal people who happen to be nudists.

I think that if our reluctant spouses knew that nudist activities did not consist of out-in-the-open sexual activities nor wild orgies, and if more marriages involved mutual trust, then the matter of "leaving your spouse behind" would not be such a problem.

Sure, it would be nice if our interests were more in common, but we respect and can live with our differences. We won't drag each other into activities that other does not want to engage in.

I also indulge in art and play a variety of musical instruments. These are also pasttimes which I engage in alone.

[NEW HAMPSHIRE NUDIST]

I would go with or without her permisson. Just another place to be nude, I have a busy schedule and my naked time is important

[David77]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Ben_m:
While I realize the issues involved (perhaps too well) and I do strongly believe in trying to be understanding and sensitive to the issue, I'm not a big fan of the idea of needing one's spouses's "permission" to do things, as a very generalized rule. I also think honesty is a good plan. Frankly I'm not sure I really have my wife's "permission". She knows, she deals with it, but she doesn't like it. But, it's simply too big of a part of me and too important to me to simply walk away from (and she also knows that). I really think attempting that would cause even bigger issues. In fact, I'm pretty sure I think this from experience. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I very much agree with you, Ben_m.

[puffledud]

I always tell my wife where I'm going and ask if she'd like to come also. Then it is up to her to decide what she wants to do. Honesty and openness are two essential ingredients to a happy marriage.

Cheers,

Dave