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  • Single (or solo) male acceptance at nudist resorts

    Interesting observation...

    As a married nudist, I visit my local nudist resort perhaps 5 or 6 times a year solo. As a member of AANR, my admittance is guaranteed. Because I visit so infrequently, I am most often rather pale. I have found that my presence at the resort is marginally friendly. Few people generating conversation or responding to a friendly hello. I felt like the outsider and somewhat isolated.

    This year, I spent about an hour each day in my back yard at home tanning prior to my first summer visit. The reaction was totally different. Even though I was there as a male solo, I was instantly viewed as "one of their own" and was instantly accepted. I was drawn into various conversations in the pool, at the snack bar and even relaxing in the lounger by the pool. Smiles from nearly everyone as well.

  • #2
    Curious ... did you start the conversations or did they?

    Since we are always naked at home, frequently visit our club, other clubs and resorts and occasionally visit our nude beach, I am always tan. The "tan" is also part of my heritage, being of native North American Indian, Hispanic and European decent. I say this because ... even though I am tan all over and keep my tan, I've found that unless "I" start the conversations, the hello's, the simple greetings ... I, did, also get the "single male" cold shoulder. That was a several years ago and then my wife was able to visit more often and we became recognizable as a couple and not just me as a single male.

    I guess I'm just wondering if the "tan" really has anything to do with it or is it the "friendlier" person make that first move towards communication.

    Comment


    • garbo
      garbo commented
      Editing a comment
      I am generally a friendly and outgoing person. I have no trouble saying hello to people I don't know. Nudists are generally very friendly by nature. During my "pale" visits, people rarely say hi and I would get a cordial and brief hello back or sometimes a rude non-reply at all!

      Going tan made all the difference. More conversations were started by others to me than vice versa. While doing my normal 2.5 mile walk around the resort at the start of my last visit, everyone I passed said hi. One woman stopped and chatted. She asked if I lived in the resort?

      Yes, there are some who are cautious around single (or solo) males. The perception is negative... we disrupt the male/female balance and other misconceptions. Even tan, there are those who look away or give the cold shoulder. From my perspective, the tan says.. this guy is OK. He is one of us. He embraces the nudist lifestyle.

  • #3
    Since my wife wants no part of it, I attend a club in the area solo once or twice a year. They are very friendly at the desk, but it pretty much ends there. I have noted there is rarely anyone under age 50 and they are very cliquey as well. Someone posted a comment with the same observation on Yelp and it was a female.

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    • #4
      I don't buy into the "nudists are the friendliest people" adage. Friendly people are friendly people ... taking ones clothes off doesn't make a non friendly person automatically friendly. I will agree that someone visiting a club or resort and having an all over tan can give someone the impression that "this guy's okay" but I've seen and met lots of tan guys that were far from being okay, in that, they were very unfriendly, rude and disrespectful ... all within a nude environment.

      The all over tan gives others the perception that that person is a nudist and sunbathes nude or visits nudist places regularly but ... I still think it takes being friendly and others being friendly to be friendly to one another and that a simple tan is not an automatic acceptance by ALL nudists. You said it yourself, "~~Even tan, there are those who look away or give the cold shoulder." That should tell you that friendly people are friendly and generally speaking ... well ... who knows!
      Last edited by FireProf; 02-05-2017, 07:23 AM.

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      • #5

        Originally posted by dakref View Post
        Since my wife wants no part of it, I attend a club in the area solo once or twice a year. They are very friendly at the desk, but it pretty much ends there. I have noted there is rarely anyone under age 50 and they are very cliquey as well. Someone posted a comment with the same observation on Yelp and it was a female.


        They try and put the friendliest people at the front desk, check in desk, front office. There's where you want a good first impression. They can't control the members, guests or residents and make them be more friendly and welcoming to new visitors. Our club is no different; very cliquey but ... it's changed since we've been able to visit more often. I don't think nude clubs and resorts are any different than any clothed venue. As I stated above, taking off ones clothes doesn't make some one more friendly or welcoming. Those people who are, are inherently friendly and welcoming.


        We don't want to take this topic ... off topic but nudism/naturism is mostly a older generation lifestyle. These people have reached an age where they don't care what people think about what they do or how they live. They have lived most of their lives for some one else; family, work, acquaintances and get to a point where they decide ... " I'm doing something for me!" The biggest problem we veteran nudists have is acceptance from the younger crowd. The younger people didn't see us or know us when we were their age, didn't see how fit and active we were ... only that now we are overweight and inactive and only sit on lounges and read or sunbath or eat and drink ... we did all that running around stuff and we did the days, weeks, hours on end at the gym and our stamina, our enthusiasm and bodies wore out! It certainly doesn't mean we won't play volleyball, tennis, go for walks, hikes, ride a bike ... but we're not going to make ourselves ache for weeks just because someone wants us to be more active. The active veteran generation will be as active as they'd like. Acceptance truly goes both ways!

        I think to be accepted and befriended ... you'll have to visit a club or resort more than once or twice a year. Maybe you can't but the nudists at the clubs are no different than the nudists here ... ya gotta get involved, be involved and be willing to share a bit more about yourself before anyone's going to be friendly toward you.

        Comment


        • garbo
          garbo commented
          Editing a comment
          I agree with the "getting involved" statement. No different than with any group.

          The resort I go to has guests of all ages, but it seems as if the majority are in their 60s (like me). The theme weekends bring in lots of younger people which is great. The resort is also very active. Always people on the tennis court, sailing, water sports (pool and lake), volleyball etc as well as lounging around the pools. This activity seems to bring people together and become more social.. even for solos! I was involved in a ping pong tournament a few months ago. At least 20 people participated.. and the best part, it was inside and nicely air conditioned. After the tournament, the resort treated us to soft drinks, fruit cups and water for all. Perhaps this explains why it appears that our nudists MAY be friendlier than the ones you know??

          There will always be those nudists who choose not to be social. I see a sizeable group of residents who pretty much stick to themselves and do not socialize with the short term guests or day visitors. I understand this. Many day visitors also stick to themselves for their own personal reasons.

          I cant speak for anyone else but I am fortunate to have a resort close by that provides fun activities that encourage participation and socialization and has all the amenities that I enjoy. As I said earlier, it seems that when I go with my all-over tan, that alone opens lines of communication for me. I guess I am fortunate that way.

          My only regret is that my wife has absolutely no interest. That makes me sad.

      • #6
        As far as the "single male syndrome", I briefly and memorably got a glimpse of it some years ago at CC (an otherwise excellent resort btw.)
        It was our first time at CC, some friends had taken us there; we'd all checked-in nude. Our friends wanted to give my then-wife a nude tour of the resort; I decided to pass and go find us some seating by the pool area. I took our bags and proceeded to pick a spot among other nudists by the pool. As I sat and proceeded to acknowledge the people around me, the responses were disdain or disinterest. Much to my perplexity. I thought: "Wow...so much for acceptance!"
        Nonetheless, I sat there, pretty uncomfortable. And then my family and friends arrived some moments later. I felt a relief that I was no longer going to sit there by myself feeling lonely. What happened next completely baffled me. The same people who had expressed disdain or disinterest at my presence were now showing great interest in us. People would stop by, talk to us; a few people even came and sat right next to us! It went from me sitting by myself being ignored, to a small crowd of people surrounded and socializing with us. It took two nude women and a child sitting besides me for me to finally be acknowledged?!
        That event left me with a bad taste in my mouth; so much so that to this day I refuse to go to the resort by myself.


        Originally posted by FireProf View Post
        I think to be accepted and befriended ... you'll have to visit a club or resort more than once or twice a year. Maybe you can't but the nudists at the clubs are no different than the nudists here ... ya gotta get involved, be involved and be willing to share a bit more about yourself before anyone's going to be friendly toward you.
        I once met a single male nudist at BA, who had beat the odds so to speak. In spite of his single male status, he was very well liked and appreciated by the nudists there. He talked with everyone, and was even friends with some of the teens there. I found that very out of the ordinary. After I spoke to him, I found out that this had not happened overnight. He came just about every week end. He had an outgoing nature, and involved himself in all of the activities, even creating some on his own. Little by little he had gained the trust of many of the members.
        I think that if you're a single male nudist, that's the approach you have to take. Being present; not once or twice a year, but most of the time. That takes a great commitment. And then you have to be an outgoing, friendly person that is going to get people's interest and trust. That takes a high self-esteem and outgoing nature. If you don't have both (and I don't), it's going to be that much more difficult not being shunned by the resort community.

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        • #7
          Garbo ...

          I think you're still trying to argue the fact that ALL, most, "your" nudists are friendly and "mine" are not? " ~~Perhaps this explains why it appears that our nudists MAY be friendlier than the ones you know??"

          Problem is ... these types of nudists, that are at EVERY club, don't want people to get to know them ... so how could I know them?

          That's not what I was getting at, at all. What I'm saying is that friendly people are friendly people, it doesn't matter if you're a nudist or not. Being a nudist does NOT automatically make you a friendly person.

          You said it yourself ..."~~There will always be those nudists who choose not to be social. I see a sizeable group of residents who pretty much stick to themselves and do not socialize with the short term guests or day visitors. I understand this. Many day visitors also stick to themselves for their own personal reasons." This is exactly what I'm getting at. Even at your club, there are nudists that are not social or friendly towards new people. That's a given. It's not a good idea and I think many nudists say that "nudists are the friendliest people", instead, we should say ... "you'll find friendly people that are also nudists."

          Our club is no different than yours. We have lots of friendly people but we do have a large group that keep to themselves, aren't friendly toward others and certainly not toward new people ... just like your club.

          Comment


          • #8
            hey FireProf... I am re-thinking this whole discussion. I think you are right.. friendly people are friendly and those who are not, are not. And... lifestyle nudists seem to not socialize with singles or solos (at least males). I do not know who it works with single or solo women.

            I tried to think "why" it seemed that many nudists were friendlier to me the last few visits than in the past. I am certainly not there enough to really know anyone so renewing a friendship is not the answer. I thought that being tan put me one step ahead of the pale guests. Instant acceptance because I was one of them! Maybe that wasn't it either. Maybe.. it was simple coincidence? I generally visit on theme weekends where it is busier and a greater variety of people; from lifestylers to newbees. Maybe the pale newbees don't know that they shouldn't be talking to singles or solos yet? Maybe, by coincidence, the people there on those specific days were (by mere chance) just nicer for no apparent reason?

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            • #9
              ...and here is another situation that got me thinking; we visited a well known nude beach resort in the Caribbean, each June. The vast majority of the naked people on the beach ... teachers, education administrators (one teachers) and people in education (teachers aides, secretaries, clerks ...) . Are all people in education nudists? Are all people in education friendly and open minded enough to be nudists? Are all people in education fun loving, like to party and love being naked? Not sure but of over 300 naked people on that beach and even some that were visiting off the cruise ships, the majority ... teachers and people in education. Hard telling what brings those people in that profession to nude beaches and become nudists.

              My thoughts ... teaching is stressful. Nudism is definitely a way to de-stress ... makes sense to me! LOL

              We recently attended a party at our daughter's home. 98% of those invited and attending were teachers/ education administrators, teachers aides ... educational staff personal. There was some pretty lively conversations going on from simple nudity, skinny dipping, grooming habits and many of them cornering my wife and I, in the kitchen, to ask lots of questions about our nude lifestyle. Many of them admitting that they enjoy naked hot tubing, skinny dipping and the occasional naked time at home ... but regrettably ... not around their kids. Now ... not all 98% of these educators were on board with being naked or even talking about nudity but a good portion were and that got me to thinking that, along with all those people we've met and talked to over the 10 years of visiting that nude beach in the Caribbean ... are all teachers nudists? I think it takes someone that is fun loving, friendly, open minded and has a love for other people, including kids ... become teachers. That coupled with the high stress of teaching ... they find ways to de-stress and getting naked, visiting naked places, making friends with other naked people ... helps them to cope with a very demanding and stressful job.

              I didn't get that from everyone at the party or from those at the beach resort but ... in some way or another ... they hinted at that in some fashion and the only thing that made it tougher for them is that they added a bit more stress onto themselves because that part of their life ... had to remain secret because of their positions and careers. I think we're all pretty happy that we meet some nice friendly people in nudism ... no matter what the reason is.

              Comment


              • Naturist Mark
                Naturist Mark commented
                Editing a comment
                I think a big factor is that most public school employees are members of a strong union - which won't allow them to be fired for a lawful leisure activity. I know quite a few educators in nudism, including a recent regional AANR president. I also happen to know quite a few firefighters - also members of a strong public employee union.

                As for the friendliness of nudists - I think that is definitely true. Now I agree that there are all sorts, but still, I've been in a lot of (non nudist) campground 'resorts', and even as a single male I've found strangers at nudist resorts much more likely to be friendly and engaging than strangers at a regular campground. Still ... even though I'm a single male, I'm seldom all by myself - I'm either with a group from a travel club, or with the group of friends I've made at the resort. Perhaps single guys that are part of a group are not looked upon with as much suspicion?

            • #10
              "~~Perhaps single guys that are part of a group are not looked upon with as much suspicion? "


              I definitely believe this to be true. In a group of naturists with couples, single females and single males ... I think that situation gives the single guy some status and some "certification" that he's been checked out and allowed into the group, which makes him ... acceptable. I don't necessarily think that's right but I'd be willing to bet that the vast majority of nudist females and couples, see it that way.

              With regards to teachers and firefighters belonging to a strong union and having that clout behind them and their lawful leisure activities ... that could be true but I'm still thinking that this lifestyle attracts fun and friendly people and that's what gives the impression that "nudists are the friendliest people". Maybe I'm wrong but ... I'm not sure that stripping ones clothes off automatically makes them friendly.

              Comment


              • #11
                Or worse, at some resorts they refer the single males as COG's! (Creepy Old Guys)

                Comment


                • #12
                  Originally posted by Nude_Eric View Post
                  Or worse, at some resorts they refer the single males as COG's! (Creepy Old Guys)
                  I've steered clear of this topic thus far. The only term I've heard along these lines is "LGs" = lonely guys.

                  But nudism offers social interaction -- in fact, in social nudism - it is EXPECTED. Those single men that can socially interact have no problems, in due time. Those that can't don't get into the scene very well...

                  When this board was in its heyday *** let's get real, it's got a long way to go to get back to the way it was***, often we'd see posts "I would like to go but I need someone to help me out." And I always advised = this is where the rubber hits the road. If you're alone, come on out and socialize. But you have to be able to socialize to get along in our world. I did get blunt -- if you are a single man, and cannot socialize in a group - do you belong in the world of social nudism?

                  About the married man who can't gain entrance because their wives won't go -- yes, I have seen disgruntled spouses cause problems. The people in some nudist environments don't care, but in others - particularly cooperatively owned clubs, as I said time and time again - they SOCIALLY do not wish to serve as a refuge from your wife and family.

                  That's the answer in a nutshell. I have seen people formulate analogies about joining a model railroad club or going to a bar -- they don't need their wives' permission, etc. but nudism is decidedly different -- particularly mixed-sex nudism - I need not rehash all the social and emotional implications - but it is different. A reluctant wife usually won't object to a guy going to a model railroad club, and may even accompany him if she has no interest. But nudism is different... and you all know that. It's bad news for us in the nudist community -- as we realize that our numbers are declining.

                  All-male nudism would probably not survive, and we can't get women into it.... figure a way and let AANR and TNS know.
                  Last edited by usuallylurk; 10-07-2014, 06:54 PM. Reason: separate paragraphs.

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                  • #13
                    I've only seen the term COG's =Creepy Old Guys, used on CFI's spin off site ... NudistClubhouse. I've never heard anyone at any of the many clubs and resorts we've visited, use that term or refer to single guys of any age, as a Creepy Old Guy. The term, as I've seen it typed, COG was penned by a young female member of the site because she no sooner joined the site and had dozens ... not several, but dozens of men much, much older than she, asking for friendship, for video cam chat in the nude, to exchange pictures ... something that could easily be taken care of by Admin/Owners of sites by getting rid of these guys and doing all they can to ensure these types don't get on or stay on, long.

                    I think if we want to get real ... we also have to be honest. Single guys at clubs and resorts can visit all they want... IF the club or resort they want to visit allows them entrance. Not all clubs and resorts allow single males, all the time. They can make the decision and go with nothing holding them back except club/resort policies, distance, anxiety ... Guys with a reluctant wife/significant other... they've got bigger issues to deal with than trying to go to a nudist club alone. NOW ... once they are there, they've made it in and they are finally in the club/resort ... it's not over. For every so called "accepting" group ... there are twice as many "non accepting" groups at clubs and resorts. Let's get real ... not ALL nudists are friendly and accepting. Dropping your clothes at the gate, at your car, in your RV, in your room, doesn't make you any more accepting, friendly towards others. Friendly people are friendly and not all nudists are friendly or accepting. Most times ... the single nudist male's only outlet is ... internet nudism. The wife won't do it, they can't/are not allowed to do it at home, clubs won't allow them in, if the club will allow them entrance, they are probably 3 states away. For some of these guys ... this is all they got and telling them to just get up and go is much easier said than done, for the guy that doesn't live in their barefeet.

                    This lifestyle brings lots of things and has done great things for many people but this lifestyle is still full of regular people from the outside. If you have prejudices, concerns, fears, dislikes ... you bring those with you. If acceptance of single males without hesitation was the case ... we'd never hear single guys complain that they were not accepted. Tell me any club, resort or group of nudist friends within these clubs and resorts that doesn't allow single males "without speculation, reservation or caution." It's real, it happens and it happens every day at every resort ... where these accepting and friendly people go to enjoy being nude. By the time these clubs, resorts and groups finally do get around to accepting the single guy ... he's grown tired and disillusioned by nude clubs/resorts, nudists and nudism.

                    AANR and TNS have bigger problems to deal with than to listen to single nudist men complain about non acceptance or entrance. All these clubs and resorts are privately owned and AANR and TNS don't have any rights to go in and tell them to make changes to their policies. AANR has been alerted many, many times of certain clubs and resorts practices and still these clubs and resorts hold onto the coveted "AANR Affiliation." It takes ALL of us to get in AANR's face about this practice of single male exclusion ... not just the single male. If we all think the single male is getting a raw deal, then we need to step it up and get behind these people.

                    For the record; this isn't just about the single guy, although ... single women don't have this problem all the time, like the single male, but they are also not allowed when their husband will not attend. I was one of those guys that was concerned about all the single guys at our club and there being only 2 or 3 women, my wife being one of them, sitting around the pool. I was concerned and was skeptical of the single guy until our club refused to allow entry to our daughter. A woman who was raised a nudist, left and revisited later in life, visited a nude resort we frequent and was not only willing but adamant about joining AANR and the club ... still denied entry until her "not willing to participate" husband came with her and toured naked. After that incident, my tune changed with ALL single people. Their actions speak louder than their marital status.

                    If single males are to gain acceptance and see change ... we all have to be accepting and change our views of these people. They can't do it alone. If we really think they are getting a raw deal, than it takes all of us to stand up and say something about it because nothing speaks louder to clubs, resorts and the org's than married nudist organization members! Figuring out a way and tell AANR and TNS ... the both know what to do. TNS has always been much more accepting of everyone and anyone. AANR is where the problem lies because they are primarily a club/resort organization and with their declining member numbers, clubs and resorts letting their affiliations go for the swinger dollar ... I don't think telling AANR, as a single male, what needs to be done to have clubs and resorts change their policies on single males ... is a top priority on their "take care of it," list.

                    For an example of ALL of this ... just go into your recent copy of the AANR Bulletin. Read the Executive Directors message, then go over to the "from the mailbag" section and read the letter to the editor and the response from the Executive Director. Then go back and re read the Ex Dir's message ... see ANYTHING on his priority list of "moving the organization forward in a meaningful fashion," that deals with clubs and resorts and their single males and other discriminated against groups?

                    Last edited by FireProf; 10-05-2014, 08:30 AM.

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                    • #14
                      Interesting observation.. and re-evaluation of prior statements!

                      I visited my club Saturday for a full day of concerts and entertainment for breast cancer awareness. This annual event is hugely popular and the club was packed well before noon. I met a friend there and enjoyed the day.

                      My friend left Saturday afternoon but I stayed on. Just like before, there I was.. solo... nicely tanned and friendly as always. Although being solo seemed to be no problem socializing during my last visit, this time was different. I was able to determine that there were 3 groups there. The first were those who live at the resort. They do not socialize with the day guests. The second were what seemed to be traveling groups... mostly from the midwest who travel from other states for special events. I was sitting next to a woman who said her travel group there consisted of about 30 people. VERY limited interaction with anyone else. The third group were coupled off day guests. Very little interaction with anyone.. even themselves. Maybe 2 or 3 male solos who pretty much stayed away. Everyone would nod, give you a smile and... maybe... a hello, but no further communication.

                      I enjoyed the day alone with limited conversation with others. It occurred to me that perhaps looking like a "lifestyler".. all tan and confident, does not guarantee socialization for solos after all.

                      Comment


                      • #15
                        I don't think we can generalize. I have encountered no hostility at the few resorts I have visited, I recall at one where I immediately offered to help setting the table, etc. for the picnic, a number of people were surprised to find I was a first time visitor. And a single. OK, I have the benefits of being reasonably handsome and presentable (if I don't say so myself) and fairly trim and fit. At a nude beach one time-and I kept my trunks on-I immediately won acceptance when I played the gallant and bandaged up the foot of a young lady who had stepped on something. (A good reason why I carry a first aid kit. And rarely go barefoot.)
                        One problem is that we may be carrying the ideas of friendliness and acceptance too far. IMHO people are too indiscreet these days-cf. all the stories of people getting into trouble because of web postings-and get too familiar too quickly. I like to let acquaintances and friendships develop somewhat slowly, having found rushing in is too often like diving into a body of water without checking for obstructions. I recall a letter in one of the advice columns where a woman said she tried to make friends with her son's in-laws-and was rebuffed. The answer was that you cannot force a relationship with people and it's usually not worth trying. As someone who commuted to college I laugh at the stories I have heard from people who had roommates or floormates or whatever whom they couldn't stand. As an avid bicyclist I have encountered plenty of cyclists with whom I quickly recognized I had little in common with. And a Great Rule of Life is Don't Go Where You're Not Wanted Or Welcome. Nudist venues and milieus have their atmosphere as do clubs, fraternities, sororities, lodges, what have you. Two couples I know visited a much touted nudist resort in another state. They found the people there to be civil and little more, they're not going back.

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