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How I convinced my wife to give naturism a try

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  • How I convinced my wife to give naturism a try

    Hello everyone,

    I am a 21 year-old newly-married male. Two years ago when my wife and I were dating, I revealed to her my regular practice of home nudity and my desire to visit a nudist club. She didn't understand why anyone would want to do this at first and was very reluctant to even talk about it, but after months of discussion and thought, she agreed to give it an honest try. It turned out she really enjoyed our first visit - we went back several times that summer.

    Some things I learned during this process were:
    • Be patient. I understood quickly that this was a sudden and overwhelming piece of information for her, so I knew I had to be patient with how much I revealed at once, and how much I asked of her at once.
    • Give her control. I promised her that if she was really uncomfortable while at the club, we would get alone and talk, and leave if necessary. I think knowing she had a "way out" helped her feel more at ease.
    • Listen. Spend as much time listening to her as you do talking to her. Repeat her concerns and fears back to her in a way that lets her know you understand. Do not make fun of or downplay her feelings.
    • Clearly explain your intentions. Let her know explicitly what is is about naturism that you love, and why you would love for her to join you in it.
    • Be prepared to give it up. I told my wife two years ago, "If, after an honesty try at naturism, it's truly not something you want to do, I will give it up and never mention it again." That was huge for her I think: it let her know she was more important to me than naturism, that her feelings were more important than my desires.

    Finally, here are some "Baby Steps" to ease your partner into viewing simple nudity as fun and relaxing:
    • Spend time nude at home together. If you shower together, suggest not getting dressed right away if you have nowhere to go. Suggest a nude picnic dinner on the living room floor. If you are sexually active, look for ways to spend time nude together that don't (always) lead to sex.
    • Suggest going skinny dipping. If you have a pool or hot tub, try going nude. You can even get in clothed and undress under water. Try to keep it fun and non-sexual. You could even try doing this in a group setting with close friends. You'd be surprised how willing close friends are to trying something like this!
    • Suggest visiting a nudist club only after she is totally comfortable with simple nudity. When you get there, don't go right in the middle of the crowd. Tour the grounds, hike the nature trail if they have one. If you are a man trying to convince your female partner to join you in social nudity, take the lead by introducing yourself and her to someone you meet at a club. Act natural and wear a smile. Keep the mood light.

    If anyone would like any more advice feel free to PM me. I figure I must have done something right!

    ~S&S

  • #2
    Wise

    Congratulations. You are wise beyond your years. Lots of folks old enough to be your parents or grandparents still haven't figured this stuff out.

    I especially applaud your point "Be prepared to give it up." The necessary step to giving people freedom to say yes is to first allow them to say no and make it stick.

    Good for you.

    Comment


    • #3
      congratulations, S! and thanks for sharing this encouraging word.

      while i am not married yet, i am looking, praying, and waiting (and waiting, and waiting...). one of my concerns has been that, if my future bride were not already a naturist, that she would not only tolerate but eventually embrace naturism. you've given some great suggestions on how to help that happen.

      have you ever thought about teaching? you seem to have a gift in that area.

      Comment


      • #4
        Good post S&S and fellow West Michigander. My wifes biggest fear is running into somebody she knows. Last year was our first experience and it was at a nude beach in Toronto in which she loved it. Your post is dead on. Thanks!!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by S&S View Post
          • Be prepared to give it up. I told my wife two years ago, "If, after an honesty try at naturism, it's truly not something you want to do, I will give it up and never mention it again."

          ~S&S
          I just reread this excellent post, and found one point of disagreement that I missed the first time through.

          It's not wise to promise that a topic will never be brought up again. Whether the subject is naturism or anything else, you may find that the topic becomes more and more important to you as time goes on. Some subjects (hopefully not naturism) can become marriage breakers. What if you've promised at the beginning never to bring it up again?

          Much better to say, "After you've given naturism an honest try, if it's not for you I promise to drop it. After a while we can discuss it again, when perhaps both of us will see it differently."

          In a marriage there really shouldn't be any topic that is forever closed or off limits. Whatever either party needs to talk about should be accessible.

          Comment


          • #6
            "My wifes biggest fear is running into somebody she knows."

            That seems to be acommen concern but, when you think about it, is rather a silly one.

            Comment


            • #7
              Great post S&S. I agree it is very wise. I am also glad you stressed the idea that naturism is fun and non-sexual. We women often believe that men ALWAYS have sex as an ulterior motive. You'll get further if you show that you can do things that don't always involve sex.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by luvnaturism View Post
                Much better to say, "After you've given naturism an honest try, if it's not for you I promise to drop it. After a while we can discuss it again, when perhaps both of us will see it differently."
                This is actually what I meant to say. I agree: the lines of communication should never be closed.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by luvnaturism View Post
                  Congratulations. You are wise beyond your years. Lots of folks old enough to be your parents or grandparents still haven't figured this stuff out.

                  I especially applaud your point "Be prepared to give it up." The necessary step to giving people freedom to say yes is to first allow them to say no and make it stick. Good for you.
                  I agree! You've made some excellent points of good communication! Awesome job!

                  BUT, that said, i totally disagree with luvnaturism & that one point. "Be prepared to give it up", in my opinion, should NOT be on the table. At all! It's wrong to force someone to do something, but it's also wrong to be forced to stop doing something that you love & is a part of you!

                  If she doesn't want to do it, that's perfectly within her rights to be who she is. I wouldn't want the lines of communication to be cut off at that point, but you seem to have changed that aspect of it, so that's good. But giving naturism up? Absolutely not. It would be forcing you to change who YOU are! You are each your own person. And if you plan to stay together, you have to respect each other's choices! It's not just a one way street!

                  And down the road, after being forced to give up this part of you, i guarantee that resentment will eventually begin to creep in, however small (or large) it may be. Maybe not, if you're lucky - everyone's different - but it's a pretty high chance! Of course when you're young & in love, you probably couldn't even fathom resenting your wonderful spouse...

                  Of course, if naturism is not that important to you, and you honestly don't care if you gave it up, then by all means, use that statement. But if it truly is an important part of YOU, then I just wanted you to beware, that's all.

                  Just my opinion! Again, with the rest of the points... awesome job! :-)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Joontiki View Post
                    Of course, if naturism is not that important to you, and you honestly don't care if you gave it up, then by all means, use that statement. But if it truly is an important part of YOU, then I just wanted you to beware, that's all.
                    At that point in my life (two years ago), it was something I could just give up. But now, it's more important to me. I could still do it, and it would be hard to do, but she is more important to me.

                    I totally agree about the resentment thing. Unfortunately I've seen that quite often. I guess the best one could do in a situation where one's spouse would have nothing to do with naturism, if you can't work out a compromise, is to direct your energies into loving him or her even more and fighting HARD not to resent them over it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Remember......

                      Originally posted by wmichnudists View Post
                      Good post S&S and fellow West Michigander. My wifes biggest fear is running into somebody she knows. Last year was our first experience and it was at a nude beach in Toronto in which she loved it. Your post is dead on. Thanks!!

                      Think about it: If you run into someone you know at a nudist venue, they "should" be nude too, right? Instead of being embarrassed by this, it should be more of a bonding experience! I found a coworker that like to go nude at the beach, etc....now he and I can relate on a subject that the rest of our coworks "don't get"....it's great!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Boreas View Post
                        Great post S&S. We women often believe that men ALWAYS have sex as an ulterior motive.


                        That is very true and it is very hard for us to get past that mindset.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Boreas View Post
                          Great post S&S. I agree it is very wise. I am also glad you stressed the idea that naturism is fun and non-sexual. We women often believe that men ALWAYS have sex as an ulterior motive. You'll get further if you show that you can do things that don't always involve sex.
                          Boreas,

                          I must know a group of very different women. Yes women are raised to believe that men ALWAYS have sex as an ulterior motive. However, when a man has NO interest in sex as an ulterior motive, then the women become even more worried as they start to wonder 1) what is wrong with this man who has no interest in sex 2) what is wrong with me in that this man is not attractive enough to me to be interested in sex.

                          It is like the woman who claims that she can't meet a nice and decent man. Her history is of meeting one looser after another and yet when a nice and decent man crosses paths with her, she has no interest. Go figure!

                          You should read about wingwomen in San Diego. Men are so stressed out about meeting women to the point where they use a special 'wingwoman' service to hire women to accompany them to bars (and other places) and introduce them to women that they might be interested in meeting. Women are always suspicious of men but they do let their guard down when other women approach them. Hence why this service is such a smash hit!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Sanslines View Post
                            It is like the woman who claims that she can't meet a nice and decent man. Her history is of meeting one looser after another and yet when a nice and decent man crosses paths with her, she has no interest. Go figure!
                            Tell me about it, I'm one of those hard working honest guys that gets walked all over, I worked with a drop dead gorgeous girl who can't get a man, she dates the good looking charming rat who dumps her when she doesn't give him what he wants, but she won't look at the dependable guy who works hard, I did explain this to her, she was terribly embarrassed to admit that she is of good virtue and doesn't screw on a first date (Second, third, forth or fifth for that matter.) and couldn't understand why these guys wouldn't call her after a couple of dates. She even dated a guy that was 'separated' but didn't take her back to his place or give her his home number, now I know why but she was at a loss to understand.



                            You should read about wingwomen in San Diego. Men are so stressed out about meeting women to the point where they use a special 'wingwoman' service to hire women to accompany them to bars (and other places) and introduce them to women that they might be interested in meeting. Women are always suspicious of men but they do let their guard down when other women approach them. Hence why this service is such a smash hit!
                            Now thats a service I could do with, what a brilliant concept.

                            Pete Knight

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Pete Knight View Post
                              Tell me about it, I'm one of those hard working honest guys that gets walked all over, I worked with a drop dead gorgeous girl who can't get a man, she dates the good looking charming rat who dumps her when she doesn't give him what he wants, but she won't look at the dependable guy who works hard, I did explain this to her, she was terribly embarrassed to admit that she is of good virtue and doesn't screw on a first date (Second, third, forth or fifth for that matter.) and couldn't understand why these guys wouldn't call her after a couple of dates. She even dated a guy that was 'separated' but didn't take her back to his place or give her his home number, now I know why but she was at a loss to understand.
                              She probably doesn't go out with the decent guy because he is too honest. Dating is a very complicated situation in that when guys are totally honest, some women dump them fast because they are too 'boring'. These types of women would rather go with the 'fast' guys who offer excitement (and a whole bunch of lies to go with it). When I was at the gym earlier today, I was watching one of these silly dating shows on tv while running on the treadmill. It was a ridiculous show in that there was this 'hunk' who had to decide from two women which one to date. The women didn't know this but the guy had a secret ear piece and microphone. He had a software guru friend inside a nearby van with the logo "Kiss My Grass - Lawn and Garden Service" painted on the side of it. Inside the van were a bunch of computers that were loaded with voice analysis software that could analyze the women's replies and determine the degree of truthfulness to certain questions that were asked of them. Both women lied about having past affairs, about cheating on old b/f's and one even avoided mentioning that she was married! In the end the 'hunk' chose the one who lied the least and the other one stormed off saying how this 'hunk' actually did her a favour for she would have only cheated on him in the end.

                              Now thats a service I could do with, what a brilliant concept.
                              This service was started by a frustrated guy who advertised in the local paper to find 'wingwomen' for male customers. The response was amazing. He targets guys in the age range from 20 to late 40's and seems to have no problem finding customers. There are a whole bunch of rules and regulations such as the wingwoman can NOT get involved with the customer and must travel on her own to the public meeting places. It is definitely NOT an escort service! The amazing thing about this kind of service is that some of the wingwomen were really nice women who were honestly trying to help the guy and looked out for him. In many cases, they thought that the guy was too nice for most of the women. It is amazing that in many cases, the guy had no clue about the real intentions of the women that he was interested in but the wingwoman clearly saw through the other women and warned him about their 'real' intentions.

                              Pete Knight[/quote]

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