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Dear Abby: For mom walking in the nude, less is more than enough

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  • Dear Abby: For mom walking in the nude, less is more than enough

    Dear Abby: I am 26 years old, and my mother still walks around naked in front of me with no warning.

    Iíve told her several times that it makes me uncomfortable, but she seems not to take me seriously. In her culture (sheís not from the U.S.), walking around naked is no problem. But Iím tired of seeing her breasts unexpectedly.

  • #2
    Even in this rendition, Abby continues to get it right on this topic. I have seen many responses from Abby over the years including her mom's. All have been about the same in that there is nothing wrong with simple nudity. Good job, Abby!


    • #3
      I don't know what others would do, but if one of my children mentioned to me that they were uncomfortable with me walking around nude at home, I would STOP! Its about respect and common courtesy.


      • #4
        Abby's point to the daughter was basically 'you are an adult (26), you should be living on your own; if you don't like your mother's nudity move out!'


        • #5
          Though I agree and applaud Dear Abby's response to this woman, I also agree with "garbo" to a point. I'm not on both sides of the fence. I agree that having respect and courtesy toward your children or grandchildren with regards to their being uncomfortable with parents/grandparents nudity, that we would remain covered but where is the grown child's respect and courtesy to their parent? It is in fact the mother's home. She's obviously of a culture that is comfortable with simple nudity. The daughter has choices. She could choose to move out and not have to see her mother topless. The fact that this 26 year old woman has issues with seeing her mother's breasts is pretty sad. She should have much more respect for her mother in her mother's home that she's allowed to remain living, than she's obviously showing. In my opinion, that's equally disrespectful. The daughter has choices but like so many kids that age, they have this idea of entitlement and they are deserving of the same things their parents have or have worked for. They should work things out but from what I read, talking about hasn't worked so, they daughter can either live with her mother's nudity or move out!


          • #6
            I can empathize with this but from a parental point. I have been married for 5 years and knew my wife for 3 before that. In those 8 years, I never considered going nude in front of any of our children. Keep in mind, my wife has gone nude in the pool and out back in front of her daughter several times dating back to alomost the beginning of our relationship when her daughter was 10-11. The daughter knows she needs to tell us when she is coming home (she still lives with us) whenever we are home as well as the reason why. And while she has caught me unexpectedly on 1-2 occasions, I have always respected her and limited myself whenever she is around. To my knowledge, my daughter (17) knows nothing about our preferences since she does not live with us full time. As for my son (21), he learned last year about our life and knows not to come by unexpectedly. So, I understand the nature of limiting oneself for the kids sake.

            But what's not mentioned in this article is how long this woman has been going nude in front of her daughter. Is this a recent development or has this been a lifelong reality. If it's a recent development, why? What changed about the mom to start doing something out of the norm? What other factors are in play? Ifs it's been a lifelong occurrence, why is the daughter upset? Is she facing an inevitable reality about her future self and her image?


            • #7
              My rules. 26 and you don't like the living arrangement's, then pull on your big girl panties and move out.
              My children moved out long before 26, not because of nudity. But to be on their own.. Both are successful. Student loans paid off. Both own their own homes and business's. At their homes their rules apply.


              • #8
                Regardless of how any of us would react or handle this in our own home, this situation is not in our home, but someone else's home and when we, as nudists, want respect to live our lives without judgment or prejudice, we should return that respect to others. Given this situation, the mother has every right to live as she wants in her own home, just as many of us want. If the daughter, 26, and not teen aged or younger, has no means for living on her own, then she should begin making her way toward that independence. Too many times I've read where these kids have good jobs, get paid well, drive better cars than their parents, have all the new bells and whistles techno gadgets, go on more weekend vacations and outings in a month, than their parents do in a year but still live at home for free ... so they can save money. All the while, the parents can't save money because they are still supporting this "kid."

                I'm not sure what it's like in the UK. But here in the US, we are seeing more and more of these aged children still living with their parents and demanding that they have the same rights as the parents in which house they live in. Many of these "kids" are not paying rent or taxes, or food, or utilities but feel they have the same say in what goes on in that house. If they want to make the rules, they need to get their own place. If that's not an option, then compromise should be met but not at the expense of parents or parent having to change their lives completely because a child of that age is unwilling to leave the nest. It really is time for this generation to grow up!

                ​Same here ... two daughters, moved out way before 26. Away at college at the ages of 17/18. Their own apartment at the age of 19. Both very successful teachers, married, their own homes and family. The know quite well that we are nudists and live naked when we are alone or entertaining nudist friends. They respect that and always call or text us when they'd like to visit. It's common courtesy and in my opinion, this 26 year old woman should have that respect and courtesy toward her mother and her way of life.


                • #9
                  First, it isn't made clear if the daughter lives with her mother. Whether or not she does, it seems as though the mother has had no issues with nudity for her daughter's life as the daughter makes it clear her mother comes from a culture where familial nudity is fine. Second, the daughter says it is strange to see a 62-year-old woman's breasts. Why? What about when she was 45? 50? Third, the daughter knows her mother does not mind going naked or topless around her family. Why should she expect her mother to change? She has talked with her mother to no avail a number of times in the past. If the daughter can't change the mother, the daughter will have to accept her mother as she is or stay away from her mother. Overall, nice advice from Abby. Bob S.


                  • #10
                    I hadn’'t noticed it before, but as Bob pointed out, it’'s not known if she lives with her mom. I think that would make a difference. If she’'s just visiting, assuming she’'s not there all the time, it shouldn't be a problem for mom to cover up. Otherwise, it’'s mom’s house - her physical comfort trumps the daughter’s emotional discomfort.

                    I can relate from personal experience. When she was about 24, my younger stepdaughter broke up with her boyfriend and asked if she could move back in with us ‘temporarily’. Of course she could. My being nude wasn'’t even discussed. Since it would be temporary, I could stay clothed while she’s with us (she VERY much dislikes nudity, both her own, as well as other people’s). My wife and I decided on a very modest amount of room and board, which she agreed to. She paid the first month. The next month came, and we got nothing. The same thing happened the following month. Then I made a decision. Since she decided she was now going to live in our home rent-free, I was going back to living clothes-free. It did feel awkward the first time I walked out of my office nude with her there. I made like there was nothing unusual happening, and she didn’'t say a word about it. Later in the day, my wife told me she came to her and said “Mom, he’s walking around naked in front of me! My wife simply replied “It’s his house”. She never said another word about it, but I’m sure she never really got used to it. It couldn’'t have bothered her that much, because her ‘temporary’ stay stretched into three and a half years.

                    After she finally got her own place and left, I’d get dressed when she came over, not because she asked, but because I knew she’d be more comfortable. I drew the line at swimming though. If she was over to use the pool, and I was out with her, I’'d be nude.

                    You’d think that my living nude when she was with us might have strained our relationship, but it didn’'t. I’''ve been in her life since she was 11. By the time she was out of her teens, she considered me ‘her dad’, over her biological dad, who was still in her life somewhat. She made this Facebook post last Father’s Day: “This man has been in my life for I'd say around 23 years. He's always been a shoulder to cry on, always an ear to listen, always a good laugh, always a phone call away for anything I've ever needed. Most importantly he has been the only constant man in my life when there were no others. Just because we don't share the same dna doesn't mean he isn't my dad. My father has given me the greatest gift anyone could ever give: he was always there and always believed in me. I'm beyond lucky to be his daughter. I love you Joe. Happy Father's Day.”


                    • #11
                      Great story Procrastinator. That's about how I am at present with step daughter still finding her way...I limit myself not because I have to, but because I respect her. Things will be different if she ever needs to come back once she moves out on her own though.


                      • #12
                        I know it's not as easy for some but we were fortunate to be able to do this; Our youngest went through a divorce. We have plenty of room for her and her two children and we offered. Yes, we would have remained clothed while they were here but one grandchild was in Kindergarten and the other was in pre-school and our daughter worked. Nudity would have been easily done while they were in school and our daughter at work. It was our intent to help her as much as we could during this difficult time but we knew and she knew that she needed her own space.

                        ​As stated by some, financial help was given but we were not going to enable our daughter so she didn't grow from this life changing experience. We would have helped financially even if she was living with us but instead, we found a reasonable apartment that worked for the 3 of them, it was close by so we were accessible but we all had our own space and place to live. She was able to have friends over to her place without asking us if someone could come and visit. She had girlfriends come and stay with her overnight. She felt that she could have done that here but it worked out better that it was at her own place.

                        ​We were able to help in that respect by channeling the money we would have spent to have her live here, to her own place. It also forced our daughter to find ways to fend for herself, stay on a budget and use the money we gave her to work towards financial independence. She said it was difficult but we did our best to ensure they didn't suffer or go without the necessities, which included fun and recreation. They had their own place, we continued to have ours and we continued to live our lives independently and happily.

                        It's not my intention to upset anyone. You have to do what's right for you and nudity and nudism shouldn't take precedence over helping your kids when they need it but I've read too many stories where a grown child comes back to the nest and never leaves. In our opinion, it's not good for them and not good for the parents and their relationship. Just my thoughts on that. Teaching them independence and financial independence is what they need so when we are no longer around to pick them up and dust them off, they can do it themselves.


                        • #13
                          Since being retired, I find myself more nude around the house than years past. I will, however, drape on my wrap around when non-nudists are around, except my wife. She has grown accustomed to my nudity when it's just her and I at home. We still have a Grandson who still lives with us. He has since graduated High school and is home more often, but he knows of my nudity. I will cover when he is around, but there have been times he has caught me. I just cover up and continue. He does know, while I'm in the backyard, I don't wear anything, so he tries to avoid going there. We also have another Grandson who we pick up twice a week after school until his parents get home. I'm sure he will find out soon enough about my backyard "sanctuary".


                          • #14
                            My take on this is that the 26 year old did not like looking at 62 year old breasts, which if like most of that age have succumbed to gravity. Is she offended by the nudity or the sagging that I assume is likely present. Either way if she lives or does not live in that household, pays or does not pay rent, Mom has decided that what her daughter wants is not important enough to change, and why do twenty somethings have a problem with same sex nudity? Went through that with a step-son-in-law, and see it in locker rooms.



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