Reluctant Spouse

NakedSailor · #1 01-19-2008, 04:07 PM

My wife and i have been to a nude beach once. I would like to try a local resort but haven't really broached the subject to my wife until this week. I was looking for a real casual way of bringing it up without being pushy.

My birthday is in late Feb so I sent my wife an email with a subject line of "Birthday Suggestion" and a link to Mira vista resort in Tucson. It took about 3 days before she brought it up and said she wasn't sure she could do something like that........ I said it would be kind of weird to start with but just like the beach, it would probably be no big deal and we would have a good time. Then I dropped the subject. The next day I sent her a link to the AANR web site just to "click around a little". That was yesterday and I haven't heard anything more yet. I think I will just let her think about it for a few days and see what she comes up with.

So my question to you all is do you think this is a good approach? Suggestions? Of course I would especially like to hear from the ladies here since you probably understand my wife better than any of the guys.

Todd

NoCollarWorker · #2 01-19-2008, 04:24 PM

I think you need to quit sending e-mails to your wife and TALK to her about why you think trying a nude vacation would be fun for BOTH of you. Tell her what you've read about the places you're considering for the vacation, how nice they are, how nice the people are, and how carefree your vacation will be.

Ask her to read the "From a Woman's Perspective" page from the AANR Web site, which you print out and give to her, instead of telling her to surf around on her own. If you want her to be part of this decision, I think you both need to DISCUSS it, and not just e-mail her some links she is supposed to read on her own.

Would you ask her to make any other potentially life-changing decisions without DISCUSSING it first?

Later,

Mike

NudonyII · #3 01-19-2008, 05:29 PM

I can understand your "hint-dropping" strategy; it's not always easy to bring up nudism in a direct and matter-of-fact manner. But, as NoCollarWorker explained, you'll ultimately have to do it anyway if you want to acheive your aim. So be prepared to have that conversation, read up on the "arguments in support of nudism" and/or visit the AANR website so you'll be able to debate with her, adress her concerns/fears and articulate why it is that you wish to be nude, with her, in a nudist environment.

My method was a bit more "audiovisual". I purchased the movie "Educating Julie", and my wife and I watched it together (there are many other and perhaps better movies to choose from). I watched her reactions throughout the movie, the smiles, frowns and sometimes laughter; and then discussed it after the movie. I concluded from her conversation that she was ready to visit a resort, but not quite ready to be socially nude.
My second step was calling a resort (which was WTP), and asking them about their rules, regulations, and the distinctive possibilty that my wife would not be going nude on her first visit. The owner gave me a very understanding and positive response.
My third and final step was planning the trip. My "read and approved" recommendation for a shy first-time trip can be summed up in three words: week day, off-season, clothing optional. By choosing a week day in April, May or September, there will be a much smaller amount of people there, giving your spouse more room to breathe and relax. Before I took my wife to the resort, I called the resort again, and was able to assure her there would be few people there, that there would be plenty of isolated space for us, and that she would not be under any pressure to take her clothes off. That was good enough for her. She ended up really enjoying her first trip to the resort because we had a good portion of the resort all to ourselves; including the hot tob and sauna area where she had no trouble going nude.

scubare · #4 01-19-2008, 07:54 PM

I don't really have any advice for you Todd, because I am in basically the same position; except I haven't even gotten my wife to a CO beach yet. I keep exposing her to my 'Nudes in the News' videos and online pics, magazines, etc. and she thinks they are ok. She even maintains my naturist website and is totally understanding of my enthusiasm for it, she just can't see herself doing it. I think you are on the right track, and you've gotten some pretty good advice here already, so I'll just wish you good luck!

DenitaLC · #5 01-19-2008, 08:31 PM

Hi,
I think you've done fine by sending the links so she can take in the information for herself and in her own time. I know how hard a subject it can be to work into a conversation...I have that problem with my husband sometimes.
Let her know you have checked out the resort and heard good things. (I have too and would LOVE to go there...perhaps this fall, if I can persaude him!) Remind her that a resort will be a more controlled atmosphere. If ANYONE gets out of line, the management will see they are removed. On a beach, anyone could be there so I find resorts a lot more comfortable place, especially for newbies to nudism. She will have the option as to how nude she wishes to get. Let her know that you are willing to up and leave should she not feel comfortable after an agreed upon amount of time. By giving her some control of the situation, she will feel it is a more equal endeavor. The patrons at nudist resorts are usually among the most friendly you will meet and very understanding when they find out it is your first time.

Good luck, I hope she agrees to try it with you. You are lucky to live in a state that has nice nude opportunities, locations, and the weather!

Dee

Journeyman · #6 01-19-2008, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoCollarWorker

I think you need to quit sending e-mails to your wife and TALK to her about why you think trying a nude vacation would be fun for BOTH of you. Tell her what you've read about the places you're considering for the vacation, how nice they are, how nice the people are, and how carefree your vacation will be.

Ask her to read the "From a Woman's Perspective" page from the AANR Web site, which you print out and give to her, instead of telling her to surf around on her own. If you want her to be part of this decision, I think you both need to DISCUSS it, and not just e-mail her some links she is supposed to read on her own.

Would you ask her to make any other potentially life-changing decisions without DISCUSSING it first?

Mike, I totally agree. This is not a decision that should be based on email-induced research.
J'man/Bruce

PS: Dee, I thought your whole family was naturist, based on what I think I have read from your other posts. What's up with the hubby?

Sigmund · #7 01-19-2008, 08:53 PM

My wife was somewhat reluctant on our first trip to a club and said that she wasn't sure she would be able to go nude once we got there. What actually happened was that she took the plunge, got her clothes off faster than I did - no fair, she had less to remove - and was perfectly comfortable the whole time. She decided that the particular club was too big and bustling for her tastes, but was quite happy to go again to a smaller, more rustic - and more in keeping with our lifestyle - camp.

The moral, I guess, is that the first step is the hardest.

By the way, I'm a fan of e-mail for situations that require thought and don't require an immediate response. A face to fact question can seem confrontational but a less direct approach - like e-mail - allows time to think about the issue and respond in a more thoughtful way. The answer may still be no, but at least its a thoughtful no rather than a knee jerk no, and maybe the "thought time" will result in a willingness to try.

Best of luck.

DenitaLC · #8 01-19-2008, 08:55 PM

Quote:

PS: Dee, I thought your whole family was naturist, based on what I think I have read from your other posts. What's up with the hubby?

Bruce, hubby participates.......it just takes some soliciting to get him to try new venues!

I'm so much more into the nude forums, groups, etc. that there are times he gets tired of me constantly talking about it! LOL

usuallylurk · #9 01-19-2008, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NudonyII

My method was a bit more "audiovisual". I purchased the movie "Educating Julie", and my wife and I watched it together (there are many other and perhaps better movies to choose from). I watched her reactions throughout the movie, the smiles, frowns and sometimes laughter; and then discussed it after the movie. I concluded from her conversation that she was ready to visit a resort, but not quite ready to be socially nude.

"Educating Julie" is one of the WORST - in my humble opinion - movies to show a reluctant person. There is one scene - where the Liverpool Sun Club members taunt her boyfriend into disrobing.

I guess it was supposed to be funny, but I could see how that movie could turn a slightly reluctant person into an extremely reluctant one.

The best video I've seen lately is one put out by Solair Recreation League in Connecticut. Yes, it's a "commercial" for Solair. BUT -- it definitely tells you what to expect when you get there, and what goes on, and it's worth viewing.

Quote:

My second step was calling a resort (which was WTP), and asking them about their rules, regulations, and the distinctive possibilty that my wife would not be going nude on her first visit. The owner gave me a very understanding and positive response.

Good move. Some resorts and clubs actually have a "hazing" - where they mandate nudity for one to take the tour! Those are few and far between, and I think WTP allows one to adapt.

Quote:

My third and final step was planning the trip. My "read and approved" recommendation for a shy first-time trip can be summed up in three words: week day, off-season, clothing optional. By choosing a week day in April, May or September, there will be a much smaller amount of people there, giving your spouse more room to breathe and relax. Before I took my wife to the resort, I called the resort again, and was able to assure her there would be few people there, that there would be plenty of isolated space for us, and that she would not be under any pressure to take her clothes off. That was good enough for her. She ended up really enjoying her first trip to the resort because we had a good portion of the resort all to ourselves; including the hot tob and sauna area where she had no trouble going nude.

GREAT!

NakedSailor · #10 01-20-2008, 08:22 AM

Thanks for the responses everybody!
I did decide to start with the e-mail approach in order to be less coercive and more suggestive (at least to start with). After 20 years of marriage I have learned that it is best to be patient and not pushy. I would much rather she think about it and decide for herself that she wants to go with me than feel like she is giving in to me. If she doesn't come to that conclusion on her own I will be more direct but pushy will never work.

Weekdays during off season huh? I can see your point on that one but I was also thinking that it is sometimes easier to get lost in a crowd rather than feeling like you are sticking out in a small group???