Religous jokes

[Keslen]

So God and the angels are sitting around one day. The angels turn to God and say "So God, you're due for a vacation, where do you want to go?"

God replies "Not the earth, last time I went there I left a girl pregnant and the fools haven't stopped talking about it since."

[Keslen]

So God and the angels are sitting around one day. The angels turn to God and say "So God, you're due for a vacation, where do you want to go?"

God replies "Not the earth, last time I went there I left a girl pregnant and the fools haven't stopped talking about it since."

[Jochanaan]

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister went fishing one day. The priest suddenly exclaimed, "I left my lunch in the car!" He got out of the boat, walked on the water to the shore, retrieved his lunch, and walked on the water back to the boat. A little later the rabbi said, "Excuse me, I've got to relieve myself." He also walked on the water to the shore, disappeared behind a bush, then returned the same way.

Well, the minister thought that surely his faith was as strong as the others'. So he said, trying to be casual, "I need more bait." He got out of the boat, sank, and was never seen again.

The priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Do you suppose we should have told him where the rocks are?"

[R.M.GREENMAN2]

Adam was sitting in the Garden of Eden tending to the plants and animals as usaual.
Finally he looks into the sky and says,"Lord, taking care of the garden is all fine and dandy, but I really need some company. Especiall at night!"
The lord thought a bit and said,"Well, I have just the thing for you! But, it'll cost you an arm and a leg!"
Adam was aghast!"Whoa! Let's not get nuts! Do you have anything cheaper?"
"I do have this one item you might like and it will only cost you one rib!"

Guys! I wonder what we could have gotten for an arm and leg?

[nudistmatt]

bagel, cream cheese, orange jooce, thats as good as it gets.

[missouriboy]

A magazine cartoon has God and an angel looking downward from a cloud. The angel says, "Adam sure is making a mess down there in the Garden! Maybe he needs a maid or something."

-- Baloo, in Liberty magazine

There were four old womens talking about their sons. The first one says in a proud tone "My son is a priest and every time people see him around the street they exclaim Oh Father, bless me!."
The second woman says "Thats nothing, my son is Archbishop and every time people sees him in street they kneel to him and exclaim Oh Eminence, please bless my soul!."
The third one laughs and say "Please, MY son IS the Pope and every time he is in street people kneel to him, kiss his hand and exclaim Oh your Excellence, please forgive my sins and bless my soul!."
And the fourth woman, who didn't wanted to stay behind said, "Thats absolutely mothing, MY SON is a PUNK!
and the others said "What do you see in that to be proud of!"
"Well, everytime he goes out to the street people make the sing of the cross and exclaim Oh MY GOD!

[Jochanaan]

quote:

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Originally posted by R.M.GREENMAN2:
Guys! I wonder what we could have gotten for an arm and leg?

---

Probably just lots of ribbing.

[apalthe]

Adam is walking through Eden when he encounters Eve. He asks: "Do you love me?" Eve: "Who else?

[TeddyBare]

Here's one to make the females laugh:

Eve, in the Garden of Eden, called out, "Lord, I have a problem."

And the Lord said, "What's the matter, Eve?"

"I know that You created me and this beautiful garden ... but I'm lonely ... and I'm sick of eating apples."

"Well, in that case", replied the Almight, "I'll create a man for you."

"What's a man?"

"Well, he's a flawed creature with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to listen. But he's big and fast and muscular. He'll be really good at fighting, kicking a ball and hunting animals."

"Sounds great!" replied Eve.

"There's one condition," added the Lord. "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."