Anonymous Relationships

Rik · #1 01-02-2003, 07:32 AM

Jon-Marc said in another thread "Of course, I don't suppose any of you would know who he really is any more than I do." referring to the anonimity of all of us who contribute to this board. It got me thinking about the perculier nature of anonimity and whether it is possible to form friendships with anonymous people.

There are quite a number of regular contributors to this board who I feel I have gotten to know over the last year or so, not because I know their names, where they live, how they earn a living etc but simply by what they write. Some I feel a greater affinity with (not necessarily because I agree with what they say) and in some I sense there is more distance between us. It seems that I know some of these people better than those who I share physical space with (e.g. work colleagues) and yet I don't even know what most of them look like.

I suppose it depends on how you define "to know someone". I know the guy who runs the corner shop, known him for 10 years but what I really mean is that I recognise him when I see him and we might discuss the price of fish or wish each other a happy new year but beyond that I have no real understanding of his politics, his religion, his passions, his hobbies - and neither of us have ever broached the subject of public nudity. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

So my question is, is it possible to form a genuine friendship with an anonymous person? And what do we really mean by "anonymous"? Is it just to do with names? After all our real names are no more than identifiers just as our user id's are here. Would a more detailed user profile enable us to feel that we know someone better? Would it help to know my address? Is the mono-subject nature of our relationship too restricting to enable a true relationship to form? Or are we just a bunch of saddoes who haven't got a real life and can only form relationships with unreal people? But what is "real life" anyway?

Rik (my almost real name)

Rik · #2 01-02-2003, 07:32 AM

Jon-Marc said in another thread "Of course, I don't suppose any of you would know who he really is any more than I do." referring to the anonimity of all of us who contribute to this board. It got me thinking about the perculier nature of anonimity and whether it is possible to form friendships with anonymous people.

There are quite a number of regular contributors to this board who I feel I have gotten to know over the last year or so, not because I know their names, where they live, how they earn a living etc but simply by what they write. Some I feel a greater affinity with (not necessarily because I agree with what they say) and in some I sense there is more distance between us. It seems that I know some of these people better than those who I share physical space with (e.g. work colleagues) and yet I don't even know what most of them look like.

I suppose it depends on how you define "to know someone". I know the guy who runs the corner shop, known him for 10 years but what I really mean is that I recognise him when I see him and we might discuss the price of fish or wish each other a happy new year but beyond that I have no real understanding of his politics, his religion, his passions, his hobbies - and neither of us have ever broached the subject of public nudity. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

So my question is, is it possible to form a genuine friendship with an anonymous person? And what do we really mean by "anonymous"? Is it just to do with names? After all our real names are no more than identifiers just as our user id's are here. Would a more detailed user profile enable us to feel that we know someone better? Would it help to know my address? Is the mono-subject nature of our relationship too restricting to enable a true relationship to form? Or are we just a bunch of saddoes who haven't got a real life and can only form relationships with unreal people? But what is "real life" anyway?

Rik (my almost real name)

#3 01-02-2003, 08:20 AM

Rik, I believe you can have an online friendship without ever seeing the other. I have people I've chatted with for many years and never met. You are right about being able to get inside people's heads here because they post their feelings and philosophies, more so that people you meet in real life.

I also use this as a way of meeting people in real life. Next month at Lake Como is one of the oldest online gatherings ever, meeting the end of February for the past few (6?) years. I have met over 100 people in person, maybe getting close to 200 now, Ive lost track. AOL has gatherings like that as well, for nudists and for others as well. AOL meets at Haulover about every moneth and used to meet at Como once a year too. I think they changed that one to Cypress Cove. There have been Internet gatherings at places all over the US and in Canada too. Do they do that in the UK?

luvnaturism · #4 01-02-2003, 08:25 AM

Rik -

That's a great set of questions you raise. Part of the power of the Internet is that it allows "anonymous friendships," an oxymoron if there ever was one.*

I often feel a kinship with people with whom I trade posts. Sometimes I would be happy to meet the person and see what comes of it. I did that on one occasion, and we had a delightful afternoon and evening together. As I had thought, we had much in common other than naturism. However, there has been no follow-up to that first time.

My practice is to make it easy for people to get to know me. In any post I make in any forum I give an email address. When people contact me, I reply with at least my real first name. If the content of the post makes me comfortable, as it often does, then I reply with my full name.

Having said all that, I think friendships only happen when there are connections on multiple levels. For instance, I haven't found that a shared interest in naturism is enough to produce a friendship. Common values are essential. It also takes a mutual investment of time to produce a friendship.

Relationships that are limited to a single dimension of interest are more likely to remain what may be more accurately termed "friendlies." I have a host of people with whom I am friendly, and that would be true of most. Some people have more friendships than others, but no one has a large number of close friends?time doesn't allow it.

Incidentally, you are one whose ideas intrigue me, and whom I would be glad to meet.

*In case there's a reader who doesn't know what an oxymoron is, it's a pairing of contradictory words. "Military intelligence" and "government assistance" come to mind.

Rik · #5 01-02-2003, 08:50 AM

quote:
Originally posted by cyndiann:
[qb]I also use this as a way of meeting people in real life.[/qb]

So this is not real life?

Rik

Naked Bob 2 · #6 01-02-2003, 10:59 AM

It's as real as it gets on the internet.

I guess you can form friendships here. I certainly have learned a thing or two from posts I have read. I don't know if that could be called friendship though. I don't have all that many people I call friends in my life. Perhaps I am not the most outgoing sort around. I may just have a different definition of what I call a friend.

I do feel closer to the people who post here than to some of the ones I work with. I suppose that is because of our shared interest in naturism. That is our common denominator.

I have found that I make friends easier in the naturist environment than outside of it. I wonder why that is? It could be that once you have stripped away your clothing you are more open and honest. Or it could be the old clothes make the man thing. You make judgements on who they are by how they dress.

Bartamus · #7 01-02-2003, 05:49 PM

Rik: I think you can form friendships on line.
As for INA..it comes in very handy. For instance,
CT and RT our Australian contributors to the
forum will host a few of us in their home country
next month. I think I've gotten to know them
fairly well through e-mails we've exchanged.

#8 01-03-2003, 07:36 AM

quote:
Originally posted by Rik:
[qb]
quote:
Originally posted by cyndiann:
[qb]I also use this as a way of meeting people in real life.[/qb]
So this is not real life?

Rik[/qb]

LOL! No Rik it isn't real life. Would you like to exchange pictures? It would be nice to see what you look like.

#9 01-03-2003, 09:22 AM

Interesting topic...I feel I have found a true friend on this forum. We have shared many different interests and I have confided intimate details of my life I have shared with no one else.....Ananonymity has made this possible for me......Outdoorbare [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

Rik · #10 01-03-2003, 12:40 PM

quote:
Originally posted by cyndiann:
[qb]LOL! No Rik it isn't real life. Would you like to exchange pictures? It would be nice to see what you look like.[/qb]

Not real life? So it must be imaginary. But whose imagination - yours or mine?

I'll send you the URL for a photo as soon as my ISP has got its act together (which is why I've got no avatar at the moment) but if this is not the real world then what difference would a photo make? Would it help you understand me better or merely satisfy your curiosity? Would you view my posts in a different light if you knew what I looked like? How would you know it was a true image of me and not just an image of an anonymous person? And would you care one way or the other?

Rik