shame and modesty issues- how to deal?

DarkAngel · #1 02-24-2003, 08:34 PM

I've got a little problem, well, a couple actually. For starters, do I ever have shame and modesty issues, regarding my own self. Also, I am thinking of attending art college next year, and I know that they will require me to do figure drawing from live nude models. Now, thanks to the modesty complex my parents drilled into my head once I hit a certain age, I have huge shame and modesty issues, as I said. I also feel the same way when in the presence of somebody else who is nude. I feel ashamed even for looking at them, especially of seeing certain parts.

What I'm asking is this: Can any of you share any practical tips for getting rid of shame and excessive modesty? Or for getting comfortable around the nudity of strangers? I have a feeling I would have to get comfortable with others before I was comfortable with myself. Are there any websites that might help?
Rejecting-shame.com is good, but it deals strictly with christianity-based shame, which is not what I need. The roots of my shame and modesty are not religious, and I am not Christian.
I also have a feeling I would be best off doing it by degrees, rather than jumping in right off the deep end.
Thanks for the help in advance [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img]

DarkAngel · #2 02-24-2003, 08:34 PM

I've got a little problem, well, a couple actually. For starters, do I ever have shame and modesty issues, regarding my own self. Also, I am thinking of attending art college next year, and I know that they will require me to do figure drawing from live nude models. Now, thanks to the modesty complex my parents drilled into my head once I hit a certain age, I have huge shame and modesty issues, as I said. I also feel the same way when in the presence of somebody else who is nude. I feel ashamed even for looking at them, especially of seeing certain parts.

What I'm asking is this: Can any of you share any practical tips for getting rid of shame and excessive modesty? Or for getting comfortable around the nudity of strangers? I have a feeling I would have to get comfortable with others before I was comfortable with myself. Are there any websites that might help?
Rejecting-shame.com is good, but it deals strictly with christianity-based shame, which is not what I need. The roots of my shame and modesty are not religious, and I am not Christian.
I also have a feeling I would be best off doing it by degrees, rather than jumping in right off the deep end.
Thanks for the help in advance [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img]

Rik · #3 02-25-2003, 12:53 AM

DarkAngel,

I certainly think you've made the right first move by coming here and openly challenging the culture of shame in which you've been brought up. You'll find that talking about it will help you to intellectualize your emotional feelings towards nudity and at some point, I guess, you'll realize what all of us here have realized, that there is no rational argument which supports the modesty and shame which you feel.

So you could perhaps start by describing (here if you like) the feelings which you have when you encounter nudity. What exactly do you mean by shame? What thoughts go through your head which give you this feeling? Are they, for example, confused sexual feelings? Is the feeling different depending on age and/or gender of the person you see? Does location make a difference? Do you feel threatened in some way? If so, what sort of thing do you imagine might happen to you? You need to be brutally honest to properly understand yourself in this respect.

You could then perhaps ease yourself into social nudity. Try a single sex sauna where it's easy enough to keep a towel around you if you get too uncomfortable. Find a clothing optional beach and go there on a relatively quiet day (but not too quiet). Again, if you are uncomfortable keep your cothes on - no-one will mind - but perhaps find a quiet corner, strip off and sunbathe lying on your front. When you are comfortable try turning over for a few minutes, then perhaps go for a short walk. Keep a towel with you if you feel too exposed.

If you are female have a look at Cyndiann's excellent article at http://www.mynudelife.com/essay01.html and also read the articles linked from the home page of http://www.clothesfree.com

Once you get past the modesty/shame issue you will never look back. Trust me I'm a naturist. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

Good luck and keep us posted with your progress.

Rik

missouriboy · #4 02-25-2003, 05:29 AM

quote:
Originally posted by DarkAngel:
[qb]...I have a feeling I would have to get comfortable with others before I was comfortable with myself...[/qb]

In my experience, this is backwards. Practise being nude in private until you're completely comfortable with it, in your everyday activities around the house. Then graduate to the outdoors, someplace where you won't be seen. Soon you'll be ready to try it with others... think carefully about everything Rik says above.

You've already made a really important first step in recognizing that you have a problem, and that it IS a problem that can be overcome. Good luck, and welcome.

Xen · #5 02-25-2003, 05:59 AM

Dark Angel

I don't think your feelings are at all unusual and many people here have had similar ones at some time.

I would agree with Rik that the besy way to start is by going to a single sex sauna where you can be naked and nudity is just plain common sense. It will be possible to keep a towel round you if you're not sure and you may find that you use it to begin with but once you relax you'll just sit on it.

From there it's just a question of building up your confidence before making your first visit to a mixed gender facility. That can still be daunting (and the whole process took me several years, which was far too long - though I didn't have the benefit of information sources such as this) but is well worthwhile. Even if I never went to another nudist event in my life just getting rid of the body shame that had been drilled into me as a child has been a huge release.

Good Luck

Nude in MT · #6 02-25-2003, 08:28 AM

I agree with Missouriboy that private nude experiences can really help get over body shame. If you have access to a full-length mirror, try standing, sitting, walking, etc. nude in front of it. Get used to the image you see in the mirror and accept it as the comfortable house the "real you" lives in.

Then maybe you can progress to everyday nude activities. Try vacuuming, cleaning, paying bills, etc. while nude. I found the more time I spent nude, the more natural and comfortable I felt. After a period of time, nude feels normal.

Once you are comfortable with yourself, then you can start to think about being comfortable around others. For me, the group shower concept in locker rooms was one of my biggest fear/shame issues. So, I decided to overcome my fears and just accept that the other guys are there for the same reason I am -- to get clean. You may have to keep convincing yourself that this is ok. Again, the more you do it the more comfortable you will become.

I suspect that after time, you will be comfortable enough to take the next step. A beach or resort visit where everything is exactly the same as any other resort environment, except that folks are not wearing clothes and not concerned about it. Take baby steps and you will make it.

Suntied · #7 02-25-2003, 01:38 PM

Baby steps is right. I was 15 years old, in the back yard, about twenty feet off the ground in a tree at two o'clock in the morning... NAKED.

I had done this several times and was always real quite since mom and dad were asleep in their bedroom that faced the back yard...

All dad said was, "Get your clothes on and get back in bed."

I imagine he didn't know what to else to say... we have never talked about it since. I loved being outside naked and that was my only way to do it at that age. I wasn't masturbating or looking at playboy, I would just climb the tree naked and look at the stars (or clouds). It was fun and a type of release for me since I had to perform so properly in society as a star football player and one of those "popular" guys at school. They are all a memory now... what was it I was performing for? Nothing! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif[/img]

You will always be consciensious of yourself. I think it is in our nature. The thing you have to get over is caring about what other people think. It is hard to do, but my body isn't anything to look at anymore. I've been fighting it for years (big muscles make big sagging boobs) but, the people in a naturist setting don't really care what you look like, it is how you are for real! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

As for you feeling it is wrong for you to look at someone naked... the more you are around it the better you'll feel. Baby steps... from the shower to the bed room one day and visiting Hounover Beach the next?!?!?! isn't how you over come a lifelong invasion by society and the textiles!

My daughter is also going to art school, drawing naked men/women and she thinks it is gross for me to be around her naked because "Your my Dad". The invasion into the way of thinking/persieving life effects us all. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif[/img]

I gave up on her, but I still tell her about my conversations in this forum (when she will listen). I wish she would just be true to herself, which is what you shoud do. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

I am not a phycoligist, just giving my opinion!

Be free and true,
[img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img] Suntied

**EricNY** · #8 02-26-2003, 11:02 PM

Talk about what is really bothering you, about yourself.
Face your fears.

Know that what ever you FEEL is wrong with you, is because society. Through magizines,fashion models, and advertising has lead us to believe that we should look a certain way, or we are not worth looking at.

Do not worry what is on the outside, it is who you are that really matters.People that matter will see you for who you really are!!

Gary Naturist · #9 02-26-2003, 11:58 PM

DarkAngel: A question for you. Are you able to view photos of naked people, or paintings or sculptures of nude people, without a problem?

Stated another way, do your difficulties relate to seeing images of the naked human body, or are they more related to possible interactions with people when one is naked?

Gary

Nude in the North · #10 02-27-2003, 05:03 AM

The "Baby Steps" approach is a good idea. But keep in mind that a Baby go's from crawling to walking in just a few months. Don't take it too slow.
Keep in mind what your goal is. You want to overcome your shame and fear of nudity. The faster you do this the sooner you will be happy. I don't mean you should push it so hard that you turn back. Certainly give it time. But push yourself to the next level rather than dwell on the fear of going there.
Set a goal. Do what you can to reach it. Even if you fall short of your goal you will have atleast made some progress.
The trick for non Christians in the Reject Shame site is to replace the word "Christian" with Society. Replace the words "God" and "Jesus" with Parents. Read the message not the messenger.

Steve