The Duh Factor......News Of The Weird

hw · #1 06-04-2003, 10:26 AM

We've all seen strange news articles from time to time. I thought I'd start a new topic for all to post things they have read in local newspapers. Not like the made up stories in the tabloids like in "The Star" or "The News".
Even the local want ads can be a good source of interesting reading. So let's see what you've read. lol [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

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Beam Him up, Scotty:

Tony A.,50, recently placed his small Leicestershire, England, apartment on the market for the equivalent of US $1.7 million, a price he said was realistic because he has spent nearly 10 years crafting the premises as a finely detailed model of the "Star Trek" starship Enterprise. Included are a lifesize transporter control, a gigantic warp core drive, voice-activated lighting and security, and an infinity mirror. Tony said he started the project as therapy when his wife walked out on him.
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Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer:

In Riverhead, N.Y., in December, Oscar N., 69, filed a $5.5 million lawsuit against the New York Dinner Theater of Manhasset for injuries he suffered when a dancer from the show (performed on location at an Office Depot holiday party)slipped and fell on top of him during an audience-participation number. The bigger-than-he-is dancer had persuaded Oscar to step out onto the floor, where she twirled him around to a fast number, "bounced my head back and forth into her breasts" and "lowered me down into a dip" but then lost control, with both falling to the floor (Oscar with a fractured ankle).
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Cellular Survival:

In Hamlin, W.Va., in Januray, a 19-year-old driver survived having her car hit by trains on two tracks (being knocked off one track onto another and then hit while on that track). She was in that perdicament only because she had followed safe-driver guidelines by pulling off the road to make a cell phone call, but the place she pulled off onto was a railroad track.

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OK everyone...happy reading. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

hw · #2 06-04-2003, 10:26 AM

We've all seen strange news articles from time to time. I thought I'd start a new topic for all to post things they have read in local newspapers. Not like the made up stories in the tabloids like in "The Star" or "The News".
Even the local want ads can be a good source of interesting reading. So let's see what you've read. lol [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

*************************************************
Beam Him up, Scotty:

Tony A.,50, recently placed his small Leicestershire, England, apartment on the market for the equivalent of US $1.7 million, a price he said was realistic because he has spent nearly 10 years crafting the premises as a finely detailed model of the "Star Trek" starship Enterprise. Included are a lifesize transporter control, a gigantic warp core drive, voice-activated lighting and security, and an infinity mirror. Tony said he started the project as therapy when his wife walked out on him.
*************************************************

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dancer:

In Riverhead, N.Y., in December, Oscar N., 69, filed a $5.5 million lawsuit against the New York Dinner Theater of Manhasset for injuries he suffered when a dancer from the show (performed on location at an Office Depot holiday party)slipped and fell on top of him during an audience-participation number. The bigger-than-he-is dancer had persuaded Oscar to step out onto the floor, where she twirled him around to a fast number, "bounced my head back and forth into her breasts" and "lowered me down into a dip" but then lost control, with both falling to the floor (Oscar with a fractured ankle).
*************************************************

Cellular Survival:

In Hamlin, W.Va., in Januray, a 19-year-old driver survived having her car hit by trains on two tracks (being knocked off one track onto another and then hit while on that track). She was in that perdicament only because she had followed safe-driver guidelines by pulling off the road to make a cell phone call, but the place she pulled off onto was a railroad track.

*************************************************
OK everyone...happy reading. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

#3 06-04-2003, 02:45 PM

This is an article that appeared in a German newspaper.

"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my home via the catflap," Gunter Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany.

"I suppose that's the reason they're called catflaps, rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have realized that."

Burpus (41), a gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his own front door for two days, after losing his house keys.

"I got my head and shoulders through the flap but became fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told myself jokes, but then I wanted to go to the lavatory."

"I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway, so my screams were muffled. After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and underpants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks."

"Then they placed a sign next to me which said, 'Germany resurgent, an essay in art. Please give generously' and left me there."

"People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said, 'Very good! Very good!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me."

"In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts, and an old woman complained to the police. The rescue services came and cut me out, but the police arrested me as soon as I was free. Luckily, they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."

My question is--does anyone know how much DM3,000 is in American?

hw · #4 06-04-2003, 02:51 PM

Jon-Marc...Perfection! ROFLMAO good one! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Prometheus · #5 06-04-2003, 03:03 PM

quote:
Originally posted by Jon-Marc:
[qb]My question is--does anyone know how much DM3,000 is in American? [/qb]

Somewhere around US$500 I think, Jon-Marc.

Rooster · #6 06-04-2003, 03:55 PM

1,786.12 USD at today's rate.

Go to THIS LINK for conversion page. Note, DM is DEM on that page, Deutsche Mark, and they use the Euro now.

Ned · #7 06-04-2003, 04:08 PM

New to the board, but, I love weird stuff.

(2000, England) This tale proves that crime does pay, if you're fishing for elective surgery to go along with your stolen goods.
A 24-year-old supermarket shoplifter stuffed a pair of live lobsters in his pants and sprinted for the door, but he never had a chance. The violated crustaceans brought the thief to his knees in front of startled cashiers when they fastened their powerful claws around his delicate parts.

Doctors were able to remove the animals with pliers. They say the thief will fully recover -- except for one small detail. "It was a do-it-yourself vasectomy." This man's daring supermarket exploits make him one of the few Darwin Award winners to live to tell the tale.

The supermarket manager declined to press charges, saying the culprit has already "gone through enough pain (to) learn his lesson."

hw · #8 06-04-2003, 06:02 PM

Welcome, Nude Every Day! Great post. So you are from Ohio? Oh good, another one! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img] Check out some of the other posters here, they too are from OH. Gamblefish and Suntied, just to name a couple. (oops, sorry they are not really a couple) [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]
Hope to see you post more. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img]

#9 06-04-2003, 06:50 PM

Jon-Marc and Ned...Great stories [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] Now Ive heard everything [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

#10 06-04-2003, 08:19 PM

Ned,

that was hilarious!

CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS:

South African Health-Pelonomi Hospital
Date: July 26, 1996 10:08

"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a dead patient in the same bed every Friday morning", a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital told reporters. "There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues."

However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause of these deaths. It seems that every Friday morning a cleaner would enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant socket, then go about her business. When she had finished her chores, she would plug the life support system back in and leave, unaware that the patient was now dead. She could not, after all, hear the screams and eventual death rattle over the whirring of her polisher.

"We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner in question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra socket, so that there should be no repetition of this incident. The inquiry is now closed." Cape Times

A strong letter?? Is that all they did? [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif[/img]