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How has your partners nudity developed ?

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  • #31
    Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

    I wish it was as easy as stating my desires and following through with them, but that's not going to work out in a marriage one wants to keep.

    I haven't given up though, just being very, very slow about it.


    • #32
      Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

      I have been married for several decades to a dedicated non-nudist (though tolerant of my nude preferences). So I have been pleasantly surprised over the past year to find that she will now frequently swim nude in our pool and remain so afterwards to sunbathe, and comments how agreeable the feeling is. So never despair that a partner is incapable of change. Not that I expect my wife to become a social nudist any time soon.


      • #33
        Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

        I wish it was as easy as stating my desires and following through with them, but that's not going to work out in a marriage one wants to keep.
        I believe it should be that easy when what you desire is to enjoy yourself. I know of no married couple that agrees 100% of the time, and compromise is a good thing. Would there be a problem if the activity you wished to participate in, but she does not, did not include nudity? I see no problem in going slow, but I would try to make a compromise of nudity inside the home only, with the understanding that you will not try to talk her into joining you.

        My wife thought I was crazy at first, but I never tried to push her or change her mind, and eventually she went topless at the beach. Asked if she would ever go full nude, she said no, asked why, she said it felt too private, so I let it go. Not saying yours will act the same, just sharing my experience.


        • #34
          Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

          Never had a conflict.

          After mrslurk's first try - we were converted social nudists.

          Most of our vacations involve nude recreation in one form or another. We are usually not nudists around the house, but we do have a hot tub (rule = NUDE ONLY! ALWAYS!) -- we hold memberships in several social groups, we entertain and also receive invites to nude parties, and many of our friends are nudists, although nudism isn't necessarily involved in all of our interactions with them.

          If, however, mrslurk didn't like it, on that day in 1979, I would not have pushed the issue further, and probably would never have revisited the concept - for us as a couple, or even for myself, for that matter.

          A common affinity for nudism is like a common affinity for pepperoni pizza or Red Sox baseball. It's nice to have a common interest, but nudism is not enough to build a relationship on. As a couple, you'd better have more in common that just one thing.

          On the other hand - it can either be a) a relationship-breaker , if a partner is forced or coerced into it or b) the symptom - outcropping of a disintegrating relationship. I've seen that happen, too.


          • #35
            Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

            Originally posted by usuallylurk View Post
            If, however, mrslurk didn't like it, on that day in 1979, I would not have pushed the issue further, and probably would never have revisited the concept - for us as a couple, or even for myself, for that matter.
            Sounds like nudism was/is a "take it or leave it" endeavour. For many people it's not so black and white; for different reasons other than a "compulsion to be naked."

            I'm not sure how I would have reacted if my x had outright said "NO!" to nudism. I probably would have tried to negotiate some sort of compromise, like her written consent to attend nudist venues without her. If her attitude had been completely uncompromising, there's no telling what the outcome would have been - but it probably wouldn't have been very beneficial to either of us. I doubt I would have just dropped nudism.

            But she didn't say "NO!" She said "maybe." We discussed it, we negotiated, we compromised. It started with my home nudity. She wasn't comfortable just walking around the house nude; I was and we agreed that I could.
            We went back and forth over social nudity, and finally settled on an agreement to attend a nudist resort - the terms were that it would be a week day, we could leave anytime and she would not have to disrobe. It wasn't the "perfect" first time experience I'd dreamed of; but we'd compromised.
            The second nudist resort trip was also the result of a compromise. I wanted to visit a resort while visiting her parents out-of-state; she wanted to get away from them for a couple of days. So it was actually her request to make it a two-day stay. Her "non-nudity clause" was still in effect; although she decided to do away with it on her own on day 2 by sleeping nude and staying that way after waking up the next day.
            When we relocated, I wanted to visit a non-landed club. She didn't want to go. We again compromised on her signing a consent form for me to go to the club without her in exchange for us doing whatever she wanted to do the following week end.

            At some point beyond that, compromises became broader in nature because she'd started being nude at home herself; and she was socially nude consistently. Agreements were more in the nature of frequency: we'd attend nudist venues, but no more than twice a month as to have a "life outside of nudism", as she used to say. I even maintained a calendar of nudist events as to ensure that both ends of the bargain were adhered to.

            A few years later, as our marriage began crumbling, and she renounced social nudity, I was gravely disappointed but also realized this was the result of our decaying marriage. A symptom, not the cause as lurk mentions. Yet, a year or so before our separation, my birthday came up and she asked me what I wanted. My sole request was a trip to the nudist resort. We again compromised: she would not go nude but she would accompany me to our usual resort (flashback to the first trip!). Even in the midst of crisis and our marriage ending, we managed to reach a compromise. And she didn't stay covered long when we got there either. Old habits!

            On a side note, my x and I are still friends; which is why I mention her as often as I do. We still to this day compromise well on decisions relating to our daughter.

            Anyway, to those among us who cannot drop nudism, and cannot reach a compromise with their S/O either: I salute you. You're walking a very, very difficult path.


            • #36
              Re: How has your partners nudity developed ?

              my wife has become more open about my nudity she has told her on sister that i walk around nude at home now when her sister call and i answer she asks me if iam dressed and just last night there was garbage tobe taken out so i tiold her i go put shorts on she said just run it out witch was very surprising to me we live in town and have neighbors near


              • #37

                Since my last post here I got it's been a while!

                My wife wasn't a nudist when I met her but she was "nudity-friendly" and open minded about my "nudist ways"; which was enough for me. Her first attempt at joining me was at Club O. while we were dating; and long story short that didn't quite "pan out" so well. She just wasn't ready for a crowded nude beach. Nudism was consequently shelved indefinitely.

                Until our marriage. The topic of nudism came back up. I convinced her to give it another shot; but this time at a quiet clothing-optional, family-oriented nudist resort. She was willing to go with me; but "not so willing" to be naked (she still had a bit of PTSD from Club O.) I didn't put any pressure on her whatsoever. We arrived, checked in; and then I undressed while my wife promptly changed into a beach wrap. The setting was drastically different from the "party atmosphere" of Club O. It was quiet, not too many people there and they were all friendly towards us. Which put my wife's mind at ease. We set up on a picnic table not too far from the pool area, by ourselves and started having lunch. And then out of the blue my wife mentioned possibly going topless; at least. A bit surprised, I just nodded my head and told her to go with whatever she was comfortable with. And "just like that" she pulled down the top of her wrap and continued eating topless.

                When we finished eating she pointed at the hot tub in the pool area. I brought up the fact that the pool area was "nude mandatory"; and she just nodded her head. Well ok then! The idea at that point was that she'd change into a towel, quickly shower, put the towel back on and beeline straight to the hot tub where she could remain immersed and unseen. I was ok with her plan. And so that's exactly what we did.
                We sat in the hot tub for a good while; and I started pondering where to go from there. My wife definitely seemed relaxed and enjoying herself. I motioned that it might be time to leave the hot tub (before we turned into prunes) and she agreed. So I climbed out first, grabbed her towel and held it out so she could quickly cover up. And we headed out.
                And then something happened. We had to walk along the pool to exit; and my wife suddenly froze. She said she wanted to sit by the pool for a while. And she selected a pair of lounge chairs next to another couple. The couple acknowledged us; and I turned to my wife, who was now standing naked, with her towel in her hand! I was dumbfounded. My wife then proceeded to start a conversation with them; and from one conversation with a friendly nudist to the next, and then the next, she ended up spending the entire rest of our stay socializing naked.

                I never really asked her what caused that sudden decision - to go from hiding behind her towel to appearing completely naked in front of everyone - because I didn't want to "look a gift horse in the mouth." My theory is simple: being nude in the hot tub relaxing had made her comfortable with nudity. On her way to the hot tub earlier she was nervous and was solely focused on getting in the hot tub as quickly as possible. But when on the way out, she paused long enough to take notice of all the people, adults and children, men and women, who were openly nude and just "hanging out." Knowing my wife she likely though to herself: "why am I going out of my way to cover up when everyone I'm seeing around me is completely naked?!" She no longer felt there would be any issue/discomfort with them seeing her naked; so being naked herself was the logical course of action.

                Since then we have visited resorts yearly; and even though I will always probably be more of a nudist than my wife, she enjoys getting naked in the pool area to swim and tan.

                But anyway this is my 7-year update. I consider myself very lucky that - not only was my wife open to trying nudism a second time after a fiasco - but she found the perfect venue that day to find her "comfort zone" being openly and socially nude. Many of us husbands don't get second - or third - chances.


                • #38
                  Good job! Thank you for your awesome post!


                  • #39
                    Well, it's been three years since my last update and there have been "further developments" since then.

                    Where I left off, my wife had become acclimated to C/O nudism (nude in the pool area but covered outside). She'd even stated that was going to be her preference going forward.
                    Then COVID hit (I wrote my last post during that time).

                    All the resorts around us closed. Which left us both hankering for some nudist activities. We looked around on the internet, and found that a nudist BnB was still open. We called and booked a weekend there; finding out that it was a two-night minimum. My wife froze for a second upon the announcement, but then decided to bite the bullet and proceed with it. In her mind, she would remain covered inside the house and spend some private time sunbathing outside during these three days.
                    That's not what happened. There were three other guests/couples there that weekend; and when we arrived Friday night they were all already nude. As my wife didn't want to end up the only person walking around in a bathrobe, it didn't take long before she "gave up" staying covered.
                    With the environment being very social and active, this was a new experience for my wife. Doing activities in and around the house, having "deep" conversations with people instead of "small talk", being naked all day and night; the experience of "extended nudity" was totally different and new for my wife. No sarong or bathrobe to hide behind; the hesitation of being completely "exposed" in front of other people eventually gave way to a very relaxing - and fun - experience for her.

                    The first resort to re-open was one we'd briefly visited before. I've shared the story in another thread; it turned out to be a "nude-mandatory" resort. Even though not entirely sold on the idea; at least at that point my wife was familiar with the idea of "staying naked." She eased back into it; and felt comfortable enough there to decide on making the resort our primary nudist destination.

                    Then; another "twist" a year later. I ran into an old co-worker. We struck a friendship with her, her husband and their friends; and this was initially a new challenge for my wife. Sure, she'd socialized nude with other people at the BnB; but these were strangers she'd probably never see again. My co-worker and their friends were "regulars" there; which meant that they were people my wife would be regularly nude around. Luckily, she "connected" with them, and struck a friendship with my co-worker. They actually now make all the plans; and we even hang out outside the resort.
                    Sometimes, when we arrive at the resort, I watch my wife from the corner of my eye and read her body language. She'll typically just wear a onesie for the trip, and slips it off without any ado in the parking lot. There is still a bit of trepidation when we walk through the parking lot to the lake; as she still has some lingering modesty about walking around completely naked in front of other people. But when she sees our friends lounging naked and waiting for us; there is a sense of "belonging." We've all spent a lot of time naked around each other at this point, and with all our freinds being very comfortable and confident in their nudity, my wife feels pretty confident herself in all our various interactions. At this point, there is nothing left for her to hide from them anyway.

                    "Developments" are an interesting thing. It's not always linear, and much of it can be happenstance. There was never a path or a plan to get my wife to go "all nude." As a matter of fact she's still surprised she "got there." She was just presented with a succession of fairly random "challenges" that she chose to - tentatively - take on. Along the way she found that the sarong/cover-up was more of a crutch than a protective tool; and that embracing having a fully naked nudist experience was just more fun. Especially when it is shared by everyone else.
                    That being said, "developments" are also continuous. There are still some things my wife has yet to experience (for example our resort offers Naked Yoga). She finds it too "exposed." Our friends might have seen her in various "exposed" states; but holding an "Up Dog" right next to other people is on another level for her. But who knows...maybe she'll get around to trying it too; or not.