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Calling in sick to work always makes me uncomfortable, no matter how
legitimate the excuse. I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I am lying.
On one recent occasion I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was so damned humiliating.I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
head injury and hoped that I would feel up to coming in the next day.I
figured by then I could think up a whopper to explain the bandage on top of my
head.
The accident occurred mainly because I gave in to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitten.Initially the acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking a shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen Honey! "The garbage disposal is
dead again. Please come reset it. You know where the button is!" I
protested back, Reset it yourself! But I'm scared! she persisted, What if it
starts going and sucks me in? There was a meaningful pause and then, c'mon,
it"ll only take a second.
So out I came dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink
to find the button. It is the last action that I remember performing. It
struck without warning and without any respect to my circumstances
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into it's gnashing metal
teeth.It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects
she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and
stalked me as I reached under the sink. And at the precise moment that I was
most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys that I had unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of the kitten hanging
from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with the fight or
flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament I chose only the flight option.
I was fleeing straight up in to the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the
paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in life worse than finding
oneself lying on the kitchen floor naked in front of a bunch of Been-there,
Done-that paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my lovely wife on EXACTLY what
had happened, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct
their work. All the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter and
not succeeding. Somehow I managed to live through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where
colleagues tried to coax and explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent
claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was. What's the matter?
they all asked, Cat got your tongue?
Ooh the irony!
legitimate the excuse. I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I am lying.
On one recent occasion I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the
truth was so damned humiliating.I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
head injury and hoped that I would feel up to coming in the next day.I
figured by then I could think up a whopper to explain the bandage on top of my
head.
The accident occurred mainly because I gave in to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitten.Initially the acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking a shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen Honey! "The garbage disposal is
dead again. Please come reset it. You know where the button is!" I
protested back, Reset it yourself! But I'm scared! she persisted, What if it
starts going and sucks me in? There was a meaningful pause and then, c'mon,
it"ll only take a second.
So out I came dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink
to find the button. It is the last action that I remember performing. It
struck without warning and without any respect to my circumstances
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into it's gnashing metal
teeth.It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects
she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and
stalked me as I reached under the sink. And at the precise moment that I was
most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys that I had unwittingly offered and
snagged them with her needle like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of the kitten hanging
from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with the fight or
flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament I chose only the flight option.
I was fleeing straight up in to the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the
paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in life worse than finding
oneself lying on the kitchen floor naked in front of a bunch of Been-there,
Done-that paramedics.
Even worse, having been fully briefed by my lovely wife on EXACTLY what
had happened, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct
their work. All the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter and
not succeeding. Somehow I managed to live through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where
colleagues tried to coax and explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent
claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was. What's the matter?
they all asked, Cat got your tongue?
Ooh the irony!
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