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    Subject: Disorder in The Courts

    The following are from a book called Disorder in the Courts.
    Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    _____________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty eight or thirty five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty five years.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty one.
    ________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

  • #2
    Subject: Disorder in The Courts

    The following are from a book called Disorder in the Courts.
    Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    _____________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the car impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty eight or thirty five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty five years.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty one.
    ________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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    • #3


      And we're supposed to be the "smartest" animals are we?

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      • #4
        love that last one..

        alive and practicing law...

        Comment


        • #5
          In Alexandria, Minnesota there is an edict that says a man can't make love to his wife if he's got the stench of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath -- if his wife demands it, he is legally forced to brush his teeth first.

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