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  • Dogs and cats

    Of course everyone knows that dogs rule and cats should all be tied to a brick and taken swimming somewhere.

    Here is another reason to love dogs and HATE cats...

    A Dog's Diary

    7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
    8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
    2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
    3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
    6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
    7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
    8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
    11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

    A Cat's Diary

    Day 183 of my captivity.

    My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

    The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I
    get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs . .

    In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors; I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to Make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

    The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with Them regularly and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

  • #2
    Of course everyone knows that dogs rule and cats should all be tied to a brick and taken swimming somewhere.

    Here is another reason to love dogs and HATE cats...

    A Dog's Diary

    7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
    8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
    2 PM - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
    3 PM - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    4 PM - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
    6 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
    7 PM - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
    8 PM - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9 PM - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
    11 PM - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

    A Cat's Diary

    Day 183 of my captivity.

    My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

    They dine lavishly on fresh meat while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

    The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I
    get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

    Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs . .

    In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors; I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed.

    Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to Make them aware of what I am capable of and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.

    There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

    The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with Them regularly and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait.

    Comment


    • #3
      Maybe that's why they (cats) like to sit on your chest while you are relaxed watching TV, on the recliner, and they lay down with their a$$ in your face. BTW, we no longer have any cats.

      Comment


      • #4
        Dogs have owners.

        Cats have staff.

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        • #5
          You've done it again, Fish! Killer saw your post, and is headed your way. I advise you not to answer your door.

          Comment


          • #6
            Bring him on Bob!!

            My pooch and his trained warmonkey are dying to try out their new tactical nuclear assault rifle thingy!!!

            Comment


            • #7
              This could get interesting.

              Comment


              • #8
                Dear Dogs and Cats,

                The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

                The stairway is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

                I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
                your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm and disrespect.

                For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or stick your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathrooms for years, canine or feline attendance in not mandatory.

                The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's rear end, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. I cannot stress this enough!

                To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

                Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Always Complain About Our Pets:

                1. They live here. You don't.

                2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
                (That's why they call it "fur"niture )

                3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

                4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter
                who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

                Remember:

                Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask
                for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called,
                never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

                Comment

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