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TOP 8 MORONS OF 2006

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  • TOP 8 MORONS OF 2006

    TOP 8 MORONS OF 2006


    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

    8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
    NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

  • #2
    TOP 8 MORONS OF 2006


    1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

    2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

    3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

    4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

    6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

    7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

    8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
    NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
    Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

    Comment


    • #3
      I love it. These are wonderful. Thanks!

      Comment


      • #4
        Top stuff, its makes you wonder how these people manage to place one step in front of the other without instructions.
        If brains were dynamite they wouldn't have enough to blow their hats off!!!!

        Pete Knight

        Comment


        • #5

          I had to read it just to make sure I wasn't on it.

          Comment


          • #6
            quote:
            8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
            NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
            Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!


            Sure, you are laughing right now, but that was just the first prototype of our self-trailering boat design! We'll be Billionaires before you know it!

            -Mark

            Comment


            • #7
              ROFCMBVDs!!

              This should be proof positive that evolution isn't working...

              Comment


              • #8
                quote:
                Originally posted by Sanslines:
                8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
                NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
                Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

                I dunno about this one being true. I heard it as a "true story" that happened to a blonde woman many, many years ago, so it sounds like BS to me (I may have even heard it as a joke too on another occasion). Really makes me wonder about the rest... in fact, come to think of it, some years back I also heard #4 and #5 before as well...

                Comment


                • #9
                  I can't believe that half of these came from California; my home state.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    What a relief to find something about people that we all can laugh at...regardless of our respective differences!
                    It's not often that we can all laugh together.
                    How about the Top 8 Morons of 2005?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Someone sent me this - not sure what the difference is between an idiot and a moron:


                      I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
                      toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
                      woman called in very upset because she caught her
                      little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured
                      her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
                      no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
                      calmed down and at the end of the conversation
                      happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
                      ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told
                      her that she better bring her daughter into the
                      emergency room right away.

                      Here's your idiot sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        quote:
                        ROFCMBVDs!!

                        This should be proof positive that evolution isn't working...


                        Or that there is no such thing as Intelligent Design.

                        -Mark

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          quote:
                          Originally posted by harveym:
                          Someone sent me this - not sure what the difference is between an idiot and a moron:


                          I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
                          toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this
                          woman called in very upset because she caught her
                          little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured
                          her that the ants are not harmful and there would be
                          no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
                          calmed down and at the end of the conversation
                          happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
                          ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told
                          her that she better bring her daughter into the
                          emergency room right away.

                          Here's your idiot sign, lady. Wear it with pride.


                          He Doc,
                          You and I both know that there are a bunch of such people out there. That is why it is important to ask her early in the conversation "What have you done about it so far?". What would have happened if you never found out about the ant poison??

                          "to health and humanity" - The 3 Stooges

                          Have a GREAT day!
                          Kevin - EMT-B

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