Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Environmental Impact Statement

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Environmental Impact Statement

    Subject: Environmental Impact Statement for 'Operation Moses'

    From: Moses
    Chief Systems Analyst
    Chosen People Incorporated

    Background:

    The Lord spake unto Moses saying:
    “There is good news and bad news. The good news is that plagues shall smite your Egyptian oppressors. The Nile shall be turned into blood, the cattle will rot in the pastures, and frogs and locusts shall cover the fields. Gnats and flies shall infest the Pharoah's people, and hail and darkness shall visit punishment on the land of Egypt.”
    “Then will I lead the Children of Israel, parting the waters of the Red Sea so that they may cross, and thereafter strewing the desert with Manna so that they may eat.”
    “What is the bad news, Lord?”
    “You Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”

    Discussion:

    1.Turning the Nile to Blood – This temporary phenomenon will have negligible impact on the environment. Some problems are expected from the reactions of the more superstitious natives, but these should be minimal and are not expected to have measurable effects on the environment. A possible advantage will be the spin-off benefit for the Egyptian Red Cross Blood Donor Program.

    2.Dead and rotting cattle in the pastures – Severe environmental effects of a short term nature are expected to accompany the rotting of cattle (did you ever smell a dead cow?) but should be over in a week or so. For the long term, increased fertility of the fields due to heavy concentrations of wastes (dead cattle) in the pastures can be expected. The beef shortage will be further offset by increases in other livestock categories (see 3 below).

    3.Frogs and locusts covering the fields – This part of the operation, although suffering bad connotations due to the prevalent prejudice against locusts, is actually a real plus environmentally. The frogs are highly edible, and when fattened from eating locusts ( a staple in frog diets) are expected to more than offset the beef shortage. Some public relations will be required to create an atmosphere of acceptability for the frog-locust population. Attachment 1 is a very tasty recipe for Frog's Legs. Early dissemination via the press will be helpful.

    4.Gnats an flies infesting the Pharoah's people – The population decrease expected as a result of the presence of large quantities of disease bearing insects should have very beneficial long-term effects on the environment. Early projections show an overall population decrease of 10-15%, following which the frogs (see 3 above) are expected to control the flies and gnats.

    5.Hail and Darkness on the Environment – Experience indicates that some increase in the birth rate will follow about nine months after an unexpected period of darkness. It is hoped that the hail will put a damper (no pun intended) on this. As a spin off, hailstones make an excellent preservative for frogs legs, and inventive citizens are sure to come up with other ideas. The publicity office has an idea for something called 'On the Rocks' for embellishing mead and honey (see attachment 2) and feels that a P.R work will be all that is necessary.

    6.Parting of the Red Sea – This most important part of the operation will have severe short term effects on the environment, but should not be abandoned in view of its very real benefits for Chosen People Inc. A one-time fish kill of about 10,000 fish of all species followed by military casualties due to drowning of about 1,000 men is the anticipated effect. The Pharoah has indicated in secret conferences that he can spare the men if he can keep the fish. We have agreed to this.

    7.Strew the desert with Manna – Considering the current vogue for “Manna from Heaven”, it is anticipated that the Children of Israel will have the desert picked clean in less than 24 hours. This is consistent with the Children of Israel Desert Policy, “Take nothing but pictues, leave nothing but footprints”. The overall impact of the Manna-strewing phase will be limited to a few overweight individuals among the chosen, a small price to pay.

    Conclusions and Recommendations:

    Proceed at once with “Operation Moses”. Environmental impact will be within acceptable limits.

  • #2
    Subject: Environmental Impact Statement for 'Operation Moses'

    From: Moses
    Chief Systems Analyst
    Chosen People Incorporated

    Background:

    The Lord spake unto Moses saying:
    “There is good news and bad news. The good news is that plagues shall smite your Egyptian oppressors. The Nile shall be turned into blood, the cattle will rot in the pastures, and frogs and locusts shall cover the fields. Gnats and flies shall infest the Pharoah's people, and hail and darkness shall visit punishment on the land of Egypt.”
    “Then will I lead the Children of Israel, parting the waters of the Red Sea so that they may cross, and thereafter strewing the desert with Manna so that they may eat.”
    “What is the bad news, Lord?”
    “You Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement.”

    Discussion:

    1.Turning the Nile to Blood – This temporary phenomenon will have negligible impact on the environment. Some problems are expected from the reactions of the more superstitious natives, but these should be minimal and are not expected to have measurable effects on the environment. A possible advantage will be the spin-off benefit for the Egyptian Red Cross Blood Donor Program.

    2.Dead and rotting cattle in the pastures – Severe environmental effects of a short term nature are expected to accompany the rotting of cattle (did you ever smell a dead cow?) but should be over in a week or so. For the long term, increased fertility of the fields due to heavy concentrations of wastes (dead cattle) in the pastures can be expected. The beef shortage will be further offset by increases in other livestock categories (see 3 below).

    3.Frogs and locusts covering the fields – This part of the operation, although suffering bad connotations due to the prevalent prejudice against locusts, is actually a real plus environmentally. The frogs are highly edible, and when fattened from eating locusts ( a staple in frog diets) are expected to more than offset the beef shortage. Some public relations will be required to create an atmosphere of acceptability for the frog-locust population. Attachment 1 is a very tasty recipe for Frog's Legs. Early dissemination via the press will be helpful.

    4.Gnats an flies infesting the Pharoah's people – The population decrease expected as a result of the presence of large quantities of disease bearing insects should have very beneficial long-term effects on the environment. Early projections show an overall population decrease of 10-15%, following which the frogs (see 3 above) are expected to control the flies and gnats.

    5.Hail and Darkness on the Environment – Experience indicates that some increase in the birth rate will follow about nine months after an unexpected period of darkness. It is hoped that the hail will put a damper (no pun intended) on this. As a spin off, hailstones make an excellent preservative for frogs legs, and inventive citizens are sure to come up with other ideas. The publicity office has an idea for something called 'On the Rocks' for embellishing mead and honey (see attachment 2) and feels that a P.R work will be all that is necessary.

    6.Parting of the Red Sea – This most important part of the operation will have severe short term effects on the environment, but should not be abandoned in view of its very real benefits for Chosen People Inc. A one-time fish kill of about 10,000 fish of all species followed by military casualties due to drowning of about 1,000 men is the anticipated effect. The Pharoah has indicated in secret conferences that he can spare the men if he can keep the fish. We have agreed to this.

    7.Strew the desert with Manna – Considering the current vogue for “Manna from Heaven”, it is anticipated that the Children of Israel will have the desert picked clean in less than 24 hours. This is consistent with the Children of Israel Desert Policy, “Take nothing but pictues, leave nothing but footprints”. The overall impact of the Manna-strewing phase will be limited to a few overweight individuals among the chosen, a small price to pay.

    Conclusions and Recommendations:

    Proceed at once with “Operation Moses”. Environmental impact will be within acceptable limits.

    Comment

    Working...
    X