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Predictions for 2007

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  • Predictions for 2007

    The Bush twins will not serve in Iraq.

    Laura Bush will appear on Oprah and “confess” that she flunked “Smoke-Enders”.

    A Kiwi fruit will be opened at Wolfgang Puck’s which has the outline of Ronald Reagan’s profile. Neo-cons from around the world will crowd roadways and byways converging on the site in pilgrimage.

    Wolf Blitzer will appear on Oprah and admit that he suffers from panic attacks and night terrors that he might be replaced by someone with journalistic integrity. Christine Amanpour will issue denials that she has been picked to replace him.

    The People’s Republic of China will announce that it is discontinuing its one-dog per family policy. Simultaneously they will announce they have a plan to eliminate hunger in their country in the near future.

    A busload of pilgrims on the way to see the Ronald Reagan Kiwi fruit will plunge off a cliff.

    The producers of Brokeback Mountain will appear on Oprah and confess that they modeled the main characters after Bush and Blair.

    Vladimir Putin will host Saturday Night Live and tell the audience that when Bush looked into his eyes and saw his soul that when he looked back, he didn’t see anything.

    A school-board from Kansas will announce that it is seceding from the union in order to eliminate all references to evolution and Harry Potter and Iraq war casualties from its schools.

    Several Indiana pilgrims returning from viewing the Reagan Kiwi will claim their disappointment and say that to them it looked a whole lot more like Saddam Hussein than Ronald Reagan.

    George W. Bush will choke on a pretzel while watching reruns of Bedtime for Bonzo and fall and break his pint of Cream of Kentucky cutting himself on the shards.

    A ferry boat of pilgrims to the Reagan Kiwi shrine will sink in calm waters off Santa Catalina.

    Oprah will make a sudden appearance on The Situation Room and announce that she’s “in charge here” and that her first guest will be Al Haig. Wolf Blitzer will collapse into a sulk and begin sucking his thumb.

    James Woods will exit Puck’s and announce to paparazzi that he had upchucked his Kiwi salad. National Inquirer quoted him as saying, “It looked a lot like Reagan and I could never stomach the guy!”

    The Dallas Cowboys will not win the Superbowl.

  • #2
    Oh my o'my! It looks as though I missed one. Another "Second Rate Burglary" of a Democratic political office.

    Dodd's office burglarized

    HARTFORD, Connecticut (AP) — A spokeswoman for U.S. Senator Chris Dodd says someone broke into his Hartford office last night.

    Jamie Radice says she's not sure what was taken and a police investigation is underway. She said the senator's office would have no further comment.

    Police say the suspects apparently broke in through a second floor window at Dodd's office on Lewis Street and left evidence at the scene. Police are not saying what that evidence is or what was stolen.

    Authorities believe the burglary happened between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m. last night.

    Dodd has served in Congress for more than 30 years and is running for the Democratic nomination for president.

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