sense of humor

[Guest]

The lady I've been seeing hasn't laughed in the two months I've known her. I'm usually pretty funny when I'm casually joking around and people laugh all around me, but she hasn't cracked a smile yet. I asked, so as not to be paranoid, and some people who've known her a while have told me they've rarely seen her laugh. Sense of humor is important, but am I overreacting? I can see this being a big problem, because we all need laughter in our lives.

[Ren]

The lady I've been seeing hasn't laughed in the two months I've known her. I'm usually pretty funny when I'm casually joking around and people laugh all around me, but she hasn't cracked a smile yet. I asked, so as not to be paranoid, and some people who've known her a while have told me they've rarely seen her laugh. Sense of humor is important, but am I overreacting? I can see this being a big problem, because we all need laughter in our lives.

[nacktman]

No sense of humor = Big Problem.

[FireProf]

No sense of humor = NO SENSE!

[luvnaturism]

The lady who has now been my wife for 16 great years didn't crack a smile during our first three or four dates, and it certainly concerned me. I don't see how people get through the tough places in life without laughter, and even in the good times how much fun is it without enjoying some humor?

In our case it just turned out that she was intially shy, and once the ice broke we started having huge fun together. Still do.

On the other hand, there are lots of good marriages involving people who are reserved and undemonstrative. I wouldn't want to make a blanket statement that people who don't laugh or at least smile aren't good material for life partners.

What I would say is that since humor is so much a part of of who you are, it's fair and reasonable for you to pay attention to this concern. If you are feeling some attachment to this lady--if it's a relationship that you'd like to continue--then it would be good to talk with her about it. Find a non-threatening way to bring it up as an item of interest rather than taking a what's-wrong-with-you line.

[David77]

quote:

Originally posted by Ren:
Sense of humor is important, but am I overreacting? I can see this being a big problem, because we all need laughter in our lives.

I think that a sense of humor is one essential element of a mature personality. I, too, am concerned about this woman.

[garbo]

Laughter is very theraputic and is an essential part of successful relationships. Perhaps a suggestion that therapy may be a solution to determine the root of potential problems or underlying issues.

I was very unhappy several years ago, lost lifetime sensibilities and did not know why. I could not diagnose my own issues or create a gameplan for improvement. Some rather simplistic therapy programming and lightweight meds did the trick in a very short time.

[Ren]

It's probably too early on to suggest therapy. I'm going to play it by ear, because you never know. I grew more concerned when people who knew her longer said they didn't know if she did. We shall see. Till I noticed this, I didn't realize how much of my day is spent laughing, so it is important to me.

[sw1sweendog]

i can make the dead laugh,im a very sarcastic yet funny guy at parties,but seriosly ren,if she has'nt laughed for that amount of time.maybe theres deeper issues,like depretion or something

[nudenwv]

laughter is the best medicine!! maybe she is just a tough shell to crack. i'm sure the more she is around you you'll at one point hit her funny bone!

[Tampanude]

Tickle attack !!!!, LOL, just a thought.

Middle aged, avoiding "growing up"

[Ren]

Unfortunately, tickling would defeat the purpose. Could be fun, but wouldn't show the sense of humor... sigh.

[usmc1]

quote:

Originally posted by Ren:
Unfortunately, tickling would defeat the purpose. Could be fun, but wouldn't show the sense of humor... sigh.

I have lots of random, mostly unconnected thoughts.

We're hardwired to laugh and find humor and joy in life. If she seldomn or never smiles or laughs it is very likely she is not finding much joy or happiness or humor in life.

But, first, let me get a bit Platonic, what's funny? What makes people laugh?

Yeah, that's right....different things. Here's an example, broad slapstick stuff just leaves me cold, but my wife laughs at it in gales of laughter. I love story humor with sudden trick punchlines, yep, you got it, Mrs. USMC rolls her eyes and yawns.

So, If you're just basing your concerns on the fact that she doesn't find you funny, maybe you ain't as funny as you think. Or she's just a tough room.

Try taking her to different venues and see if she laughs. Or get some old Harold LLoyd movies. Real physical stuff, maybe that's what she finds funny.

If you've been with her in situations where everyone else is laughing and she is not, then there seems to be a real serious problem.

OK, so she's Ms. Sobersides. Now what?

Only you know what stage your relationship is in, but at some point you have to recognise that this is a signal of a deeper issue for her , which will worsen rather than improve.

I'm suspecting something in her upbringing or an event in her life has resulted in a woman who at some level is very fearful of letting go. I'm willing to bet that as life goes on for her that becomes the 'elephant in the room'.

Depending on how committed you are to making the relationship work and grow, you have some options.

If you are are really wanting this thing to work, you absolutely must talk with her about your concerns.

Otherwise, you need to understand that you can't "fix" another person, for them to change, they must recognise that change is needed, they must want to make the change and they have to be willing to do the work to make the change, and they must actually undertake the process.

Good luck, but I don't think the answers are going to be found here.

[Ren]

Well, I will say, it wasn't just me making jokes that day. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. But when my friend who has known her for two years said that she'd never seen her laugh, that's when I grew more concerned.

It's funny. I would love it to work, but I do know you can't change people. So, that's where it stands. I'm not in the psychiatry profession when it comes to dating, so I don't want to "solve" things, you know?

We'll see where it goes.

[usmc1]

quote:

Originally posted by Ren:
Well, I will say, it wasn't just me making jokes that day. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. But when my friend who has known her for two years said that she'd never seen her laugh, that's when I grew more concerned.

It's funny. I would love it to work, but I do know you can't change people. So, that's where it stands. I'm not in the psychiatry profession when it comes to dating, so I don't want to "solve" things, you know?

We'll see where it goes.

Yep, I do. Know that is. Be careful, don't settle. A little ying and yang makes for an interesting relationship but, one is also entitled to a comfort level.

I still the, "hey before we get real serious here, there's somthing I need to ask you approach is best."