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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    Just an FYI... After hearing of my humorless exchanges a friend passed my info onto someone else. That date is at the end of the week, but we talked on the phone today and laughter abounded. Like that deep laughter, too, not just some petty chuckles. Huzzah! That's a good start; hopefully promising all around.

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    Well, it's been a week since I made last contact, and there is no longing from me. Funny how there are times when you think you can't take another minute and how something comes along to fizzle it out. Hmm. Maybe I did dodge a bullet. I'm pretty fun-loving, yet I seem to attract the morose. That's gotta change.

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  • usmc1
    replied
    quote:
    Originally posted by Ren:
    Well, I might not have to worry. We seem to be falling out of touch. The sense of humor thing was one symptom of things heading in the wrong direction -- now we can't seem to get in touch with each other. Anyway, I don't know if she'd have an answer if I asked --- it's complicated, but a lot of indecisiveness accompanied answers to just about anything.


    Ren, buddy, I don't know if you've dodged a bullet or if you're just no longer being shot at. either way, I think you're going to be better off.

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    Well, I might not have to worry. We seem to be falling out of touch. The sense of humor thing was one symptom of things heading in the wrong direction -- now we can't seem to get in touch with each other. Anyway, I don't know if she'd have an answer if I asked --- it's complicated, but a lot of indecisiveness accompanied answers to just about anything.

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  • Bob S.
    replied
    She may just be a private laugher. Maybe she is uncomfortable laughing in public.

    Why not ask her, Ren, what makes her laugh; what is funny to her?

    Bob S.

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    I would definitely never settle, for sure. It's just when you think you met someone, something comes up. I just want to make sure I'm not being too picky, but it seems not laughing could reveal deeper issues.

    Next time we go out, I'll see if the non-laughing continues. Then it'll be time to discuss it.

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  • usmc1
    replied
    quote:
    Originally posted by Ren:
    Well, I will say, it wasn't just me making jokes that day. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. But when my friend who has known her for two years said that she'd never seen her laugh, that's when I grew more concerned.

    It's funny. I would love it to work, but I do know you can't change people. So, that's where it stands. I'm not in the psychiatry profession when it comes to dating, so I don't want to "solve" things, you know?

    We'll see where it goes.


    Yep, I do. Know that is. Be careful, don't settle. A little ying and yang makes for an interesting relationship but, one is also entitled to a comfort level.

    I still the, "hey before we get real serious here, there's somthing I need to ask you approach is best."

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    Well, I will say, it wasn't just me making jokes that day. Everyone was laughing and having a great time. But when my friend who has known her for two years said that she'd never seen her laugh, that's when I grew more concerned.

    It's funny. I would love it to work, but I do know you can't change people. So, that's where it stands. I'm not in the psychiatry profession when it comes to dating, so I don't want to "solve" things, you know?

    We'll see where it goes.

    Leave a comment:


  • usmc1
    replied
    quote:
    Originally posted by Ren:
    Unfortunately, tickling would defeat the purpose. Could be fun, but wouldn't show the sense of humor... sigh.


    I have lots of random, mostly unconnected thoughts.

    We're hardwired to laugh and find humor and joy in life. If she seldomn or never smiles or laughs it is very likely she is not finding much joy or happiness or humor in life.

    But, first, let me get a bit Platonic, what's funny? What makes people laugh?

    Yeah, that's right....different things. Here's an example, broad slapstick stuff just leaves me cold, but my wife laughs at it in gales of laughter. I love story humor with sudden trick punchlines, yep, you got it, Mrs. USMC rolls her eyes and yawns.

    So, If you're just basing your concerns on the fact that she doesn't find you funny, maybe you ain't as funny as you think. Or she's just a tough room.

    Try taking her to different venues and see if she laughs. Or get some old Harold LLoyd movies. Real physical stuff, maybe that's what she finds funny.

    If you've been with her in situations where everyone else is laughing and she is not, then there seems to be a real serious problem.

    OK, so she's Ms. Sobersides. Now what?

    Only you know what stage your relationship is in, but at some point you have to recognise that this is a signal of a deeper issue for her , which will worsen rather than improve.

    I'm suspecting something in her upbringing or an event in her life has resulted in a woman who at some level is very fearful of letting go. I'm willing to bet that as life goes on for her that becomes the 'elephant in the room'.

    Depending on how committed you are to making the relationship work and grow, you have some options.

    If you are are really wanting this thing to work, you absolutely must talk with her about your concerns.

    Otherwise, you need to understand that you can't "fix" another person, for them to change, they must recognise that change is needed, they must want to make the change and they have to be willing to do the work to make the change, and they must actually undertake the process.

    Good luck, but I don't think the answers are going to be found here.

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    Unfortunately, tickling would defeat the purpose. Could be fun, but wouldn't show the sense of humor... sigh.

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  • Tampanude
    replied
    Tickle attack !!!!, LOL, just a thought.

    Middle aged, avoiding "growing up"

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  • nudenwv
    replied
    laughter is the best medicine!! maybe she is just a tough shell to crack. i'm sure the more she is around you you'll at one point hit her funny bone!

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  • sw1sweendog
    replied
    i can make the dead laugh,im a very sarcastic yet funny guy at parties,but seriosly ren,if she has'nt laughed for that amount of time.maybe theres deeper issues,like depretion or something

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  • Ren
    Guest replied
    It's probably too early on to suggest therapy. I'm going to play it by ear, because you never know. I grew more concerned when people who knew her longer said they didn't know if she did. We shall see. Till I noticed this, I didn't realize how much of my day is spent laughing, so it is important to me.

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  • garbo
    replied
    Laughter is very theraputic and is an essential part of successful relationships. Perhaps a suggestion that therapy may be a solution to determine the root of potential problems or underlying issues.

    I was very unhappy several years ago, lost lifetime sensibilities and did not know why. I could not diagnose my own issues or create a gameplan for improvement. Some rather simplistic therapy programming and lightweight meds did the trick in a very short time.

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