My wife equates going to a nudist location with adultery

[Frank B.]

I am still having an ongoing discussion with my wife about nudism. She barely tolerates home nudity as long as I cover up with a towel around her. I mentioned going to a nude resort together and she nixed that right away even if she could remain clothed. I said that I would go alone then. She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that? I just told her I thought that was preposterous. If I were just going to ogle women I could go to a strip bar a lot closer to home. I have tried to explain that nudity can be non-sexual but she will not accept that.

[Frank B.]

I am still having an ongoing discussion with my wife about nudism. She barely tolerates home nudity as long as I cover up with a towel around her. I mentioned going to a nude resort together and she nixed that right away even if she could remain clothed. I said that I would go alone then. She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that? I just told her I thought that was preposterous. If I were just going to ogle women I could go to a strip bar a lot closer to home. I have tried to explain that nudity can be non-sexual but she will not accept that.

[nakednudists]

Frank B., it sounds that at some point in your wifes life, she began to relate nudity with sex. I think the most important thing right now is not to push your nudity on her. I think gradually introducing your lifestyle to her may work better because it seems that she is adament in her beliefs.
Also, explain to her that if she feels that going alone to a resort is commiting adultry, then ask her to accompany you, clothed if she prefers, and then ask her to give an opinion of the resort when leaving.
It seems that almost every time someone has the same situation that your wife does, they go to a nice resort and see that it is not about sex, but just a bunch of people that like to be naked. While there, she will notice that it is normal to stare just a little bit, as she will catch herself doing the same thing.
Remember, just give her alot of time and alot of space. The last thing you want to do is push your lifestyle all over her.
I think she will eventually come around. My girlfriend did and now she loves being naked.
Good luck!

the nakednudists

[Guest]

That's a typical attitude. Most people cannot disassociate sex from nudity.

[BackpackerBrian]

I agree with Jon-Marc and nakednudists; your wife equates nudity with sex. That is the underlying attitude that must be changed.

Can I suggest you contact the AANR for a free issue of "The Bulletin", their monthly newspaper (800/TRY-NUDE). They certainly show the positive side of nudism with this publication. They may also have a brochure on "Nudism from a Woman's Perspective," or at least they used to. In any case, the staff there is real friendly and helpful, so they can recommend other resources. But don't be pushy; give your wife some time to digest these materials.

You may also want to get a copy of Nude & Natural Magazine (can order at Skinnydipper Shop at naturist.com) too.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

[Ben_m]

quote:

Originally posted by Frank B.:
She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that?

Fairly easily. I go to the Doctor too (and in my case my Doctor is female). My wife also goes to they Doctor (and hospitals, etc.) - does yours? What changes in this context? It can only be the attitude - that's the key - it's in the attitude, not in the state of dress.

quote:

I have tried to explain that nudity can be non-sexual but she will not accept that.

Which means that for her (and many like her), it IS sexual. The most effective way I've had of communicating with my wife about this is to demonstrate first-hand. In your case, I suppose and/or it sounds like that may involve trying to find as unoffensive of a way as possible to lose the towel around the house.

Oh, and whatever you do, don't forget love and patience ,

[Naturist4Ever]

>> I said that I would go alone then. She said that would be like committing adultery!

Frank, (if you have not done so,) I suggest you read the topic started by sad-eyes (sue) named "I am a reluctant spouse". It's a long thread (many many posts).

[naturaltimes]

Your wife may not be objecting to nudism as much as she may be uptight about her own person - her body image, or something in her past lifes experiences that is causing her to refuse your suggestion.

Whatever it is, without a natural change in outlook on her part, you have to respect her lifes view on things. She has her feelings on things just like you do. If there was something in her past where she was treated in some negative way - before you, you may only be adding to her guilt - shame - or whatever if you continue to push. You may need to go this one alone or with a friend.

If you went to one of the Nudist Resorts one of the first things you will learn is to respect others without judgment. Right?

[Aaron_bongart]

quote:

Originally posted by Frank B.:
I am still having an ongoing discussion with my wife about nudism. She barely tolerates home nudity as long as I cover up with a towel around her. I mentioned going to a nude resort together and she nixed that right away even if she could remain clothed. I said that I would go alone then. She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that? I just told her I thought that was preposterous. If I were just going to ogle women I could go to a strip bar a lot closer to home. I have tried to explain that nudity can be non-sexual but she will not accept that.

WOW YOUR WIFE NEEDS TO GROW UP. FROM WHAT YOU TELL ME it sounds like she is imature

[usuallylurk]

quote:

Originally posted by Frank B.:
I am still having an ongoing discussion with my wife about nudism. She barely tolerates home nudity as long as I cover up with a towel around her. I mentioned going to a nude resort together and she nixed that right away even if she could remain clothed. I said that I would go alone then. She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that? I just told her I thought that was preposterous. If I were just going to ogle women I could go to a strip bar a lot closer to home. I have tried to explain that nudity can be non-sexual but she will not accept that.

Continue discussion. However, I am going to be a little contrarian here.

If she objects to your going - and equates it with adultery - then don't go. Your going might make her feel uncomfortable.

[Bob S.]

As Naturist4Ever mentioned, Sad-Eyed Sue (Sad Eyes) created a topic about something similar with nearly 200 replies. Hunker down and plan to stay a few hours if you want to read them all. It is here if you want to read it.

"She said that would be like committing adultery! How do you argue with that?"

You can't Frank. She is arguing with emotions and you can't counter with anything that will tone down her emotional response.

This will just take time. Try to gradually introduce more nudity into the home. In fact, if she is willing, let her read the Sad-Eyed Sue topic. She may find herself connecting with Sue and will be more willing to read the replies she gets.

Bob S.

[luvnaturism]

It might be helpful if you could identify the source of her extreme reaction toward nudity even in the privacy of your home. That may be hard, because she may not even know herself. At a time when you can be calm and caring toward her you might try gently asking if she can help you understand why nudity is so difficult for her.

Do you know whether your wife was ever sexually molested? If so, that could explain a lot.

[DoctorSurferDude]

I'm with LuvNaturism on this... strong reactions come from deeper within

Often times the best thing to do in an argument is to stop listening to what she's saying and start listening to what she's feeling. "Betrayed"....that is what she's feeling. I'm sure you never intended to make her feel that way, but it's in place nonetheless.

It will do no good to argue your side of "why nudism is not a sexual endevour" because that will simply not acknowledge her feelings. First you need to acknowledge her feelings, or else you'll just end up frustrated. Once you acknowledge her feelings....then maybe she'll begin to acknowledge yours (I hope).

1. Acknowledge her feelings...(listen past the words)
2. Apologize for any actions which have contributed to these feelings (it doesn't mean you are apologizing for your interest in nudism)
3. Be willing to compromise some (for now) to make peace
4. When you are at peace, then discuss YOUR FEELINGS. (it is already known that you go, so talk about WHY)
5. If she can come to an understanding of how important it is to you, THEN you can ask her if she is willing to learn what nudism is about (AANR resources, online articles, etc.)
6. Come to an agreement. You're both going to have to be willing to consider eachother's best interests.

So that little list may take days, or months...or years. But it's just food for thought really.

Good Luck.

[barbararuth]

Doc, you're good! You hit the nail on the head. Guys can not possibly understand the anquish some women feel about public nudity. It can be the ultimate turn-off to some.

Frank, this question has been addressed for as long as I have been reading posts on this site. There is no easy answer and no one answer that fits all. She may have many objections and perhaps the least offensive is actually adultery.. but adultery is a powerful word and she may be using it as a synonym for other thoughts to get your attention loud and clear!

She may feel that all nudist resorts are similar to Hedo with a highly-charge sexual atmosphere. More than likely this is not true in your area, and if so, show her a brochure or take her to their web site to demonstrate a more wholesome environment. She should see that it is truly non-sexual, perhaps even family-oriented environment with little to fear. Most resort marketing generally shows regular people.. not gorgeous models.. participating in regular activities.. like swimming, golfing, tennis, enjoying meals and a spa treatment (my personal favorite) or whatever is done at a textile resort. The best thing is to understand how friendly people are. You can get involved in a conversation with almost anyone..anywhere. No one is looking at her body, but only enjoying her level of participation. If she is shy, she can also refrain from all social contact until she gets acclimated.

Trust me, Frank.. it's not about adultery, it is something else.. perhaps many other things. And whatever you do.. don't sneak behind her back and visit your resort with another woman..unless of course, she agrees! I have seen that too many times at my resort and that can cause as many problems at being caught in the sack! She is either going to support your interest or not. You know this can't be forced. Compromise wherever you can. Indulge her interests if possible. One thing is for sure, nagging her about this issue won't solve a thing and may certainly drive you apart. Weigh the consequences and make smart decisions.

[Frank B.]

Thanks for all of the very interesting replies. You have given me much to think about and to read.

There are some ghosts in my wife's past that might be at work here. When she was young her older brother forced her into nude wrestling sessions with younger brother. I think that might be tainting her view of nudity as nonsexual. I plan to try to have open and sympathetic conversation on the subject of nudity with her.

By the way, the nearest resort does allow singles as long as you are nude. I will not visit again unless I tell my wife up front I plan to go.