Talking to a nudist...who doesn't go nude that much.

[NudonyII]

Let's look at a "fictional" scenario...that might not be so fictional for some.

So there is a person who has been coming to a resort for a bit of time now. You have noticed that this person is almost never nude outside the pool. Be it a sarong, towel or T-shirt; this person is always somehow "clad" whenever walking around the pool or interacting with other nudists.

You have actually talked to this person and he/she seems friendly enough. There doesn't seem to be any hang-ups about being in a nudist environment; however there does seem to be some hang-up about staying nude.

My question. Do you:
- Address it with the person in conversation. Be it casually or directly.
- Never bring it up
- Avoid the person entirely

I'll bring up my own experiences and observations further down the thread!

[Bob S.]

I would only bring it up if I was a close enough acquaintance or friend unless the conversation naturally came to it otherwise. I wouldn't avoid the person unless there were other issues with him. Bob S.

[FireProf]

Nudony, from what you describe in your post, sure, I'd bring it up in conversation but most likely ... casually.

[MRLIFLIF]

I've actually seen this a lot in my short time as a social nudist. Personally I just go with it, as I don't really think it's my place to enforce any sort of dress code. Some people may just feel more comfortable in clothes during certain activities, with the option to not wear clothes when they'd like.

[FireProf]

I suspect that some will give a similar answer to this scenario, as the one about, because they don't want to appear unaccepting and unwelcoming but the fact remains that a good many of us that have been social nudists for over 20 years, have seen this trend time and time again and it doesn't sit well with many of us that are dedicated nudists and not some exhibit at the zoo.

Being nude and visiting a nude resort or club has been described as an "equalizer." The clothes are gone, the pretentions are gone, we're all equal in that environment and you hope to meet others that have lots in common with yourself and they indeed friendly. Being around a bunch of clothed people does not provide that equalizer. Visiting a clothing optional resort means something different to everyone. For us, it means ... "nude when possible, clothed when practical." It's not; come clothed, stay clothed and watch all the naked people. My opinion has always been, if you've visited a nudist club, be it clothing optional or nude mandatory , and you 've visited a few times and still don't care to remove your clothing, then nudism, social nudism isn't for you and you should seek socializing elsewhere. This situation of never being naked around others and always visiting a nude resort or club, could border on voyeurism.

[Guest]

I have experienced this basic scenario on occasion. Most recently was Christmas 2015 at one of the larger and nicest nude resorts in Pasco County, FL. My wife and I were visiting family in the area and took a break for a relaxing weekend. The weather was more than pleasant for being nude outside, but there weren't many folks about. We went nude everywhere, the clubhouse, pool area, walking the grounds, the bar and restaurant. But we were the only ones nude unless we were in a hot tub. And unfortunately, no one seemed welcome to any conversation beyond their own pairings. I find it sad myself, there you are, surrounded in such wonderful surroundings, and you take no advantage of it. To each their own, but it left an uncomfortable experience with my wife who really has no intention to back there. Good thing there are so many other options in the area. As for how you approach it, some people are not overly social in any surrounding so unless they are acting improperly, I say leave them to their own choices. Clothing optional means just that, optional.

[FireProf]

nudkin ... you said; "As for how you approach it, some people are not overly social in any surrounding so unless they are acting improperly, I say leave them to their own choices. Clothing optional means just that, optional."

In your same post you also stated; "But we were the only ones nude unless we were in a hot tub. And unfortunately, no one seemed welcome to any conversation beyond their own pairings. I find it sad myself, there you are, surrounded in such wonderful surroundings, and you take no advantage of it. To each their own, but it left an uncomfortable experience with my wife who really has no intention to back there."

So it seems that even though you think we should "leave them to their own choices," your wife had a different take on this and won't return to a nude place where all the nudists were clothed.

This is the very issue I was speaking of and concerned about.

[Guest]

FireProf...maybe I wasn't very clear. Mrs Nudkin in fine going to nude places....she just didn't want to go back there. There were other factors in play also which aren't related to this topic. In fact, we are spending a day on an upcoming cruise at a nude resort during a port call in Roatan soon and both of us are excited about the day. While we aren't overly social, we welcome any meetings with people whenever we are at nude venues and always appreciate meeting folks.

And there is the opposite situation where someone comes over and is overly friendly which can also be equally disconcerting.

One final comment. I was a local place several years ago where I went frequent enough to get to know some resident members. A new guy showed up for a first time visit and had a hard time making the commitment to enter the pool. He came and went 2-3 times and made a few folks concerned about his motives. After a visit by one of the staff, they left together but he came back a bit later and took the plunge. He stayed a while in the pool but resisted any attempt by anyone to engage in conversation. He left after 30 min or so and never came back. Maybe he had alterior motives, or maybe he just wasn't up for it. But it left an impression which is in the mold of this topic. While I wasn't nervous about his presence, I know the mothers with young kids there were definitely watching him and their kids a little closer.

[FireProf]

nudkin ... what was Mrs. Nudkin's reason for not wanting to return to that particular resort?

[Guest]

nudkin ... what was Mrs. Nudkin's reason for not wanting to return to that particular resort?

The resort catered more to an alternative lifestyle. Signs everywhere for upcoming events. As well as fairly public actions of some of the other guests. Sad really, because the community is very upscale and would be a place I would be willing to own a seasonal home in the near future.

[FireProf]

The resort catered more to an alternative lifestyle. Signs everywhere for upcoming events. As well as fairly public actions of some of the other guests. Sad really, because the community is very upscale and would be a place I would be willing to own a seasonal home in the near future.

Okay ... that explains it and the Prof would be right there with Mrs. Nudkin!

[NudonyII]

In response.

Over the years I've also seen this scenario play out.
I've only known few people who practiced or exhibited a willful disdain for people who didn't go nude all the time.
Most nudists, in my experience, adopt a stance of "passive avoidance" around "infrequently nude" people. They're usually cordial, even friendly; but don't go out of their way to get to know them or figure out what "their deal" is.

Some nudists are much more inquisitive. Myself, I've typically asked other people, people I've known and who have associated with the "infrequently nude" person. The reason I have asked has most often been mere curiosity.
And I've seen people ask directly. Sometimes in a very intrusive manner. At Club O last year, my GF was asked very directly why she was staying covered up. Well it was actually her first time ever being among nudists. My GF's initial reaction was shock; but luckily my GF has thick skin and the gentleman was actually charming in a way. So she managed to laugh it off; and eventually go topless and then nude. But I think this approach is a slippery slope. "Why don't you just get naked?" can easily be misinterpreted or cause an adverse reaction. Even if it's meant as encouragement; if it's said the "wrong way" it can be understood as: "I'd really like to see you naked." And to a reluctant person, this can be really daunting. I personally wouldn’t want to be responsible for someone never returning to the resort.
So unless you have perfect comedic timing or are extremely charismatic; I wouldn’t recommend that approach. There are subtler ways of asking. Something along the lines of “are you enjoying yourself here?” or “what do you enjoy most about nudism so far?” opens the door for the person to explain their presence there in a non-confrontational manner.


So what is being “infrequently nude” all about in the first place? I was part of a conversation once where an “infrequently nude” lady was explaining herself. And the question had been asked in a non-confrontational manner; so the woman had no issues answering; although she had covered herself with a towel the moment she had been approached. She explained she enjoyed sunbathing and swimming nude; and people watching. But she couldn’t bring herself to “walking around naked” with “all her "parts jiggling and wiggling all over the place"”; or talking with someone “with her "boobs dangling in front of them."” I thought the imagery was a little bit strong; and I was a little but offended because she was obviously including me -standing there naked - in that description. Anyway, in short, she didn’t want "“eyes on her."” And it wasn’t even that she was trying to overcome any hurdles; she appreciated people who were more open - she just didn’t want to be that way herself. Period.
Although that is not the only explanation for “infrequent nudity”, that got me to thinking. What struck me most about her explanation was the “enjoying people watching” part - and the strong imagery she used. She admittedly enjoyed looking at nudists; but characterized it as "“parts jiggling and wiggling all over the place."”

That leads me to believe that she "was “projecting".”

In her mind, because she interpreted nudists just being active as "“parts jiggling and wiggling all over the place"”, that’s how she believed she would be perceived if she stayed nude to walk around or socialized nude.
How do change the mind of someone who believes that everyone thinks of nudity in terms of "“flapping or wiggling parts"” because just they do, and firmly believes their “"parts"” will garner the same attention he/she gives others? Not to be the “eternal pessimist”; but I’m not sure it can be done. Can that attitude be harmful to nudism? I think yes if it is allowed to propagate unchecked. For newbies and nudists who do not believe active nudism is mostly “"flopping breasts and wiggling penis"”, this kind of attitude can be detrimental.

[FireProf]

We've had the same thing happen to us/The Prof, while at Club O. On our 3rd or 4th visit, the Prof had to start wearing a SPF, long sleeved shirt while out in the water. We'd spend an hour or more out there just bobbing and talking to friends. Some guy we didn't know came up to us as we were getting out of the water and said, "hey, don't be shy. Take the shirt off and enjoy yourself!" To that I looked at my wife, looked at him and said, "yeah pal, she's shy. That's why she's naked from the waist down! She's protecting herself from the sun." He apologized and moved on. Some of those we've encountered on the beach at Club O can be a bit full of themselves and become the "clothed/covered police, or the I'll convert you completely expert." Thankfully they are few and far between.

I've heard the same comments around jiggling, flopping and wiggling. I've responded something to the affect that we aren't Barbie and Ken dolls, made of plastic. When we move, so does our skin and most parts of our body. The expectations of many people, even some nudists, that we need to fit into this mold of tight, well proportioned bodies, like some of us had at 16. It's just not the norm.

I would never ask someone "why don't you just get naked." If I knew them well enough or seen them enough times and we've at least been friendly or cordial toward one another, I'd just ask, "I notice that you're never nude and you visit/live in a nudist club/resort/community. I'm just curious, why is that?" I've used this same approach to those visiting our nude beach, Black's Beach in San Diego. I/we often see and spend lots of time on the beach and are sometimes surrounded by clothed visitors. Many of them are young females and males. I don't have a problem with going up to them, introducing myself and asking them why they chose to come to a known nude beach and remain clothed or in bathing suits? Some have good answers, some have no answer and a few have stripped off eventually and others just get up and walk away. All in all, though, not near as aggravating as the naked gawkers!

[Biker]

We did the Big Nude Boat in 2013. That was the largest group of nudists wearing clothing we had ever seen. Should have called it the big skinny dip because that was where the nude people were. We stayed nude for the trip and even had comments made to us about why we were not dressed for some of the events. We just replied "We thought it was a nude boat trip"

Just don't get it.

[Guest]

Biker, that's the reason I have not pushed going on a nude cruise with the Mrs yet. Too many accounts such as yours. Met. Nice couple the last time we were at a nude resort in Fort Worth area who had been on 2 or more nude cruises recently. I just wish there were more nude tours on cruise ship ports in the western Caribbean. We only found one in Roataan and non in Belize or Cozumel.

Maybe if I lived full time in the environment it might be different. But I take advantage of every minute I can to be free. Even in non nude locales where it's possible I might be seen caught by someone. Never overly risky mind you as I know my limits.