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  • Jaccuzi Incident

    My wife was out for the evening so I had some good friends of mine over.We decided to have a few beers and hang out in the jacuzzi.I loaned one of them a pair of swim shorts and realised I had no other shorts. It was dark outside so i figured it would be ok if I just hopped in natural.There were 3 of us and my jacuzzi is plenty big.(Keep in mind I grew up where it was ok to go natural as long as it was family n friends..hotsprings etc)I realise the majority public is uptight so Im explaining way too much.My friend of 8 years looked pale but i was determined that at my house I can be ME.He made a comment or two and I said "hey Im not waving anything in your face" (being humorous or so I thought) then I promptly sat up on the side to cool off(and to prove my point).My other friend was fine..he had similar upbringing as we discussed after the "incident".My then clearly offended friend got angry and walked 2 miles home and I havent talked to him since.I think its sad that he was brought up that way and even more sad that it would cost a friendship.Was I wrong to do that?

  • #2
    My wife was out for the evening so I had some good friends of mine over.We decided to have a few beers and hang out in the jacuzzi.I loaned one of them a pair of swim shorts and realised I had no other shorts. It was dark outside so i figured it would be ok if I just hopped in natural.There were 3 of us and my jacuzzi is plenty big.(Keep in mind I grew up where it was ok to go natural as long as it was family n friends..hotsprings etc)I realise the majority public is uptight so Im explaining way too much.My friend of 8 years looked pale but i was determined that at my house I can be ME.He made a comment or two and I said "hey Im not waving anything in your face" (being humorous or so I thought) then I promptly sat up on the side to cool off(and to prove my point).My other friend was fine..he had similar upbringing as we discussed after the "incident".My then clearly offended friend got angry and walked 2 miles home and I havent talked to him since.I think its sad that he was brought up that way and even more sad that it would cost a friendship.Was I wrong to do that?

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    • #3
      McGee,

      While I don't think you were wrong to jump in YOUR jaccuzzi au naturel your friend was offended. PErhaps you should have stated that you didn't have a suit and would be au naturel. Did anyone mind? Also maybe you shouldn't have sat on the edge, uncovered - from your post I take it this is when your friend became real mad and left.

      Take care

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      • #4
        Maybe your friend was upset because you were in an all male environment ( I assume), so therefore he most probably felt threatened rather than angry at your nudity. Maybe if you had been in mixed company, I am sure that he would have felt more at home.
        Strange that here where I live, there is no chance of females joining us naked due to the religion - we are quite happy to be all male and nude with little or no sexual undertones implied (although that does depend on the company sometimes).
        You were within your rights to do what you did, and maybe if your other friend had joined you ( the one you lent the swim suit to) then you wouldn't be feeling so bad about the situation.
        What a shame you hadn't not lent the swim suit, but instead suggested to your supporter friend that anyway you go au naturel in the jacuzzi, then your other friend could have made up his mind before the incident occured.

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        • #5
          quote:
          Originally posted by turkisnudes:
          [qb]. . . . Strange that here where I live, there is no chance of females joining us naked due to the religion - we are quite happy to be all male and nude with little or no sexual undertones implied (although that does depend on the company sometimes). . . . What a shame you hadn't not lent the swim suit, but instead suggested to your supporter friend that anyway you go au naturel in the jacuzzi, then your other friend could have made up his mind before the incident occured.[/qb]
          Turkisnudes -

          Good advice there at the end. Why loan a friend a suit if you're not going to be wearing one? Better to just suggest at the beginning that everyone skinnydip. If someone isn't comfortable with that, you can work it out from there without losing a friend. It's generally not a good idea to just surprise people with nudity.

          Incidentally Turkisnudes, I sent you a private message. One of the things I mentioned in it is that when I was in Istanbul last year I went to a traditional Turkish bath (wonderful!) where I was surprised that the men, who have their own private area, were required to keep covered with a towel.

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          • #6
            My other guest didnt mind at all.We were brought up the same as we discussed later.I spoke with him yesterday to see if he had heard from my "offended" friend yet.No word from him yet.I may have been out of line to hop in un-announced like that, but it also upsets me to be made to feel shameful about doing it.Societys thinking today really stinks as we all know. Thanks all for your input. ~Jerry

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            • #7
              I had a similiar experience last summer. A good friend and I stayed at a hotel that has a clothing optional pool + jacuzzi area. I chose not to wear a suit. Bear in mind that I stayed in the water 95% of the time and was very discret. He didn't know where to look. What made the whole thing so odd is the fact that we have been nude around eachother thousands of times (gym showers / hanging out at home / etc). He kept a suit on and stuttered alot. We haven't addressed it directly. But I will be damned if I'll ever put on a suit because a friend was offended.

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              • #8
                Thanks Mikey Bear, I agree 100%.Its that I know Im right to not be ashamed.And as to your friend not bringing it up again, the same thing happened here.My friend called me yesterday acting like nothing happened.Of course I didnt bring it up again either.The good news is we are talking again.Thanks all for your support and insight.~Jerry

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                • #9
                  quote:
                  Originally posted by McGee:
                  [qb]The good news is we are talking again...[/qb]
                  ...but not about the "incident"?

                  I think you should attempt to clear the air as if neither of you mention it again it will confirm his view that nudity is best not seen or spoken about. If I were in your position I'd tackle it along the lines of an apology if the incident made him feel uncomfortable (which if he's any sort of friend he'll accept) and perhaps an agreement that you'll warn him in future if he's likely to see you naked. Don't allow yourself to say it won't happen again - it's your jacuzzi after all!

                  With any luck this will open up the conversation to allow him to express his feelings and for you to help him understand that simple nudity is nothing to be ashamed of.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Rik,

                    I agree with you 100%. Simple nudity is nothing to be ashamed of. Some people constantly associate nudity with sex. It would have been a DIFFERENT story if he was "dangling in his face". But, simple nudeness is natural. It's no different than a guy walking by your locker nude on his way to or from the shower at the gym. It doesn't offend me.

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                    • #11
                      I think its best not to bring it up again.We are talking now, and I think bringing it up again will make him more upset.As Ive mentioned, we've been friends for many years.After being friends so long you learn to read each other pretty well.Theres another can of worms here that I hadnt realised or even thought of.All the years we been friends weve never come across having to be nude.He dated my sister once upon a time and of course she told me everything.And as untasteful as it was of her to tell me this, hes not the most endowed guy on the planet.His last words before he left that night were "you know what youre doing".I think this is a combination of paranoia and the fact(no Im not bragging)that Im a bit oversized.I think he felt I was making fun of him.You'd have to know the person Im taling about to understand..but I do.And considering we were drinking thats not so far fetched.People who havent spent alot of time with others nude I beleive would tend to feel inadequate.Or not know if they are adequate.But the bottom line is Im not going to mention it again to him.If he says something to me I'll be happy to talk to him about it.Theres a topic..adequacy. Thanks again for your input ~Jerry

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                      • #12
                        McGee, without a doubt your friend thought you were not only making fun of his lack of manhood, but also showing off what you have. I'm sure that wasn't your intention, but that's the way he saw it. Being on the below average size myself I know how he feels. It took me a long time to get up the nerve to try social nudity, and when I did I wondered why I hadn't done it a lot sooner. However, I was afraid of being laughed at, and I wasn't.
                        I am always hearing and reading the words, "Size doesn't matter", but I disagree with that. It matters to those who don't have it. When a man is above average in size it's easy for him to say those words. If a man my size says it, it's only to reassure himself even though he doesn't believe it.

                        However, getting into social nudity has helped me to realize that most male nudists are not well endowed. Many nudists are not even slim. I'm learning that nothing matters except your attitude and behavior. Be nude and have fun. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

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                        • #13
                          There is a battlecry amongst nudists that "nude is not lewd". There should likewise be one that states that "nude won't be rude". It doesn't make any difference why the friend was upset by the nudity. It could have been any one or more of the reasons suggested. The behavior was just plain rude.

                          I have been in situations with friends with whom I have been nude and I still ask, are we weariing bathing suits? Maybe the hostess doesn't want this evening to be nude, maybe she's epecting a late arriving guest, maybe her neighbors are nosy, maybe their teenager is epected home. Who knows?

                          To surprise someone with your nudity when unexpected was rude. Was it the worst offense? No, it should have been handled better by both of you.

                          It would be nice if a sane discussion could follow, but for now a simple "That won't happen again" should suffice. In case you're wondering, the nude person should make that statement to the offended friend.

                          It's one thing to advocate social nudity and it is quite another to spring it on someone.

                          Once, I had a friend that suggested that he would be reluctant to accept a dinner invitation at our home because he had heard that we used the jacuzzi, au naturel, with other friends. He and his wife felt that that would be embararassing for them.

                          I assured him that it wouldn't even come up when he was there because I would make known that they were not comfortable with the situation.

                          For the one respondent who stated something to the effect that he wasn't going to give up his nudity for any friend, I suggest that that situation will be self-correcting. He won't have any friends soon.

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                          • #14
                            Hey Burntbuns,

                            I'm the guy who said I would be damned if I was going to wear a suit because a friend was offended. Did you read my entire response? We were at the CLOTHING OPTIONAL pool area of a hotel - Not a subway during rush hour. Again -- We've been nude around eachother more times than we can count. As far as size goes, guess what? My buddy is bigger than me. And I don't care.
                            Friends? I'm glad to say I have a good amount of great people in my life with whom I'm friends. I've yet to loose a friend for the above reason.
                            You're response seems a bit harsh.

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