A Story to Relate

[Stu2630]

This is not a happy story. Last night I came home from an evening out feeling shaken up and seething in anger. Anyway, this is the story - make of it what you will.

I met an old schoolfriend, Frank, in the pub - he's sort of an occasional drinking buddy. Frank is what our American cousins would probably call a redneck. He is very right wing in his politics; thinks women should all stay at home, cook and have babies; and he is immensely intolerant of most minority groups. Frank and I are very different animals, but we have a similar sense of humour and always got on because we were good compant for each other. Until last night.

I made the mistake of telling Frank about my last holiday in Denmark, and my experience of visiting a clothing-optional beach (albeit that I kept my shorts firmly on!). I mentioned that I sometimes come here and chat with some people who are nudists, although I'm not one myself and never will be. Frank was horrified. He made some extremely unpleasant remarks about nudists and their motives which I am not going to repeat here, but showed him up for the bigot that he is. And I told him that in no uncertain terms - and I told him that I considered some nudists I have got to know on the Internet as cyber-friends and I would not accept him slating them in the way he had. Anyway, after exchanging insults and him telling me to go and chat to my "weirdo pals", we went our separate ways. I doubt we will ever speak again.

I suppose a fallout with this guy was going to happen sooner or later because he is so narrow-minded and he comes out with some dreadful sweeping statements based upon his ignorance and bigotry. But I still feel bad about the whole thing and I hope somebody here will take pity and offer me a few encouraging words.

Stu

[Stu2630]

This is not a happy story. Last night I came home from an evening out feeling shaken up and seething in anger. Anyway, this is the story - make of it what you will.

I met an old schoolfriend, Frank, in the pub - he's sort of an occasional drinking buddy. Frank is what our American cousins would probably call a redneck. He is very right wing in his politics; thinks women should all stay at home, cook and have babies; and he is immensely intolerant of most minority groups. Frank and I are very different animals, but we have a similar sense of humour and always got on because we were good compant for each other. Until last night.

I made the mistake of telling Frank about my last holiday in Denmark, and my experience of visiting a clothing-optional beach (albeit that I kept my shorts firmly on!). I mentioned that I sometimes come here and chat with some people who are nudists, although I'm not one myself and never will be. Frank was horrified. He made some extremely unpleasant remarks about nudists and their motives which I am not going to repeat here, but showed him up for the bigot that he is. And I told him that in no uncertain terms - and I told him that I considered some nudists I have got to know on the Internet as cyber-friends and I would not accept him slating them in the way he had. Anyway, after exchanging insults and him telling me to go and chat to my "weirdo pals", we went our separate ways. I doubt we will ever speak again.

I suppose a fallout with this guy was going to happen sooner or later because he is so narrow-minded and he comes out with some dreadful sweeping statements based upon his ignorance and bigotry. But I still feel bad about the whole thing and I hope somebody here will take pity and offer me a few encouraging words.

Stu

[Fuzzy Nuts]

I am sorry that nudism broke up your friendship. I guess its a subject like politics and religion that is best not brought up.

Unfortunately the world suffers from too many insensitive, intolerant people and we just have to do what we feel is best despite them.

Just maybe your friend after reviewing the argument and words last night may be a little more open to others but I doubt so.

[Caipora]

Stu, perhaps the reason that there's a distance between you and your old friend is that you have grown, and he has not. One of the principal charms of this board is that there is a broad spirit of tolerance. It rubs off. On the specific topic of nudity I think that if you look back, your visit to the beach in Denmark would have been impossible for the Stu of several years ago.

SO he hasn't gotten worse. You've gotten better.

- Caipora

[John P]

It's a pity that your tolerance collided with his bigotry, but I'd call it an incident waiting to happen. What I'm a little curious about is why it took so long, when you weren't under any illusions about his outlook. I mean, the quarrel took place over nudists, but it sounds as though it could have been about (let's say) attitudes toward ethnic minority groups, or relations between men and women, or something similar. Perhaps we should be happy to hear that you'll fight for nudists whereas when it's other groups, you've let it go by!

[Nudeinbama]

If it helps any, I and I'm sure we, as the nudist community appreciate your defending your knowledge of that we're not all a bunch of weido's or sex craved maniac's. For the most part we're all good people, and we appreciate your knowing that. Nudist or not, you've always got freinds here and some good input into our conversations.
Nudeinbama

[Big-Thinker]

I've had instances in life where I casually mentioned, to someone I knew, going to a nude beach "once" (obviously severely downplaying it, to test the waters), got a negative reaction or weird look and never ever brought it up again. Sad thing is, some of those people might have benefited immensely from finding our more and becoming nudists themselves. I guess some freedoms are just too scary for the average person.

[Sweaty]

Count this as a blessing. You no longer have to tolerate this person in your life. Whatever his good qualities, his lack of interest or acceptance of you as a person makes every encounter with him damaging to you. The best thing about being a nudist - and a gay one at that - is that it helps weed these kinds of people out of my life fast.

[OZJames]

Two of our very best friends are right winged racist rednecks -if one can be all three they certainly are. We like them because they are basically good people, allways willing to help anybody needing help, are fun to be with (mostly) and we have many common interests.

However we regularly have some slinging matches about their extreme racist views. He tries to bate us hoping for a severe reaction to his racism. We certainly react.

They understand us , we understand them and despite some pretty harsh words sometimes, we are still GOOD FRIENDS.

Stu - have another go at keeping him as your friend.

JAMES

[Liam]

quote:

Originally posted by Sweaty:
Count this as a blessing. You no longer have to tolerate this person in your life. Whatever his good qualities, his lack of interest or acceptance of you as a person makes every encounter with him damaging to you. The best thing about being a nudist - and a gay one at that - is that it helps weed these kinds of people out of my life fast.

I'm not so sure about this. OZJames comes closer to my thinking. My BEST friend is a right-wing extremist and a Christian fundamentalist. We often disagree. It causes a lot of distress for both of us. We try to avoid any talk of politics but it can't be entirely avoided. He keeps me intellectually honest and I think I help him to moderate a lot of his views. We value our friendship. He is like a brother to me, but I don't like his positions on much of our convictions. We have had rough spots in our 35 year friendship and he is not psycologically able to offer a direct apology so I usually make the approach. It is a small payment for the benefit.

[Fuzzy Nuts]

Liam, as usual, your verbal skills are fantastic - I wish I could have said that.

[luvnaturism]

Stu - None of us has so many friends that we can afford to just shrug off the loss of one. I understand why you would be upset and feel the void. At the same time I commend you for drawing a line in support of yourself and your cyberfriends. Some risks have to be taken, and some prices have to be paid, if we're to continue to like the man in the mirror.

Not so long ago I was in a similar position. I was with the man who is both my longest-standing friend and the most conservative person I've known. He made a phone call, during the course of which he made a deeply offensive racist comment. After the call he repeated the same comment to me, and I knew that I had to decide between risking our friendship or allowing other friends who are African American to be insulted.

So life brings us these moments. I agree with Calpora that you have grown over the years in your appreciation of people who happen to enjoy naturism. Thanks for making the stand.

[walter05]

Stu;

I believe that you generally like intelligent thoughtful conversation.

If your friend makes snap judgements about people, I expect he is not particularly good at intelligent thoughtful conversation.

I expect that the breakup was coming and this was just the last straw.

Please focus on the many friends you get from being open minded and thoughtful. They are a good compensation for the few you lose that are not.

[NudeAl]

Well Stu I do appreciate your standing up for us. I too have a frew friends who have a narrow veiw of things. I think just maybe you learned a little of wht it feels like for some of us when we attempt to have a conversation with some of our friends on this subject. It is very nerve racking to even bring this subject up depending on your relationship to the person. I hope you and your drinking buddy continue to be friends but you do have my respect and thanks.

[NudistGuy47]

Stu,

Thank you for sharing the story of the encounter with your friend. I am sure it is painful to think he is lost to you after so many years of enjoying his company.

As others have said, I feel you have grown a bit with your interaction on these boards. Your growth coupled with his insensitivity lead to the blow-up. Maybe he is having some second thoughts as to the outcome of that conversation.

My advice is be cordial the next time you see him. Say hello and gauge the reaction. If he returns the greeting, feel free to spend time with him. If not, or he retorts with some offensive remark, then move on. Life is too short to waste the positive energy on trying to maintain something that goes against our values.

Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the future.