Dear Abby letter: nudist or exhibitionist?

[Bob S.]

The following is the Dear Abby from Mar. 3. I find it amazing that no one has called the police yet. This seems to be a very accepting community. I also liked how Abby explained the difference between a nudist and an exhibitionist.

Bob S.


DEAR ABBY: We have a male neighbor I'll call "Flash" who frequently walks out to get his newspaper -- or the mail, or to retrieve something from his car -- while he's as naked as the day he was born. (He's in his late 50s and divorced.) Some of the women in the neighborhood know not to look toward Flash's home if they're out for a walk. They have discovered that he is most likely in the buff, standing at his glass door or sitting at his front office computer with the door open.

Flash is otherwise a likable and helpful neighbor. We do not want to say anything that might destroy that relationship. It's not against the law to be a nudist, or for a woman to go topless in public in this city. However, to see a fella streak to his car is a little surprising and unsettling, even for another adult.

In the normal course of things, he may be spotted in the nude once a week. I can only assume this goes on daily, but thankfully, our paths don't cross more than once a week. Is this something we should be concerned about? -- STARTLED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR STARTLED: Yes, it's something you should be concerned about. Your neighbor appears to be an exhibitionist -- someone who gets his kicks from exposing himself. The difference between an exhibitionist and a naturist -- someone who enjoys going to clothing-optional resorts -- is the exhibitionist "flashes" to get sexual pleasure from shocking people. This is not true of the naturist.

The incidents of exposure that you have seen are not accidents. You would be doing your community a favor to photograph Flash in the act and forward the pictures to your local police station. A picture is worth a thousand words, and he may be breaking the laws against indecent exposure.

P.S. If women going topless in public in Austin, Texas, is permissible, it's news to me.

[Bob S.]

The following is the Dear Abby from Mar. 3. I find it amazing that no one has called the police yet. This seems to be a very accepting community. I also liked how Abby explained the difference between a nudist and an exhibitionist.

Bob S.


DEAR ABBY: We have a male neighbor I'll call "Flash" who frequently walks out to get his newspaper -- or the mail, or to retrieve something from his car -- while he's as naked as the day he was born. (He's in his late 50s and divorced.) Some of the women in the neighborhood know not to look toward Flash's home if they're out for a walk. They have discovered that he is most likely in the buff, standing at his glass door or sitting at his front office computer with the door open.

Flash is otherwise a likable and helpful neighbor. We do not want to say anything that might destroy that relationship. It's not against the law to be a nudist, or for a woman to go topless in public in this city. However, to see a fella streak to his car is a little surprising and unsettling, even for another adult.

In the normal course of things, he may be spotted in the nude once a week. I can only assume this goes on daily, but thankfully, our paths don't cross more than once a week. Is this something we should be concerned about? -- STARTLED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR STARTLED: Yes, it's something you should be concerned about. Your neighbor appears to be an exhibitionist -- someone who gets his kicks from exposing himself. The difference between an exhibitionist and a naturist -- someone who enjoys going to clothing-optional resorts -- is the exhibitionist "flashes" to get sexual pleasure from shocking people. This is not true of the naturist.

The incidents of exposure that you have seen are not accidents. You would be doing your community a favor to photograph Flash in the act and forward the pictures to your local police station. A picture is worth a thousand words, and he may be breaking the laws against indecent exposure.

P.S. If women going topless in public in Austin, Texas, is permissible, it's news to me.

[DoctorSurferDude]

I've gotta agree with Abby....

I don't know what his intentions are and frankly I don't care whether his intentions are good or bad. If he is exposing himself to neighbors and offending them, then he is abusing his right to be nude. It is SO easy to just put on a robe, especially when you know that there is a chance a non-nudist might see you. His actions are reckless and he will likely get into trouble for that kind of behavior.

[fredm74]

I completely agree, DoctorSurferDude.

quote:

Originally posted by DoctorSurferDude:
I've gotta agree with Abby....

I don't know what his intentions are and frankly I don't care whether his intentions are good or bad. If he is exposing himself to neighbors and offending them, then he is abusing his right to be nude. It is SO easy to just put on a robe, especially when you know that there is a chance a non-nudist might see you. His actions are reckless and he will likely get into trouble for that kind of behavior.

[nudeM]

Yea, I saw that article also. I tend to agree in that the gentleman is indeed an exhibitionist rather than a nudist. By sitting at his computer and standing by his door with the doors and windows wide open makes one wonder what his intentions really are. He definately gets his 'thrills' by letting others viewing his naked body.

At least nudists have the common courtesy to close the doors and windows to the outside world. Sure, I prance around the back yard nude, but the neighbors all know of my nudity, but never in the front, not even in the early morning hours. There is a street light right in front of our house, so the chances of getting 'caught' are there.

I'm sure other nudists do the same. They keep their nudity within their own boundry and do not 'exhibit' to the world. To that, I agree with Dear Abby.

[nacktman]

Funny thing is this "letter" crops up every 9 to 10 months as filler for the space in the paper when "Abby" is too lazy to write anything new.

[Naturist Mark]

Again we are only hearing one side of the story.

It isn't out of line for a nudist to be nude in their own home at all hours. Yes, they absolutely do have to be careful about how visible they are from public spaces beyond their property, and if we take the complaining letter on face value it looks like this guy is careless. However, we do not have enough evidence to say he is deliberately showing off as 'Dear Abby' opines.

Further, from the tenor of the letter even the complainer suggests that the man is a good neighbor, has a good relationship with his neighbors - who apparently all know he is a nudist. I would suspect he feels secure enough not to worry about his immediate neighbors, and may only venture out momentarily for a paper etc. when he knows there are no outsiders in view.

Abby goofed. If a neighbor has a problem with the level of discreteness in his nudity, they should talk to him before they do "anything that might destroy that relationship", which going to the police without giving him a chance would certainly do.

Abby feels free to jump to conclusions about people's motives on slim evidence. We don't have to. The police and secret photography option is still there if a polite conversation doesn't work.

-Mark

[garbo]

I rarely inspire nudist converstion with my reluctant wife.. usually because I get answers I don't want to hear! Strangely enough we happen to agree on this topic. A nudist or naturist practicing a lifestyle in a nudist environment is one thing. Forcing that lifestyle outside a nudist environment can be and usually is exhibitionist in nature.

When one lives in a residential neighborhood, common courtesy rules prevail, like (for example) ...keeping noice levels down, keeping your property well managed, picking up after your pets.. and, NOT WALKING AROUND OUTSIDE FOR ALL THE NEIGHBORS TO SEE! Am am missing something here???

[shomymojo]

Darn...I guess I am going to have to be more careful...so I won't upset the neighbors...LOL...

[luvnaturism]

Abby's probably right that the guy is an exhibitionist. At the very least he lacks an appropriate survival instinct.

On the other hand, he's really living the way most of us would like to be able to live.

[Geo]

He should be more discrete. I have gone out a number of times to get the morning paper naked, but always when it was still dark and very early. Granted someone else could be up then and see me, but that's not my goal. I sleep naked, so I just go out and get the paper that way. I definitely wouldn't do that during the day. I have a wrap with snaps on it, sort of a kilt, which I often put on to go out in the yard. Very easy on, easy off. I would hope a neighbor will voice there concerns with him before calling the police. Then if he persists he shouldn't be shocked when they show up at his door.

[Nude in the North]

I too, occasionally run out to my car or garage to get something. And being a nudist, it's a bit unhandy to get dressed for something that will only take a minute or two. And if there truly are No laws against being nude in public in the city of Austin then I wouldn't see a problem with that part of his activity.
I think we all agree that that is the way it should be.

But!!!

The part where He stands in front of a large glass door or window, apparently waiting for someone to notice him. The part where he positioned his computer so he can be viewed through an open door... Bothers me quite a bit.

Steve

[Bob S.]

I must say that I agree with Mark when he stated that they should talk with him. If everoone likes him, and he is a valued member of the community, they should take that into consideration in how to deal with him.

Abby did fall down on that issue.

Bob S.

[NudeWil]

I've occasionally seen a letter written to Dear Abby or Ann Landers in different newspapers where some bits were edited out of one of them to fit the available space.

My guess is that most of the letters received by Ann and Abby (or whoever actually writes the columns now, I don't remember the names) originally contained many more details on which they can base an answer. The letters have been trimmed down to their essentials by the time the newspapers receive the column, and they may be shortened again by the newspaper staff.

So, I'm assuming--without any direct evidence to back it up--that the columnist has additional information from the letter writer that suggests the neighbor might be an exhibitionist.

quote:

The difference...is the exhibitionist "flashes" to get sexual pleasure from shocking people.

I didn't read anything in the column that indicated the neighbor is getting sexual gratification from his "flashing." Maybe he's so comfortable with nudity that he simply doesn't care one way or the other if he's spotted. Maybe he's making a statement. Maybe, if nobody has spoken to him, he's unaware that anyone is offended. Maybe he thinks some people need a little disturbance in their lives. Maybe he's just ornery.

But, I gotta agree that offending you neighbors is an exercise in poor taste.

The letter writer should discuss it calmly with the neighbor. There's no reason for anyone else (i.e., police) to get involved if that solves the problem.

[tinhfwv]

Unless there is some overt sexual behavior on display that we're not being told about here, I agree that the correct next step for the offended neighbors should be a polite conversation with the man informing him of the offense and asking him to be more discreet. To go directly to the police without talking to the man first, again assuming no sexual behavior has been exhibited, is a hostile act.